well, another chap for you... hope you like it...

CHAPTER 5: a dangerous development – Carlisle's POV

I entered the hospital with an eager smile on my face. When I came to the reception desk I greeted the nurses with a wide grin.

"Hello ladies." I was in a too good mood to bother that some of them nearly fainted at my sight. I went straight into my office where I changed my jacket for my lab coat. Then I walked out again. I knew what I was going to do was wrong but I needed to see her. And why shouldn't I? She was one of my patients. I just cared for her well-being. I walked to her room and knocked softly. I hoped desperately that she was still awake. A moment later I heard a soft "Come in." I opened the door and almost took it out of its hinges. Man! This young woman really had a bad effect on my self-control.

"Hello!" I said happily as I stepped inside, closing the door behind my back.

"Carlisle!" Esme was sitting in bed. She smiled brilliantly at me. I grinned.

"How are you? Is the leg okay?" I asked her. "Yes. I am fine, I think." She looked even more beautiful than I remembered. I walked over to her bedside and glanced down at her leg. "No cast?" I asked. Esme shook her head.

"No, an old, fat doctor with grey hair said the swelling was still too big…" She answered. I raised my eyebrows and sat down next to her bed.

"An old, fat doctor with grey hair? You mean Dr Chandler?" She nodded, biting her lip. "I did not like him." She admitted. I chuckled. "Why not? He is a very capable physician." A light blush reddened her cheeks. She did not look at me while she searched for an answer.

"He is… he treated me like a child… and his hands… they were too warm…." She muttered. "He is not you…" She ended. I had to laugh at this. She had no idea how much I liked what she just had said. Esmes cheeks blushed in an even deeper red.

"Well, I am here now." I said to lighten the mood again. Esme smiled. "How was your day? Are you still in pain?" I asked. Esme looked at me.

"Er… well, my leg is alright… it doesn't hurt very much… but… I am bored." She said finally. I chuckled again. "Well, perhaps I could help you with that… would you like to read something?" Esme beamed at me.

"Yes! I mean, that would be really nice, thank you." "But I fear the books in my office are perhaps not of your interest. Mostly Shakespeare…" I told her, suddenly thinking that my lecture was nothing which Esme was interested in.

"I like Shakespeare…" She said lowly. I looked surprised at her. "You like….?" I started. Esme interrupted me. "Yes, but I am not allowed to read it… I am hardly allowed to read anything… well, except cookery books…" I smiled and laid my hand on her arm. Esme smiled. "I will get you the books." I said before I got up and left for my office.

I grabbed a few books from the shelf in my office: Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet and Midsummernightsdream. Then I returned to Esme. She was looking at the door when I entered the room. "Why do you have books here in your office?" she asked me suddenly. I gave her the two books and sat down again in the chair next to her bed.

"I spent many nights on call in my study. I am also bored sometimes." I explained. Esme smiled. "Well, thank you." She whispered. "You should sleep now." I told her softly. Esme sighed.

"But I am not tired. I could have slept the whole day." She complained. I smiled a little while I listened for sounds from the corridor. It was again a quiet night. I could just stay here a bit… talking to Esme… No you cannot! You should not even be here!

"I could stay a little while, if you want me to…" I said wanting desperately to stay – against all reason. Esme looked happy at me.

"Really? You would stay?" She asked me. "Only if you want me to… I mean, I just thought you maybe want some company…" I tried to explain my odd behaviour. Hell Carlisle, she is an honourable 16-year-old woman, what do you think you are doing here?!

"Of course I want you to stay!" Esme said when she guessed where my thoughts were heading. "I just did not think you would have time, or like to stay here…" I touched her arm again and squeezed it very carefully. She was so fragile.

"I would really like to stay here." I said honestly. Esme smiled. For a moment we sat there in silence until Esme spoke again:

"Can I ask you something?" I nodded. "Everything you want. Go on." "How old are you?" She wanted to know. I cursed inwardly. One of the questions I had to lie about. "It's just because you look so young but you are a doctor and…" I chuckled.

"Okay, I understand… I am 28, actually." Esme gasped. "You look much younger! If you weren't a doctor I would guess 23 or 24…" I smiled. She had no idea how close to the truth she was.

"Well, I take that as a compliment, thank you." Esme blushed. "Are you married?" She asked me then. I shook my head.

"No, I am not. Why?" Obviously my question embarrassed Esme even more. "I… don't think… I just thought…" I interrupted her stuttering. "Esme, it is alright. I just wanted to know… I was curious." I told her. She thought about me being married? That was interesting… I chuckled.

"Me too." Esme replied. "I was also just curious." I chuckled. "I told you to ask whatever you want, I meant it." I made clear. "You can ask me everything." Esme looked at me for a while before she asked another question.

"You're engaged then?" I shook my head again. "No, I am all on my own." I told her. Esme shook her head. "I can hardly believe that…" She murmured more to herself. I was just too curious and asked:

"Why?" She blushed and wouldn't meet my eyes.

