Author's Note: I'm so so so sorry that it's been so long since an update. But it's here now! Chapter 8 is already going pretty well also, just to get you excited I'll tease. Anyways, this chapter is a FLASH FORWARD and hopefully you all notice that. I don't want anyone getting lost or confused. This chapter is all thanks to Calie, without her you all would not have a chapter right now I was so stuck. Everything is fine with me now so you'll be getting all updates on stories soon! I promise. Secondhand Serenade's Broken is the featured song here. So thank you for all of your reviews, you know I love them! Keep them coming! It makes me want to write more! Enjoy!

In the moonlight
Your face it glows
Like a thousand diamonds
I suppose
And your hair flows like
The ocean breeze
Not a million fights
Could make me hate you
You're invincible
Yeah, It's true
It's in your eyes
Where I find peace

Marilyn had watched the whole scene unfold, watching the young father saying goodbye to his daughter; her heart broke for him. Every word out of his mouth was so pure and genuine, she could see just how much he loved both his daughter and her mother. Serena, she could tell thought her actions were out of love for him, she'd stated that to the newborn plenty of times. She just couldn't see it slowly was killing him. If she just put it all aside for a moment and looked into Dan's chocolate colored eyes she would have been able to tell that it took everything he had to stand at the window during the day and watch from behind the glass. Marilyn could even tell that the boy was a true gentleman, and on top of everything he was determined to put Serena first. Even if that meant falling to pieces himself.

The little one hadn't stopped screaming since her father had placed her back down in the isolate, her hearty screams were turning into wheezes and there was only one thing that could be done about it. Being the head and chief of the NICU and maternity ward at the hospital was never an easy job, and Marilyn grew attracted to many of her patients. Though there was something about this little family that she'd never seen before. All of the selfless acts that could also be seen as selfish and rude, she could only view them as heartbreaking and plainly the wrong thing to do. As Marilyn walked to Sariah's isolate she flipped a few switches next to it and leaned over the tiny child trying to slip the oxygen tubes up her nose without too much of a hassle. The fighter had already used up a good portion of her energy so she didn't kick or try to fight it off.

"I know precious, I know it hurts"

The women cooed as she took her eyes off of the baby for a moment to reach for an anti-bacterial swab. She rubbed Sariah's little arm with the swab and carefully but expertly inserted the IV into her arm. The sedative would knock her out for a few hours. A few hours her tiny little brain wouldn't have to look for her daddy, and wouldn't have to feel the worry and apprehensions as she lay in her mother's arms. Marilyn had been in the business long enough to know that's how babies worked. They could feel emotions and fears. For little Sariah Humphrey the fears of Serena Van der Woodsen were more then an average person could handle, never mind a newborn that was already struggling to keep her life her own.

Is it broken?
Can we work it out?
Let's light up the
town, scream out
loud!
Is it broken?
Can we work it out?
I can see in your eyes
You're ready to break
Don't look away.

Serena had been watching from the glass window, how his arms held so protectively to the child they'd created together. Serena had seen their daughter's usually uptight and stiff body suddenly soften and relax in her daddy's arms. The connection the pair had already was incredible. It made Serena feel like she'd made the wrong decisions. Like Dan really should have been the one to first hold his daughter, to be with the both of them everyday. Then she thought about the big picture, how hurt and crushed Amanda would feel if Dan left her. She'd hurt so many people in the past; Nate fell in love with her and she broke his heart, she'd hurt Blair with everything, a countless number of other guys, and even Dan she'd hurt on more than one occasion. She couldn't do it to yet another person, she couldn't hurt anyone else. There was also the fact that Dan deserved his dreams, it was for certain in her mind that those dreams hadn't included him being such a young father.

