Where The Past Becomes The Present

Chapter Ten
"Take care of Esme," Carlisle pleaded to me. I shook my head. It wasn't my responsibility to take care of her. She wasn't my wife. It was Carlisle's job.

"Son. Please....I love you." Carlisle's voice was choking on blood. I watch the red seep from his quivering lips and touch the dirt below his head. His hazy blue eyes stared at me, still begging. I let a sob escape as I knew that this was it. That it was the end.

"I will. I promise. I love you." I repeated those over like a mantra as the beast continued to torture my father, with a final goodbye, I ran.

I couldn't get away without hurting myself. The tears made my eyes blurry; I tripped endlessly over sticks, rocks and anything that could manage me to get cut up. I ran until I made my way home.

I just wish that it was me instead of Carlisle.

Me instead of Chief Swan.

Me instead of Bella.

BPOV – Part One

Dr. Cullen's glazed over eyes stared in my direction; at my shaking legs that continued to bounce as I silently sobbed. Seth held me against him; rubbing his large, rough palm against my arm. He was comforting me, like he always did. Seth, throughout time, had become more of a brother to me then a friend. A protector, a body guard. The two of us had created a bond, it was are only choice, our obligation.

"It'll be fine," he promised. "Everything will be okay."

I shook my head. "No, it won't."

A fresh wave of sobs broke free and I wrapped my arms tighter around me.

"Bella, Bella, Bella," Seth crooned, pulling me in closer to him. "It will be. I promise you."

I continued to cry, pulling away from him. I looked at his large, dark orbs.

"No, Seth. It's won't! He keeps killing! He'll never stop!" I screamed, sobs wracking me. Seth's dark hands grabbed my shoulders.

"That's not true! You know that! It was an accident!" he yelled back at me, but it was more of a hushed tone.

I stood up. "It's always an accident isn't it!?" He opened his mouth but then shut it as my I glared darkly at him. "Those teens? My dad? Dr. Cullen! This is happening more than it should!"

I realized that I stepped to close to Dr. Cullen's torn body; the nausea hit me before the smell. I glanced down, the color red hit me first and I doubled over; vomiting. I had been standing in what used to be his stomach. His insides had been ripped out and tossed around like a salad, his intestines and kidneys were mixed up with each other. I continued to purge my recent meal, letting new tears fall free. When I was finished I wiped my mouth, sobbing.

"What about us Bella?" Seth whispered, his voice hardly audible. "We've slipped up."

"That's different," I muttered, moving away from Dr. Cullen and the smell.

"Is it?" he asked, eyebrows raised. "Is it really?"

"We did it accidently. He's doing it on purpose." I sniffled and walked past him, reaching to grab Edward's jacket I had been wearing. The only reason I wasn't wearing it know was because of Jacob. He'd gotten angry, he'd gotten stubborn.

Jacob thought that I belonged to him, that I was to be his forever. I didn't love Jake though, I loved Edward. As silly and stupid as it sounded, I was in love with the dork. So much that it hurt, only because I knew that he and I couldn't be, not when I was this person; this monster.

I pulled the jacket on and inhaled the earthy sent it had.

"Jacob's not the same person, he's changed," I spoke to Seth.

"Do you hear yourself?" He smiled, not out of humor but out of anger.

"Why are you protecting him?" I growled, my own anger flashing through me.

For this Seth didn't have an answer to. He stared at me, not blinking or watching, just staring; almost as if he was having a conversation in his head instead of with me. He was resolving himself. He sighed and walked over to me, looking at the destruction around us.

He stopped and smirked. "We have some evidence to get rid of."

-*-

It's amazing how much seeing someone die in front of you can make you change. Not just emotionally or mentally, but physically too. Even more so when you're the killer. We all had options; except it and be something great or except it and stay out of the way. Funny how there isn't a 'no' option, to deny what we were, what we had become. We had all changed; some of use for the best, some of us for the worst and some of us had been driven mad – to death.

We had all gone to Quil's and Jared's funeral last week. No one was sad, no one cried –except their families- but us, the gang; we did not shed one tear, we did not give our condolences. We listened as the elders spoke words in Quileute, a language I had yet to learn. As soon as Harry –Seth's father- closed his ancient book we all turned and walked away. Like an army, in sync and impenetrable. We were a force, held by our leader and our numb emotions.

