Author's note: Wow it's been far to long, and this is a sucky filler chapter. the next chapter is intense and much much better and it will be out tomorrow night. that's one thing I know for sure. review!

Out of school for a few hours Nate walked around the small Williamsburg apartment kitchen like he lived there. His tie was off, thrown on the couch somewhere in the other room, his button up shirt was completely undone and the white tee shirt was un tucked out of his khaki pants. After a long day of school with Gossip Girl tagging his every move as Serena's baby daddy he couldn't have been more relieved to be in his hideaway with all the freedom he wanted to kiss Vanessa whenever he felt like it. With Gossip Girl minions watching his every move most of the time he hardly had the room to send a simple 'I love you' text without being afraid it would be the next headline. Why he'd agreed to go along with the charade he still didn't understand.

"Where's your sister?"

The question was whispered as he placed a kiss to the hollow behind her ear before trailing the same sweet kisses down her neck as his arms wrapped around her waist. Vanessa's hand gripped the plastic spoon tighter as she stirred the boiling water and noodles on the stove relentlessly, determined not to let him get to her just yet. They'd planed a clam dinner in the apartment, there was less of a chance of being caught together.

"Maryland, the band had a gig this weekend. So they went for the… um… week."

Concentrating on cooking was becoming increasingly more difficult as Nate slid his hands under her shirt and rested them on her bare side. He was trying to get to her as they stood alone in the kitchen of the apartment. For once there wasn't a cell phone attached to either of their ears, Serena and Dan had seemed to become more and more reliant as the days went on. But tonight was about them and no one else, the outside world would be exactly that and nothing more.

"And I'm gonna take a guess and say that this is your cell phone."

His left hand slid from her side down the front of her jeans and rested on the lump in her front pocket of her jeans, the cell phone that was on silent just in case of emergency's with Serena and Dan, or to ring out the newest GG gossip that never failed to piss off. Usually their cell phones seemed to stand as a means of annoyance.

"mhm, that guess would be right"

Responding casually she added the seasoning to the pan. The next thing she knew he was trying to slip his hand into her pocket. She slapped his hand away. As if his hand would have fit in her jeans to begin with.

"What are you doing Nate?"

More content on not letting the soup burn she handed him her phone and turned back to the counter top as she picked up the ladle and started to put the soup into bowls. Finally they had time alone and Nate wasn't about to risk any of that being taken away as he took the battery out of her phone and placed it on top of the fridge with his own.

"I'm making it so that tonight is all about us, just like we planned on it being. I think the outside world can suffer without us for the night."

He kissed the top of her head as he took the bowls off of the counter to carry them to the living room. As he walked out of the room she grabbed the skittles, licorice, and the popcorn. It was movie night, something they always did every Tuesday night. Or in Nate's case, an excuse to steal as many kisses as was possible, and try to get Vanessa to forget they'd been watching a movie in the first place.

"I already put the movie in"

Vanessa called ahead of her as she got to the doorway, then her eyes landed upon him, laying on the floor under her Whinny the Pooh blanket, couch pushed back to the wall, and soup bowls out in front of him, waiting for her. That's the say they'd spent every Tuesday night that they could, with movies and food, just as normal and plain as anything..

Getting down on the floor she crawled over and cuddled up next to Nate on her stomach so that she could eat her soup and watch the movie as he pressed the play button and put one arm around her.

He'd been so tense all day and Amanda wasn't really all that sure why, all she knew was that it was her job to make him better. She's suggestively dragged him back to the loft where he'd placed first hesitant kisses, then heated and more aggressive ones from her lips to her neck. She'd already pulled her shirt off and let him touch places no other guy had before himself. He hated himself for kissing her, for touching her, for leading her on. Little could Amanda tell he was taking his aggressions out on her. He wasn't even thinking anymore. All he could see was Nate kissing Serena in the hallway, kissing Serena and kneeling down to her stomach and saying 'hey angel, it's daddy' he wasn't daddy. It made Dan so heated and so calloused he couldn't feel anything. He didn't want to feel anything, all he wanted to do was find something to take it all away even just for a little while.