"Hey princess"

Marilyn greeted Serena like she always did as the dejected blonde walked into the room with her head looking down and she dragged herself to take another step. In the beginning when Marilyn had nicknamed her "princess" for the way people catered to her as if she were some type of celebrity, she'd given her the title strictly out of spite. But after a while she saw it was because Serena had people that cared about her, and the girl herself was more then just an average teen mother. The way in which Serena acted toward her daughter, and told her all about her father and what he meant to the both of them, also made Marilyn feel right calling Serena "princess".

"I had to put her on oxygen, she was wheezing and I didn't want one of her lungs to collapse again. We saw what that was like last time. I gave her a sedative so she should be out for a while. She had a bottle so you're in the clear for three hours or so."

Serena just nodded her head as she stood over the isolate watching Sariah's closed innocent eyes. Everything about her reminded Serena of Dan; her little nose, her little ears… it was all little Humphrey. It was only a moment longer as she watched her newborn daughter sucking her thumb, before she looked over at the envelopes Dan had placed on the table before he'd left. She looked at the one on top before picking it up, and everything about his handwriting was so familiar. It was everything that she missed and everything that she wanted but wouldn't let herself have.

"Sweetie, why don't you take it and go sit over there to read. You'll be more comfortable."

Marilyn suggested as she pointed over to the recliner Dan had been sitting in previously. Serena walked over and hesitated to sit down, when she finally did she could feel the warm chair and it made her long to be in his arms even more. She told herself that she couldn't be as she sat down and unfolded (one word)the note. Serena noticed there were spots of writing where the words were hard to read from the writing bleeding, and that increased her hesitation to read the letter even more. They were from his tears to only soon be accompanied by her own.

So here we are now
In a place where
The sun blended
With the ocean thin.
So thin, we stand
Across from each other
Together we'll wonder
If we will last these days
If I asked you to stay
Would you tell me
You would be mine?

Serena,

It's been eight weeks and two days since you did the most miraculous thing that in my life has ever happened. I need you to know that holding your hand and being there while our daughter came into this world was the most breathtaking experience. Even with sweat running down your forehead and your hair all matted and frayed you looked absolutely perfect to me. Then there was that look in your eyes the moment the doctors made the announcement that we had a little girl. The look of pure shock, excitement, wonder, and honor that took over your features as you tried your best to see her tiny body. That was more amazing than words could ever begin to express Serena. You'd worked so hard at getting everything right, at protecting her, and in just a few moments I tore it all apart. I'm so sorry, and no matter what you try to tell me I'm still going to feel as if her being born so early was my fault. You have to admit that in a way it was. It's my stupid choices that put both you and her in this position.
Everything you did in the past few months was to protect our daughter, our little girl, and you did so well doing that. I hate myself for not being apart of it all. For not taking every step of your pregnancy with you and holding your hand at the times you were afraid. This should never have been just yours alone to go through. I wish I had been there for doctors appointments to hear her heart beating, looking at her ultra sounds with you, seeing her grow before she even made her real appearance in the world. I missed so much of it already, and I hate the fact that I don't get to see anymore of it. Watching you everyday for the past two months and knowing that the little basketball shape under your shirt was because of us. As much as some people look down upon it, there's nothing more special or more beautiful about it. Seeing you that morning right out of the shower, you looked absolutely stunning. Everything about the baby bump fit you flawlessly and perfectly, just knowing that our child's heart was busy beating inside of you while you stood there just added to you're perfections.
This morning, this morning I came to look at her. I know you know I've been here, you've seen how I stand behind the glass and watch her for hours at a time as the monitors track her heart beat on the screen, the way her little chest rises and falls. I hate the fact that she's in all of those machines and has all of those wires attached to her. I'd do anything for it to be different. This morning when I walked in to look I saw you. I know you saw me but I have to just tell you that looking at you sitting in the rocking chair feeding our daughter was a remarkable sight, Serena. Watching the look on your face as you looked down at her little mouth working away and the way she held tightly to your finger. Those are the moments in life that you never forget. I can tell you now that I will never forget that image, Serena.

