The floor of her room was littered, no, covered with the most ragtag collection of objects she had ever seen. Photos that had obviously been ripped apart and carefully taped together over and over again. Notes covered in two different colors of ink (one for each person who spilled their thoughts onto them and braved detention just to pass them to the other), the ink smudged from where the tears had fallen. A brilliant red leaf, the kind that can make a tree look as if it's flaming before it falls off and is picked off the ground by a love struck young girl. A bulb from a string of Christmas lights, once adorning a beautifully festive tree, now adorned by a large crack running from top to bottom. A piece of pale blue chalk, used until a piece roughly the size of a penny was all that was left. A wrinkled old sunflower seed with initials carved into it, a few small clumps of dirt still sticking to it.
She looked around at the mementos she had dug out of a box under her bed. She had forgotten about them until recently, much like the memories they were meant to remind her of. However, unlike her memories, they were much easier to push away and forget but not nearly as hard to find once she had forgotten. Remembering something that has been repeatedly pushed out of one's head for the sake of sanity is actually much harder than it sounds, and that's what the mementos are for. She may not remember but they do. They remember everything. Her hopes are that their whispers will find her in her sleep and when she wakes her memories will have returned, since right now even as she looks at them spread out before her like a comic book, the only memory she can remember is the most recent one.
Selena stared back at Demi for a moment before the tiniest of one sided smiles graced her lips, coupled with a small nod. And then she turned on her heel and left. Just like that. But that was all Demi needed, that tiny sign. She'd won Selena back, the old Selena. She'd won back a miniscule piece of her and she didn't care if it took her the rest of her life, but she would put Selena back together again piece by piece, like a puzzle. Until she, and along with her Demi, were whole again.
Demi carefully picked up the leaf, handling it delicately as it was in serious danger of falling apart in her hand. Out of all the objects around her, this was the only one that held any meaning to her, any significance, because it was the only one of the memories she could remember. As she stood up and walked towards the door she found herself desperately wishing that Selena would remember as well, because if she didn't, then Demi's plan wouldn't work. She tried to push away these thoughts so filled with negativity, but she couldn't. She didn't realize just how much hope she had put into her plan to win Selena back through memories and mementos.
In order to remember everything that had happened, Demi had had to tear down all the walls she had spent so much time and energy to build. She had had to open the floodgates not just to memories and recollections but to feelings as well, feelings for Selena.
As Demi pulled on the doorknob separating her from the outside world, she remembered a time before she had been with Selena, when Selena was still something unobtainable, something that Demi told herself time and time again would never be hers. In a way she had been right. Here they were, so many years later, and was Selena hers? No. Never mind that for almost three years she had been. Never mind that in those three years Demi had decided that she would never be able to live without her, because in the end she had no choice.
As she stepped outside she noticed how incredibly windy it was. Demi always thought that on days like these, sunshine was wasted. Who could possibly enjoy the sun when the wind was so strong it felt like it was cutting into you and trying to make off with as much of you as it could grab? The wind finally stopped when she stepped into the safety of her car. Turning the ignition and hitting the gas, she thought back to the good old days, back when she pined for Selena from the safety of anonymity. She wished so badly to be back there, because no matter how brilliant the sun was, facing the wind just wasn't worth it.
Selena sat at her desk, cheek resting on the palm of her hand, oblivious to the thoughts running through her friend's mind, thoughts causing an internal argument in Demi's head that Selena was also oblivious to.
"See, how she leans her cheek upon her hand! O that I were a glove upon that hand, that I might touch that cheek!"
Demi quickly rubbed her eyes to try and rid them of their longing and slapped her cheek to try and clear her head.
"Did I really just quote Shakespeare?!"
She tried to keep from looking at her anymore because as soon as her eyes took in Selena's beautiful frame, her soft, flowing, raven hair, her delicate arms; Demi was a goner. She became completely lost in the very thing that makes Selena, well, Selena; and consequently so completely irresistible. Of course with all this talk about Selena, she found herself, once again, staring at her.
She watched as Selena reached into a plastic bag that was sitting on the wooden table before her and took out a single, round, cheerio. She slowly brought it to her mouth and stuck it in between her top and bottom rows of teeth. She didn't crunch down on it yet, instead she simply held it there, playing with it. She had no idea that at the same time she was also playing with Demi. Selena suddenly brought her jaws together with a resounding snap and the cheerio was no more. She then reached for another one, but instead of giving it the care and attention she gave the first one, she threw it up into the air and caught it in her open, awaiting, mouth. She swallowed it with only one or two chews and reached into the bag for another one. This one she slowly brought to her red lips as she wrapped those lips around it and softly took it in all view of the cheerio was blocked off as she closed her mouth around it and it lived out its final moments in the dark comforting privacy of her mouth. Demi couldn't help but laugh at herself and her sentimentality, she was basically writing The Life and Times of a Cheerio in her head. She shook her head and chuckled softly at what a weirdo she could be at times.
