I pulled up to the cemetery and parked my car.

I got out of the car and grabbed the roses and Christmas card from the back seat.

I walked down the aisles of grave sites until I found the one I was looking for.

I bent down and said, "Hi mom."

I sat the card down on her headstone and then placed the roses on top.

I smiled and said, "Emmett is spending Christmas with Rose. She's really good for him. He's been smiling more than ever after what happened. Jasper has been good with helping me. Dr. Cullen, my therapist, invited me for Christmas with her family. I'm leaving for Chicago today that's why I came early."

I sat at her headstone for a few more minutes and talked to her about everything I could think of. Then I kissed her engraved name on her headstone.

I stood up and wiped away the tears forming in my eyes.

I walked to my car and pulled out my phone.

I called Emmett and he answered right away.

"Hi Bella," He said.

"H – Hi Emm – Emmett," I said while sniffling.

"What's wrong?" He asked, worry evident in his voice.

"I just went to see mom," I said.

"Oh, isn't it a little early? I could have come with you," He said.

"I'm leaving with Dr. Cullen today I just had to say Merry Christmas before I left," I said.

"Oh, well I'm going to see her later tomorrow. Have fun in Chicago. Love you and call me," He said.

"Love you too and I will," I said hanging up.

I drove to Dr. Cullen's house using my Map Quest directions.

I pulled up to her driveway and got out of my car.

I composed myself and knocked on Dr. Cullen's door.

A few minutes later a man answered the door.

"I'm here to see Dr. Cullen," I said.

The man nodded and said, "Come in, Esme is in the kitchen."

I noticed by his voice that it was the drowsy man. Or Carlisle…

I followed Carlisle into the kitchen and saw Dr. Cullen.

ESME!!

Not Dr. Cullen.

"Hi Esme," I said.

She turned around and she said, "Bella!"

She pulled me into a hug and then she said, "We're leaving in just a few minutes. Edward, my son, sent his jet down so we'll be flying first class."

She laughed and I shifted.

Blue eyes. Hatred. Yelling. Pulling. Pushing. Ripping. Pain. Crunching. Blue eyes. My fault. Yelling. Crying.

"Bella. Bella. Bella!" Esme shouted. I kept saying no over and over again.

"Bella!" Esme shouted again.

I pulled out of my trance and looked up at Esme through blurred eyes.

"Are you alright, dear?" She asked.

I nodded and looked around. Carlisle was concentrating intensely on an invisible spot on his tie.

"I'm so sorry," I said. I continued to apologize furiously while Esme kept telling me it was okay.

Esme sighed and then said, "Well we better get going."

I nodded and said, "I'll follow you there."

Esme and Carlisle got into their car while I got in mine.

I grabbed my cell phone and called Jasper.

"Hello?" Jasper asked.

"Hi Jazz its Bella," I said.

"Oh, what did you need?" He asked.

"I'm going to Chicago with Dr. Cullen, and she's taking me on her son's jet plane," I said.

"Oh, you can just say you don't want to, or just not go and stay home. I'll be home for Christmas, we could hang out," He said.

"No I want to do this. I need to confront my fears. Jazzy you have a good time with Jessica and I'll call you later," I said.

"Alright talk to you then, bye," He said.

I hung up and threw my phone on the dashboard.

We arrived at the air port in about thirty minutes.

We boarded and the attendant took my bags. I kept my cell phone and purse with me.

"Are you alright, dear?" Esme asked me.

"Yes," I said.

The plane took off and I started breathing heavy.

Blue eyes. Hatred. Yelling. Pull—

NO!

Don't think about it.

Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle all the way!

I sang in my head Christmas show tunes until we landed.

"Ready dear?" Esme asked me.

I nodded and stood up out of my seat.

We walked off the plane and soon there was yelling from far off the air port.

I looked over in the direction and Carlisle and Esme were laughing next to me.

I glanced back at the general direction and saw a limo pulling up with a huge sign that said, "Dr. Cullen."

The car stopped and two people emerged from the back of the car.

