Yeah, there are probably not that many flowers in the Central Park in late November- it's artistic freedom .

Many thanks to Cynlee for beta-reading!

Disclaimer: Splinter and the TMNT are property of Mirage.

17. Crossing the bridge

I can't fight this feeling any longer

And yet I'm still afraid to let it flow

What started out as friendship has grown stronger

I only wish I had the strength to let it show

REO Speedwagon - Can`t fight this feeling

April was worried. The first few days, Tally was practically delirious with joy to be out of the lair and the sewer system. She had touched April's few indoor plants and sat in front of the windows, staring at the sky with a smile in her face.

Then her behavior suddenly changed. She became nervous and irritable, then she suddenly started to clean the whole apartment spic and span, although April had assured her she didn't want any payback for letting her stay at April's apartment. Tally merely shrugged and carried on with scrubbing the sink. The only room she left out was the bath room and when she had to go in there, she carefully avoided looking in the mirror.

After the first two days, April had taken pity and asked Casey to remove the mirror. Tally was relieved but now April wasn't sure if that was a good idea. She had to get used to this new form eventually.

Three days ago, her obsession with cleaning had decreased, and now she just stared out of the window whenever possible. April had to make her eat and sleep and even to order her to take baths regularly. And Tally obeyed her as if she was a robot.

Yes, April was really worried.

Casey was visiting her. They sat in the kitchen, drinking tea, while Tally would stare out of the window in the living room. There was an awkward silence in the apartment. Both humans were well aware of Tally's newly acquired keen sense of hearing and so they were carefully avoiding everything related to Tally, Splinter and the Turtles. There wasn't much to talk about, their lives were too different. Casey tried to enthuse her for the last hockey match he had seen, but he went with Raphael to the stadium and April wasn't quite interested in sports anyway. April had worked together with Don in the lab for the two weeks Tally lived in her apartment. Nothing Casey would understand. They ended up talking about the weather.

"Yo, pretty rain, eh? And... gray! "

"Mmh."

And the TV programs.

"No matter how many times I watch Titanic, I still… are you listening?"

"Eh? Oh, sure!"

In the next room, Tally pressed her forehead against the cool glass and watched the raindrops falling endlessly from the cloudy sky. Weren't those two supposed to be in love? She wished she could switch her ears off, so she wouldn't been able to hear this embarrassing conversation, or the man yelling at his wife in the neighboring house, or the little kids screaming somewhere on the street.

She had thought the subway in the sewer system was bad, but this was worse. A cacophony of noises, signal-horns, scraps of conversations, screams and laughter overflew her keen ears every minute. She slept with blankets pressed against her ears and could still hear the newlywed pair in the night.

And if the sounds were horrible, then she didn't know a word to describe the smells. April had bought her peppermint oil. She dribbled it on tissues and put them in her neck line. It helped, a little bit.

When Casey left, he said he would go to the lair and asked her, grinning, if he should relay something to someone there. April stepped on his foot.

Tally just stared in his direction.

"No, for what" she finally said and looked out of the window again. Casey glanced at April but she shook her head. She really didn't want to leave her alone right now.

-----

"… and there she sits. Everyday, every night if April would let her, and she's not doing ANYTHING at all! She's just in this "I'm-way-to-depressed-to-notice-there's-a-world-around-me" mood and when you try to reach her, she doesn't even notice!"

Raph nodded at his friend's complaint.

"Pretty much the same down here."

He looked in the direction of Splinter's room.

"He's driving Don mad because he stayed in the lab the whole time and watched every movement of his. Well you know Donnie, he couldn't tell dear old dad to let him work in peace, so Leo had to. And now Donnie hardly dares to leave the lab, because Splinter's so depressed and Brainiac wants to announce good news."

"Any developments?"

Raphael looked around. His father was in his room, but you could never know… he lowered his voice.

"I personally don't think so. Don has studied our blood ever since he was able to get a grip at a microscope. He also got samples of the mutating ooze

from the Utroms and Honeycutt when they were at earth. Not even they know what has happened to us, and the Utroms developed the ooze. And even if he believes that he found a cure: It might as well do more harm than else."

"We, something has to be done. She's going mental!"

