A/N: Hello everyone, thanks a lot for the wonderful reviews. Here's the next chapter – told ya that you wouldn't have to wait long. Maxwell's 'Bad Habit" sorta inspired this chappie.
Izuru kissed Ikkaku hard; his tongue searching furiously inside the mouth that was still warm with sake. He gave Ikkaku no openings to stop and think about what he was doing; no time for logic as he ripped off the drunken man's obi and let his hands explore the toned body underneath it all. This was what he had wanted; what he had craved for over a year now. Izuru had a bad habit of falling into love with men that could never return it. First there was Captain Ichimaru. How he loved that man and still does! But his captain's heart belonged to Matsumoto and the only love he had for Izuru was the pleasure he took in torturing, exploiting and teasing the shy Lieutenant about his one-sided love. Then came Hisagi. What were the odds that Hisagi was just as unavailable as Captain Ichimaru because his heart also longed for Matsumoto and (even though he would never admit it) Yumichika Ayasegawa. But Hisagi was not as bad; Izuru may not have gained his love, but he at least had gained a best friend in Hisagi. And here he was again, this time with Ikkaku. But this time he had the opportunity to change the status from unrequited love. As he bit down on Ikkaku's neck and let his hands roam freely between his legs he tried his best not to think of Yumichika Ayasegawa and the hurt that he was suffering. He tried his best to focus on the hurt that he had suffered through for years and how this was his chance to rise up from that depressing, lonely place.
But Izuru was beginning to feel guilty. He never really meant for things to get so out of hand, but somehow it had. Actually, he wasn't really sure of his goal, but he knew he never initially wanted to hurt Ayasegawa-san, despite the cold treatment that he received from the Fifth Seat. Well to be honest, Ayasegawa-san was not disrespectful or snappy to him in any way – that would be childish and petty, and that was not considered beautiful, right – isn't that what he would say? No, Ayasegawa-san was quite polite when he ever saw Izuru. He always greeted him and gave him a slight smile, but that was it. Nothing more and Izuru felt horrible for it. But in his defence he had never meant to insult or disrespect the Fifth Seat in any way. He was simply preventing Ayasegawa from getting into further trouble by abandoning his pillar by rushing to Ikkaku's aid and being insubordinate to a commanding officer. Really that was his intention. Izuru never expected for things to get so out of hand. And least of all he never expected to fall for Ikkaku-san.
*
"Oi, Izuru!"
The perpetually depressed blond Lieutenant of the Third Division turned around to greet Ikkaku who was hurrying up the halls of the Fourth Division with as much gusto as one could while being wrapped almost completely with bandages.
"Third Seat Ikkaku-san," Izuru said in his usual melancholic tone, "you shouldn't be up and about. Your injuries are still too recent."
"Ah, Izuru you know I'm tougher than that. This," Ikkaku pointed to his bandages, "is not even a flesh wound. I don't know what's up with Unohana making me look like I got really injured or something. She's gonna make people think that I'm weak!" And with that he began to earnestly tear at the tightly wrapped bandages.
"Ikkaku-san, please stop." Izuru moved forward to cease Ikkaku's hands from re-opening his wounds. But a sudden feeling came over him as he rested his hands over Ikkaku's, and his hands grazed the hardened muscles underneath. Izuru felt himself blush and he quickly removed his hands. In his best authoritative voice that he could muster he said,
"Madarame, you must not remove your bandages. It is too soon." Then he added in a low conspiratorial whisper, "Besides, Captain Unohana would not like it. And everyone knows not to ever make her angry."
Ikkaku's face paled at the thought of angry Squad Four Captain and his hands instantly stopped fidgeting with his bandages.
"You're absolutely right. The sooner I get outta here, the better."
Izuru smiled and tried his best to keep his focus on Ikkaku's face and not let his eyes wander to the almost indecently exposed white kimono covering (rather barely covering) Ikkaku's body,
"Is there something you wanted, Ikkaku-san?"
"Huh? Oh yes. Listen Izuru, I just wanted to say thanks for restraining Yumichika the other day in battle. He's not exactly happy about it, but I'm glad you did. Seeing me all beat up and fallen woulda take a hard toll on him and I don't want him to worry over me. He says he doesn't and he generally does a good job of pretending not to, but sometimes when he does...Well, let's just say that it's not good for him. Ya know, it's not good for his health when he worries."
