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Chapter 5:

Culinary Guilt

I avoided Edward's gaze at school for the rest of the day, walked home (Jessica was out after riding away with Jacob) and immediately called Jacob. He was surprised to hear my voice when he picked up; he probably though I was walking down the Washington highway somewhere picking up trash attached to inmates with chains on my ankles, while Charlie stood there with a shotgun watching my every move.

"Hi Jake, I need a favor," I said quickly before he could start talking about what happened earlier.

"Anything, but are you allowed to talk to me right now, Charlie was madder than I have ever seen anybody earlier," he said back in a shocked tone.

"No I'm probably not allowed, but the favor I have to ask with help with all that," I said slyly.

"Anything to make Charlie not furious at me anymore."

That plan was pretty simple, Jacob was to call Seth and ask him what his father's recipe was for frying fish. Henry Clearwater was my dad's best friend and had very recently died of a heart attack. Since my dad went fishing as much as Catholics go to church I knew there would be fresh fish to cook in the freezer. If I could have that meal, my dad's favorite, on the table before he got home, have a long conversation where I agreed with his every word, then stayed out of trouble for the rest of the night, I might be able to swing not being grounded for the rest of my life.

I had about two hours before Charlie would be off work when Jacob showed up with the recipe. He walked in the door not only carrying the piece of paper with my fate on it, but a grocery bag filled with spices and supplies. This was the Jacob I adored, he was always there to make everything either go away, or 100% better. His body was glistening when he sat the grocery bag on the table in the kitchen, his shirt was missing like it was most of the time, and his hair was ruffled every which way. He had most likley run here and I loved that I knew that without asking. Jacob was someone that when you really got to know and understand, you felt like you were part of some secret society with very limited alumni.

"Jake you are an absolute life saver," I said coming up behind him in awe of everything he thought of.

"There's a lot of spices on the list that I didn't know if you had, do you know what parsley is," he said his eyes getting wide.

"Yeah, it's in a lot of stuff," I said with a smile, he was trying so hard.

"Oh, well I wasn't sure, I don't cook very often. Anyway, do you know how to clean and skin a fish, you have fish right…cause I brought my pole, it's in the Rabbit," he said very fast, he had really thought of everything.

"yeah I have fish in the freezer, but no I don't know how to clean a fish. I was just going to look online," I said turning to go get my laptop.

"Oh good," Jacob said to himself.

I looked at him questioningly, "why is that good, you do need to know how to do that right?"

"Oh yeah, but this gives me a reason to stay, I know how," he said a shot me a Jacob smirk, the one that melts even the coldest of hearts.

The comment goes without a response but not without notice. I wanted Jacob here, to help and to just be around me. I did love Jacob, and the more I hung out with him the more I realized it could be more in the direction Jacob was intending. He turned on the radio to a classic rock station that was playing Led Zeppelin's "When the Levee Breaks" and we started trying to make amends to Charlie.

We danced around each other for an hour listening to the radio blast "Maggie's farm," "Sweet Emotion," and "Helter Skelter." It wasn't until "love hurts" came on and we were swaying together that the warm friendly feeling melted away into tense attraction. He finished putting the fish on the plate and walked over to me as I was wiping down the counter splattered with egg and flour. I felt his presence behind me and let out the breath that I had been holding in when I heard his footsteps getting closer. His hot breath was at my neck when I started to feel light-headed and dizzy. I turned around to see his eyes piercing every inch of me; he was so close I could hear his heartbeat. My breathing got faster as his face inched dangerously close to my face.

"Is this ok," he asked breathing into my mouth, which tasted like white tic tac's.

I couldn't bring myself to say yes, even though that's what I wanted, so I slowly nodded my head and waited for his response. Jacob smiled and pushed his lips against mine very aggressively. It was hard not compare the kisses I received from Edward to the ones I was getting now, Edward was always conscious of his limit and mine, Jacob ran with it, quickly penetrating my mouth with his tongue and never apologizing for it. Fully into what was happening and yet still aware of his surroundings, Jacob pushed my back against the counter and pushed off all the forks, spices and whatnot from the space behind me. He lifted me up by my waist, while still massaging my tongue with his, and set me on the counter.

My legs instinctively wrapped around him and crossed at the ankle, trapping him. He was frantic in his attempt to further what was happening. His mouth moved to my neck and his hands moved up my shirt, his touch was hard and harsh, but in control and never felt like too much. I leaned back allowing more room for his hands to search and let out a breathy moan.