A short pixie like girl with black spiky hair was first. She was wearing fashion designer clothes and I figured out quickly that it was Esme's daughter. She came over and gave Esme a huge hug saying, "Mom!" Then she hugged Carlisle and said, "Carlisle!"

Then I saw a man climbing out of the back of the limo. He was tall and lean. He had piercing green emerald eyes and was wearing designer clothes too. He came over and hugged Esme and kissed her on the cheek. He shook hands with Carlisle and then he turned to me.

"And who is this?" He asked.

"This is Bella. Bella this is my son Edward. Edward this is my friend Bella," Esme said.

Alice had already engulfed me in a hug and was standing next to me.

Edward shook my hand and then said, "Nice to meet you."

"We rented a limo! Edward thought you should arrive in style! Everyone missed you!" Alice was exclaiming everything.

We got in the limo and when we arrived at, I was assuming, Edward's house Esme pulled me out of the car.

"This is Edward's house," She said.

Assumption confirmed.

I turned to Edward and said, "Your house is beautiful."

"Thank you," He said.

I smiled and he led the way inside.

"Your room is upstairs, Bella," He said.

"Alright," I said.

I stared at the huge amount of stairs and shuddered.

That won't be very fun to climb for the next few days…

"Okay, so Bella, how do you know Esme?" Alice asked.

"Oh. Um. We uh…" I wasn't sure what to say. I stood there and just stared at Alice.

Esme pulled Alice aside and was whispering to her furiously.

"So Bella, I guess we should get your bags upstairs," Edward said.

I nodded and made a sweeping gesture for him to go first. He smiled and started on the massive amount of steps.

I followed behind him and couldn't help but let my eyes rake over him.

He had on a skin tight shirt that displayed his muscles wonderfully.

His pants did everything for his –

"So Bella where are you from?" Edward asked me.

"I – uh – Forks. It's – um in – uh – Washington," I said.

"Ah, the cloudiest place in America," He said.

I blushed and nodded.

We were soon at a closed door.

"So this used to be my mom's house but she moved out to New York. This room," Edward started and opened the door, "Used to be Alice's."

I nodded and walked into the room.

It was HUGE!

Hmm… Wonder where his room is?

I snapped out of my reverie with Edward clearing his throat.

"Sorry. It's so big though," I said.

That's what she said…

Shut up.

Can the jokes he looks like he's going to say something!

"Yeah, Alice convinced Carlisle she needed the master bedroom. And Carlisle being the step dad wanted her to like him so he said yes! And I got the third floor all to myself," He said laughing.

I laughed along with him, enjoying the laugh marks around his mouth.

"Well make yourself at home and come down when you're done," He said.

I nodded and smiled.

He left and I threw myself on the bed.

I was giddy as a schoolgirl.

I put everything away and slipped down the staircase.

I heard everyone in the kitchen and slipped in quietly.

They were at the kitchen table.

I caught Alice's eye and she was wide eyed.

I was extremely confused.

I walked to the table and sat down in between Edward and Alice.

"So…" I said a bit uncomfortable.

"Oh my gosh! Bella! You and I have to go shopping!" Alice said all of a sudden.

"Okay. Right now?" I asked.

"Oh, silly! No!! And of course Edward will have to come! Please Edward?" Alice asked Edward.

She was using puppy dog eyes. I knew I would give way for those…

He sighed and said, "Fine."

Why is everyone acting like this is such a chore?

Can it be that bad to shop with her?

Alice stood up and clapped her hands. "You get dressed and we'll leave in about an hour!" She said. Then she ran out of the room and I looked at Edward.

"Where'd she go?" I asked.

He mumbled something and I got confused.

Okay….?

"I and Carlisle have to go shopping. Got to get some last minute things," Esme said standing up.

"Okay," I said.

"Do you need any help?" Edward asked.

"No, you stay here with Bella," Esme said laughing.

She walked out of the room talking about acting like an anxious twelve year old.