And time
Is all I ask for
Time
I just need one more day
And time
You've been crying too long
Time
And your tears
wrote this song
Stay

Her eyes began to well as she let all of the memories overtake her, the image of him knowing as soon as he spotted the bump in her stomach. He hadn't ever questioned her about it, there was never an issue of whether or not the baby was his. She could still recall the look of astonishment and delight that had been etched into his features. The thought of him finding out had scared her until it had happened, but as soon as it had happened Serena knew that the baby was the right choice. Getting pregnant even at seventeen was the best thing that had ever happened to her. That was all thanks to the fact that she really truly did love Dan Humphrey with everything in her. Even now as she looked over at the isolate she knew that everything that had happened was right, everything but keeping him blocked from their daughter's life. No matter what, Serena still felt like she needed to protect him and make him everything he wanted to be. Dartmouth meant everything to him, he'd worked so hard all of his life to go and study with the best. The full ride scholarship with early acceptance, and room and board included proved everything just that much more. There hadn't even been a need for her to call her grandmother and ask her to pull some strings, Dan had done it all on his own without the need of any assistance. She could feel Marilyn's eyes on her as she brushed away her tears and tried to read more of the letter.

In the moonlight
Your face it glows

Saying this is the hardest thing I've ever written is by far the biggest understatement I've ever put in ink. There aren't enough words to convey the things I'm feeling right now. I know that some of them aren't right and they aren't fair to you because I trust you and your ability to make the best decisions, better then I ever could. But I can't say that I agree with them. Then again how can you expect me to agree with something that doesn't put you or our daughter in my arms? You are her mother and you have more authority over these things than I do. It still doesn't make it hurt any less. The only thing I can say is I know that she's in good hands with her mother and there isn't anyone better for the job. There isn't anyone else I would want to be the mother of my child. Thank you, thank you for having her. Jenny's made me watch more then my share of Lifetime movies over the course of her life to know that sometimes people aren't strong enough to handle it all. Thank you for deciding she was just as important to you as you both will always be to me.

God Serena, I feel like I'm standing in that elevator again watching your heart break to pieces because of me, and as I did then I know that there's not a damn thing I can do to stop it or put it on pause. It's my fault and you don't even know what that feels like. Only this time I'm not just losing you; I have a child involved in all of this. I'm losing the both of you and I hate myself for it. I don't know what I did to deserve this, or why any of this happened like this but I hate it. I wish you would just let me in. I didn't think I could ever feel worse then I did that day but this hurts so much more, and I don't understand it. I love you and I love her, can you not trust that? Is there something wrong with me saying it? Is it because every time it seems to come out of my mouth we're saying goodbye? I don't think I can handle this all Serena, and I don't want to. What's there left for me if you're not with me? I don't care to get up every day without you with me. You're the only thing I want Serena, you and our little girl.

I'm telling you that I have nothing left if you're not here. There have been so many nights since Christmas, so many nights that I've just laid in bed wishing you were with me. I hate the fact that I'm not with you, that I can't be there to hold your hand everyday and tell you everything's going to be alright. I haven't been able to get walking to the NICU with you to look at our daughter out of my head. She's so tiny yet so perfect; she takes after you already. The thought of not being able to watch her get bigger kills me Serena. My life means nothing if you're not in it. There isn't a reason for me to be around if you're not here, and now that even extends to the child we have together; our daughter, Serena. I don't have a reason to get up every day knowing that I can't have the two of you with me. She's my daughter too Serena, why can't you just see that? The fact that you can't see that kills me.

I don't want someone else being there for her to call "Daddy" or someone else there to see all of her firsts. I mean hell Serena, how am I supposed to look myself in the face when I don't even know the color of my own daughter's eyes? I don't even know what you've chosen to name her, you've sworn everyone to secrecy till you're ready, but what about me? Where is my say in all of this? That little girl is here because of me too you know, I'm the one that helped you to create her and damn it I just want to be there to see her grow up. To hear her say "dada" for the first time, I want to be her father. Seeing you with Nate kills me. Even if it is a cover up since he's with my so-called best friend every night. It's still not god damn fair that I can't be the one there for the two of you. Why won't you just let me do what I want to, to love the both of you the way you both deserve? How many times do I have to say it Serena? I love the both of you.

