Author's Note: for someone who ususally has something to say - I've got nothing

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i'm going back to work on something or other NV lol

-Manda

The brisk walk in the cool March weather normally would have taken twenty minuets for Serena rather then forty but as she strolled through snow piles in her Uggs it took forty and it wasn't just due to the snow piles. The blearing pain made her vision cross and her back ache every twenty minuets. It had started out in the beginning a simple pulling feeling every three hours, but that was twenty four hours ago. Now they were coming faster and rougher, for some reason Serena still thought if she paid no attention to them they'd stop. Twenty-six weeks wasn't exactly forty, there was no way Serena could actually be in labor. She just needed to try and relax and the pain would simply go away. She was sure of it. That was one thing they'd mentioned at her first birthing class she'd attended yesterday, Braxton hicks could come at any time.

Leaning against the entrance of the botanical garden in back of the school building her non existent nails dug into her palm, apparently it'd been twenty minuets since her last pain and here was another one to push her even more. If she'd been as un nerved about it as she wanted to be she would have called someone to take her home for the day so she could rest. But being stubborn Serena she pretended it didn't hurt so bad and she wasn't about to inconvenience anyone. After five minuets of rough rigged breathing she straightened herself up a little bit more and leaned her head against the cool cement wall.

"It was everything I thought it would be Lee, he was so gentle and so sweet. Even if I was scared he went easy and apologized through the whole thing."

Serena knew Amanda's voice as soon as she began to speak, it was the subject matter of the conversation Serena's mind instantly hoped she was wrong about. But as Amanda pressed on in conversation she knew that she wasn't.

"His dad and sister were at the art gallery or something? I didn't even know his dad had an art gallery, he doesn't really seem like the artsy type. I was so glad Jenny wasn't around. I'm pretty sure she doesn't like me. But that's beside the point. I mean, he lit candles in his room and he put on soft music… everything was so perfect. I think I really honestly love him L, I can't imagine anything without him anymore."

The words killed Serena and all she wanted to do was sit down and hug her knees, had she been able to she might have. As she heard Amanda's voice coming closer she did her best to hide the tears that were in the corners of her eyes. If she already needed to fake about most things one more wouldn't hurt her. Maybe Amanda wouldn't even see her, not that she was hard to miss lately.

"Serena!"

Hearing her name come out of Amanda's mouth she winced instantly as she slowly turned back around to face the ecstatic looking brunette that rushed forward and threw her arms around her. Had she been any less of a person she would have started a scene right there, but she was on orders to avoid stress.

"Manda, hey"

Her voice was low and on the quiet side as she put on her best fake 'everything's alright' smile and lightly hugged the girl back trying to hide her distain.

"S, I know I shouldn't bring this up but I have to thank you. For letting Dan go when you did. Really, I'm in love with him, and who knows, if you'd held onto him a little longer that little one would be his. Then I know I'd never have a chance with him. I don't know what I'd do without him."

Amanda mused on to her and Serena just nodded her head, she had more important things to think about and worry about. She couldn't think about killing Dan, it just wasn't the right time for that.

As the bell for first class rang Serena couldn't have been more thrilled, Amanda pulled away from her instantly.

"I'll see you at lunch!"

She announced and gave Serena a final hug before backing off and heading down the hall. It was only once she was out of sight that Serena let her eyes fill up and the tears to make their way down her cheeks. Stepping back against the locker she rested her head against it exhaling and crying.

"Serena?"

Eyes didn't even have to open for her to see him, she saw him whenever she shut her eyes. He was always there, but normally she wanted to see him. But not now, her mind was to full and at the moment she hated him to much.

"Serena, what's the matter? Are you in pain? Is it the baby? Did something happen?"

He panicked, her tears made him panic, the thought of something being wrong made him feel sick. His first priority was first and for most Serena and the baby. Wither she disagreed or not Dan had his priorities straight.

