Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or Ten Things I hate About you.

Chapter One:

Edward Cullen, new student at Padua High, sat in the office of Ms. Perky the Guidance Counseler as she typed away on her laptop,

"I'll be right with you," she said before looking back at her laptop and jotting down a sentence for her romance novel, then shut her computer screen and handed Edward his schedual, "Here you go, Edward, Nine schools in ten years, army brat?" she asked as she stood from her chair and walked towards the window, the pink skirt-suit set clinging to her body tightly, A little to tightly.

"Ah, Yeah, M-My dad is, Uh-" Edward stuttered over the sentence he was trying to form before she cut him off,

"That's enough," Edward looked at her, "I'm sure you won't find Padua any different from your old schools," after she say that a splat of something lands on the window behind her and she flips the bird to them, "Same little ass-wipe shit-for-brains everywhere," Edward stared blankly at her as she chuckles.

"Excuse me?, Did you just say-, Am I in the right office?" He asked, he was definately confused right now, why would the Guidance Counseler say that,

"Not anymore your not, I got deviants to see and a novel to finish, Now Scoot," Edward just looks at her for a few moments, "Scoot!" she said as he rushed to stand and back out of the room only to crash into the coat stand then come face to face with the schools deviant Emmett McCarty.

"Emmett McCarty, I see we are making a visit a weekly ritual," She announced as he walked in

"Only so we can have these moments together, Shall I - uh - hit the lights?" His asked in his cocky voice as he smiled

"Oh very clever, Kangaroo Boy, Says here you exposed yourself in the school cafeteria?" she asked as she rooled her eyes at his comment,

"I was joking with the lunch lady, it was a bratwurst," he said exasperatedly

"Bratwurst?," she asked, "Aren't we the optimist," Emmetts face twisted in to a mask of disgust, "Next time keep it in your pouch, Okay?" she asked from her spot on the corner of the table, "Scoot," Emmett walked out of the room confused, as Ms. Perky sat back at her desk and erased the word 'member' and replaced it with 'bratwurst'

***

"Hello, Jasper Hale, I'm supposed to show you around," The young male told Edward they shook hands,

"Oh Hi, Thank god, You know, Uh-- Normally they send down those audio visual geeks," Edward mentioned,

"No, I do," Jasper said "I know what you mean," then a audio visual geek walked passed the pushing a T.V trolley

"Hey Jasper, where should I put those slides," the kid asked

"Jasper?" he say "So uh-" Jasper looks down at the sheet of paper in his hand, "Cameron, Here's the breakdown, Over there, we've got your basic beautiful people, Now listen. Unless they talk to you first, don't bother," he said point to four of the 'beautiful people'.

"Wait. Is that your rule or theirs?" Edward asked as they were passing,

"Watch. Hey there?" Jasper said

"Eat Me!" said one of the beautiful people,

"You see that,"

"To the left, we have the coffee kids," coffee spills,

"That was coasta Rican Butthead!," one said as the other had caused him to spill his coffee,

"Very edgy. Don't make any sudden movements around them," he said but kept on walking "These delusionals are your white Rastas, Big Marley fans, They think they are black. Semi-political but mostly--"

"Smoke alot of weed," Edward finished for him,

"These guys,"

"Wait, wait. Let me guess. Cowboys?" Edward asked

"Yeah, but the closest they've come to a cow is McDonalds," Jasper said chuckling at his own joke, "McDonalds," He says again and Edward nods, "These are your future MBA's we're all Ivy League accpeted, Yuppie greed is back, my friend, Hey guys, How you Doing?"

"Close it Eric !," One said as Eric closed the laptop.

"Yesturday, I was their God!"

"What happened,"

"Eric Yorkie, started a rumor that I -- that I buy my Izods at an outlet mall," she said while sighing,

"So they kicked you out?" Edward asked

"Hostile Takeover," he said "But don't worry, Now over here--"

"Oh My God!," Edward interupted,

Rosalie Swan walked out into the courtyard to meet up with Jessica Stanely.

"What group is she in?" Edward asked

"The 'Don't even think about it' group," Jasper Stated "Rosalie Swan, She's a sophomore,"

"I burn, I pine, I perish,"

"Of course you do, you know she's beautiful and deep, I'm sure,"

"Yeah but see, theres a difference between like and love, I like my Sketchers but I love my Prada backpack," Rosalie said,

"But I love my Sketchers," Jessica answered back,

"That's because you don't have a Prada Backpack,"

"Oh"

"Listen forget her, Incredibly uptight father, And it's a widely known fact that the Swan sisters aren't allowed to date," Jasper said as they watched the two girls walk off,

"Uh-Huh, Sure," Edward said as he watched mesmerized by Rosalie, "Whatever" he says as the Bella Rings,