B.J. blinked at Hawkeye, a wounded look in his eyes. "Well of course I knew you wouldn't be staying forever, Hawk, but this just feels kind of sudden. I wish you didn't have to go already."

"Sorry, Beej," Hawkeye said firmly. "Dad needs me back at work." He hated lying to his best friend—hated it—but he wasn't going to spout out the truth either. It'd been three weeks since he arrived in Mill Valley, ready and more than willing to help B.J. and his daughter through this nightmare. Three weeks that had evolved into the most comfortable, cozy feeling of family and togetherness that he'd ever known outside of his relationship with his father. Three weeks that had shown him a future that was clearly out of the question: living with B.J. and helping to raise his child.

It was everything he wanted in life, and he knew he couldn't have it.

For several nights now, he'd lain in the guest-room bed unable to sleep for a whole slew of reasons. But probably the biggest was sexual frustration… playing house with his best friend and wanting the kind of relationship that implied. He needed to get away from the temptation. He needed to put 3000 miles between them again.

"I'm sorry," he repeated now, because B.J. wasn't saying anything. "Will you be… Will you and Erin be all right?"

B.J. waved his hand, "Sure." But he didn't sound convinced. He sounded hurt, and it drove a knife into Hawkeye's heart. After a moment, B.J. nodded his head as if agreeing with some unspoken comment. "I guess I'm being selfish. Of course you need to get back to your life, Hawk. You've been nothing less than wonderful these last few weeks. I don't know how we would've managed if you hadn't dropped everything to come and help."

Hawkeye moved into his arms and held him, feeling about a hundred different emotions roll through him. He didn't really have to leave yet; his dad was doing just fine with the practice. But it was for the best, at least for Hawkeye's best if not for B.J.'s. He was the one being selfish here.

"You're a strong man, B.J. Hunnicutt," he murmured into his friend's hair. "You've always been stronger than me. You're going to be OK, and so is Erin."

B.J. nodded, though Hawkeye heard him sniffling. Hawkeye shut his eyes. This was hard as hell, but to stay longer would only make it harder.

Hawkeye left for home the next day.