.:Edward's POV:.

My primary focus was Bella. Her name. Her face. Her scent. Her voice. They were the only things my mind could think of as I desperately hoped she was somehow spared from this catastrophe.

Although the mountain of pain had been immense these past few months, which seemed to drag on like years to me, I continually resisted the unyielding urge to heal myself with her presence. The nothingness I was trapped in for so long now seemed comforting. I would be more content to live my days in the depressing heartache of my mind than to exist believing Bella was...dead.

How many times had I restrained myself from heading back to Forks just to check on her? How many times had I reminded myself that I had promised to stay out of her life, to keep the dark monsters of my world away from her? How many times?

A countless number of times.

And now I realized I should have given in. I should have cracked from the pain and gone home to Bella, just like Alice had assumed would happen eventually. If I had done that, I could have saved her, protected her. But instead I withstood my misery, and ignorantly forced myself to believe that Bella would no longer be plagued by my world if I left. What had I been thinking? Just because I disappeared, it made no guarantee that others of my kind would.

Then, there was Bella's eerie ability to lure in trouble. As I thought about the times I spent with her — the lightest part of my life — jokingly referring to her as a 'danger magnet', I recalled her appealing scent. No newborn would be able to resist her. I cringed, and another rush of anger and anxiety swept through me.

Were she truly gone, I would have no problem with ending my own existence. It was always my plan, in any case. Despite our differences and our distance, I always knew my time in this world would end as soon as hers did. Of course, she would be set to go where I was forbidden to. But no matter where I ended up after this world, I was sure there had to be some form of relief for me. There was simply no point for me to exist in a world where Bella did not.

But I couldn't— wouldn't assume Bella's death (my un-beating heart tore as I thought of her lost).

Although Bella had horrible luck, she also had a ridiculous way of surviving the un-survivable. I clung to the hope that maybe, miraculously, Bella had eluded the danger, or possibly was not in Forks at all during the time of the attack. She still had a mother in Florida, after all.

When I first entered Forks my heart sank for the number of innocents lost. Then fear overwhelmed me, because the chances of Bella having survived if she was in the middle this mess was slight. And then, finally, there was shock.

My family... What were they doing here?

Their thoughts exposed their location easily enough. Bella's house, the same place I was headed. Connecting with their minds again reminded me how much I had missed being with them. But at the same time, I was frustrated that they constantly were forced to deal with the consequences of my actions, that Carlisle especially was always cleaning up after me. It wasn't fair, and it irritated me to the point that I was beginning to already be agitated with them, even if I had no just cause to be.

Alice interrupted Carlisle then, telling him to wait. She saw me arriving, and saw that I would leave them again. Alice rambled on about how they would need to convince me to stay with them, but they should not even be here. They shouldn't involve themselves in things that did not concern them.

With a heavy sigh, I attempted to subside my unnecessary agitation toward the people I cared for. I knew how much Bella meant to most of them. Before my fateful decision to leave Forks, they had begun to consider Bella as a permanent part of the family. This couldn't be easy for them either, and I had to remember that.

Esme's eyes passed over a body bag lying on the kitchen floor. My breathing stopped, and if I had a beating heart, it would have stilled.

That couldn't be...

But as I read deeper into Esme's thoughts, I realized it wasn't who I feared. It was just her father.

Intense guilt washed over me, for I knew I was glad it was Charlie and not his daughter. Maybe 'glad' wasn't the right word for it — relieved? That didn't sound any better, I supposed. Regardless of the comparison between the two Swans, it was no admittance that I felt a sadness at the loss of Charlie — a great sadness. For that, I was thankful my family was here; I would not have had the willingness to put Charlie at rest properly. Shamefully, I would have probably left him where he was. The thought made me feel like a monster.

I was a monster. Dark tendencies still lived within me no matter how hard I attempted at being 'good'.

My running slowed to a walk once I reached Bella's house. The others were gazing at me through the kitchen window, but I ignored them, walking up the front lawn and through the front door. Emmett and Rosalie were the first two I saw. They didn't say a word (out loud, anyway). Their thoughts matched everyone else's, and it was making me sick. Their pity was unnecessary. Why did they feel so bad for me, of all people? This whole thing was my fault. My actions killed thousands of people! They should be angry with me, furious. Actually, they should hate me, it would be the more natural reaction. Sure, I could see how torn I looked through their eyes, how tired I was, but I did not deserve any sympathy, nor did I want it.

Esme and Carlisle were the worst of the group, for they could tell, they could see right through me just as easily as I could read through them. Esme was going on a hunch, but Carlisle knew. And they were already trying to help me.

Edward.

No. Please, Edward...

Do not blame yourself for this, son.

Don't.

Do not.

As if I could possibly listen to them. As if I earned anything they offered me. Why didn't they just look around? Couldn't they see what I caused?

If that wasn't awful enough, despite their own sorrow and their stern, worried thoughts, they were actually happy that I was here, that their first child was with the family where he was supposed to be. Happy. How could they even feel any form of happiness with what was going on? It was irritating, and in the state my mind was in right now I knew that I could easily be infuriated.

Nothing had even been said yet, and my parents' thoughts, mixed with my siblings', were driving me over my tolerance limit.

"Could you all just not think!" I snarled, too harsh. I read and saw the hurt my words had caused, and I immediately regretted them. Hell, I could have at least said 'hello' or something first. I was an idiot, and still my mind could not wander from Bella and what I had done. She was the only thing I was concerned about right now. Not me. Not my family. Just her.

"Why certainly, Edward. Any other ridiculous tasks you wish us to perform for you?" Rosalie retorted sarcastically, offended that those were the first words out of my mouth after being away for so long.