Every time we changed, we hunted. Together. A family. A pack. A group of beasts doing only as nature had taught us. As much as we wanted to deny the monsters inside us we knew that it wouldn't be possible. We were far too gone to return. It was something we understood, that we knew – we wanted to change that and we would; but not yet. Not when we were so under control that we couldn't even have a coherent thought.

As the endless rain continued to pour down on the dreary, small reservation when we awoke on the shore of First Beach we stared at the waters. They crashed against each other, making a loud yet calming noise. We were all aligned in perfect order. Alpha to Omega – the rest of us falling into place. We all slowly sat up, never breaking the synchronized movements. We all smacked our mouths against our tongues…thirsty. We looked at each other, staring at the depths of each other's eyes as we recalled our killings.

"Go home," Jacob ordered as he pulled himself onto his feet. We all watched him walk away from us, like he always did. The most of us spent our time together, never separating where as he'd often venture into solitude. We never knew why he did this, sometimes we'd like to pretend that he sat there and pitied himself – if only we could be so lucky.

"I'm still tired," Embry said. He got up onto his feet, his clothes tattered and ripped. "I'm going to go home. I haven't had a real cooked meal in…forever."

He smiled at us and walked away. One by one the rest of the pack did the same. It was the first time in a long time that we all had gone on our own since we'd made the pact the day my father died, the full moon we'd all joined together again. I was left on the beach, drenched and cold. It was five minutes of sitting alone that brought me a bad feeling deep inside that had me leaving the beach. But unlike the rest of us I didn't have a home to go too. I was a stray. Instead I went to the place I disliked to go.

Jacob's.

I picked up shoes that were ruined and headed to his home, aware that this would not be pleasant. I walked through the wet sand, my head down the whole time. It was that I feared Jacob, no, that was never it. And it wasn't that he annoyed me. I disliked Jacob because he wasn't the boy I had learned to love, to be best friends with. He was a new person, a stranger. A shadow. Jacob Black was no longer the boy that smiled, that laughed, that had a sense of right and wrong.

As I stepped in front of the familiar red door that led into the small barricades of the Black's home, I let out a shaky breath. It'd been months since I stepped foot into the claustrophobic yet homey place that sheltered a father and his son – not to mention a best friend who'd often stop by. I curled my fingers into a fist and brought it forward to tap against the wooden door, but to my surprise it opened on its own. Jacob stared at me with broken, haggard eyes.

"Bella," he greeted solemnly.

"Hey, Jake," I replied, timidly waving and grinning.

We stood there awkwardly. I was continued to be anything but dry with the heavy pounding of the rain. Jacob shifted on one foot and moved away, leaving an opening in the door. He extended his arm out, it gestured into the warmth of his home. I looked at him, he nodded and I walked in. Signals were something we'd always understand – it was our way of communicating. I glanced at the familiar furniture, the musky, earthy scent that wafted around every part of my body. Billy's wheelchair creaked out of his bedroom and turned, headed toward us.

"Hey there, Bella. It's been awhile," he croaked.

I nodded my head. "It has."

He sighed. "Sorry about your dad."

He had no right to apologize. I just nodded my head. He maneuvered his wheel chair, making a 180 and headed back into his bedroom. The floor creaked as he made his way in, shutting the door gently. Jacob and I stood in silence; the sound of the wind whooshing and the rain hitting hard against the roof.

"A storm is coming in," I stated, not sure what to say.

He grinned. "I know."

"Maybe it'll begin to snow again soon," I spoke.

He smiled once again. "Most likely."

The air between was awkward. We stared down at our feet, at the walls, at anything that wouldn't let our eyes connect. It was a shameful act, cowardly, but we both didn't know how to act around each other in a human manor. We'd lost ourselves and going back was always the hardest thing to do. A yawn escaped from my stilled lips.

"I feel the same way. I was going to go to bed but if you want you can take my room and I'll have the couch," Jacob spoke. He sat down on the small love seat and made his body fit better – it really didn't matter though. Jacob had grown, like all of us. He wasn't the small, lanky teenager that he used to be. He was now more of man. Full grown and always tired. I bit my lip as I stared at the opening to the small room. The mattress was no bigger than the couch but it offered more moving room. I felt guilty for taking it from him; he needed more rest then all of us. But then again I was tired, physically and emotionally. But this still felt wrong. I sat on the edge of the bed, my eyes roaming over the small room. It made me smile. We'd spent numerous days in here, when we were younger. It was often in the summer time when I still lived with my mother. Dad would always go fishing with Billy and the two of us would hang out.