Demi stepped out of the car, making sure to lock it. She looked around at where she found herself, and realized that she didn't like it. The titanic buildings around her seemed to soar into the sky and the people bustling along around her didn't seem friendly or amiable at all. She frowned, remembering that she used to love the city. When had that changed? She took a deep breath and walked up the stairs leading to the front door to Selena's apartment. The concrete beneath her shoes was dull and gray, but it had never bothered her before. Everything about this city made her want to turn around and run, run back to her house where there was grass and trees and where it was easy to breathe and she didn't have to fight with the smog and the car exhaust just to get in the air her body so desperately needed.
Instead of running she pushed open the door and walked up the stairs inside to the apartment she had been to so many times, because deep down she knew it wasn't the city making her want to run, and it wasn't the smog making it difficult to breathe, it was the girl on the other side of the door. She knocked softly, looking down at the red leaf in her hand, the only thing she had brought with her. When the girl opened the door, Demi ignored the look of shock that immediately took up residence on Selena's face. Demi took her hand and Selena took a faulty step backwards, almost falling. She leaned towards her, and when Selena didn't move she smiled and placed a chaste kiss on her forehead, feeling rather than seeing Selena's breath catch in her throat. Demi turned around, letting her fingers linger on Selena's hand for just a moment before she walked out the door, closing it quietly behind her as she he heard Selena let out the breath she had been holding. This time when Demi exited the building and looked around her at the city, she didn't feel like running. She felt calm, she felt happy, and finally she felt hopeful.
Back at the apartment, Selena looked down at the red leaf Demi had placed in her hand before she left, and with a gasp she dropped it as if it was the fire which it so resembled. It floated to the ground and Selena backed away as she watched it, shaking her head. Her legs hit the couch behind her and she fell. Tears filled her eyes as she curled up onto the couch, grabbing a pillow and muffling the sobs. The memory the leaf conveyed filled her head, and despite it all she smiled, through her tears, through the sobs, she smiled. She smiled because no matter how much pain the memory caused, it was a happy one, and she focused on it, not thinking forward to what she knew happened later.
Walks in the park had become a common date for the new couple. While walking in a park, even hand in hand, most people will assume that you are just close friends or sisters, regardless of how improbable it sounds. It's easier then opening one's eyes to the truth, because the truth is not always the prettiest or the cleanest; so the two were able to stay relatively low-key and relatively close at the same time.
Fall had always been Selena's favorite season, but with Demi it was a whole new experience. She looked down at her hand that was held loosely in Demi's. It never ceased to amaze her how much she loved holding Demi's hand. It was just skin, wasn't it? Everyone had it, and it wasn't like she'd never held anyone's hand before. There was just something about the fact that it was Demi's. Maybe it had to do with how soft Demi's skin was, or how smooth, or how warm her hand always was. Maybe it was in the way Demi held it, carefully, sometimes barely even touching it. She held it as if it was an illusion, if she gripped too tight the illusion would shatter.
Demi's hands were the reason Selena had decided she was special. Selena had seen the movies and read the books, and she'd learned that when you loved someone it was supposed to feel like your skin was on fire when you touched them. Selena had worried and obsessed over the fact that in all her past relationships, relationships with people she had thought she loved, she had never felt her skin burn. Not once. Then, one day while they were walking down a crowded hallway at school, Demi's arm had accidentally brushed hers, and Selena found that the movies and books were wrong. Yes, her arm burned. In fact, it kept burning for at least an hour afterwards until it wasn't so much a burn but a constant reminder, making Selena incapable of thinking of anything else but the person who had given it to her.
Beside her, Demi slowed down and came to a stop, dragging her out of her reverie. Demi turned towards her and grinned, the fading light making her eyes twinkle and shine.
"C'mon Lena." She nodded towards the tree, gently pulling Selena towards it and sitting down underneath. (Well, Selena sat. Demi threw herself onto her back with her arms spread and looked straight up with a goofy grin on her face.) Selena shook her head, chuckling at Demi's silliness, and lay down next to her. For the first time she realized what a beautiful tree they were under. She looked up through the giant branches laden with red and orange leaves, backlit against the sunset sky colored by a surprisingly similar pallet of colors.
"You know it's getting dark, and we're in a pretty remote part of the park Dems…" Selena said quietly after a while.
"Your point is?" Demi asked, turning her head to face her friend.
"Well, I mean, it just doesn't seem like the safest situation to me." Selena said, not meeting Demi's gaze.
"I'll protect you." Demi answered, a smile playing on her lips. When Selena looked back at her, she noticed that Demi had moved much closer to her and was moving still closer. Her hand met Demi's as their lips touched and all thoughts of danger left Selena's mind. A single red leaf floated down from the tree and landed in Selena's hair. Demi smiled as she gently picked it out.
"I'm keeping this, hope you don't mind." Demi said.
"Well since it landed in my hair I believe it's mine." Selena answered, trying to sound serious but not really succeeding.
"Yes, but I picked it out, and you know what they say, finders keepers." Demi said, a smirk playing on her lips. Selena, in answer, made a grab for the leaf, but Demi was faster. She jumped onto her feet and began to run, Selena close behind. She tackled Demi as soon as she got close enough to do so, landing on top of her when she fell on the overgrown grass. They rolled around happily until it got too dark to see, at which point they finally got up and went home, Demi still holding on to the leaf.
At this point Selena fell asleep on the couch, the memory still playing in her head, morphing and changing as it became less memory and more dream. The smile was still present on her lips.