One thing, however, was as marvelous and wonderful and humanly possible. Percy was mine, still mine, and our secret was unknown to all but one. How could I not tell Draco when I had sworn to tell him absolutely everything that ever would occur? He choked, sputtered, twitched, and complained, but soon he managed to push it to the back of his mind and practically forget it. It must've been too awkward to think of his cousin snogging a boy, let alone one of the oldest Weasley boys. Whatever the case was, he let it slip out of his thoughts. Understand one thing: I didn't tend to keep secrets. My feelings and thoughts were an open book with my personal opinion heading each page. It was difficult to keep quiet about Percy and I. My book of thoughts and feelings was closed, locked, and sealed with a kiss.
Another thing: my grades were still suffering. With hard work, I'd brought my transfiguration grade up to an A for acceptable, a grade I hadn't seen in a long, long time. My grades currently looked like this:
Charms: E Transfiguration: A Potions: T Defence Against the Dark Arts: T Care of Magical Creatures: O Divination: E
Despite my grades reading, "EAT TOE," I was quite proud of every one of them. The O in care of magical creatures earned me a bone-crushing hug from Hagrid, and I was his star pupil. In charms, Professor Flitwick graciously rounded up my grade to an E, a grade I probably didn't deserve, but, hey, participation points, right?
May passed without much going into it. June rose like a glittering yellow sun at four in the morning; obvious that it was coming, but arriving far before its time. Time was up. Draco had a plan now, a plan I was going to assist with. This was really going to happen; we were really going to kill Dumbledore. Everything was falling into place, and yet, at the same time, falling apart. We were moving up, making out way, and yet tumbling down, unstoppable and dangerous, ready to ruin the lives of people glittering with innocence. The crash at the end of the tumble was soon approaching, and here we were without any way to stop the fall.
It was the night of, the night the Death Eaters would come, and we would kill Dumbledore. Draco was explaining the plan to me, but my mind was absent and blank with fear and sorrow; sorrow because we were going to murder a truly wonderful man who had taught us, and everyone else envolved, so much, and fear because even if we succeeded, what would happen next? Draco would most likely fall deeper into the Death Eater's society, and I would do likewise, the only difference being that I wasn't really on their side as they thought. Fear also because if we failed, what then? The Dark Lord would be caught in a fit of rage and most likely murder not only Draco but Lucius and Narcissa, and I would not be able to contain myself then. My secret would be revealed, and then I too would be killed. In any possible outcome, at least one would die. There was no other answer.
"... Sophie are you listening?" Draco asked, breaking my mental drift away. His voice was clear despite the ever-present fear that shined through his eyes, revealing the true, innocent, scared litte boy he was forced to keep hidden within. He was, after all, just a boy, as Aunt Narcissa had pointed out. He glanced from the vanishing cabinet in this room, the Room of Requirement, to me again. "Sophia?"
"Hmm?" I whispered, for my voice could not rise in volume else I feared I would break into uncontrollable, senseless sobs. "Oh, I'm sorry, Draco, I wasn't listening. I-I was too busy trembling in fear and thinking of how horrible this is going to turn out..." A single tear escaped my eye.
"I know," he said seriously as he wiped away the tear with a finger, "I don't want to do this any more than you do, but I've got to. It'll turn out all right in the end, I promise." - He glanced at a clock hanging on the wall. - "They'll be here in a moment."
"Unfortunately so," I muttered incoherently, obvious distain for the situation present in my tone. Draco preformed the spell to make the vanishing cabinet work, and a moment later, the cabinet shook. Biting my lip, my nervousness showed vividly. Draco, equally unnerved, opened the door carefully. A smirking Bellatrix stepped out, confidence radiating from her with each step. After her came Greyback, and behind him, other Death Eaters.
"Sophie-kins!" Aunt Bella Dearest gushed, wrapping her boney little arms around me in a tight hug. She grinned a vile grin that was enough to make my stomache hurt, and I dreaded my future if that was how I might look in thirty or so years.