I shrugged my shoulders and said, "There's nothing wrong with being a twelve year old. If anything that's my favorite age…"

Edward laughed and stood up. He stretched his arms over his head and his shirt rode up.

Oh God.

I looked away blushing.

"I – uh have to go – do – that," I stuttered out while walking out of the room and racing up the stairs to my room.

I don't know if I made any sense but I couldn't stand there next to him.

It was different around him.

Usually I felt… worried or angry or sad or even scared around guys.

Around him, the man I had just met about 2 hours ago, I felt confident, happy, nervous, but not scared.

He'll be the death of me.

I walked into my closet and changed into a skirt and shirt. I knew Alice said we were going to go shopping soon.

There was a knock on the door so I slipped out of the closet and answered the door.

"Bella! Okay so we have to get you dressed so we can go shopping! I haven't gotten Carlisle anything for Christmas yet, and knowing Edward neither mom nor Carlisle will get anything! Come on!" Alice said pulling me out of my room.

Ugh, this girl is going to kill me!

"Alice can I just wear what I'm wearing right now?" I asked.

She turned around and eyed me for a second. "Sure," She said shrugging her shoulders.

She walked up the stairs I hadn't noticed while coming to my room.

She disappeared and reappeared in a matter of seconds. She was standing on the last step when she said, "Bella come on!"

"Okay," I said while walking up the flight of stairs.

We arrived at the top of the stairs and there was a door.

Odd.

Maybe he keeps his wives up here?

He couldn't possibly not be married!

Alice knocked on the door for what seemed like an entirety.

The door didn't open though.

"Where is he?" She asked.

"Downstairs is the last I saw him," I said.

"Oh!" She whispered.

She opened the door and walked inside while pulling me behind her.

She waltzed in like she owned the place.

His room, which I was assuming again, was huge. There was an attached bathroom, a huge walk in closet, and the open space of the room was bigger than my last apartment.

"This is Edward's room. But don't tell him I let you in here. Because he hates for people to be in his room. I don't know why," She said.

Assumption confirmed.

I laughed but covered it up with a cough.

"So… why are we invading his personal space again?" I asked walking over to his couch and sitting down.

"Oh, well I have to see his video game collection so I'll know what to get him for Christmas," She said.

She walked over to a big armoire and opened it. My mouth fell open when I saw the thousands of games littered over the shelves.

She took a list out of her pocket and scanned for something. She mumbled to herself and then said, "Ah ha!"

I was staring at the door when all of a sudden a shirtless Edward popped through the door.

I stood up and watched his eyes get really wide. "Alice," I coughed out.

She turned around and said, "Oh, Edward. Put on your shirt for goodness sake," She mumbled something about prancing around like he owned the place. She turned back to his games and then wrote something down on her list.

I stood frozen staring at the back of Alice's head. I slowly made my way over to her and then Edward crossed the room muttering something about owning the place and spilling something on his shirt.

Jeez these people can mutter.

Edward went into his closet and Alice finally said, "Alright let's go downstairs."

"Hey! Shirtless boy! When you find a shirt get back downstairs. Don't have all day!" She shouted in the general direction of the closet.

I laughed and we walked downstairs.

We chatted and then finally Edward came downstairs.

"Alright, finally! Let's go!" Alice said standing up.

I started to my car but Alice grabbed my arm and swung me towards the direction of a shiny silver Volvo.

For some odd reason Volvo Driving Soccer Mom popped into my head. I don't know why.

When I saw Edward get into the driver's seat I couldn't help but laugh.

It was too perfect.

Alice quirked an eyebrow so I sang out, "I know I used to be a real wild child, but now I am a Volvo driving soccer mom!"

Alice burst into laughter and Edward rolled down the window and said, "Come on you two!"

Alice climbed into the passenger seat so I got in the back seat.

Once Edward got his window back up I started humming the tune to Volvo Driving Soccer Mom.

Alice laughed and started humming with me.

"Na na na na na na na na," I sang out.

"You know I used to be a bad girl," Alice picked up the next line.

