A/N : A HUGE thanks to IntheWindBabe for finding my chapter for me. It took me long long time to put it up but here is the lost ch. 10. Real Updates soon!

"You betta get yo white girl ass outta here before she wakes up."

I could see Lula's point. I definitely did not want to be around when Joyce discovers her…er…deflation.

I tried not to think too hard about it, though, because

#1: It grossed me out

and

#2: If I played it back in my mind, it just set off another ridiculous laughing fit. And I didn't have another twenty minutes to laugh my ass off.

I either had to start building an alibi or get the hell out. I leaned down to examine the crash site. Joyce's breasts had deflated even further from their formerly gargantuan status. I thought the damage was done when they reached the size of my own boobs. They continued to diminish, however, and were now no bigger than the average mosquito bite. My mind started to wander down the path of speculating where the hell all the boob went before I reminded myself of numbers one and two. Both still applied to this situation.

What I did notice upon closer examination was that there was no evidence of a stun gun being used at all. I truly could just walk away, and it would be her word against mine. It might even be a good idea to call the paramedics and police ourselves to make us seem less guilty. I kept thinking in terms of "us" because I just didn't want all of the credit on this one. You know what they say about Hell hath no fury like a woman stunned….or something like that. Well, I really didn't want all of that fury put on me.

"Connie, do you mind calling 911 and getting the ambulance working on this?" She lifted the phone to dial. It occurred to me that it might help to have someone on our side at this point. "Ask if Gazarra is on duty. It might be good to have a friend working this one."

Vinnie picked this moment to poke his greasy head out of his office. He never looks more like a weasel than when he does that sneaking-around-the-corner thing. "Who the hell is bringing the police into my…" But he never finished his sentence because he caught sight of Joyce lying on the ground, spread eagle. He rushed over to her like he cared or something. And when he looked down at her, there was something very close to grief in his eyes. I knew that he and Joyce did the nasty (more like the disgusting), but I had no idea he cared so much. Hell, I had no idea he had the ability to care so much.

"Her breasts! Her beautiful breasts!" He weeped. "We'll never ply Balloon Boy again."

So much for caring.

"Listen, Vinnie. I would appreciate if you corroborated the story that Joyce just fainted, and her boobs disappeared on their own. You know…just…poof." I gave him my best pleading face.

"Get that dumbfucking look off your face. You look like an old walrus." I traded my pleading face for a death glare. "That's better," he said. "And I don't give a flying fuck how the hell this happened. The damage is done, and a great thing has been lost today…two great things…and now that she doesn't have them, I have no use for her. Get the cops out of here as fast as possible."

I had a moment to feel a small grain of pity for Joyce. So much of her value resided in those Ta-Tas. I had taken away her gift to society…as it were. That grain dissolved, however, when I reminded myself that she not only played home wrecker in my marriage (for which I was considerably better off), but she also slept with Morelli before his swollen nose even had time to heal from my punch. I could feel my body start to jerk with my anger. She was such a horrible slut, and I wanted to do so much worse than destroy her boob job. Lester brought me out of my reverie by picking me up under my armpits and hefting me to the other side of the room. I kicked my legs and flailed about in an effort to free myself. Of all the highhanded things!

I turned on him when he calmly set me down. "What the hell was that for?!"

"You were about to kick Joyce…again. Did you not realize you did it a first time?"

I really hadn't. But it made sense considering where my train of thought was going. "No. But the bitch deserves it."

He nodded emphatically. "And so much more, Beautiful, but you don't want any evidence of your revenge for her to show to the police. At the moment, there is no physical sign of what caused her collapse. But if you start kicking her and leave her all bruised up, she's going to have Exhibit A to use when or if she files assault charges. And if what I've heard about her is true, she's going to do just that. Now, if you want a quieter form of punishment that no one will find out about, I can pull a few strings and…"

I slumped my shoulders and shook my head. It sounded so sweet, but I couldn't have Lester getting into trouble for me. I knew that Ranger had killed to protect me once, and though necessary, it didn't sit well in my stomach. Besides, Joyce really had received a pretty fitting punishment. If Vinnie's reaction at all represented how the greater population of lecherous scumbags would react to Joyce's minimization, she would be one miserable slut.

"I appreciate that, Lester. I really do. But I think our time would be better spent catching a skip or two." I was going to move on and set my sights on bigger, better things. Joyce's boobs collapsing was more than I could ever have hoped for, and I would just have to be content with that.

Lester brightened at the thought of getting to kick some FTA ass. I could see the gleam in his eyes that often preceded him throwing someone against a wall. "That's the spirit."

"What do you have for me, Connie?"

Connie had just gotten off the phone with the police dispatch and started shifting though some files.

