Where The Hatred Is Nothing

At this moment in time it wasn't fearing the so called werewolves that had me cowering to the ground. No, never. It was the cold touch of knowing that death was seconds away. I wasn't ready to go; I wasn't ready to have my last breath. But I knew that there was nothing I could do to prevent this.

That's what I hated most.

Seeing myself this way.

I felt like I had left my body and I was watching myself through a window. I could see the fear, the horror. I just couldn't do anything. I was bound to where I was, never to make a single move that may have possibly saved my life.

I was petrified, frozen in my own fear.

I heard another snap, a deep breath, and then a curse. I felt myself relax slightly as I turned my head and looked past my shoulders. I nearly did a double take as I saw a large figure exit the darkened trees. He nearly blended in, but not enough.

Jacob Black stared at me with his dark eyes. I figured that he would be glaring at me or getting ready to eat me alive. Instead he just stared at me, completely and utterly hopeless. I stood up straight, not sure what to do, how to act. I wasn't even sure if I should speak.

But I guess he'd made the decision for me.

"I'm so jealous of you," he stated, walking out of the woods. I was surprised to see him naked. I quickly looked away, very awkward of everything.

"Uhm, why is that?" I asked.

"Your life is so perfect," he said.

I laughed. "Perfect? You have got to be kidding me." I turned my head and looked at him, my face full of angered humor.

"People seem to drop like flies around me. Not to mention I'm in love with someone who eats people for a living. Oh, and have I mentioned I have a best friend in love with me?" I clucked my tongue. "I would love to have a perfect life."

"That's exactly it. You have people who love you. I don't," he started. "My father is dead, my mother is dead, and my sisters are dead. My friends hate my fucking guts and the one person I love doesn't love me back. The worst part is knowing that it was all my fault."

I scratched my arm. "I didn't know that."

He laughed at me, looking towards the woods. "Yeah. My life sucks." He turned his attention back to me. "But what am I going to do about it?"

I stood there feeling the cold air touch my skin. But then I realized it was probably worse for Jacob. As much as I hated him and wanted him to die, I felt sudden sympathy for him.

"You want to come in or something?" I asked.

He turned his attention to me. "You're really going to let someone like me in your house?"

I shoved my hands into my pocket. "Would you rather be in the cold?"

He grinned. "Good point."

I started for the front door. I could feel Jacob behind me without knowing if he was really there or not. But once at the door I was faced with a dilemma. Three others were still inside and Jacob was naked. It wouldn't be difficult to sneak him but there was a chance that we'd get caught.

It wasn't that I cared about bringing Jacob into the house. It was just his nakedness that was a problem. Not to mention the jokes that Jasper would say. But then I remembered something. Jasper was nowhere near any joking attitude – no one was. Emmett was dead.

I think I just realized this.

I was hit by sudden sadness that I nearly fell backwards. Emmett was dead.

The worst part was knowing that the killer was right behind me.

I wonder if he even remembered killing anyone.

I'd find out, just not yet, not like this.

I opened the door and slowly stepped in, peeking around to see who was walking around the house. I made my way down the hall, looking back to see if Jacob was following. He was. He stared off at the many things that were in my home. I peeked into the living room. Alice was lying beside Jasper on a couch, both of them looked like they were asleep. I motioned for Jacob to be quiet and silently ran to the stair case.

I swear Jacob was a ghost.

He made no sound whatsoever.

Once we securely upstairs I went towards my parent's bedroom. Jacob was rather large and I was sure that I didn't own any clothes close to his size. My father on the hand had every type of clothes known to man. My mother had tried to convince him to get rid of it, but he was too much a pack-rat.

I opened the door and disappeared inside, Jacob following silently following like my shadow. I headed for the large closet that held all my parents clothes, at least most of them. It was strange being here. It held my father's scent, a scent that would stay with me forever. It smelt of hospitals and soap; yeah, I know.

Eventually I found a pair of large sweats and a large hoodie. They both gladly showed what year they were from.