"I got busy in the bathroom at my high school prom," I sang.

"Yeah, I used to be a dancer at the local strip club," Alice sang.

"But now I know my right wing from my wrong," I sang.

"Yeah, yeah, I really used to be a bad girl," Alice sang.

"I had a threesome with my sister and her boyfriend, Tom," I sang.

"I know I used to be a real wild child," Alice sang.

"But now I am a Volvo driving soccer mom," Alice and I sang at the same time.

We both started laughing and Edward seemed confused.

I saw the light dawn on his face through the rear view mirror and laughed even more.

"You don't have to make fun of my car," Edward practically pouted.

Alice punched him playfully in the arm and he cracked a smile.

That man has the SEXIEST pout ever.

We pulled up to the mall and Edward hopped out of the car. I slowly climbed out of the car and then Alice got out.

Edward seemed deep in thought.

I quirked an eyebrow at Alice and she shrugged.

Edward all of a sudden sang out, "Na na na na na na, Volvo driving soccer mom, na na na na na na."

He smirked at my surprised expression so I quickly sang out, "Really used to be a bad girl."

Alice chimed in and sang, "I got busted for possession of my wizard shaped bong."

Alice and I started forward and we both sang out the rest of the lines, "I used to love to do the things they tell me not to do. But now I'm different--now I sing a new song. I really used to be a bad girl. I got gang-banged in the bathroom at my high school prom. Yes, I used to be a real wild child. But now I am a Volvo-driving soccer mom. Na na na na na na na na na na na na. Where do all the porn stars go? When the lights go down? I wonder where all the porn stars go. 'Cause when you need one, they are never around. I think they moved out to the suburbs. And now they're blonde, bland, middle-class Republican wives. They all have blonde, bland, middle-class Republican children. Blonde, bland, middle-class Republican lives. Where do all the porn stars go? When the lights go down? I think I know where all the porn stars go. They all become Volvo-driving soccer moms. Na na na na na na na na na na na na."

Of course we were walking through the store so we were getting weird stares.

Alice had already picked out at least seven presents for Carlisle. Edward was just walking behind us holding the things Alice wanted.

"Edward! You have to get them stuff too!" She exclaimed.

"I know, but what do they like?" Edward asked.

Alice quickly picked up like ten things and threw them at Edward.

"They like that stuff," She said.

"I get her to shop for me every year," Edward whispered to me.

I laughed and we soon checked out.

When we were exiting I stopped in my tracks.

"Should I have gotten Carlisle a present?" I asked.

"Oh… Umm – Nah just let him share whatever you got Esme," Alice said.

"Okay," I said.

Edward was holding all the bags so I started cracking jokes.

"So, Alice, I had no idea you were arrested for possession of a wizard shaped bong," I said.

Edward started laughing and Alice glared at him.

"I wasn't aware that you got 'busy' at your high school prom," Alice said.

"And I had no idea you two could string a joke on for so long," Edward said popping the trunk of his Volvo open.

I hopped into the back seat and everyone else got in the front.

While driving home I shifted in my seat.

I didn't get Alice anything… I'll have to go back out.

Wait!

Do I get Edward anything?

Well… Get something for Alice that Edward and she can share…?

GREAT idea!

We arrived at home and when we got there Carlisle and Esme's car was back.

We walked inside and quickly ran upstairs to Alice's room.

We sorted through things when all of a sudden Edward started talking about one of his co workers.

"Well my co worker James was," He said.

I stopped listening and couldn't breathe.

Blue eyes. Hatred. Yelling. Pulling. Pushing. Ripping. Pain. Crunching. Blue eyes. My fault. Yelling. Crying.

I kept whispering no and felt someone pushing on my shoulders.

I snapped my eyes open and stared at Alice's wide eyes.

I stood up and said, "Oh my God, I'm so sorry."

Alice stood up and pulled me into a hug. "Edward go do whatever Edwards do," Alice said over my shoulder.

I heard the door softly close and then I burst into tears.

Alice rubbed my back until I quieted down.

