Disclaimer: I do not own any characters you recognize, that genius is all Mr. Meyer's

Chapter 3:

Car Trouble and Cullens

I was out of the hospital and taken home. After receiving a barrage of lack luster complaints from Charlie I stumbled and tripped my way to my room. I closed the door behind me but I could still here Carlisle trying to explain what happened to Charlie.

"…Yeah she just lost control, it really wasn't her fault," I heard Carlisle say.

"She still should have been more careful, now she doesn't have a car. No offense but she shouldn't have been over there anyway she was supposed to be grounded."

"I think her and Edward had something to discuss," Carlisle said. He always seemed on my side, and I never really knew why.

"You've got kids Dr. Cullen, how do you get them to just stay put and listen to you?"

"You don't, in the end if you raised them right you just stand aside and hope they make the right decisions."

"I guess," Charlie's voice seemed to wane with this last statement. He hadn't raised me, not in his eyes, the summers I spent here when I was little never had a lot of discipline behind them. I think he felt hopeless and out of touch, I would have to make this up to him.

In the truck all I wanted was the voices to stop; now I wanted them back. I couldn't make sense of what happened, Edward never answered my question, and even if he did and the answer was yes, I'm not sure how I would feel about it. All I did know was that to some extent Jacob had been right and I needed to hear what Sam had to say.

I wasn't alone for more than twenty minutes before there was a knock at my window. Jacob was coming to claim his prize, he knew he was right and was just waiting to rub it in my face. I walked over to the window, opened it, and looked down, but it wasn't Jacob that I saw. Edward was standing there arms at his side staring up at me. Anger rushed to my face and I walked away from the window and sat down on my bed, I knew he would come up even without an invitation.

"I don't know if I want you here Edward," I felt the tears welling up in my eyes.

"I know, but I have to tell you the truth, and if by the end of my explanation you don't want to see me anymore, I will leave and you will never have to see me again."

I said nothing, the terms of this agreement were up in the air, I didn't know what the truth was and no matter what he said, I don't think I could live without him. So I sat in silence and waited for him to begin. He was standing still, but he could not look me in the eye, his hands were rubbing themselves over each other with feverish speed.

"Your first day at school, when you walked into science class and was assigned to be my partner…I couldn't handle it. Thoughts were racing through my head and you smelled so good. I hadn't taken a human life in a very long time, and I was proud of that fact, but you strolled into class and in seconds threatened everything I had been working for my whole immortal life."

"Edward I know all of this, and I have already apologized for it, if I would have known…"

"That's just it, you didn't know, no one knew, and like I said, the ideas…I couldn't make them stop. So, I came up with a plan, one so that my family wouldn't be discovered and you wouldn't tempt me to act in a public way," he said and came to sit down on the bed. He still wasn't looking at me, this plan, even in hindsight was making him ashamed.

"Was this a plan to kill me," I said and swallowed hard, Edward has never scared me because I always thought he wouldn't hurt me, but should I have been scared? Would he have hurt me?

"Yes, and I used the skill that Jacob told you about to lure into wanting me, I was going to make you follow me from school and into the woods, and with the philia you would have never known it was happening. I planned to kill you Bella, and there is no apologizing for that," a single tear came down his face and I couldn't help myself. What happened that day was something beyond his control. I let myself and my anger go, then brought my hand to his face to wipe away the tear. His eyes closed with my touch and his breathing regulated.

"I know you Edward, and you didn't do that to me because you love me."

"Don't be so naive Bella, I didn't do it because Alice stopped me, she saw my plan and intervened, I had every intention on killing you the very day I met you." He pulled himself away from my touch and moved toward the window.

"But you love me, I know you do," I was pleading with him; he seemed to be the only one that could make this pit in my stomach go away.

"Of course I do Bella, and I was perfectly fine with the way things were going, but to some extent Jane is right. I love you, I know this, but do you love me? For real, or is it the lingering effect of a vampire's pheromone?"

I got up immediately and walked over to him, "I love you Edward, with all my heart and every fiber of my being. I love you because of you not some spell you put on me two years ago."