Izuru smiled his languid smile that he gave to everyone lately. It was so nice of Ikkaku-san to be that considerate and sensitive. It was quite surprising, really, to find out that the battle-crazy Third Seat actually could be thoughtful. Izuru tilted his head to the side and looked at Ikkaku as if seeing him for the first time.
"Umm, you are welcome Ikkaku-san."
"Ahh, I'll buy ya a drink sometime. Ya know, call it even?"
Izuru blushed. He was not really in the mood for drinking these days, even though liquor had brought him so much comfort before. After that last battle with Aizen and seeing Captain Ichimaru, Izuru didn't even have the energy to drink. He only wanted to curl up in a tight ball in the darkest corner of his room. But how could he refuse Ikkaku-san, especially after the man proved that he was actually quite a caring person? It didn't have too many genuinely caring people around anymore, Izuru cynically thought.
And that was exactly what he told Ikkaku two weeks later after he was being carried home from drinking.
"Che. You can't think like that Izuru. You planning on staying depressed and moping about how unfair the world is for the rest of your life?" Ikkaku said in his usual gruff tones as Izuru leaned heavily on him.
"Ah, but Ikkaku," Izuru slurred, just barely dragging his alcohol-soaked body, "you have a great friend in Aya-, Ayashe- Ayesh – Feather-brows!" he gave up trying to pronounce Yumichika's name; when drunk that name proved quite the tongue twister.
Ikkaku laughed out loud.
"I have trouble saying Yumi's name too when I'm drunk. You won't believe how angry he gets!"
The two Shinigami howled with laughter as they pictured Yumichika red with rage over the mispronunciation of his name. After they both hurt their sides laughing a comfortable silence settled between them, well until Izuru broke it with his slurred musings.
"You know, Ikkaku-shan, you're not sho bad after all. I think you get a bad rep shince you're in the Eleventh Division and you're all bloodthirsty, but you really are a nice guy." Izuru punctuated his sincere statement with a hiccup making Ikkaku laugh and quite possibly forget what Izuru said in the first place. Ikkaku shook his head as he laughed.
"I see you're one of those drunks; the ones that suddenly become reflective and feel the need to share their feelings and dish out compliments. You're really fun to drink with, Kira. I don't know who's worse between you and Yumichika, who suddenly gets touchy-feely when he's drunk and pulls out some of the cheesiest pick-up lines ever."
"But I'm sherious. Feather brows is real lucky to have you. I wish I was that lucky to have shomeone like you."
Ikkaku laughed out loud.
"I wish I had one of those recording things like they have in the Living World. This would be so funny to play for the boys in the morning!" Ikkaku threw back his head and laughed as he forcefully slapped Izuru on his back causing the already drunk man to stumble. "Wow Izuru. I think you just might be even more fun than Yumichika when you're drunk! 'I wish I had someone like you!' Good one. Ha Ha! Well goodnight, Izuru. It's been fun. Next time we should invite Yumichika and see who's a worse drunk."
But Ikkaku did not bring Yumichika the next time that he and Izuru went out for drinks. He had mumbled something about Yumichika having to wash his hair, but Izuru knew that the renowned most beautiful man in Seretei simply couldn't stand him at the moment and poor Ikkaku was left to make excuses for him. That was so nice of him, Izuru thought, that Ikkaku would lie just not to hurt his feelings. But Ikkaku insisted that he was not that nice of a person.
"Really, I don't know how Yumichika puts up with me." He laughed as he lifted the sake cup to his lips.
"No, I disagree, Ikkaku-san. You might be known as this tough, no bullshit kind of man in Seretei, but I think that you're just hiding your sweet side."
"I am not sweet!" Ikkaku shouted, but there was a faint blush that appeared on his face. It could have been from the sake, but Izuru chose to believe that it stemmed from the compliment.
"You show that you care for Ayasegawa-san's feelings, you showed that you care about my feelings by lying for him," The blush deepened on Ikkaku's face, "and you sat through all of my rants about him."
Izuru didn't have to clarify who 'him' was since he had just spent the last hour rinsing out Ikkaku's ears with how he felt about Gin's betrayal.