I glared at her, even if a part of my mind knew that I could hardly blame her for reacting the way she did. My apprehension was clouding my logic, and I was acting before fully thinking through the consequences. You'd think I was old enough to learn a thing or two. But how could I when everything was falling apart?

"Yes," I responded flatly. "You can leave, too."

"Edward, please just let us...," Esme took a step toward me, reaching out to me. Automatically, without thinking, I recoiled from her move and took a step away from her. There was a subtle flinch in her eyes when she halted her advance. More guilt shot through me. Why was I continually acting like this when I knew I shouldn't be? My behavior was hurting my family. But, of course, Esme had already forgiven me. It was undeserved.

And it set Rosalie off.

"Quit acting so self-centered, Edward," she hissed. She always hated when my attitude became so bad I was mistreating Esme, who would never hold anything against me. "We are just as concerned for Bella as you are—"

A hysterical laugh erupted from my throat.

"We?" I growled. "You have always despised her."

The rumbling in my chest did not ease once the words were out, causing Emmett to angle his body between Rosalie and me, a wary expression on his face.

"And great advice, by the way," I added sourly. "Maybe you should follow it yourself."

Rosalie scoffed. "You were the one who endangered our family, who risked exposing our secret and uprooting us for your own selfish desires. Not to mention you succeeded." She shot me an accusing glare. "I disagreed with her choices, Edward. And yours. But not once did I ever wish for this to happen." Her hand gestured toward Charlie, and then out to the rest of Forks. "Even Bella didn't deserve to die."

I flinched.

"Bella is not dead," I said quietly, scowling at the blonde in front of me.

Rosalie eyed me incredulously. "Everyone in town was killed. Do you really think Bella would miraculously be the only survivor?"

Emmett rubbed her upper arm. "Ease up, Rose," he whispered.

My eyes darkened. They were nearly pitch black as I stared menacingly at my sister, and watched myself from her thoughts.

"Bella. Is. Not. Dead." I pronounced every word slowly, conclusively, so she'd get it.

Emmett blocked Rosalie from my view completely now, worried and defensive. Jasper shifted uncomfortably on my left, sending off a wave of calm.

There was silence across the room. Even Rosalie wasn't arrogant enough to argue with me in this state.

"Enough," Carlisle ordered calmly. "Rosalie, this is hurting Edward more than any of us. Respect that. And Edward, please, don't make this harder than it needs to be." He watched me carefully, assessing any movements or expressions I made.

I relaxed slightly, courtesy of Jasper. I glowered at him; he narrowed his eyes back at me.

Rosalie turned away from me, but her thought were the loudest and, as information that I hadn't known slipped through her aggravation, they were the only ones I was focused on.

Stubborn, Moron! Hurting Esme, with not even a reason. I should tear one of his arms off! Denying Bella's death. Hmph. I suppose it would depend on his definition of the word, anyway.

My deadly eyes weakened, then widened in horror, as the vision Alice saw that had set my family on their course here quickly played through Rosalie's mind.

Bella had been...

Bella was...

"Stop him!" Alice yelled, just as I turned and bolted for the door.

I barely made it outside when Emmett and Jasper gripped my arms, pulled me back, and rammed me against the side of the house. I wrestled against my brothers, snarling, demanding they release me so I could go to Bella, wherever she was. This was my fault. All my fault. Completely, entirely my fault. My whole purpose from the very start was to keep her safe, keep her alive, to keep her human. I did not merely want to protect her, I wanted to protect her soul too, in case Carlisle's hope wasn't enough for our kind. And now all I could do was put faith in my father's theory. To hope with all I had. Because with every other precaution, I had failed.

As failure sunk in, my body surrendered against Jasper and Emmett. My head drooped, and I stared depressingly down at the blades of grass at my feet.

I doubted if Bella would ever want to see me again. I wouldn't blame her; I wouldn't want to see me, either. However, I would find her, regardless, so I could make sure she was okay. Then, if she wanted me to disappear, I would without any complaint. I owed her that much.

My brothers released me once they thought I wouldn't try to run, but their hands still hovered close.

Poor kid.

I've never seen him like this. I'm not sure how to ease his anxiety.

I balled my hands into fists. They were doing it again. They were thinking.

It will only cause more problems if you leave, Edward. So don't you try and go anywhere! Alice was screaming at me with her thoughts, as she flitted out of the house. Trust me. It will work out better if you had our help with finding Bella. We love her, too, you know, she added softly.

Carlisle was speaking silently to me, as well. Son, I understand that what you're going through is rough. I wish I could shoulder all your pain for you. But as the situation stands, you need to trust us. You don't have to be alone anymore.

Don't I?

How could he understand? How could any of them understand? For almost a century, they have all been living happily with the ones they loved. Carlisle had never abandoned Esme. Emmett had never let anything happen to Rosalie. Jasper had never had to fear Alice might be dead. No problems ever occurred for them.

But unlike them, I was ignorant and stupid.

Rosalie was right to be angry with me. The others should be following her lead.

As I risked glancing up, my eyes met those of Carlisle, and he held them there. Noticing a hint of reason come back to my face, he spoke to me out loud.

"We all want to help you, Edward. We have come to find Bella, and whether you join us or not—" of course Carlisle would never force me to do something "—we are not leaving until we have accomplished what we came to do."

The others' thoughts echoed Carlisle's words, aside from Rosalie, who was still fuming over my brilliant entrance.

And you will join us. End of story, Alice thought threateningly.

I watched as images of my immediate future flashed through her mind, and I knew, without a doubt, I would eventually give in to them. I would let them help me, help Bella. Because let's face it — I clearly wasn't doing anything right on my own.

A pleased grin spread across Alice's face. I stared at her, annoyed. Jasper eased his stance, knowing my Alice-directed irritation, mixed with her joy, meant that she had gotten her way and I was staying.