"Aunt Bella!" I said with fake joy, so fake, in fact, that Draco snickered a little bit under his breath, and I shot him a glare for a brief moment before having to break away. Greyback glanced at me, causing my voice to catch in my throat with fear, hatred, and all of that good stuff. My eyes quickly averted, which, unfortunately, gave him the satisfaction he was looking for, and his smirk expressed it. My hand twitched towards my wand involentarily as a snarl tried to come to my lips, and I bit them to prevent it from spreading.
My mind went black and thoughtless as Bellatrix spoke again. "Let's get going! Draco, what is our plan?" From the look in her eye, one would have thought we were going to a party or celebration, but, alas, this was not true. The cold-heared beast that I was forced to call my "aunt" was this excited for the murder of a great man, a murder that a teenager was in control of. Draco explained what we would do slowly and carefully, not missing a single detail, to make sure there were no mistakes.
"... and Sophie will go with me up to the tower while the rest of you lot cause some panic down here, then join me," Draco explained thoroughly. Most of these instructions fell upon deaf ears, however, so he went over it once more to be safe. After that, he nodded once before he and I left for the tower, which surely would be called the one of the greatest murder scene in history later on in time.
He spoke as we walked, he as nervous as I, yet his brain managed to function correctly. Perhaps he was braver than I. "Sophia, can I be completely honest with you?" he asked, and I nodded my response because the lump in my throat made speaking impossible. "I-I don't want to do this." Draco fought against tears, but a few escaped as the cold night wind blew harshly at us as if it knew what we were up to: murder.
"I have to do this," Draco added, "but I don't want to. I do not wish to kill; I do not like to kill." The wind brushed against our clothes, causing his shirt to fly up just a little, and I saw the scars where Harry had used some spell he'd discovered written in his potions textbook, a book claiming the ownership of a Half-Blood Prince. The scars reminded me of how far Harry had come, and gone, to protect his loved ones. He wasn't planning on letting anyone else die like Sirius and my father. Harry scared me a little with his intensity.
"Draco, I don't think anyone really likes to kill," I choked out, "except perhaps the Dark Lord himself and Aunt Bella Dearest." We glanced at each other quickly, and despite the speed of the look, I could see the fear in his eyes, so I added, "You don't have to do this. The Order can protect you, Aunt Cissa, and Uncle Lucius, I swear it."
"It's too late now," Draco said quietly, nearly in a whisper, "We've gone too far." We stopped walking and glanced up at the tower; just those stairs separated us from Dumbledore now, and, however literal one wishes to take it, they were the only things separating Dumbledore from death. Draco began to climb the stairs, and I followed like an obedient puppy, a minion, a servant, or worse; a Death Eater.
When we came near the top of the steps, Draco told he to stop where I was and stay still. After my nod to signify I would do so, he continued on to Dumbledore. Draco started off by disarming him, and Dumbledore expressed his pride in Draco for doing so. Dumbledore said much of what I had said; that it was never to late and Draco could come to the good side. Draco, with tears slipping down, sobbed his words, words expressing how much he cared for his family and how he was doing this all to keep Lucius and Narcissa safe. He turned towards me and motioned me forward.
Stepping into the light was difficult, but I did so. Said Dumbledore, "Sophia, hello. Are you assisting your cousin to kill me? That's very sweet to help him like that." In disbelief, and sheer clumsiness, I somehow tripped while standing still, and my mouth fell open as if to speak, but all was silent because the words were caught in my throat.
"It's perfectly fine if you are," Dumbledore soothed, "as long as you know your side. I was meerly asking. Please, after this is over, be sure to get out safely, all right? I wouldn't want you to get hurt. Get Draco out, as well." Tears rolled down my cheeks, and my mouth opened slightly and the words "Yes, sir" squeaked out. Feet suddenly pounded on the stairway as Bellatrix, Greyback, and a few other Death Eaters entered.
"Ah, Bellatrix, how are we?" Dumbledore asked with a slight grin. Despite the scene, it still seemed like Dumbledore was holding all the cards. Most likely, he was; Dumbledore always had a plan, after all, and I could scarcely believe how easily Draco has disarmed him.
