Author's Note: this chapter I've had done for over twenty-four hours now but I've procrastinated and tried my best to tone it to get it right. The song in this chapter is Happy Ending by Mika. More author's note at the end of the chapter. and just as a reminder, don't forget to check out B on R&K tomorrow morning premoting the movie!
This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.
She had chocolate brown eyes and chestnut hair that gleamed a shade of dark red in the sunlight, every inch of her seemed inexperienced, innocent, and childlike. As the blonde watched her from the side of the courtyard she had to smile. There was just something about Amanda that made Serena actually trust her not to break his heart. She wasn't sure if it was the way she flicked threw her Ipod like nothing besides finding the perfect song mattered, or the way her face lit up like a child's on Christmas day every time Dan came into view. The other girl was happy with him and as far as Serena could tell by his smile he was happy with her also. Amanda was just like him, they shared interests in writing and literature, he finally had someone he could talk to without her being completely confused on what was going on. From the double date the night previous Serena had seen that Amanda really did honestly care for him and she wasn't just another fake in his life.
All Serena could do was put up her best counterfeit smile and pretend that she was just fine with the thought of Dan moving on. Plus, it was her decision to separate this time. Now it was time for them both to move on and lead separate lives. Why he insisted on keeping her close she wasn't sure but none of that made trying to separate herself from him any easier.
Stepping out of the shaded spot the sun seemed to come to her beckon call as the cool late September air swarmed around her and made her look like the goddess everyone at Constance had seemed to dub her. Her best happy façade smile played on her flawless skin, skirt shortened just enough to make the boys want more, shirt unbuttoned and the V of her tie down enough to show the difference from her summer tan and the cup size she'd picked up out of no where. Everything about Serena Van der Woodsen made heads turn and girls hold tighter to their boyfriend's hands. Everyone that was but Amanda, Dan was to good, to easy to be trusted, to true to need any worry.
Wake up in the morning, stumble on my life
Can't get no love without sacrifice
If anything should happen, I guess I wish you well
A little bit of heaven, but a little bit of hell
"Serena! Serena over here"
Serena's attention turned right away to the sound of Amanda's gently quiet voice extending itself out and calling Serena to come over to her. When Amanda had first arrived at the school and started hitting on Dan Blair had put up a warning on her, making no one want to befriend her or they'd suffer the wrath of 'Queen B'. she'd only had Serena's best interests in mind when she'd done so, but, Serena had surprised them both when she'd stepped out and befriended the girl that was starting to get so close to the one guy she loved more then any other.
"Hey Manda"
Perky and bright, two things she was feeling far from on the inside but she knew that Amanda needed to see. Serena had been told all her life by her mother to befriend her enemies, however she'd also been told by Blair to destroy them. That was the difference between her and Blair, she wasn't a bitch and she actually cared about people. Walking over to her Serena took a seat on the stone wall beside her, it was hard but something that she needed to do.
"Want to listen?"
Amanda offered one of the head phones out to her, one of her Indi Rock bands Serena figured. Dan had said she wasn't much into main stream music like everyone else. It was one of the things that made her different and out of the ordinary, one of the things that drew Dan to her. It also made Serena want to throw her Justin Timberlake and Fergie infested Ipod against the wall till it smashed to pieces. The only issue with that was that she wouldn't have had anything to sooth her as she cried.
"No thanks"
She shook her head and took a package of peanut butter crackers out of her bag and bit into it. She normally hated peanut butter unless it was Reese's, lately she just didn't care. All she wanted was to eat it regardless of the kind.
This is the hardest story that I've ever told
No hope, or love, or glory
Happy endings gone forever more
I feel as if I feel as if I'm wastin'
And I'm wastin' everyday
"S, you told me if I had any questions about him I could ask you. Well I have a question and it might be a little personal, I don't know, I'm having a really hard time getting this out. I don't know maybe I shouldn't bring it up. It might be to weird for you."
Watching Amanda's cheeks start to turn bright red Serena felt for the girl but she couldn't think about anything wrong with Dan's body. In fact, Serena loved every inch of his body, the thought of it made her miss the feel of his chest under her lips, her hands in certain areas and the way he'd mumble her name breathlessly as she worked her hands the way he liked. She shook her head clear of her thoughts and swallowed the last bit of cracker in her mouth.
"Amanda, when I said I was here for what you needed I meant it. Just talk to me. I'm a friend remember and if it's regarding Dan I can likely tell you the answer. We were together for a while and I'd like to think I know him pretty well."
Pretty well was an understatement when it came to her and Dan, she was in love with him, she had been then and she still was, working to put him in the past was the hardest she'd ever done.
"Don't answer if you don't feel comfortable with it ok? When did you and Dan… I mean we've been together for a month and I think, um… I think I'm ready. If you, um… if you know what I mean. I just don't know… I um, yea."
This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.
Serena felt like her heart was breaking a little bit more as she knew exactly what Amanda was trying to get at. Call it selfish but she took pride in being his first, at making him experienced and just plain… good. His hands weren't fast and grabby but every bit of him was gentle and caring. His touch, his kiss, his thrusts, she could recall all of the times he'd gone slow just to watch her and his affect on her. The way he'd tortured her with his light menacing touches all over her body. Just thinking about it made her want him, even though she couldn't have him, he wasn't any longer hers to think about in those ways.