He took my hands in his and pulled me closer to him, "Bella…" he whispered as our lips touched and his hand moved to the small of my back. My head was spinning, my stomach was in knots, and my heart was pounding like a humming bird. Our lips, in unison moved viciously and with purpose, my hand grabbed at the back of his head and neck as if clinging to him was clinging to life itself. Before I could take a breath, he picked me up and wrapped my legs around him, and was carrying me to my bed. We fell together but he stopped himself from falling on me, taking his hands from my waist to support his weight.

My hands searched for his belt restlessly till I found what I was looking for. With out thought I quickly undid the metal clasps that were stopping me from feeling his marble skin. This was the farthest he has ever let me go and I was not going to let this moment pass me by. His lips moved to my neck and slowly he began to glide his mouth and teeth over it. My hands undid his coarse jeans and slid them off, the mere thought of what was underneath made my breathing go erratic.

All of my fumbling and eagerness was met with his gentleness and disciplined actions. His hand moved to the bottom of my shirt and curled his fingers around it pulling slowly up revealing my tense abdomen. His head shifted down to that naked part of my body and he started to caress it with his mouth. My body was getting hot and tingly as he started to move his hand lower and lower. A slight whimper left my lips and all motion seized.

He stopped kissing me and just looked into my eyes; I know what this moment was supposed to be. I know what this moment was turning into and I had been waiting for it for so long, but as soon as he was done kissing me the fuzziness was gone and my head was filled with fury. He was intoxicating, and every time he touched me I lost all control and just wanted every bit of him, but when not touching him I felt not myself, all I wanted was more, like the only time I really knew what I wanted was when I was physically interacting with Edward.

"More," I said in a tone that was more forceful than he or I was expecting.

"Bella, we can't…I can't," he said sorrowfully and began to sit up.

"Why not Edward," I was sitting up now, still holding on to him, not letting his get any father from me.

"Just not now, this isn't how it's supposed to happen."

I was getting irritated, him rejecting what he obviously wanted to happen mixed with the physical agony I had in my body as soon as he stopped infuriated me. I pulled at him without thinking, yanking his arm back to its position around my waist.

"Bella, really you have to stop," he tore his arm back and stood up. He started taking steps back the longer he looked into my eyes. He saw something there that frightened him, something in me that alarmed him. That didn't matter now; all that mattered was finishing what he had started. I stood up too and went over to him. I placed my hands on his chest and a wave of euphoria came back to me. This was what I pined for, the only thing that was meaningful.

"You can't do this, this is worse than any tease, saying yes then saying no…Edward, it's torture."

"Bella, please this is not you, I just want it to be special," he took my hands from his chest and held them in his, "not here, not now."

"Then when Edward, it's always not now, not here. Please tell me Edward what is the best place to violate me," I regretted what I said as soon as I had said it. This wasn't me; I ripped my hands away from his and went to sit back down on the bed.

This was not what I wanted, the philia, or whatever you call it, did still have an effect on me, and while it did we were not on an even playing field. As long as this thing still had me in its claws of forgery I would not be myself, I turned into some sort of drug addict without him, angry and aggressive.

"I can't do this Edward, you're right this isn't me. How long does this philia thing last?"

He held his breath, this was it, this was the truth, "Once a vampire marks you with it, it can never truly go away."

"Then how do I know what's real?"

"I don't know, Bella, I am so sorry for all of this."

I stood up from the bed and walked over to him slowly, "I think I need to work some stuff out, Edward…I need you to leave."

"Ok," and he turned to face the window, "But Bella, no matter what you decide I will understand, and I can wait forever if I have to."

"I know," I said trying very hard to keep my composure. Then he was gone, out of the window and out of sight, and I was alone…

Sleep came to me that night with full force. I couldn't dream, I think due to sheer exhaustion, and when I woke up I was alone. I don't know what I was expecting after last night, but to open my eyes and not see Edward there watching me sleep made me feel empty.

I had to go back to school today and I wasn't too fond of the idea. Would Edward be there? How would what happen last night effect how we act around each other? I knew I was getting ahead of myself; this was the first school day since Edward was back, and he probably wasn't even going to be there.