"Do it, Draco!" Bellatrix hissed from behind him, her chin resting on his shoulder. She grinned largely, expecting a grand theatrical preformance to occur in the death of Dumbledore. One more pair of feet came up the stairs, feet owned by Severus. Nervously, I looked at him to see if he seemed disappointed with me for my part in this event. He, however, ignored my presence entirely, instead raising his own wand at Dumbledore.
"Severus, please," Dumbledore plead. His eyes were gently looking directly into Severus's. "Please, Severus," he plead once again. He gave Severus a small nod to re-affirm the pleading, as if expecting Severus to help him. This help, however, did not come.
"Avada Kedavra," came through Severus's lips, though I could hardly believe he'd said it. A flash of green shot from his wand directly into Dumbledore, who tumbled back and fell over the edge. My eyes whipped to Severus accusingly yet confusedly, as if I was demanding, yet pitifully pleading, for a reason behind this. Severus would not look at me.
"Sophie, send up the Mark," said Draco, quickly turning to me. When I just stared at him, he shouted, "Sophie, you heard me! Send it up!" I eyed back and forth from Draco to my godfather: one was staring at me, the other wouldn't make eye-contact, apparantly too ashamed by his actions.
"What?!" I gasped, "Draco, I-I don't think I ca-.." He interupted my last word, disrupting the sound of it. Difficultly, I started to believe what was going on. Draco tried to kill Dumbledore. He couldn't do it. Death Eaters came. Severus came. Severus killed Dumbledore. Dumbledore was dead.
"Send up the Mark!" Draco commanded one last time, and I had no choice but to obey. If I didn't, I would surely have been suspected of spy activity, especially by Aunt Bellatrix. Considering I hadn't really done anything this evening, Draco, though unknown to me, was trying to protect me from suspition.
"Morsmodre," I whispered with my wand pointed towards the sky. When nothing happened, Bellatrix cried, "Do it, Sophie! Feel the hatred! Show us you're on our side!" She knew. She must have found out I was a spy. I raised my wand once more and shouted, with all my being, "Morsmodre!" feeling the hatred she so desired me to, but the hatred was for her. Pure darkness shot from my wand and into the sky in the form of the Dark Mark, and all of us climbed down the tower stairs and raced out of the castle, Belaltrix breaking things the entire way.
Once outside, I informed them I was not going any further. If I left, the Order members would grow suspitious, and since Severus obviously just blew his "cover", they would need me. Bellatrix nodded and said I was "using my head right." Just then, Harry's voice seemed to explode the silence.
"Snape!" he screamed and sent spells hurling at Severus, who effortlessly repelled them as the other Death Eaters escaped. "Fight back, you coward! Fight back!" Harry was out of control with rage and grief; he must have seen Dumbledore's death. He sent an all-too familiar spell at Severus, a spell he had used on Draco, causing his those scars. Severus knocked him down, then approached him and whispered something that made a horrifying expression gather on Harry's face before turning and leaving. Harry sat there in shock for a moment. Then Hagrid came and helped him up, and together the two put out the flames my aunt had forced upon Hagrid's hut. Harry tried to explain that he saw Severus murder Dumbledore, but Hagrid didn't believe him.
"Yeh couldn' have," said Hagrid, shaking his head firmly. Slowly, I approached the two, tears trickling from my eyes slightly for remorse of what had happened, especially my part in it. "Sophie, did yeh see anythin' like tha'? Did yeh see Snape kill Dumbledore?"
"Wh-what I saw," I said with a quivering lip, "cannot be e-explained so easily, b-but, yes, Severus c-cast the spell that killed Dumbledore." My heart ached for my godfather like it had been stabbed, sliced, and ripped from my chest. My entire being ached as if the hole left by my removed heart was infected. The three of us silently walked over to the foot of the tower. A crowd of students and teachers was gathered, all circled around a particular spot. Harry instantly pushed through the crowd, and in the space left from where he had forced his entrance, I could see the body of Dumbledore innocently lying the grass, at peace with all around him, and even a smile on his lips. All of the gathered raised their wands in unison, light coming out of the tips and shooting into the sky to erase the Dark Mark. However, I could not do the same. How could I assist in the erasing of evil I had personally caused?