"Dan, I want… I want to do this, please"

She'd tried before and Dan had denied her all of those times, but this time was different. With a slight nod of the head he pulled her up. She was suddenly afraid and he could tell. Unlike he and Serena they'd talked about it. He knew she'd never done it before and she knew he'd been with Serena, it wasn't that hard to figure anyway. The legend of the two being found in a janitor's closet in March of the past year still lived on in the halls every day. But it didn't make her respect him any less. He was sweet with her even if at times he was a little hostel and held back. She understood, or she pretended like she did. Dan was her first boyfriend, and for Amanda she felt like she was in love with him. The in love with him that meant in her mind that he was the one she would spend her life with.

This was his chance to subside his pain, to push it all away for even a few moments. Yet as he looked into her deep brown eyes his soft side caved in, even if he wasn't in love with her didn't make him feel like her first time she could any less special, he wasn't Chuck. Even if his coming actions would feel more Chuck like then something he'd do himself. Amanda had been so patient with him for all of the moods and anger she'd stood through always as the patient one who was there to listen and try to make it all better. Making it better was something that she couldn't do, he had only learned how to mask it and pretend nothing was wrong when really his heart was figuratively barely beating in his chest.

"Just give me five minuets ok? This place needs to be cleaned up."

Giving her a rushed smile that he tried to make sincere he led her to his bedroom door and led her out. Once she was out of the room he leaned against the door and took a deep breath, what was he doing… he should have just said no again. He couldn't back out this time, she was waiting for him, she wanted him no questions asked. He needed to put his own thoughts and wants to the side and give Amanda what she wanted. He hadn't been fear to her as it was, it was time to attempt at being a boyfriend, that's what Serena had asked him to do wasn't it?

He didn't bother to toss the football sheets, how ever he did turn Cedric around and fish out some candles. Reaching the lighter out to light the candles he bit his lip and paused, all he could remember was lighting the candles and cuddling the night they'd almost done it, how even that was like a cigarette burn in his memory. If anyone asked when exactly he knew he was in love with her that was the moment. As he lit the candles and the memory of that faded out all he could see was her and Nate in the hallway. Pretending to be a happy family and it made him angry, tossing in some CD Jenny had left in his room rather then going all out.

The candles were lit, the blinds were shut yet the setting sun still peaked through as Dan twisted the door knob only to be met by Amanda's ready and waiting lips. He didn't even care anymore as Amanda started to unbutton his shirt and he backed her up to his bed trying to erase the pain that was in his heart. The kisses that connected their lips were needy and desperate as he moved further down her neck and the vision of blonde hair and pail skin filled his vision.

Every time he touched her he concentrated as hard as he could till the vision was as close to his reality as he could make it. Serena was there with him as long as his eyes were shut, the moment on the beach, in the Jitney bathroom, Christmas, everything was right there in front of his eyes. The visions of the things he wanted, craved, and needed. Not a moment of his thoughts belonged to Amanda, and for that he felt like an ass. In the moments and hour to follow he didn't allow his mind to drift to his faults, he couldn't allow them to. If he did he wouldn't have been able to get past the sick bastard he was acting as.

Spinning her cell phone around on the leather seat of the Chuck Bass's limo she glanced up at him with a glare. It had been the most awkward hour and a half of her life, birthing class with Chuck as her coach, if one thing was for certain it was that he was the last person on earth that she wanted in the labor room with her. Fact was if she was stuck with him she'd most likely attempt to kill him with some sharp object that was stored around the hospital room. No one had picked up their cell phones when she'd called to remind them of the class. Nate and Vanessa's phones went straight to voicemail. Two that were spending alone time she so often invaded, Blair was in France with her father and Roman for the weekend, and Dan… Dan's phone rang and rang with no response.

"What's the matter sis, boyfriends still not picking up the phone to you?"

Serena rolled her eyes soon as the words left his mouth as she held the phone up to her ear again attempting to dial Dan's number. When he still didn't pick up she threw the phone at the other side of the limo in frustration.

"