Funny how things can change dramatically. Jacob and I went from best friends to strangers in the blink of the eye. Things weren't the same anymore and I had a feeling they would never be. But as much as we no longer spent time together, the more the connection grew. Jacob was sure that we'd be together some day, that I'd become the Alpha female. That me and him would rule the pack and all future members. I didn't want that – I didn't want this. I wanted to be a normal teenager and be with whoever I wanted. Like Edward.

My love for him only grew as I spent more days away, more days preying on innocent humans. As each full moon rolled around, I'd think about him. Even if I could choose my own mate, it wouldn't be him. I was too dangerous now. I wouldn't be able to have him around me when I became the thing I loathed the most. Edward and I could never be, but I wouldn't be with Jacob either.

A tap at the door knocked me out of my thought process. I looked up to see Jacob slowly creaking the door open. He smiled at me, I guess. It was tight line formed but it didn't shine like it used to.

"Hey Bells," he stated, closing the door behind him. I felt very claustrophobic then.

"What's up?" I asked, curious as to why he was here.

He walked toward me, motioning at with his hand to scoot. I moved until I touched the wall. He sat on the edge of the bed, his large body touching mine.

"We need to talk," he said.

"About what?" I asked, a little rude.

His shoulders slumped. "Us."

I stayed quiet, not sure how to respond. I hadn't been expecting that. Jacob rarely said a full sentence to me let alone a touchy subject like this.

"Oh," was all that would come out.

"I think that's it time you took on your role," he said tough like. As if he was in his beast form now. I looked at him then. His face was deep in thought and his eyes slightly dazed like. Jacob was in his beat from, at least mentally.

"And how would I do that?" I didn't want the answer. I didn't want to ask the question. It just slipped out.

"Well, we'd have to wait for the next full moon. Then, only me and you go on the hunt. Just us, no one else. Then we, well, we become one." Jacob's cheeks slightly grew a pink color.

"Where are you getting at?" I growled.

He looked down, embarrassed. "I think you know."

I groaned as I thought about it. I shook my head, "No."

He looked up then; all traces of embarrassment were gone and replaced with determination.

"Bella, it's our only option. Your only option. You will become leader of this pack if something ever happens to me. It's time that you began to learn the ways. It's the only way."

"I don't want to be Alpha." I didn't want to say that, but once again words fell out of my mouth like vomit.

"You have to be Alpha," he retorted.

"Why?"

"Because!" he growled, reaching for the opening of my jacket and pulling it away from my shoulders. On my collar bone reviled a crescent scar. His dark fingers traced it. I looked up at him, his dark eyes soaring into mine lovingly. "You're mine."

"Jake-" I began to protest but his lips captured mine in. I planned to pull away, to maybe hit him or even walk out of his house but to my surprise I kissed him back. I think he was shocked as well, his lips stilled before the pressed against mine. His hands caressed my shoulders and turned my body to get in a more comfortable position.

As his lips roughly collided with mine his hands moved to my hips, pulling me into a striding pose. My hands slipped behind his neck and tumbled through his dark locks. I pressed my lips harder against him, his hands pushing my lap into his. He groaned, I moaned and we fell back on the bed. It wasn't until we were in this position, tongues tapping and hands roaming that I realized how terribly wrong and painful this was.

Physically I was kissing Jacob but mentally I was kissing Edward. Both realizations leaving me breathless.

I stared down at Jacob, his midnight brown eyes blurring to green and then back to their regular color. His choppy, dark haircut turned into a wave of bronze and back to black. The large boy's frame shrunk into Edward's. Jacob went from Edward to himself over and over, each blur becoming more hazy and nauseating. My head grew heavy, my body swayed and everything turned black.

A/N

– Sorry for the delay in updating. I've been busy with The Sparkle Awards, Something Special and Snitch. Not to mention I had a minor case of Writer's Block. Busy, busy times.

Forgive me?