As soon as the crowd cleared, I left the unbearable scene and, as MgGonagall ordered all to do, went to the hospital. Apparantly, Greyback had injured Bill Weasley, and Bill was in the hospital. In the room with him was Tonks, Dad, Ron, Juliet, Luna, and Hermione. Shortly after I arrived, Ginny and Harry came. It was hard to focus, what with all that had happened, and I had helped the man who hurt Bill into the school. Tears instantly came to my eyes at the sight of Bill, and I turned to Tonks, who hugged me warmly, and sobbed deeply into her shirt. The first words I could hear through my sobs was Ron.
"Greyback hadn't transformed, so surely he won't be a.. a real.. ?" Ron asked, looking unsurely at Dad, for Remus would be the only person who could possibly know the answer. Dad explained that Bill wouldn't be a full werewolf, but he could have some comparably wolf-like features from then on. Ron then demanded to know where Dumbledore was, that Dumbledore owed Bill for his service. Ginny informed Ron of Dumbledore's death.
"No!" cried Dad with the force of many. He looked from Ginny to Harry to me and back again. When neither Harry nor I said other wise, he threw himself down into the chair next to Bill's bed and let his eyes cover his face. With little effort, I broke free of Tonks's warm embrace to cling to him. He patted my back with one hand while the other remained over his eyes.
"How did he die?" whispered Tonks with a tear in her eye, "How did it happen?" Harry explained the whole thing; how Dumbledore was weak anyway, how Draco tried to, and how Severus ended up carrying out the deed. He excluded the fact that I was there, as well, figuring if I was here now, crying, I must truly be on our side as I claimed. It felt good to have his trust. My mouth opened as I tried to re-affirm his statement, but song bursted through. It was the song of a phoenix, a song that echoed throughout the land and pierced our own souls. It broke when Professor MgGonagall entered and stated Mr. and Mrs. Weasley were on their way.
"Harry, what happened? According to Hagrid you were with Professor Dumbledore when he.. when it happened. He says Professor Snape was involved in some-.." MgGonagall asked, but Harry cut her off with all-too accurate statement: "Snape killed Dumbledore." Debate commenced about Severus, and for once, Dad was on the attacking side. With me on his lap and his hand slowly patting my head, I could feel his frustration towards Severus. The next statement I could focus on was minutes later, Dad saying something about if Luna and Hermione hadn't obeyed an order from Severus, he would have killed them.
"No he wouldn't have!" I shrieked in a shrill, high voice foreign to my own ears. "Severus would not have hurt a hair on either of their heads." My comment fell upon deaf ears, and the conversation and discussion of what had happened continued for a good, long, ten to twenty minutes before all became silent. Soon after the silence fell, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley burst through the doors, followed by Fleur who looked thoroughly terrified. Mrs. Weasley exclaimed with fear when she saw Bill's face and instantly ran to his side. Tonks, Dad, and I, who where at the side of the bad at the time, hastily made a small retreat. Mr. Weasley asked a question about Bill similar to one Ron had asked, and received a similar response from Dad. My mind drifted off once again. It was so hard to focus on anything.
The next thing I knew, Fleur was shouting accusingly at Mrs. Weasley. "You thought I would not weesh to marry him? Or per'aps you hoped? What do I care how he loosk? I am good-looking enough for both of us, I theenk! All these scars show is zat my husband is brave! And I shall do zat!" She said the last part firecely as she took the ointment Mrs. Weasley had for Bill from her. All was silent once again as no one dared speak or even move. We sat anxiously awaiting something for something of an explosion to happen. Instead, Mrs. Weasley offered a tiara belonging to a family relative for Fleur to wear at the wedding, for which Fleur thanked her awkwardly. Shortly after, Mrs. Weasley and Fleur were somehow hugging and sobbing, and none of us new what to make of it. It was very awkward to just sit in the same room as them, and I felt like I was intruding on a private moment. Then the explosion came.