What I'm doing to Amanda is incredibly unfair. She shouldn't have to be with someone who doesn't love her. What I did and how I used her was something she never deserved. I shouldn't have done what I did and I will forever feel guilty and dirty about that. She shouldn't be put in the middle of our mess Serena, it's not fair to anyone involved. Especially when my heart belongs to you and it always will. She's not you Serena, nor will she ever be you. She doesn't laugh like you do, her smile doesn't light up a room like yours does… I'm in love with you Serena, plain and simple. She's not you, she doesn't have the aggressive tick like you do. She's not anything like you, no one would even come close to being you. You're everything Serena, plain and simple you're my everything.

If someone had told me a year ago that we'd be parents I would have looked at them and laughed, knowing that it was only a matter of time that you learned you were too good for me and left. I would have said that you would soon realize that beautiful, perfect, "everything girls" like yourself didn't belong with plain old Dan Humphrey. I don't believe I've ever in my life been so relieved that I was wrong. That's something I want you to know, that every second of what we had is on loop in my mind, along with a video that shows what we could have. There isn't a second of the day that you're not the one I want to be holding. The birthday party so many years ago now, I knew right then there was just something about you that I wouldn't be able to get off of my mind. Every time after that at school when I saw your beautiful face it proved it even more. I know as I told you on our first date I just thought you were hot, it was only semi-true. Ok so that's a lie, but I think I redeemed myself that night, actually not really the wave was pretty horrific. This letter isn't coming out the way I want it to so far, just reflects my rambling doesn't it? I can still recall holding your hand for the very first time. I never expected you to just grab my hand as we walked out of the club.

Getting into that fight with you at the Bass brunch is still something that haunts me. The way my selfishness has never been able to get over my insecurities and be the better man. I held you accountable for all your flaws and blamed money in the way of everything, as I've done a few times now. I'm so sorry for that. On a brighter note the night you laid in my arms was one of the first moments I knew that for the rest of my life that's what I wanted. To wake up and see your beautiful face, even when it's in the morning before you've gotten a chance to brush your teeth. I love you Serena, at every time of the day, and nothing is going to change that.

This however, is me backing off of you. This is me leaving you and our daughter alone. I guess in a way this is my goodbye to you letter, the other envelope is a story to my daughter. If you could please someday whenever you feel ready to give it to her, please give it to her. I'm not going to fight you when you don't want me here anymore, it's not fair to us or to our little girl for you to constantly be on edge. I'm not going to say I'm sorry for putting you in this whole mess because that would be a lie; I'm not sorry. I'm not sorry because I love that little girl with every bit of me, regardless of the fact that I won't get to see her everyday or maybe even at all. She's part of you and I couldn't ask for anything better than that. The only thing I am sorry for is the fact that I don't get to watch her every day. That I won't see her first smile, or hear her say her first words. The only thing I can hold onto and know for sure is that she's being taking care of. Because Serena, she has the best mother she could ask for. So thank you for that. Thank you for loving her and having her. Nothing has ever meant more to me then you and our little girl. Just promise me now that you'll take care of not only her but yourself as well. I love you both too much to ever hear of your hurt. I love you Serena and I wish it didn't have to be like this. I'll forever be here, forever waiting for a second chance to make things right. I'm sorry.

Love & Goodbye

Dan

Is it broken?
Can we work it out?
Let's light up the
town, scream out
loud!
Is it broken?
Can we work it out?
I can see in your eyes
You're ready to break
Don't look away.

Serena's tears were falling down her face fast now and she was doing her best to make them stay only silent tears in order to not disrupt the quiet surroundings of the NICU. She'd been there for eight weeks now, long enough to know that one set of crying could set off all of the infants in incubators and isolates. Her daughter didn't need to be woken up and disturbed again; her life was still far too fragile to be crying any more then she had to already. Serena's tears and crying hadn't lasted long before she felt a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"Serena, are you ok?"