"Forks Highschool. 1983," I read as I handed them to Jacob.

"And your dad still kept these?" he asked, mortified.

I nodded my head. "Dad doesn't know how to let anything go. But hey, if he didn't have these someone would be shipping you off to a nudist beach."

He chuckled. "Yeah. Ancient clothes are better then naked old people I guess."

He put on the clothes while I looked around the bedroom. I was oddly surprised to find boxes everywhere, most of them full of my father's stuff and the rest empty. I figured that my mother wouldn't have the strength to touch my father's things, but I guess not.

If it wasn't for Jacob these boxes wouldn't even be here.

"I hate you. Do you know that?" I asked him.

He sighed. "Of course I know that. Everyone hates me. Join the club."

I turned and looked at him, my arms crossed as he unconsciously sat on my parents bed. He blinked his eyes and for a moment it looked like they weren't going to open back up.

"How do you live with yourself?" I questioned.

He looked up at me then, his eyes dark and piercing. "How do I live with myself? Half the time I'm a fucking monster and the other half I'm trying to get my life back together. Look, Cullen. I do not need you to tell me how much of piece of shit I am!"

I recoiled. "Someone has to do it!"

He clucked his tongue. "Yeah, well good luck getting me to listen."

I shook my head and slowly and made my way beside him, sitting a few inches away.

"What are you going to do Jacob? Go around killing people? Shouldn't you try to get some help or something? Change?"

"I've already tried. Trust me, whatever thought about me that you have or are having; I've already thought them. All I know is that I need to do something, I need to change something. I need to….get laid," he stated with a small smile.

I laughed a little bit. But then silence returned and I was left with guilt. I hated Jacob, it was a fact. But I never realized that he could have hated himself more. Sure he was a lean, mean, killing machine – but was that really his fault?

"Did you purposely kill all those people?" I asked him.

He turned to me and pursed his lips. "One," he said as held one finger up. "I'm not the only one killing. Two, no, I don't. I try to stop myself but when the beast takes over it takes over."

"So I shouldn't blame you for killing my dad and best friend?" I sighed.

"Probably, because in truth the only thing I remember killing is a spider a few days ago," he replied.

Well this sucks, I thought to myself. Here I wanted someone to blame (him) and I couldn't even do that.

"There's a girl crying somewhere in this house," he said to me. I felt my eyebrows raise in question. Then I remembered he was some bizarre mythical creature. And then it hit me like a semi truck.

Rosalie.

Her life was already a living hell and with the fact that Emmett was gone, that must have made it worse. I ran out of the bedroom and didn't stop until I was in my room. Sure enough there she was lying in my bed, her back to me as sobs escaped from her.

Rosalie rarely liked to show her emotions. Even as a little girl when she got upset she'd go somewhere private and isolated. But I knew that sometimes she liked to be found, that sometimes she liked the attention. But today, she could care less about who found her. But with her in my bed I figured it was a comfort zone for her, a place where she knew she'd be safe.

She was so broken.

I kicked off my shoes and pulled back the covers. She didn't even react to it. I laid down in the bed, placing my hands around her stomach. She looked back at me then, her eyes red and puffy. Her tears came out harder then as she turned around and placed her head in the space between my head and chest.

"You know, Rose. Things will get better," I said to her.

She laughed without humor. "Sure they will, Edward. And tomorrow when I wake up, this will all be a dream right?"

I ignored her. There wasn't anything I could say to Rosalie that would make her happy. I just held her in my arms, letting her know that I was here for her. I always had been - I always would be.

"Why does life suck so much ass?" she asked me.

I shook my head. "I have no clue."

"God hates us," she said in a quiet tone.

It was my turn to laugh. "What God?"

She didn't speak after that, neither did I. The only thing we did was hold each other. Every now and again Rosalie would let out a single sob and I would squeeze her gently, letting her know that I was here. It would always calm for her a moment or two, but then she'd do it again.

"You know," she began, a smile cry escaping her lips at the same. She took a deep breath. "You know sometimes I can't help but to feel that this was my entire fault."

