Author's note: Ok so I can't wait to post this, it hasn't been checked or anything yet but I need to share it, partly because chapter four is already half written and I'm pouring my heart into it. I already love it and I know you guys will too. Your reviews had me so excited every time I read one of them, they mean so much to me and they make me so happy to write so thank you so much for that! I'm sorry if I confused everyone by going backward. I didn't know exactly how I was gonna go when I first started to write but I let it take the path it wanted to and that's where it ended up. The song in this chapter is Your call by Secondhand Serenade. I know I know lots of SS in my stories but it's because all I can think of when I listen is DS. Hope you all enjoy this chapter as well. Remember your reviews are like candy to me! And as always this is for the ever lovely Lauren because without her I wouldn't have this story.

Say a prayer
The summer nights are dead
The fall is coming
We were careless hearts
Who got caught up in this

Eleven green, nine purple, six red, fifteen yellow, five oranges left, which was all that was left of the big bag of skittles that Serena had requested of Blair to bring her over. The skittles themselves had been lined up, made into a heart, star, and their initials. Anything to try and get her mind off of what she needed to do, what she had no choice but to do, it was only prolonging the facts. The skittles were her escape in a way, for as far back as herself or the 'breakfast club' could remember Serena's only stubborn tick was separating skittles into their colors. In this case her skittles obsession was the only thing keeping her from going off of the deep end and trying to do something irrational. She felt like she was going crazy as she arranged the skittles on the bathroom counter so that the yellow, red, and orange skittles couldn't touch. She'd looked at the skittles long enough for them to stand for things, red and yellow mixed together made orange. When two things were put together often made something else, often times like the rectangular box only inches from Serena's finger tips.

Unlike colors being mixed this was much bigger, this had raining repercussions. Two things being mixed together quite often led to the eight letter word she couldn't find in her vocabulary. Forgetting about the skittles for a moment she picked up the box and turned it over in her hand. The directions themselves were easy – pee on the stick. The results on the other hand were a different story, they evolved her life coming crashing down around her.

Serena wasn't ready to be a mother, she was just getting the hang of the responsibility of herself, but, to add a child to it seemed so not fair. It made her wonder what the skittles thought when yellow and red and orange added to them. She knew they were dumb thoughts, ones that didn't even have a point. But thinking about them made her feel like she could hold onto a little bit of her childhood and her innocence that she's lost so many years ago.

"S, it's me open up."

Hearing Blair's voice made Serena's blood run cold it felt. Completely startled she dropped the test box to the floor with a crash. It didn't matter if her best friend had been in a similar situation not to long ago, Serena still didn't want her to know. Because that would have been admitting defeat, admitting the fact that there was something going on.

"B it's nothing"

The voice that came out of her mouth was way calmer then she was actually feeling. Serena had always been good at keeping secrets, telling lies had been what Serena's pre adolescent life had consisted of.

"Then open the door S, tell me what you're doing in there. Eric called me to come check on you because you wouldn't open the door to him and he's worried about you. What's going on S?"

Jumping down from the counter Serena slid down to the floor as she picked up the test box that had dropped to it.

"B, the door's locked, and I have the worst cramps ever. Are you really going to make me get off the counter with the heating pad again?

She lied part of her wishing that were the truth as she turned the box over and over in her hand.

"Well when you decide to stop being a bitch, and you take a midol call me."

Hearing Blair sneer and her heels click against the wooden floor of the bedroom Serena let out a deep breath and banged her head back against the wall. What was she doing? How could she let this happen. Things were not supposed to take this path, but she felt like she could only blame herself.

You were shy
To the night you drove me wild
And you crashed into me
And I won't lie
I wish it lasted a lifetime

It had all started before they'd gotten on the bus after an innocent stroll around the mini outdoor shopping mall. Who had Serena ever been to pass up anything Godiva? The chocolate shop smelled warm and inviting in the hot summer air. She'd dragged him in with her and he'd scoffed at all of the crazy prices for the sugary treats. All the while she let her sexual interludes tease him as she joked about the taste of his skin and the taste of chocolate in his ear. It was going to be a very long bus trip till he got her back alone in the loft, then she knew she'd pay for the tormenting she'd done to him.

In the beginning he thought the separate seats on the bus were a good idea, she couldn't turn him on anymore to the point where she just about had no choice but to tear her clothes off of her and do her in the public eye. She had that affect on him and she was well aware if it. Looking at him and how every once and a while his eyes were glued to her un able to look away was what made her take the strawberry out just to torment him that much more. She could see in his eyes that he needed her to even partly remove his needs so that's when she'd gotten up, grabbed his hand and taken him to the back of the bus where she could straddle his lap and touch where ever he please. The low cut shirt and the short shorts gave easy access for his fingers and mouth to play. But when the kid came over and tried to watch there activities and the ten bucks wouldn't even make him go away, that's when she got the idea in her head. To drag him into the bathroom, in there what every they pleased could be done without the eyes of an audience lingering on them.