"I have a lot of patience through my experience of sitting through Yumichika going on and on about things I'm not that interested in, like tatami mats and calligraphy."
Izuru looked at Ikkaku who was trying his best to sound annoyed, but he saw the small smile that appeared on the man's lips as he reminisced about those times. Before he knew it a small and dangerous thought had entered his head – he wished that Ikkaku-san would smile like that when he thought of him.
It was just a small random thought that had entered his head that most likely would have just been fleeting if he was not seeing Ikkaku so often. Somehow, he found himself thinking about Ikkaku-san more and more. Izuru supposed that this was due to the novelty of finding out about Ikkaku-san's true nature. He liked the fact that he was getting to see another side of the brusque Third Seat. He liked that his assumptions were wrong about Ikkaku. He felt like he was being let in on a deep secret. Ikkaku-san was a bloodthirsty, battle-crazed brute, but he was also caring and considerate. Ayasegawa-san was a lucky man, Izuru thought.
But soon these thoughts morphed into something a little more dangerous. It was starting to get more and more difficult to view Ikkaku-san as just a caring friend that he could spill his deepest and darkest thoughts to over sake. After a while Izuru couldn't help but notice how Ikkaku would lick his lips after the fiery liquid reached his tongue, or how strong those hardened muscles felt when he would lean on Ikkaku after too much sake. There was no denying it anymore. He wanted Ikkaku-san. Actually, he more than wanted Ikkaku. He wanted what Ikkaku had with Ayasegawa. He wanted to have someone that he could come home to and share his day with. He wanted Ikkaku to talk about him affectionately the way he spoke about Ayasegawa. He wanted Ikkaku-san to love him like the way he loved Ayasegawa.
But he couldn't compete with Ayasegawa-san. For Ikkaku-san to choose him over Ayasegawa-san would be like trading down. Ayasegawa-san was confident. He walked with his head held high because he could actually back up all that talk about beauty. That's probably why he had no qualms with Ikkaku going out every other Friday night to drink with Kira. Izuru was harmless right? But these feelings were growing and multiplying; they could no longer be ignored. He didn't want to hurt Ayasegawa-san, but Izuru was going after what he wanted and what he wanted was Ikkaku.
Izuru tried to justify his decision. There was obviously some problem going on between Ikkaku-san and Ayasegawa-san, right? Why would someone let their significant other go out with another man? Was it that he just didn't care?
"Actually, Yumichika prefers to get drunk at home. He doesn't think that getting drunk in public is beautiful. This way when he gets wasted and touchy-feely he limits the possibility that he comes on to the no doubt ugly people in the room." Ikkaku explained after Izuru voiced his concern that Ayasegawa did not care about Ikkaku's third favourite pastime; the first being fighting and the second being sex (but it could be interchangeable).
Oh, Izuru dejectedly thought. Well, is it that Ayasegawa is so confident? Is he not scared that someone would come along and steal your heart?
"Ha! Who on Soul Society would want me? I'm not exactly the best looking." Ikkaku guffawed over the supposedly preposterous idea.
"Not to me." Izuru sheepishly admitted and nearly caused Ikkaku to choke on his sake. Ikkaku came up sopping wet and spluttering, "Umm...thanks, I guess."
Izuru took Ikkaku's obvious discomfort over the compliment to mean that he rarely got any compliments from Ayasegawa. He wouldn't have been surprised if the pretty boy spared no compliments since he gave all to himself. He wondered if Ayasegawa knew what he had. Did he take for granted the great warrior that was Ikkaku-san? Did he tell him that he had a body of a god? Did he let it be known that Ikkaku-san was just as beautiful? Or was Ayasegawa woefully ignorant of his treasured possession?
But Ikkaku was just as clueless. He no doubt had no idea of the feelings Izuru had for him. He had no idea that Izuru thought him beautiful. He did not know how much Izuru wanted to make him feel good. Ikkaku had no idea of how much Izuru wanted to kiss his neck, nibble on his lower lip and lick his chest among other places. No, he only knew of that ungrateful, conceited Fifth Seat and was completely ignorant of the man that would do anything to be with him. These emotions however, were beginning to get laborious to carry around. With his mind wandering to sexual thoughts every time Ikkaku-san's name was mentioned and the tug on his heart if Ikkaku-san cancelled their now usual every other Friday drinking session; Izuru knew that he had to confess. He had to know where he stood with Ikkaku. Ikkaku-san couldn't possibly be that dense. He had to know how Izuru felt. And if that was the case, he must have been encouraging the attention by continuing to see Izuru. That was encouragement, right? It had to be, Izuru thought desperately.