"Yeah, and Master Splinter tried to read one of Don's biology books."

Both imagined the rat with a scientific instead a philosophical book.

"Naaaa", Casey finally said. "One nut case in the family is enough!"

"Guilty conscience," Raph sighted.

"He saved her life!"

"Tell him."

They watched the rat in question leaving his room and going to the media area. Casey looked at the clock.

"Ain't it a little bit early for his soaps?"

Raph sighed.

"He watches way more tv recently. Hey- what do you-?"

But Casey had already stood up and strolled to the recliner. He rested his underarms on the backrest and watched a commercial for a detergent, a car, chocolate… Splinters ears twitched, yet Casey stayed silent, unusual at it was for him.

Finally Splinter gave in.

"You will sit more comfortable on the sofa," he said with a slightly irritated undertone.

Casey threw a fast glance over his shoulder. Raphael rolled his eyes and gesticulated him to retreat. Oh yes, Casey knew very well from personal experience that pissing off the rat was a bad idea of a lifetime.

Nevertheless, he sat down on the sofa close to Splinter.

"Do you remember?"

Splinter closed his eyes.

"I was a mere animal, so- no."

His voice and body language clearly directed Casey to drop the subject. Yet he went on.

"She's devastated. I think it would be good if she had someone to… well, talk to, and stuff, you know?"

His monologue partner stared at the tv.

"She's just sitting in front of the window, staring out at the rain. She puts peppermint oil in her nose and pillows over her ears. She never talks, doesn't respond to anything. Something must be done!"

"But not from me", Splinter whispered sadly. "I cannot help her".

Casey closed his eyes and breathed deeply. Geez, this would hurt… he prepared for a fast jump over the backrest of the sofa.

"You know, I never suspected you to be so chicken", he said casually. "Being afraid to face her… you at least owe her that much. And what could she do? Ditch you?"

Too late. Suddenly Splinter's snout was just one inch away from his own nose and when the human looked in the rat's eyes he suddenly understood why even Raphael avoided it to push his master further than a certain point. Yet although his eyes and the fists which had gripped his collar tightly spoke a different language, Splinter's voice was surprisingly calm.

"You will not speak like this about her. She cannot "ditch me", for we do not have such a relationship. I am not afraid of her, but seeing her would properly do more harm than good."

Somehow Casey found the courage to disagree and pressed the words through his dry throat: "You haven't seen her since her collapse. You don't live with her. You don't watch her breaking apart more and more every day. How do you know what's best for her?"

It was Splinter who looked away first. He let go of Casey's collar and the brawny man couldn't help but sigh with relief.

"I am sorry", Splinter said and turned around to the direction of his room.

Casey couldn't deny himself from saying "I heard flowers do nicely".

Splinter paused for a moment, but luckily for Casey, he didn't take it personally. Yet he remembered this hint very well, as he had said so himself to Casey some time ago at the farmhouse.

Raphael and Casey both watched Splinter entering his room. Then the Turtle turned to his friend.

"Have you completely lost it?"

"Naa. Just wait."

It didn't take long. Just half an hour later, Splinter left the lair wearing the long trench coat he usually wore when he had to go surface. Casey smirked at Raph, then he switched on his shellcell.

"April? Hey, Babe. Can you leave Tally alone for a while and come down to the lair? I'll explain later…"

Raphael shook his head.

"You are such a moron."

Casey just smirked.

----------

Tally sat on the sofa, reading the newspaper without really getting what had happened. Then she heard a soft knock at the door.

Briefly she wondered why April would knock at the door of her own apartment, although her subconscious had already told her who waited behind it: the sound and rhythm of foot steps, the smell- she has never been that aware of it.

She rested her hands in her lap. Did she want to open the door? She wasn't sure. As long as there was no mirror, and just April and Casey, she could pretend everything was normal- even herself. And she wanted normality, needed it as desperate as she needed to breathe- I'm Tally Brown, an M.D. and just taking a break before I go back to work, I need to clarify things with the police, the insurance-

Her gaze fell on her hands- paws now. Four-fingered paws with slightly bent claws and short, red-brown fur. Animal paws. Not hers. Not Tally.