"Don't talk to me"

Barking out she closed tightly her eyes as another sudden pain came at her, it was closer then twenty minuets now. Searing and hard it only made her try to disguise it by being more vile and angry then she'd been with him. If being cruel would make them go away then so be it she'd do so.

"Serena, I'm sick of playing this game!"

Obviously blind to everything that Serena was feeling and going through he put his hands on her shoulders only for her to jerk away from him.

"I don't even want you touching me."

She spat out, all she could see with him so close to her were images of him with Amanda. He'd even made it special with candles like he'd done the time they'd tried. She felt betrayed in a way, even if she was the one that had told him to back off.

"Why are you acting like this?"

He asked as the whole time he could see the pain and distraught in her eyes. This wasn't his Serena, it wasn't the Serena he was used to.

"You made love to her last night?"

She bit out trying her best to mask the height of her contraction, by that point she knew there was something not right with her pains. But being so mad at Dan she wasn't about to let him know. She didn't think he deserved to know a damn of it.

"What? Serena I… I… wouldn't put it in those words. We had sex, just sex… there was nothing more to it."

He stuttered out nervously, how she already knew he didn't know but the idea of her knowing made him scared. He hadn't meant to sleep with Amanda, he'd just been so angry and she was there trying to seduce him one thing had just lead to another.

"Just sex? There is no 'just sex' Dan. Sex is what leads to this and you, You're CLEARLY not exactly one to remember the condom!"

Furious and angry her voice was sullen and hard as she just barely yelled at him. Teachers shut their class room doors to block out the scene in the hallway, Serena Van der Woodsen had never been this hostile or cross with anyone.

"Last time I checked there had been two people in our choice to forget the condom. Besides, it wasn't 'just sex' this baby, our baby… this is because I love you. I don't understand why you can't get that."

He was closer to her again, close enough for him to be able to rest his hands on top of the still on the small side bump. Something the doctors had warned her about already, how she wasn't getting enough sleep, she was letting her anxiety get the best of her, and she wasn't eating right, how the baby was in danger because of her constant apprehensions.

"You made her love you… Dan…I…"

With a sharp intake of breath she suddenly latched onto his arm holding on tightly as she doubled over and he grabbed onto her tightly. He felt like on that instant his heart fell into his stomach, never in his eighteen years of life had he ever been more afraid. He wasn't afraid because he had a baby on the way, it was more of the fact that it was a good possibility that there could be something wrong with the baby instead. He wasn't stupid, he'd been reading the pregnancy books in his free time. They were in the bin beside his bead, he was smart enough to know that at six months there was a big chance that something could go terribly wrong if she was in this much pain.

"Serena, come on, I need you to talk to me. How long have you been in pain like this?"

All of her weight was now on him as he held onto her tightly. His subconscious was telling him he was the reason for it, he was the reason she was breathing hard and in pain. He was the reason their baby was in danger.

"It… It started yesterday."

She said as she squeezed herself to him tighter, she was in so much pain. Every inch of her felt like it was throbbing and her mind was panicking.

"Yesterday? And you didn't call me? You didn't say anything to anyone?"

He was freaking out, his mind was numb and afraid as he picked her up off of her feet. Even if she protested he was taking her to the hospital, they were too precious to him to lose.

"Please, please tell me that's the only sign of labor that you have."

As he held her and carried her into the cool march air he tried his best to keep her warm. Her silence was all he needed to know that it was far worse then simple Braxton hicks

"I've been bleeding a little, but it wasn't anything until this morning really."

She confessed finally as with his free hand he frantically waved a cab down. It had stated in most of the baby books that she owned that a little bit of bleeding could be completely normal. Besides she was nearly seven months pregnant and a high school student, a few complications were to be expected.

Dan wasn't sure if he was even breathing anymore as her panicked face looked into his. The petrified, terrified, worried feelings were completely evident in both of their faces. She was in so much pain and he was so scared, he wanted to take it all away, to make it all better. This should never have been going on already. It was to soon, way to soon. She didn't even look like she was pregnant enough, as she lie on the hospital bed she looked even more fragile and lost, none of this was going right. Every animosity he'd felt from the day before about her, Nate, and the baby were suddenly gone from his mind as bigger things sat on his conscience.