"I have a couple of low bond ones for you and something a little more lucrative and a lot scarier if you're interested."

I looked over at Lester. If ever I was going to go after the something scarier, now that I have a personal bodyguard would be a fine time to do it. I grabbed the files from Connie and peeked at the scary one.

Holyyyy Shiiiit.

This guy was seriously demented. He hacked his own mother to pieces and listed various body parts on Craig's List for purchase. The sickest part, though, was that he actually had several buyers lined up before the police got wind of it and arrested him. He had been released on a 100,000 dollar bail and sent back into society to mingle with the rest of us. How the hell do these crazies even make bail?

It really would be easier to handle this with Lester around, but with everything else going on in my life, I didn't need another thing to add to the shit pile.

"I think I'll pass on the crazy today." I handed the file back to Connie, who took it back with a shrug as if to say, Maybe later.

More like maybe never. I did not want to end up on Craig's List. Any part of me.

I sifted through the low bond files, and one jumped out at me. Jimmy Wizneski sounded so familiar. I racked my brain trying to place him. Finally, after much grinding of gears, I remembered that Jimmy had been in school with Valerie. If my memory served (though it often didn't), he had a crush on her at the time. It listed his address in the Burg pretty close to my parents' place. I scanned down the file to see what he was wanted for. After reading the crazy file, I was more than ready to tackle this one. Jimmy was arrested for trying to steal a few polo shirts from Dillard's. I guess that makes him a white collar criminal.

Ugh. I mentally groaned at my own bad joke.

I handed the rest of the files to Connie, putting Jimmy's in my shoulder bag, and motioned for Lester to follow me out.

"Connie, Lula, do you mind handling to police and paramedics. I was thinking I might slip out so when she tries to blame me, you can say I was never here. Maybe we could just go with the story that she fainted for no reason, and the breasts imploded on their own." Connie and Lula nodded their agreement.

Thank god the stunner didn't leave marks. I reached into my bag to make sure the stunner was off and realized it was still across the room where I had thrown it. I jogged over, gracefully leaping over Joyce's still form, grabbed the stun gun, and ran back to Lester. I noticed Lester staring at my breasts bouncing as I ran. A tent was being pitched as he watched with great interest, causing a blush to crawl up my cheeks. When I looked over at Connie and Lula, who still hadn't answered my questions, it was obvious they had noticed the exchange. I blushed harder.

"So, we'll see you later. Thanks for the help, girls!" I shooed Lester out of the building, and we headed to the address listed on Jimmy's file. We passed the ambulance and police car on their way to the bonds office, and I sunk low in my seat as they sirened past.

"It'll be okay, Beautiful." He smiled at me, making me wonder what I had done to deserve a friend like Lester. He may not be the one for me, or I for him, but…I let my mind wander back to the morning. It seemed so long ago, but I could still feel his hands on me. I could still feel the hot spray of the shower raining down on his perfect naked body.

"What are you thinking about, Steph?"

"Wh-wh-why?" I stammered. I knew I sounded incredibly guilty.

"You moaned." He let out a low chuckle.

"Did not." And now I sounded like a four year old. Still better than sounding guilty, I thought as I crossed my arms over my chest petulantly.

The SUV rolled to a stop before we could continue our dignified debate. We walked up to the door, and Lester rapped hard on it a few times. Jimmy answered the door wearing khakis and a polo. I was betting this one fell off the truck like the others.

"Mr Wizneski, my name is Stephanie Plum. This is my associate, Mr. Santos. You failed to appear in court and are in violation of your bail agreement. We just need you to come down to the police station with us and reschedule…please." It never hurts to be polite.

Jimmy got this weird look on his face as I introduced myself. "I remember you from high school, Stephanie. The weirdest coincidence, though, because…"

He was cut off by a shrieking from inside the house. "STEPHANIE MICHELLE PLUM, you do not ever answer your phone, and now I hear that you're having sex in public with come strange man!" My mother boomed at me as she made her way from Jimmy's living room to his front door. What in the hell was my mother doing at Jimmy Wizneski's house?

She glared at me and then at Lester. "Well? Is this the man you've been canoodling with on the streets? I've gotten fifty calls this morning alone, and it's breaking my heart. Are you at least in a relationship, or is this some sort of new job?"

I was stunned silent.

"Stephanie, I know Joseph and you aren't together, though I don't know why. But I have to know. Are you together, or aren't you?"

No, we're not together. It was like a one time thing that didn't even end up being a thing because I ruined it with my big mouth. I thought.

What I said was, "Yes. Yes, we're together." I grabbed a shocked looking Lester around the waist and pulled him closer to me.

Holy shit! What have I done?