I did all the mundane acts humans do to get ready, and the whole time my head was gone. I wasn't thinking about anything, not Edward, Jacob, this whole mess I was in, nothing. Walked out of the front door and remembered something very important, I didn't have a car. I sat down on the front steps and put my head in my hands, the tears came viciously and seemingly without end. On any other day I would have just called Edward and he could be here in two seconds to take me. That option was not available anymore, so I walked back into the house dragging my feet and called Jessica to ask her for a ride.

I waited outside for her to get there, I knew she wasn't to happy to do this, by the time I had gotten a hold of her she was halfway to school already. I didn't want to make her wait any longer, even the minute it takes to exit my house.

She pulled up and I got in. She looked over to me and gave me a look that showed how displeased she was.

"Thanks for picking me up, I know it was kind of out of the way," I said trying to make the short car ride a little more bearable.

"It's ok I just had to make an illegal u-turn, glad I didn't get a ticket," she said coldly, "what happened to your car anyway."

"I crashed it yesterday into a tree, hence the walking cast on my foot," I said and gestured down.

"Well glad to see you're ok, but don't you have that friend who fixes things, John or something."

"Jacob, and yeah he could probably fix it but were not on the best of terms right now."

She chuckled, "Why? I thought you guys were best friends, or did Edward come back and you have no time for anyone?" She stopped smiling after saying this. Jessica didn't know that Edward was back and so to mention him, for her, was like stabbing me with an icicle.

I didn't talk for the rest of the car ride. Jessica was in a mood, and I had too many other things to think about. When we reached school everyone was outside and an alarm was going off from inside the building. We must have been testing the fire alarms today. She found a parking spot and got out of the car without saying a word.

"Thanks again Jessica," I said, but there was no response. She just kept walking. I started to follow her and meet up with our group but something caught my eye and I couldn't move.

Edward and all his brothers and sisters were also outside by their car waiting to be let in. As soon as Alice saw me her face grew sad and she came running up to me. There was no reason for me to be mad at her so I walked towards her too.

"How are you doing Bella," she asked linking her arm with mine as we turned to face the school and not Edward.

"I'm fine, it's a lot to handle right now, but I'm fine." This was a lie, and I guess I was getting better at it.

"If it makes you feel any better Edward was up all night too," she said with a smile.

"well you guys don't really sleep anyway, I did though, get some sleep," I said awkwardly, and I wanted to take it back as soon as I saw Alice's face, which had sunken.

"Oh, ok. Well I'm always here for you Bella, you're like a sister to me and we should be able to talk about anything, even my brother." She said sincerely. I nodded and looked away, I knew I could talk to her and I wanted to, but right now I just needed some time for my own thought, I wasn't ready to let anyone else see them.

Just then a roar came from down the street and every head spun around to see. Jacob on a motorcycle was flying down into the parking lot and headed straight for Alice and myself. His hair was growing and looked so majestic whisking in the wind. He pulled up to me and Alice and shut off the engine put the kick stand out and stepped off. He had such confidence, he just stood there waiting, knowing in his head that the result of what he told me was eating away at my insides. A thought, I'm sure, he relished.

"I'll be going now," Alice said to me with her eyes on Jacob, "It suddenly smells like wet dog over here."

I hugged her goodbye and she went back over to her family. "What are you doing here Jacob," I said crossing my arms.

"Well, I figured since you didn't come over Emily's last night, that he didn't tell you the truth. I also figured that you would come to school today like everyone would expect you to, and I figured you might need a break from all of this," He said as he looked around questioning why every one was outside.

"Well you're wrong about Edward, he did tell me the truth," this was supposed to hurt him, but all that changed was the smirk on his face which turned into a wide smile.

"And what about the school thing, would you like to come with me," He pressed handing me a helmet.

I looked over at Edward whose eyes were deep with sadness and fury, like at any moment he would say screw all these people run over here and chop Jacob's head off. The thought made my feelings even more confused; I was hurt by what Edward had said to me last night, but not in a way that I wanted to hurt him back. Still, Jacob was right, I needed to get out of here, the awkwardness was defiantly setting in.

So without another word I took the helmet and hopped on the bike,"I'm driving," I said.

"You don't have to tell me twice," he smiled and got on behind me. Slowly and apprehensively he put his arms around my waist, and even though he pretty much just ruined my entire perception of the past two years, I didn't want him to let go.

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