"Oh Bella," He said in my ear, "I have wanted this for so long."

"Me too," I stammered back and put my hands on his back. I dragged my nails down as far as I could reach and watched his head shoot up as he let out a growl I assumed was from pleasure. When his head fell again our eyes met and locked on each other. We stayed that way for what felt like hours before I got brave. I moved my hand to the waist of his jean shorts and unbuttoned and unzipped them. I moved my hands to the side of his waist and moved my arms down making the shorts fall to the ground. Only because I was still looking at him could I see him blush, his heartbeat grew faster and his breathing got heavier when I reached my hand down his boxers.

He broke eye contact, closing his eyes and tilting his head down to the floor. My hand found his stiff member and I slowly added pressure and I moved my arm up and down. Jacob is always 100 times hotter than any normal person, but the action my hand was performing on him slowly and continuously was making him almost too hot to touch, almost. His head rose again as the pace of my hand doubled, and the look he gave me was more precious than any gift anyone could have ever given me.

"Jacob…" I said placing my free hand on the back of his head and fisting his hair.

"Uh huh," he said trying to catch his breath long enough to make syllables come out.

"Kiss me," I said and immediately he threw his head forward into mine linking our lips once again.

Outside a car door slammed and halted the action happening in the kitchen. I stretched my head up to see out of the window and panicked.

"Charlie's home," I said in a squeal.

"Charlie's…,"

"Yes," I said interrupting him and simultaneously nodding my head just in case the vocal response wasn't enough, "quick you have to get out of here."

Jacob, with lightning speed, dropped to the floor and pulled up his shorts. He flew to stairs and took them three at a time to get up, his heavy footsteps sounded from the ceiling and let me know he was headed for my bedroom. I heard my bedroom door close as the front door opened and Charlie entered with a scowl. I quickly hoped off the counter and pretended to wipe it down like I was doing before Jacob seduced me.

"I didn't get anymore calls from school Bells, you must have actually done what I asked, for once," He said walking into the kitchen.

"I'm sorry about today Charlie, I don't know what I was thinking."

I turned around to see Charlie staring at the stove and smiling.

"What's this?"

"Henry Clearwater's famous fish fry, I thought you might have been missing him lately and I figured there was no better way to remember him, for you at least."

"Oh Bella…" He whispered and walked over to me with watery eyes. He gave me a hug and put his hand on the back of my head. I really felt guilty for what I was doing to Charlie lately, I knew it wasn't easy becoming the primary parent after missing so much, especially with me acting out the way I was. I was being selfish and I knew I had to change for Charlie.

"Don't think too much on it Charlie, I know I'm still grounded and I deserve to be. So you eat up and watch the game, I'll be upstairs doing homework not going anywhere, I promise," He let me go and I started for my room.

When I opened the door my stomach was in knots hoping to see Jacob sitting on my bed waiting for me. He wasn't there, instead a balled up piece of paper was on my pillow and my window was wide open. I walked over to my bed and opened the note, the handwriting was stylistic cursive and didn't belong to Jake, it was a note from Edward and my stomach dropped.

My Sweet Bella,

I noticed you avoiding me in school today and figured you needed more time to think about last night. I came over your house to see if we could talk more about it and I saw you with Jacob. I like to think that in all my years of immortality something like that wouldn't affect me as much, but it did. I also like to think that the time I've spent getting to know you and love you would help me understand your mindset, and I think I do. If you don't mind I would like to talk to you about this if that's ok? If it is leave your window open tonight and I'll come by after Charlie is asleep. If not; again I will understand, just leave your window closed and I'll leave you alone forever.

Edward

My mind went blank, how could I have just done that with Jacob. I was supposed to be thinking today about what I was going to do about Edward and instead I ruin any chance I may have of getting back on track with him. My stomach began to burn and I felt nauseated, what kind of person says they need to think about their relationship with their one true love, and then fool around with their best friend?

I stilled loved Edward and everything about him, but something was there with Jacob, something I was missing with Edward, the freedom to know that what I was feeling was real. Still, Edward was my love I knew it from the moment I looked at him and we have been through so much, how could I even think about throwing that away? What's even worse, Jacob was in my room and saw the letter left for me, I can't even imagine what he must be feeling.

I walked over to my open window and put my hand on the handle…

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