Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS. If I did, Jenny wouldn't be dead. Vance wouldn't be Director. The only thing I do own, are the ideas and the kids. Enjoy. And thank you to those who review. There are also two quotes in here, one is from the movie Cutting Edge and the other is from My Best Friends Wedding.
There was the feeling, the feeling of regret, the moment Jenny woke up that morning. It was dark and dreary outside. The sky looked as if it were angry and was getting ready to flood the world below it. It wasn't going to be a good day. That much was clear. She had woken up a lone with a note next to her head.
Got a case. Jack is asleep. Call you later.
She turned over and saw that it read 4:45. It was too early for a case, and yet Jethro wasn't there. She got out of bed, pulled on a sweater that was on the floor and a pair of sweat pants, that didn't belong to her. She quietly made her way into her son's room to find him asleep in his own comfort confined by a yellow blanket. She smiled and made her way back out into the hallway.
She made her way into the kitchen and saw the half full coffee pot. It was still warm, meaning he had just left. She turned and saw the calendar, the date seeming to be jumping at her. That was when her breath started to slow. It was the day. The day she screwed up. It was the day she laid her life on the line and chose.
The morning was shining. It seemed to be happy despite the cold. Jenny sat on her back porch watching the world come to life. She was curled up in her chair, in a pair of sweatpants and an over sized t-shirt, with a cup of coffee to warm her hands.
"Senora, Agent Gibbs is here." Noemi said quickly, before Gibbs came into view. He hurried past Noemi and stood in front of Jenny. Jenny looked to Noemi and gave her a simple nod before raising an eyebrow at Gibbs.
"Something I can help you with Agent Gibbs?" She said, sounding more authoritative than necessary.
"Yeah you can explain," He said dropping a letter on her table besides her chair. She looked at the envelope and immediately recognized it. Her neat handwriting spelled out Jethro on the front. She looked up at him, expression less.
"It's today." She said stating a fact that they both knew. He didn't say anything, just continued to watch her. "What do you want me to say Jethro?"
"I want you to explain. You've tried to tell me and I didn't believe it. I've spent nine years coming up with explanations and nothing seems to work." He said sounding angry and in pain.
"I had to. We weren't just partners any more Jethro. We were more and it scared me. I was offered my own team, and I had to take it."
"You could have told me about your father Jen. Whenever we talked about family Jen, you could have said something."
"So could have you Jethro." She said. "You could have mentioned Shannon and Kelly."
"You wouldn't have understood." He told her, watching her get to her feet. "I was still in pain from it all. I was still grieving."
"So was I Jethro." She practically screamed. "I hated leaving you. I hated the fact that I had fallen so in love with you and I had to choose. It was you or my father. I had no choice Jethro. I knew what I was getting into at the beginning. I knew I had to prove myself not only to you but to Tom. I had to move up. Falling in love with you was never a part of the plan. I spent six years regretting every day, but I tried to tell myself that I was doing the right thing."
"What happened when you came back? When you told me there would be no off the job. You pushed me away farther so that way you could get your heels into the agency and nearly kill yourself in the process. Letting the La Grenouille case nearly kill you."
"I was fine Jethro."
"No you weren't Jen." He said stepping closer to her. "You weren't. You drank in the middle of the day. Not one glass, not two. Maybe three or four. You sat in darkness watching pictures replay themselves over and over again. The obsession nearly killed you and I couldn't do a damn thing about it, because there was no off the job." He said quoting her. She shifted and moved out of his way.
"You knew how far I was willing to go with La Grenouille Jethro." She said. "I wanted him dead."
"And you got your wish." He told her. "And who was going to save the Queen when she had finally fallen? Who was going to catch her if she didn't let anyone in?" He watched her turn away from him, with her arms crossed. "We were never big talkers Jen. We never shared our feelings with each other. But every single time I told you that I loved you, whether it was in the heat of the moment, or out of the blue, I meant it every single time. "
"What do you want Jethro?" She asked, her voice a whisper. " Do you want me to tell you that every guy I dated, I couldn't help but compare them to you? It became habit. When they didn't make me laugh or comfort me because they knew they had to, I thought of you. I tried to force myself to fall out of love with you, tried to convince myself that you hated me, but it never worked. I spent six years trying and when you told me you missed me, my world fell apart." She was trying to hold back tears, and it was noticeable.
He turned her around and cupped her face in his hands, her lips centimeters away from his. "I knew you needed to be in my life when I had nightmares. You were always there when I needed you the most. I was scared to replace Shannon. But you weren't a replacement. When I'd wake up in a sweat you were there and you never left my side. You're voice was gentle and you'd lull me back to sleep, as if you had been doing it your whole life. I tried to replace Shannon with Diane. I tried to replace you with Stephanie. You turned my life upside down and I love you for it."
"What?" She choked out.
"I love you Jen." He said slowly. "I was in love with you nine years ago, I was in love with you three years ago and I'm in love with you now. I know I don't sound like myself right now, being here with you, I feel at home and I feel like me." Jenny opened her mouth to say something, but was stopped by a finger to her lips. "Don't say we won't work. Don't say were not right for each other. The way I see it, we're not right for anyone else. We're both stubborn and we both have a temper. We can go on trying and we can pretend that we don't want this."
"Can I have a say in this?" she asked. He nodded and removed his finger. "I love you. I've loved you for nine years, I've just been too arrogant and scared to realize it, and... well, now I'm just scared. I don't want to be treated like another ex wife, who you couldn't open up to. I don't want to be shut out of your life and be ignored until you're forced to talk. I can't deal with that." She said without her voice breaking. Tears slowly fell down her cheeks, which were wiped away. He kissed her cheek and began to walk away, leaving Jenny on her back porch.
She looked down to the floor, only to be surprised seconds later, by a pair of lips roughly against hers. The feeling of being weak before, unable to stand in his arms, returned. The rest of the day was a blur. The blur was like one of a hangover. This hangover was pleasant and memorable. A hangover she could smile about later.
Jenny sat in her study many hours after seeing the date on the calendar and thinking about the past. She hadn't heard from or seen Jethro. The years after their rekindling fight, they hadn't spoken about it. They didn't need to. For them, it had become another day, so why was today any different? She knew he had a case that hadn't been finished, and she knew that he'd be racking his brains trying to figure a way to bring their suspect in. The times she had overlooked the bullpen, he was never there.
She was so deep into her thoughts, she hadn't heard the front door open and close. She didn't ever realize Jethro was watching her. "Jen?"
Her trance was immediately broken at the sound of his voice. She looked up at him and smiled. It was sad, but a smile none the less. "Hey,"
He took a seat in front of her and pulled his legs onto his lap. He massaged her feet as he talked. "I'm sorry I was avoiding you today."
"He apologizes?" Jenny asked mockingly with a little smile.
"Yeah he apologizes," He said squeezing her foot. "I've been thinking a lot about today actually. I know we talked about it and I know we don't talk about it anymore. But I keep thinking I'll wake up and find you gone."
"I'm not leaving you Jethro." She said leaning back in her chair. "I'm not making that mistake again. You'd think after 4 years you'd get that."
"Yeah, but I found something in your drawer that I wish you'd tell me about." Her head shot forward, and found his blue eyes. "Name?"
"Christina Marie." Jethro nodded and let her feet drop to the floor before getting up and pulling her up with him. He placed a gentle kiss on her cheek and then her lips. It was sweet and full of love.
It was just another day for them. Another day filled with memories and silence. It was a day that brought them happiness and sadness all at the same time. It wasn't simple for them to talk, it never was and it never would be. But it was something they could deal with and they did.