It's amazing; I've known her for as long as Edward and I feel like I've known her since I've known Jazz.

I pulled away and wiped my face.

"I'm sorry, I barely even know you and I'm sobbing in front of you," I said.

"Don't worry, I feel like I've known you forever," Alice said.

I smiled a sad smile and said weakly, "I wi – wish I could ju – just forget what happened – bu – but it – it's s – s – so hard."

I continued to cry and soon I was in Alice's hug.

"You know if you ever want to talk, I'm here for you Bella," She said.

I nodded and hugged her tighter.

"I've only told one other person beside your mom," I said pulling away from Alice's comforting hug and sitting down.

She quirked her eyebrow.

"Well I told Emmett, my brother, and then I just couldn't relive those memories ever again. So he told Jasper, my best friend since I was 7 and then a few weeks after what happened I had to go therapy to calm Jasper and Emmett down. So I relived those nightmares for the last time ever. I vowed to myself," I said.

She nodded and said, "If it's that horrible I would never ask you to."

I stared at her for a second and then covered my face with my hands.

"Oh God, I'm so embarrassed," I said into my hands.

"Why?" She asked with a tone that said 'what could possibly be embarrassing about this?'

"Edward! I broke down in front of him! He doesn't even know I'm your mom's patient!" I said into my hands.

Alice laughed.

The pixie laughed.

"What's funny about that?" I asked.

"Don't worry about Edward. He has plenty of issues," She said.

I smiled and said, "I feel like I've known you forever."

She smiled and said, "I know! It's great!"

She stood up and said, "Come on, I smell Mom's cooking already."

We went downstairs and sat at the table.

I was at Alice's right and all the other chairs were empty.

"Where's everyone else?" I asked.

"Oh they'll be here any second," She said.

Sure enough in walked Carlisle with Esme.

They were both carrying trays of food and I smiled.

They worked with each other in the kitchen.

They just are so good with each other.

The way he looks at her could warm any ice princess' heart.

Carlisle sat next to Alice and then Esme sat next to Carlisle.

That left to my right…

Edward!

Oh God.

He will not want to sit next to some fucked up girl who cried over him talking about a co worker.

Alice must have seen the panic in my eyes because she leaned over and whispered, "He'll be fine about it. He won't even acknowledge it. Promise."

I nodded but didn't feel very confident.

A few seconds later, the man in question walked in.

He sat down next to me without so much as a second glance.

I sunk in upon myself and felt sick to my stomach.

Great now he's just going to IGNORE me…

I placed a strained smile on my face while talking to the group of people at the table.

Why does God hate me?

Edward was passing the plate of green beans to me when our hands touched.

I saw freaking sparks and I was pretty sure electric flowed between our hands.

I grabbed the plate and passed it to Alice.

For the rest of the dinner we all talked about our plans for the rest of the week.

I picked up my clothes and said, "I'll wash the dishes." Right as Edward said the same.

I blushed and said, "I insist."

He shook his head and said, "My house."

I laughed and said, "Please." I stuck my bottom lip out and rounded my eyes.

He stared dumbfounded for a second and then said, "Why don't we both wash them."

I shrugged and said, "Fine by me."

Edward walked his plate into the kitchen and right as I was about to go Alice grabbed me by the arm.

"See! I told you!" She said.

I laughed and said she was right.

I stared at her for a second and then asked Esme to talk to her for a second.

She nodded and we stood right outside the kitchen while Edward whistled while cleaning the first few dishes.

"What is it dear?" She asked.

"Would it be too much to ask you to te – tell Alice wh – what happened? To me?" I asked slowly.

I really wanted Alice to know. She had been comforting, I would have told her myself but I was sticking with my vow.

"Are you sure?" She asked.

I nodded and she said, "Then I'll tell her. But I assure you that it isn't necessary."

I shook my head and said, "I like Alice and I want her to know that I'm really not psycho."

Esme nodded and then walked away to find Alice.

I took a deep breath and walked into the kitchen.