Oh
My
Gosh.
An update ;).
Thanks to Cynlee for betareading and corrections, and thanks to everyone who still reads this…
16. Changes
Everybody needs a
little time away
I've heard her say
From each other
Hard for me to say I'm sorry by Chicago
Knock knock.
She stared at the wall. There were little holes in it, in a unpredictable pattern. Was it a pattern when it was unpredictable? She wasn't sure.
Knock knock knock.
A towel hung from a hook on the wall. It was light green, and it had water stains. Already used. Light green like- she shied away from that thought, from that very color. Light green was bad, so baddy-bad.
"Tally?"
The towel hid the mirror. Nevertheless she was still able to see her own reflection in it. No, not her reflection, its reflection. She refused to think about the monster as herself.
"You can't stay in there forever, you know?"
Yes, she could hear April. And she knew, yet… she couldn't come out. She just sat on the rim of the bathtub, the same scene repeating in her head over and over, the cave and the ooze… and he tried to rescue her. No, she couldn't stay in here forever. She couldn't come out neither. She couldn't look at his face, which was now her own, too; not after what she had said. Not after what she had become. He had rescued her. Her transformation wasn't his fault. But it was his fault that she had survived. He should have let her die.
She stretched her hand out and unlocked the door. April entered slowly, made an attempt to hug her, but when she felt Tally's body stiffening she just sat down next to her. April noticed the hidden mirror, the scratches, parallel in four lines, and the traces of dried tears in Tally's now fur-covered face. She wasn't crying anymore. Was that a change for the better? She grabbed for Tally's hand, held it tight. After a while, Tally's head sank down, and she cried against April's arm, soft and steady and seemingly endless. April gently stroked her hair. What could she say in such a situation? What could anyone say?
*****
Don looked through the microscope. Nope. Nothing. Another failure. Makes number sixty-three since he started five days ago with the tests. He hardly noticed that the door of his lab opened and suddenly April and Tally stood beside him. Startled, he almost dropped the petri dish.
"Woah. Where did you come from?"
He noticed the fresh tear traces in Tally's face, but made no remark.
"But it's good that you are here. I need another blood sample and-"
Without a word, Tally sat down at the nearest chair and rolled up the sleeve of the dressing gown April had loaned her. It was much too long now, although she still was half a head taller than Splinter. Don carefully placed the syringe in the vein. Tally watched him, unaffected. It was as if she wasn't really here. Still under shock, he though. Who could blame her? But he felt sorry for his master. It had been a long time since he had seen his father that depressed. He carefully avoided Tally, and pretty much everyone else, too.
"What exactly are you doing, anyway?" April asked, examining his petri dishes. Don sighed.
"I've "borrowed" some blood bottles from the city hospital and now I'm trying to infect them with the carrier virus I found in the utrom's ooze… Hasn't worked so far. Maybe the blood must be absolutely fresh, or it has to be a complete organism, or what do I know? The only thing I can say is that the mutation mechanism of us and her is similar, so it was the same mutagen. "
"And I bet you are not so keen to turn back into a normal turtle" a raspy voice said. April and Don turned around. It was the first time in two days that Tally had willingly said something.
"Er- no. But I'm careful."
Tally nodded.
"Donatello, be honest. Do you think there is a cure, and if so, do you think you can find it?"
Don bit his lips.
"I… I don't know. Maybe the utroms know, but I don't have the equipment here I'd need…"
She looked around. Almost everything looked makeshift, repaired, taken apart and repaired again; some machines were obviously not designed originally for what Don used them now.
"I see. But- thank you."
Don nodded, as Tally left the lab. Yes, he did all he could. But he knew that it wasn't enough.
Tally looked around in the lair, shifting her weight uncomfortably. Mikey sat on the couch, playing some computer game. From the dojo, she could hear Raphael hitting the punching bag. Her senses were so much sharper now. She didn't only hear the sound of Raph's fists striking the hard leather, but also his heavy breath and his feet shuffling on the cement when he changed his position.
Someone was in the kitchen. There was the smell of fresh tea, the sound of boiling water. A teacup tinged when it was set upon the table. Splinter? No. Someone heavier, from the sound of the footsteps. The heavy smell of sweat. Before she reached the kitchen, Tally knew it was Leonardo, who had just come back from a training run from the sewers. The rotten smell of spoiled water and garbage clung to his skin and wafted in the air. She wondered how Splinter could bear this every single day. Just two already drove her mad. Thinking of him…
"Leonardo?"
He turned around. Obviously he had noticed her before. All of them seemed to have a sixth sense of someone's approach.
"Do you know where Splinter is?"
He threw an evaluating glance at her, then he finally answered.