"Ikkaku-san," Izuru began one evening as he and Ikkaku walked home from their sake session, "there is something that I have to tell you."
"Che. Why do people always do that? Just tell me what you have to tell me, you don't have to give me an introduction first." Ikkaku said as he shook his head. Izuru was not deterred by Ikkaku's tone since he was by now accustomed to the signature rough tones that he used. There were times when the normally depressed and shy Izuru could display confidence and self-assurance. Though those times usually occurred during battle, he would have to summon the confidence now. Ikkaku was a man that was used to that and if Izuru wanted to win him over, he would have to let go of his insecurity and be confident and heartless (to Ayasegawa at least.) He took a deep breath and thanked God that it was dark enough to hide his blush.
"You're very right. In that case, I wish that you would see that I'm the better choice. I wish that you would come home with me and let me show you how I am the better choice."
The words stopped Ikkaku in his tracks.
"Wha..." was all the most intelligent reply that came to Ikkaku.
"I can see Ayasegawa-san has been careless with you. He obviously does not appreciate how great you are. I can love you better, Ikkaku. I can be the love that you really need. Spend some time with me; let me possess your heart."
Ikkaku turned his head to the side feeling uncomfortable with this outpouring of emotions.
"I could never leave Yumichika."
"You really would not leave someone as selfish and conceited as that?" Izuru asked, desperation shining in his eyes.
"Yumichika may be conceited, but he's not selfish. Everything that he does, he does for me. I think that you got a wrong impression of Yumichika. He has no problem with me hanging out with you because he knows that I would never disrespect him like that. And that's not arrogance, that's confidence and trust. Izuru, I'm sure that you're a great guy, but I already have great. In fact, I have the greatest."
"But what if you thought you had great, but you're actually missing out on greater?" Izuru boldly stated.
Ikkaku laughed.
"Ya know, you should be confident like this more often. That shy, unsure look does not suit you. You should be like this all the time."
Izuru blushed at the statement.
"Would it change your mind if I acted more confident?"
"Che. I already told you, I have enough confidence waiting for me at home."
"I cannot see why you would choose Ayasegawa-san over me. He's vain, conceited, materialistic and temperamental. You might was well be with a woman."
"Che. You think I don't know all of his faults? You think I'm the easiest guy to live with? I have accepted all of his faults and he readily and willingly accepts mine." Ikkaku sighed, "I think that you should stop this. If Yumichika knew what you were up to, he'd kill you."
The threat sounded real. There was no smirk on Ikkaku's face when he said it. Izuru looked at the man in front of him. Despite his words, all Izuru could think of was the fact that Ikkaku wholeheartedly believes in his love for Yumichika. Izuru yearned for that kind of loyalty and love. It was just too bad that it was wasted on the likes of Ayasegawa. Suddenly, Izuru realized something. A flicker of a memory came to him. It was something that Hisagi had drunkenly confided to him once about Ayasegawa's zanpakutō. Izuru wondered if Ikkaku's defensive loyalty would stay if he told him that the man that he so believes in is lying to him. Ayasegawa was not deserving of such loyalty and love. He did not appreciate the meaning like how Izuru did. He did not show his gratitude to Ikkaku like how Izuru could. Ikkaku-san needed to see that Izuru would love him better.
"Do you remember when Ichigo Kurosaki first came to Soul Society to rescue Rukia Kuchiki?" Izuru started off.
"Of course I remember. What ya gettin at?"
"A lot of truths were revealed then. Not just about Aizen and Captain Ichimaru, but also about Yumichika and his zanpakutō..."
*
But whatever guilt Izuru was feeling about his interloping ways quickly vanished as Ikkaku thrust inside him and kissed him roughly on his shoulders and neck. He should feel guilty about the fact that he was in Ayasegawa's room, on his bed with his lover, but he didn't. All he felt was pleasure from Ikkaku with the love that he was proving to him in the nude and a vague sense of envy that Ayasegawa had this love all to himself for so long.