The school button up he'd put on fresh first thing in the morning was drenched in sweat, amniotic fluid, and blood from holding her in the cab. Amniotic fluid and blood, two things barely seven months pregnant Serena should not have been dealing with. Everything was happening so fast, to fast for anything to have been normal. He felt himself to blame more then ever from the things that had induced her this early. How she'd heard Amanda taking about what they did the night previous was something he hated himself for. He hated himself for sleeping with Amanda, it made him feel no better then Chuck. Taking the virginity of a girl he didn't even have feelings for. But none of that mattered now, not even the early acceptance letter to Dartmouth that now lay in the middle of the hallway without a second thought. She was his first priority, they were more important above everything.

Doctors and nurses were running all around the hospital room, neither Dan nor Serena could make out any of the words that were coming out of their mouths. All Dan could think about was the look of pain etched across her face every time a new contraction stormed through her body. It had been far to late to stop the labor by the time he'd gotten to her, to late for any of the drugs or bed rest, their little girl was coming now without any prior warning.

"Dan"

Her labored warn out breathing choked out as she moved their already tightly laced and tangled hands to her mouth and bit on her own knuckle clenching her eyes shut again in more pain. She'd never experienced anything quite as bad as what she was going through now. The fear of something that was supposed to be so magical ending in tragedy was etched into her mind so hard that she couldn't think of much else. She knew he was silently going through the same things also.

"Shh baby, it's ok. Save your energy."

Trying best to sooth her he kept brushing her sweat stuck strands of hair off of her forehead and kissing the spot. Every once and a while he'd squeeze her hand in reassurance, but he wasn't quite sure who he was trying to reassure, himself or her that everything was going to be alright.

"I'm so scared"

Broken and thin her voice sent chills up his spine as he kissed her head again. The true real words he wanted to say were 'so am I' that would only put more fear into her. Fear that they wouldn't be holding their daughter in a few hours, fear that she wouldn't be big enough to even breath yet.

"Ok Serena, next contraction I need you to give me a big push ok?"

Dan and Serena's eyes locked in panic as she tried to draw strength from him that just was not there. For them both there'd never been less motivation and energy when they were together. Rather this time there was nothing but nerves and panic. As the contraction hit her suddenly she squeezed his hand instantly as her eyes watered and he gripped her hand then with both of his.

"It's ok, it's all gonna be ok Serena. She's tough like you."

With the contraction over with and the pushing done for the round she collapsed back against the bed in pain. She had just started birthing classes the day previous, with Chuck none the less. She didn't even know exactly how she was supposed to be breathing or anything.

"That was great Serena just one more big… wait no, Marie, the cord is stuck."

After not being able to understand a word of what the doctor had been saying before they heard her last statement and Dan's eyes that had been locked on Serena's only seemed to look more frightened as he reached to her face and brushed the tears away.

"Come on Serena, don't worry. Don't do this, it's ok. She's gonna be fine."

She nodded her head best she could do through the tears. The commotion soon cleared away again and the doctor looked back at Serena as though to say back to business. With one last contraction she pushed again, putting all of her strength into it and squeezing Dan's hand.

"It's a girl!"

The doctor announced as she held up the little muted body, light pink uniforms rushed forward taking the baby to the corner right away, with that Dan felt Serena let go of his hand and push him away from her toured where they'd taken the preemie. There was still no sound coming from the baby's body, the only sounds that were being heard were the doctors and nurses code words as they held up different instruments.

Dan's whole body felt frozen and stuck as he watched on petrified. Her body was so tiny and little as everyone around her seemed like total giants. After fifteen minuets or so of watching completely sill and scared they moved the baby into the incubator they'd rolled in and wheeled her out of the room in gentle haste.

When he finally turned back they were finishing up attending to Serena's needs as she lie silent with tears dripping down her face.