"I'm sorry, I over stepped didn't I? I shouldn't have asked that."
Amanda hesitated as she brought Serena out of her daze with her talking. Serena looked at her right away and put her hand on Amanda's shoulder.
"No, that's not it I was just thinking of the way to express it right. Um… sex is something you both have to be sure of. It's not something you can plan it just sorta happens when you don't expect it. It's magical and meaningful, especially with Dan Amanda. He's not one of the guys that just wants it because it's there."
Every word out of Serena's mouth made her cringe, she didn't want to be sitting there giving advice to the love of her life's new girlfriend. Something about Amanda made her seem so childlike and helpless that all Serena wanted to do was older sister her, like she did to Eric. Trying to be selfless and protect people was just who Serena was, it's what made her not like Blair.
"It's just, it's special Amanda. You don't want to rush it or fake it."
Her mind was working over time as she thought of how she thought that Dan was just like every other guy. How she'd thought that sex would make him like her more till she noticed that the only thing was that he really did love her with no questions asked. Dan was different from the rest, he didn't pretend to be someone he wasn't.
"Thanks S, you really are one of a kind."
Amanda's genuine smile made Serena feel a little bit better about what she'd just done. Amanda would take care of him, Serena knew she would. Serena's eyes lingered on Amanda as she took out a High School Musical cell phone case that held her cell phone. It just went to show just how different the two eighteen year old girls really were.
2 o'clock in the morning, something's on my mind
Can't get no rest; keep walkin' around
If I pretend that nothin' ever went wrong, I can get to my sleep
I can think that we just carried on
"Just the two girls I was looking for."
Dan's voice made both of the girls suddenly break from their looks at one another and jump. Amanda's cheeks were still flushed a light pink and Serena's heart felt like it was still a bit broken. Dan was acting more and more like she was Vanessa, someone he could count on for anything. The thought of being to him what Vanessa was scared her worse then her break up.
"What's the conversation of the day?"
Placing a polite kiss on Amanda's cheek he sat down on the side of her like the sweet respectful boyfriend he was. Serena's eyes lingered on him as her heart begged her to just re consider everything that had gone on. To just go back and time and make it all go back to what it had been.
"Nothing, just girl stuff"
Serena said nonchalantly making Amanda thankful for the way Serena was even more then she had been for the conversation. She always listened and gave the best advise about Dan. Amanda couldn't ask for better help then Serena was.
"Which reminds me, Serena, this is from Blair. She was running around the halls looking for you so I told her I'd find you."
Handing her the Godiva bag Serena turned into a child as she grabbed it out of his hand and tossed him a bright smile before digging into it. Dan found himself smiling and laughing at her.
"Strawberries dipped in peanut butter and chocolate."
This is the hardest story that I've ever told
No hope, or love, or glory
Happy endings gone forever more
I feel as if I feel as if I'm wastin'
And I'm wastin' everyday
She said taking one of them out of the box and earning herself grimaces from both Dan and Amanda. She didn't care how weird or gross it sounded the peanut butter and the strawberry were two things she wanted more then anything else.
"Serena, that's gross"
Dan shook his head but she could tell his eyes were still glued on the strawberry in her mouth. The memory of the bus ride was suddenly running threw both of their heads. Then her thoughts about talking to Amanda about sex struck her and the peanut butter craving. Going back and forth between her thoughts and Dan's face she suddenly choked on the bite of strawberry she'd taken and spit it out in the Godiva bag. In her head she did a mental check and of course she couldn't remember her calendar for the life of her.
This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.
xoxoDanSerena- almost right on the money, thank you for your awesome review, I love reading ones like that, they get the ideas in my own head flowing. Please leave one like that again.
sweet-angel09- thank you for your review! Hope It's worth the wait!
beachbumyeahh- honestly that's because my stories are never run through a beta first and it's things that I don't pick out on my first runs. This chapter however has been checked, hope it's better for you.
Ima Geek- not that I hope that it makes you cry but I hope the chapters to come move you as well.
ericaa13- thank you so much for following all of my random stories! I always look forward to your reviews.
hello-my-love- no years later, though it might take a while to get back to current time
JBlover- thank you so much!!
Calie well I think this chapter would still not be up if it weren't for you, thank you for reading it for me first before anyone else. And I hope this is a little bit less confusing then the first time you read it.
Mich- your critique on it pushed me to re think and re write it, you honestly have no idea how much it meant to me. And you also pointed out something to me, the way I write S is a mix of book, that's the reason she seems flawless and like she can do nothing wrong at times. Because that's the way Serena is in the book. Dan on the other hand I'm still not sure about, I need to try harder next time. But, your review really meant a lot to me, thank you so much for that.
Lauren- well quite obviously this wouldn't be up without you, I wouldn't even know where to go without you. Everyone's going to be in for quite the roller coaster with this fic because of you and you're brilliant ideas