Soon as they were alone it hadn't taken long for clothes to be torn off and tossed to the floor as messy kissed were left in all kissable places, the urgency for being as close to one another was in full rage and Serena had known that Dan needed her to hurry up and let him in before they had a mess to clean up. The bid for a condom had been long tossed out as Serena had bit his lip in response and mumbled a slightly incoherent 'screw it'. A choice of words that was very on point

It hadn't taken long for their bodies to sink with one another as they did there best to keep their mouths entertained so that the rest of the people on the bus didn't hear the show that was taking place behind closed doors.

Please stay-ay-ay
Won't you stay-ay-ay
Tonight

Her head was throbbing, her pulse was racing, her hands were shaking, and nothing seemed to be real as she sat on the floor of the bathroom. Her entire body felt completely numb, like a rock solid mask had over taken her body and she just couldn't feel anything anymore. The buzzer on her cell phone had gone off and she couldn't make herself pick up the applicator. It would make to many things that Serena didn't want to think about come true. Peeing on the stick had been enough; she wasn't ready to read the truth just yet. If only she hadn't decided that forgetting the condom was just fine because they could take on the world. At the moment in time she didn't think she could be any more wrong then she'd been on the bus.

Serena was in to much emotional pain to even so much as cry, sure some day she'd seen herself taking a pregnancy test. She'd day dreamed of sitting with Dan awaiting the results as he held her hand. But this wasn't like that, Serena was by herself and in a relationship with a guy that had nothing to do with the baby she was already sure of was inside of her. She couldn't reach out and pick up the test, the thought made her want to run the other way.

Breathe in deep
And say goodbye
The saddest song
I'll ever write
For anyone, anytime

So consumed in her own mixed feelings and frustrations the key turning in the bathroom's lock hadn't startled her or made her flinch. Serena's guilty green eyes connected with her mother's concerned blue ones as soon as Lily was standing in the doorway. She closed her eyes instently and took a deep breath, the pregnancy test was close to Lily's foot and there was no way for Serena to grab it from across the floor without Lily noticing it.

"Serena what's going on in here? You're making Eric worried. He said you sent Blair away; you're not in trouble again are you? Because Serena if you're using again I have no other choice but to send you away. I already told you that."

Standing up off the floor she tucked a strand of blonde hair behind her ear, her freeze of emotions seemed to be melting as her tear ducts began to work again, her eyes were glossing up as she shifted her gaze away from her mother. She looked up only to notice Lily glance over to the counter at the skittles neatly separated into colors, yellow, orange, and red still not touching. The separation of skittles never related to a good thing and Lily knew it also.

"Oh that's enough Serena, what the hell is going on with you. Why won't you answer me? Are you using again?"

Lily accused again and all Serena could do was cover her face and respond by shaking her head no. Her tears were coming now and Lily hadn't even knowing the real truth as to what was going on.

"I swear Serena if you don't start…"

Breathe in deep
Before I say
I can feel us slip away
You're almost gone
You're good as gone
August is over

She didn't finish her sentence as instead the crunch of a box under her shoe made her look down expecting a container of white powder, but when her eyes stuck upon the word pregnancy on the box Lily felt everything around them freeze. As Serena watched her, her heart pulsed, with Lily's actions of bending down and picking up the test Serena wished that by some miracle it would be negative. The moments between Lily looking down at the test and then looking back up from it felt as if it was thousands of hours in between when it only took a few moments.

"Mom… I…"

Lily's hand connecting with Serena's cheek made her flinch with the snapping sound. The slap had told her all she needed to know, The test had been positive, Serena was defiantly pregnant.

Her face stung as she put her hand on her cheek and her emerald eyes looked up only to find Lily turned away from her leaning on the counter crying herself. Serena had almost expected the slap, it wasn't like Lily did well with things like this, she knew how she did with Eric coming out.

"Mom I'm sorry, I'm… I'm gonna call the place Blair went to for her treatments. They have to do, you know… I'll get rid of it then we can just pretend that none of this never happened. It's just a mistake."

Now we wait
Cause August had to end
All our bags are packed
Just two broken hearts
That got caught up in this

Though she thought she meant the words when they were in her head as they left her mouth they felt strange and they made her heart hurt. Soon as she'd said it she felt an attachment and it scared her. The idea of the baby scared her but part of her was telling her that this baby meant her forever. She watched Lily turn around shaking her head and Serena felt a little afraid as Lily placed her hands on the sides of Serena's face. In her mother's eyes Serena saw something she'd never seen so expressed before, they were a dark shade of regret.

"Dan and I should have been…"

Cut off by Lily's sudden rambling Lily tucked strands of Serena's hair behind her ears as she leaned her forehead to hers.

"I can't let you do that Serena"

Lily said as Serena felt wet tears drip on her face from her mom's. the next sentence out of her mouth made Serena feel so much more sympathy and remorse then she'd ever felt toured Lily. It cleared things up and made sense to why Lily and Rufus were the way they were.

"I can't watch you make the same mistakes I did."

I deny
That tomorrow you'll be gone
And so far from me
It's something strange
Never love the same way