Marilyn's voice asked softly as she knelt down in front of the distraught girl. She'd watched Serena through a number of different episodes and she was growing rather attached to her, it was either that Marilyn was just thankful that Serena wasn't her daughter.

"Yea, It's just… all of this, it's a lot."

Serena said as she brushed the tears from her eyes, trying to get them to stop for a while. She felt like it was all she did lately, the crying.

"You know Serena, I have a daughter that's the same age as you. There's a big difference between you and her however. She's nowhere near as strong as you are. She could never do any of this. What you have in front of you brings you from being a child to an adult the moment you find out. You Serena, you're different from most. You have had a sparkle in your eye from the moment he held your hand and brought you into labor and delivery."

Serena looked down as she listened to Marilyn talk. She was doing nothing but disagreeing in her head. If she was strong she would have been better at pushing Dan away, she wouldn't have been closing herself and her daughter out from the one person that mattered most to her.

"No Marilyn, I'm not… I'm as far from strong as you get. I can't even stop crying or being strong for her."

Trying to protest the fact that she felt that way, she knew all to well Marilyn wasn't about to listen to her. Not a word that was coming out of Serena's mouth was even remotely true.

"Are you kidding me Serena? If I had half the strength you had I'd be chief of this whole hospital by now! Serena sweetheart don't you say things like that. You're a seventeen year old girl, you're not meant to be a calm, cool and collected mother! Trust me I've seen my fair share of young mothers, and so many of them I've wanted to literally take the babies out of their hands and take them home with me to stop them from having to endure a painful, loveless life. But Sariah's not one of those babies, Serena. And you are not one of those mothers! Princess, when I first saw you here with that baby about to come out of you do you know what I thought to myself? I thought "Thank God that is not my daughter", because teenage pregnancy is not something a mother wishes upon her daughter. But then as time went on I realized the real reason I thought that, the real reason I was so glad it was not my daughter in that bed having that baby, was because I knew my daughter wasn't strong enough. She would have given up long ago. She may be an A-grade student in school but she's not smart like you are Serena. She's young and naive, and I could not bear to watch her try and raise a child when she's barely out of childhood herself. But that's not what I think about you. With you, when I see you with your little girl, and when I see Sariah with her daddy,"

It was more than apparent that Serena's hormonal tears were still in full affect as she attempted again to brush them from her eyes. She wanted to cave with Marilyn's words. She wanted him to be there holding her and looking at their daughter together.

"No, please, please don't mention him. He's not a part of her life or my own right now."

Serena butted in and added, she couldn't let anyone linger on Sari with Dan. She knew it would be her weakness if she thought about it. She felt Marilyn's hand on her wrist now, trying to sooth her and make her relax. Yet Serena was still shaking, when ever Dan was mentioned or she thought about him she shook. It was her brain telling her how un fair to him she was being she figured.

"Serena, when I see Sariah with you, and with her dad, I know that child is going to live a wonderful life - the life it deserves. She will grow up in an environment so loving and so eager to take care of her, and that's something so many young mothers like my own daughter, couldn't provide, and it's also something no one can ever take away from her, as long as Sariah has the two of you."

She shook her head again, she was more then confident that there was no way she was going to let Dan into their lives. He was to smart with too much ahead of him.

"Don't say anything Serena, I don't want you disagreeing and I have another request. Form one mother to another… keep your daughter close to you. My daughter and I drifted apart when we moved here at the beginning of the summer. She has this whole other life now, a life that I'm not a part of and that hurts the most. She has a new life here at her prep school, and a boyfriend that I've never met but I take her word for him being a total sweetheart. He goes to school with her. He's a writer she says, and he's always giving her book recommendations and lending her his favorites. Heck, I'm not even sure of his name. I think it might be Dave or something."