"He's out, in one of the tunnels. I think he's meditating", although he knew better. He was sure his father hadn't been able to calm down enough to meditate for the last two days, or even to sleep. He looked even worse than Don, and he had spent the last days and night in his lab, deeply bent over his samples.
"He shouldn't walk around with his ankle…"
Leonardo merely shrugged. Not that he hadn't said so as well, but Splinter pretended to be deaf and he could hardly restrain him. Tally hesitated, then she asked:
"Can you lead me there?"
Leo sighed heavily, then he led the way. He knew Tally went through hard times, but sometimes he wished she would leave his master alone. Hopefully his clever brother would hurry up with the cure, and then life would get back to normal.
Splinter still sat at the same place Leonardo had spotted him during his exercise. He showed no sign of surprise when they approached, but then he made an attempt to leave when they reached him. Anger dwelled in Leonardo. This was their territory and as much Splinter's home as the home of him and his brothers. And yet this woman could scare his father away so easily, just as she would have more rights.
"Wait", Tally said and stretched her hand out. Splinter wouldn't look up.
"Can I talk with you? Under four eyes?"
As Splinter nodded, Leonardo took the hint and went out of earshot. Yet he stayed close- just in case.
Splinter sat down on the edge in the wall and heard the rustling of clothes beside him. He had avoided her as best as he could these last two days, considering that they were both practically trapped due to their injuries- for her sake and his own. He couldn't forget of what she had accused him, and these last two days he had spent pondering: Was there any truth in her words? Was she right? Could he had prevented it, or had there been some little demon in his subconsciousness which had told him to let things happen? Of course, he knew that the ooze was a side product of the transmaat technology and he recognized the machine immediately. Did he recognize the mutagen also? The truth was: He couldn't remember. There were just flashbacks of foot ninja, screams and pain, and when the ceiling came down he was semiconscious. But he was well aware that there was a tiny little voice inside of him which whispered that the current tide of events wasn't too bad for him. It seems that his intelligent son wasn't able to find a cure that easily and so she had to stay. And right know, he was the only one who could understand her or wouldn't run away screaming. He hated himself for this.
For awhile they sat on the edge in silence, watching the poor runlet of water in the midst of the tunnel.
"Just how on earth can you stand this stench?"
Startled he looked up and in her eyes, for the first time since she woke up.
"Well, I am used to it. . . I think."
There was an awkward silence between them. So much they wanted to say and no idea how to start.
"I'm sorry-"
"I have to apologize-"
Splinter smiled weakly.
" Ladies first."
Tally closed her eyes.
"I am sorry. I shouldn't have- yelled at you. I didn't – mean it, not really. I was just… you know. Confused. Sorry."
She lowered her head. Her hair fell down and covered her face. Splinter suddenly felt the urgent desire to touch the silky strands and brush it back. He clenched his hands.
"I would never hurt you. Especially not on purpose. I am very sorry and I deeply apologize that I was not able to protect you and for what- happened afterwards."
He stood up, bowed in front of her and stayed in this position. Then he felt her hand on his shoulder and raised his head. Tears were shimmering in her eyes.
"Guess it was my own fault. You told me not to follow that damn tunnel… Serves me right."
"You could not know-"
"Neither could you. Oh and Splinter- thank you for saving my life."
She breathed deeply, shivering all over. Splinter watched her with worry. He had the impressionshe was close to a break down. Her hand, still on his shoulder, was shaking. He gently helped her up.
"We should head back. "
She nodded and they slowly walked back. She was leaning heavily on Splinter's shoulders, he almost had to carry her. Her body felt hot and the shaking wouldn't stop. Luckily Leonardo had stayed close, so he could bring her home fast and safely. Splinter alone would have hardly been able to carry her the way on his own.
Donatello already awaited them in the sanitary area since Splinter had contacted him. They laid her down in a bed and put a cold washcloth on her forehead. She whined and struggled under the blanket, but wouldn't wake up. Don sighed.
"I expected this sooner or later. She's under a lot of psychical stress right now. I wonder why she didn't break down sooner. She's practically locked in here and being reminded every minute of what had happened to her doesn't really help. "
Splinter watched over her this night. The next morning, he was replaced by April, so that he could finally find some sleep himself. He was so exhausted that he didn't even notice how Don put a sleeping aid in his tea. After three days, Tally came finally around. Donatello still had no idea where to start in his search for a cure and so it was settled: Tally would move to April's place for the time being. It was the beginning of November, the days were grey and dizzy and so nobody would suspect something if April's curtains were always closed. But Tally cried when April told her of their decision: Even if it was just foggy and grey- she would see the sky again.
A/ N: End of this story arc. Now as I mentioned it, you'll surely suspect what comes next: A Christmas chapter. I hope you don't mind it's the middle of summer (or autumn, at my current writing tempo). It was planned earlier. Mea culpa…