VIII. Careless
The Gryffindor common room was alive with the sounds of simultaneous conversations and raucous laughter, the usual for a cold Saturday night. Even Hermione found herself having fun, situated in the middle of the couch, with Lavender on her right and Ron on her left. Harry and Ron had pulled a small table between them and were buried in an intense game of Wizard Chess. Hermione found herself partially following what was going on, but paying more attention to Lavender's conversation with Parvati. It was all quite mindless, really, not the usual thing Hermione liked to immerse herself in, but she was enjoying just being in the company of the people she cared about the most.
She really wasn't even thinking about it when she reached over and slipped her hand into Lavender's. Lavender tensed up, pulling her hand subtly out of Hermione's grasp as she stood up.
"I'll be right back." She said. Parvati just looked confused, as did Hermione. Waiting a moment, Hermione stood and followed Lavender up the stairs to their dormitory. She found her pacing around the room, like she expected Hermione to follow her.
"What the fuck was that, Hermione?" The anger in Lavender's voice made Hermione cringe and drop her gaze for a moment.
"Do you really need to yell at me, Lavender? I thought it would be okay!" Hermione spoke, looking up to find herself caught in Lavender's cerulean eyes. Even though they were ablaze with anger, anger directed at her, Hermione couldn't help but find the inexplicable beauty in her passion.
"Well, you thought wrong."
"I'm sorry. I didn't know that it would hurt you."
"We talked about this, Hermione! I told you that I wasn't ready to tell anyone! I'm still not ready!" It wasn't just anger in her voice anymore, no, Hermione could feel the pain. She took a step towards Lavender, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. Lavender quickly shrugged it off.
"Just go! I don't even want to look at you right now!" Lavender stared straight into her eyes, the fires of anger and hurt burning hotter than ever. Hermione stared straight back until she felt the first tear slip down her cheek. She'd only wanted to try and comfort Lavender, she could tell that she was upset and worried, not just angry. It was her fault, after all. She only wanted to help.
Lavender seemed to falter slightly at Hermione's tears, but she didn't back off. Hermione had almost hoped that she would pull her into an embrace and never let her go. But, she didn't. Instead, she merely stood her ground as Hermione turned and fled the dormitory, practically running down the stairs and out of the common room, taking refuge in the only place she could think of: the Library.
Quiet tears overtook her in the back of the library, and she let them flow. Lavender knew that she'd meant well in trying to hold her hand, her pride was just getting in the way of her showing it. She was scared, scared of what people would think of her, what people would say. Hermione didn't think that it suited her, being so secretive of her emotions. The Lavender Hermione knew was a girl so open and so free, a girl not afraid to show her hurt, her sorrow, her anger, her love. She wasn't afraid to be passionate, to allow herself to be overtaken by her emotions, to just let herself feel.
Hermione chuckled at the irony. For once, she was the one not afraid to let go and Lavender was the one hiding her feelings. Her tears had slowed, almost stopped, when she felt a light touch on her shoulder. Quickly, she wiped her face as she stood, finding herself face to face with Lavender. Her eyes were puffy and red, like she'd been crying, and her teeth were clamped down hard on her bottom lip to keep her from starting up again.
"I'm so sorry…" Lavender's voice quivered as she spoke. Hermione gave her a small smile, before Lavender launched herself into her arms, burying her face in her shoulder. Hermione held her tightly, feeling the quiet sobs shake her body and her tears wet her shirt.
'Stupid, stupid girl,' Hermione used to think, watching Lavender cry over this boy or that boy. It was ironic, she thought, that Lavender's penchant for displays of such passion was exactly why Hermione loved her so much. One day, she'd tell Lavender that thought. For now, she held her tight and soothed away her tears.