I sighed. "It's not. I mean, who knew Emmett would react that way to the news of you being pregnant. Emmett liked kids; at least, I'm sure he did. We rarely talked about it."

Another sob came from her, but this time it was muffled, like she was trying to keep it from me. I looked down at her, my eyes narrowing as she covered her mouth with her hand.

"What?" I asked, sitting up and making her move with me.

She sat beside me, wiping at her tears and taking deep breaths.

"I lied," she stated quickly.

"What?" I asked.

She looked at me, her blue eyes full of self hatred. "Emmett didn't freak out about me telling him that I was pregnant. He was thrilled about the news."

"Then…what?" I was confused, unsure about why Emmett would get upset about anything.

"I," Rose began but stopped herself. She looked down at her hands then up, defeated. "I told him that I was in love with you."

I felt myself gasp. "Wh-why would you do something like that?" I asked loudly. "You know how much he loves you! You know how much he thought you loved him! Why couldn't you just keep your mouth shut!?"

I felt bad for yelling at her, but sometimes you just need to yell.

She sobbed. "I don't know! I was stupid and I just couldn't keep pretending with him!"

"And so you had to tell him the truth didn't you?"

She stared at me for a moment then burst out in laughs. I sat there glaring at her. Why was she laughing? There was nothing funny about this.

"What?" I growled.

She took a deep breath and calmed her giggles. "Jeez, Ed. Let's see. Uhm, what if we were in a relationship but you were in love with Bella. What if you didn't love me and wanted to be with her? Would you tell me or would you continue our faux relationship?"

I felt my mouth form an 'o'. "You're right," I stated.

She nodded her head. "No, shit. Now, if you don't mind I'd like to sleep. May I use your bed for that?" Rosalie was angry, but she had a right to be.

"You know I don't care," I replied as I got up. She sighed and sunk back into the warm, comfy bed; disappearing underneath the sheets. I turned off the lamp on the night stand and left the bedroom, closing the door behind me.

I then remembered that I had left Jacob in my parent's room. I wonder if he stole anything, that's really all I could care about.

I made my way down the hall and into the bedroom, only to find it empty. My eyebrows delved in the middle and I went on a quest – a quest to find the werewolf in my house. I checked thoroughly upstairs, finding nothing. I then made my way downstairs, only to spot Jasper fully awake and watching TV.

"You didn't happen to see a tall kid around here?" I asked.

Jasper stared at me, his blue eyes glazed over and his one eyebrow raised above his right eye. He shook his head at me and then turned his attention back to the TV, running a hand through Alice's messy hair as she slept soundly on his lap.

"Was he wearing some old gym clothes and smelt like death?" Jasper asked back.

I didn't remembering smelling him, but that would fit his description. "Si, senor," I said in a Spanish accent.

"Then yep. He left with your mom," he replied.

"My mom!?" I asked in almost hysterics.

"Yeah. She came home, looked at me, went upstairs for like ten minutes then came back down here with him. They left."

I scratched my head. "What the hell is going on?" It was a question for myself, but Jasper overheard it.

"You can say that again. I feel like I'm in a dream or some shit like that. I just want to go slam my head against the wall and pass out for forever."

"I'd love to join you," I breathed as I sat on one of the couches.

Jasper turned and looked at me again, his expression sad. "I called Emmett's parents."

There was no need to ask for more detail. There was nothing that needed to be said. I just nodded my head and closed my eyes. I was tired. It had been one hell of a day for me.

All I wanted was sleep, food, and to make sure Bella was alright.

And my mom.

What the hell was she doing with Jacob Black?

My only solution was to wait, and wait I would.

A/N: Hmm. A filler chapter mostly. What we have left is two. One is that Jacob outtake chapter I promised, but I made blackandivorykeys write it :D And the one after that is the epilogue. It's time to end this biotch. But according to the poll there was 13 yes's for a sequel and 2 no's. Sorry no-folks but a sequel will be made.

More detail on that later!

Review?