"You see! She still wants to marry him even though he's been bitten! She doesn't care!" The explosion came from Tonks, with tears in her eyes, as she glared harshly at Dad. The tears threatened to overflow, but Tonks was strong, and there was no way that was happening.
"It's different," said Dad coldly. He looked away from her dramatically, and his entire being tensed. As he spoke, his lips hardly moved. Quickly, I stepped away from the two a little bit, just far enough to not be in the way should anything physical result, which it did. "Bill will not be a full werewolf. The cases are completly-.."
"But I don't care either," said Tonks as she grabbed his shirt collar and shook him as if the vibration could possibly make him understand better. "I don't care! I've told you a million times...." Letting myself space out again, I tried ignoring the rest of the conversation; I'd heard it a thousand times and really was quite sick of it. However, the expressions on Harry, Hermione, Ron, and Ginny's faces said it was the first time they'd heard it. Despite trying to ignore the conversation, it was too hard to resist syncing my lips with Dad as he rattled off his reasons; "Too old, too poor, too dangerous.." I'd have sworn I heard Juliet shout from across the room, "Too stupid!"
More discussion commenced, but was broken by Hagrid entering. His face was soaked with mourning tears, tears for Dumbledore. He and MgGonagall had a short conversation before MgGonagall asked Harry to go with her somewhere, most likely to discuss the situation. However, I still chose to ignore the world as it was; perhaps it was because the world was just too painful, I didn't know, but I chose to pretend it wasn't real. Dumbledore was still alive. Draco had done nothing wrong. Severus was still here, perfectly fine, and on our side. With a little more effort, I even pretended the Dark Lord had never risen.
"Sophie?" said Dad, shattering my imaginary world into a thousand pieces so that it was the real one. "Are you all right? You seem distant, and you keep fading off. You don't usually do that. Is something wrong?..." He continued on, but I could not hear him. My mind was focused on Tonks who was gathering her things like she was about to leave. Without blinking, I watched her walk out the door. She looked back once, and a tear, one that had been fighting this whole time, succeeded in overtaking her. "...Sophie, are you listening?"
"She left," I whispered, looking away from him, "She's gone, and you let her leave." Tears now threatened me, as well, because I knew Tonks wasn't the kind of girl to wait around forever, no matter how much it hurt to move on, because it hurt to wait, too. All she wanted was him, but he was too stubborn.
"Pardon? I didn't hear you," Dad said. He seemed like tears could come to him too, but he was a man, and men try to never cry in public. It makes them seem weak, and that's a man's worst fear, I thought.
"She's gone!" I said strongly, now looking directly at him, piercing through his eyes, through his body, and straight into his heart, "You let her leave! Dad, you love her! Admit it! If you didn't love her, you wouldn't do this to her because you wouldn't care so much if she got hurt! But you're hurting her more this way, Dad! You're hurting her more! She loves you, but she's gone! She'd leave you alone if you told her straight out you didn't love her but you can't because you do love her! Just tell her! Let her in, Dad!"
He hadn't even noticed her exit. He spun around to look where she had been, but, as I said, she was absent. One tear stung his eye enough to break through his pride, and it ran down his cheek as if shouting, "I won!" Dad sank to his knees. "You're one-hundred percent right, Sophie. I love her. Wh-what do I do? She's gone."
"Go after her!" I shouted, "Go find her! She can't have gone far! In fact, she's probably still here! She loves you enough to give you the time to admit it to yourself! Go! Now!" Dad got up and did as I instructed. He turned and ran out of the door. He stopped in the doorway and looked to his right; Tonks was still there, leaning against the wall.
"Wotcher, Remus," Tonks laughed through tears of sorrow, for he had rejected her for so long, and joy, for she heard exactly all we had said. Though I couldn't see her, I knew she was smiling, even as tears ran down her cheeks. Remus returned with a small, "Hello." He took half of a step towards her, and that was all she needed. She smashed her lips into his. Like a train wreck, I found it impossible to look away. It was, however, awkward to see my cousin snogging my dad. The most awkward part of it was that he was snogging her back. For some reason, a seventeen-year-old girl doesn't like to see her father snogging someone. Crazy, right?