Then she stood up, well aware of the long minutes she had let him wait. He would be gone by now, she thought, but when she opened the door the first thing she saw was a bunch of wet, sweetly smelling flowers. And Splinter behind it, with a very uncertain smile on his face, tail flipping from side to side nervously.

"For…you?" he almost whispered, and Tally couldn't help but laugh. She stepped aside, invited him in, and closed the door behind her.

Splinter walked into the apartment and looked around as if it was his first time in April's home. Thanks to her phase of obsession with cleaning she knew better than April herself were everything was shelved and soon she found a vase. The combination of the flowers was unusual and she wondered where he had bought them.

"They look very beautiful" she said. "And the scent- " she closed her eyes and inhaled the sweet smell, trying to figure out the dozens of different notes. "I don't think I know these flowers".

"I have gathered them at the Central Park. Do you like them?"

"Wild flowers? You didn't buy them?"

He flinched back a bit and for a moment Tally saw a hurt expression in his face. She looked to the window, it was almost dark. Then at Splinter, whose fur was wet through; Splinter who had hang up his drippy trench coat in the bathroom and she finally understood. He couldn't just go to a flower shop, it required way more personal contact than a dimly lighted supermarket at four o'clock in the morning. She smelled again at the flowers.

"They are wonderful" she said and meant it. Splinter relaxed a bit.

"I guess we have to- no, I want to talk with you. I am sorry I did not come to visit the past days, but I had the feeling you would not want me to."

Tally stared at the flowers. She had gotten many in her life- birthdays, celebrations, thank-you bunches from patients, but all of those had been arranged by shop personal and were wrapped in cellophane. She had never gotten such a personal bunch. Somehow she knew he had picked every flower individually to arrange this composition. Doubtless he would have done the same if he could have gone to a flower shop, checking every single blossom until he was satisfied with the overall picture, instead of just buying one of the prearranged bunches in the water buckets.

Suddenly she grabbed his hand and pressed it.

"Thank you".

"For what" he asked mildly surprised.

"For being here, and for being you. Just- thank you."

They remained on the sofa in peaceful silence, watching the flowers. The rain ceased and when it was completely dark outside, Splinter suddenly asked: "Would you like to go for a walk?"

---

She had never been in the Central Park at night- she wasn't tired of life. But with Splinter at her side, she felt safe. The knowledge that he was a Martial Arts expert and could seriously beat the crap out of every potential robber was very reassuring.

She was also sure that she wouldn''t have to fear a rapist in her current state. The trench coats they both wore and the big umbrella hid their body forms and their faces. Not that it was really necessary, no one except themselves was around. The whole park was theirs.

Eventually they found a park bench under an old tree which was more or less dry. It was almost full moon and the dim light changed the well-known surrounding into a surreal fairyland. Once in a while she saw a star blinking when the clouds moved.

She should feel wet, cold, but right beside Splinter, here in the moonlight, she felt as if she could finally cross the Rubicon. She lifted a foot.

"Splinter?"

"Yes?"

And stepped on the metaphoric bridge.

"Donatello is not going to find a cure, is he?"

She felt his body tensing.

"He does his very best, I assure you."

She went a few steps.

"But he doesn't know what he's doing. And he doesn't have the proper equipment".

Suddenly she felt exhausted. The more Splinter felt tense, the more she relaxed, the tension and panic of the past weeks left her body as she was finally true to herself.

"There won't be a cure".

There she was, at the other side if the Rubicon. As Splinter opened his mouth she put her hand over it.

"I am Tally. Not my body. Just me."

She saw the pity in his eyes and also the understanding. He knew what it had cost her to speak this sentence. Slowly, she lowered her head and rested it at Splinters shoulder. The bridge behind her was breaking down, but there was a way before her- illuminated by moonlight and with sweet smelling flowers at the wayside. Splinter raised his arm and laid it around her shoulders. And suddenly she felt right again- not being torn out of her surroundings, put in a wrong body and her whole life a complete mess- just right.

The perfect moment, she thought and closed her eyes.

Fifty meters away, a black-clothed man pressed the activator of his night vision camera as the two silhouettes cuddled up. And another time. And another time. He had almost filled the memory card yet already knew: no matter how sharp or explosive the pictures were- his superior would kill him because he didn't bring his video camera along.