"Well… you are… so handsome and…." She stopped, obviously shocked by her own words. I was surprised. I knew my kind looked good. The sense behind it was simple: We should attract our prey. But, it was different to hear it from her. I often heard the nurses whisper about it but when Esme said it… I didn't allow myself to finish that thought. I was totally mad! Esme was quiet for a while. I guessed she searched for a less embarrassing subject. I did the same but I could not think of one. In fact, my mind was empty when I watched her beautiful frame.

"Where are you from?" She finally asked me. I smiled. I decided to tell her some truth, as much as would seem normal. "I am from England, London. My father was an Anglican priest. He died many years ago." Esme nodded.

"I am sorry." She said. "It is alright. My father wasn't one of the kindest persons and I never quite agreed with him. I think I was a disappointing son for him…"

"But you are a doctor! It's an honourable profession. Wasn't he proud?" I liked how she tried to make me feel better.

"I never was like my father. He had a different sight of things and he did not know I became a doctor." I told her. Esme nodded.

"I understand. My parents also sometimes see things differently than I do…" Now I was the one to comfort her. My hand reached for hers and I squeezed it lightly. She smiled at me and chased the thoughts of her parents away.

"Did you always want to become a doctor?" She asked instead. Her curiosity was endless it seemed but I wanted to answer her.

"I wanted to help the people. There was a turning point in my life and afterwards I struggled a bit until I found out what I wanted." I told her hoping I did not tell too much. The problem was I trusted her. I trusted her far too much.

"What happened?" She asked. I sighed lowly. How to explain what happened to me without revealing the truth? I did not want to lie to her. "I… had an accident…" I said. Yes, perhaps one could say that. It was a kind of accident… Before she could stress the topic more I decided that now it was my turn to ask.

"So, Esme, may I ask you something now?" She nodded and smiled. "Of course, just ask." I laughed. "What do you want to do with your life?" She shifted uncomfortable and told me then: "My parents want me to marry…" I shook my head. She was 16! I clenched my jaw when I thought of that fragile, lively woman in the arms of a man or rummaging in the kitchen…No! That was no life for her.

"I did not ask what your parents want from you…" I said. Esme looked at me, surprise obvious in her eyes and for some strange reason – doubt.

"I, I always wanted to… become a teacher." She whispered. I smiled. "Which subjects? What would you like to teach?" She blushed a bit as she told me.

"Art or history of art, but I also like literature very much." "Art? That is very interesting. Do you draw?" I found her fascinating. She was so young. Normally girls in her age would only think about their outfits, new fashion styles or boys. Esme was different. She did not burst into giggles when she saw me or flinch away shyly, she did not try to flirt with me forcefully. I could relax with her. And I felt less lonely.

"Sometimes, I have not much time… my mother always keeps me busy… she wants me to learn all the things a lady should know." Her voice was sad. I knew that she did not like these things.

"To me you seem to be just perfect the way you are." I told her in the attempt to lighten the mood again. Esme flushed and looked away as she mumbled a "Thank you." I flashed her a smile. "What for? I only spoke the truth." I said. Her cheeks flushed an even deeper scarlet. It was beautiful and tempting at the same time. For a few moments I just marvelled at her until a sound outside on the corridor interrupted us. There was calling and running.

"It seems I have work to do." I said as I got up. Esme nodded. I made my way for the door, just before I opened it, Esme called after me: "Carlisle? Will you come here afterwards again?" I smiled at her and nodded. "I will." I said before I left her room. When I had left I realised how stupid the promise I just made really was. I should not be with her. I could not sit next to her bed and talk to her all night. It was wrong. But I still wanted it. I hadn't talked that way about me for centuries. I doubted I had ever shared so much of myself with someone else.

"Dr Cullen." A nurse came running towards me. "There's a patient, male, he is bleeding very baldy." I nodded and followed her to the examination room. A man was already sitting on the table, he was drunk. My nose wrinkled when I smelled the alcohol. "Hello Doc!" he babbled. I forced a smile and went to the man to examine him. He had a large cut over his wrist.

"How did that happen?" I asked slowly and clearly. The man grinned at me.

"Welllll… doc… I had a party tonight… you know, I'm father now, a boy… I cele- celebra-, we had a party and I must have fallen…-" The man laughed. "…in a pile of pieces of glass…" he said but afterwards went on babbling over the party. I shook my head slightly. His wife must be really happy… I examined and cleaned the cut from any splinters. Afterwards I decided that the man did not need any narcotics while I stitched him up. When I had finished I sent the man home and cleaned the table. I still shook my head about the behaviour of the man. What a fine way of celebrating a birth. I left the examination room and went for a late-night check-up on my patients. The two nurses who worked the night-shift with me sat in the lounge and talked. The check-up on my patients tonight was more a fake than anything else. When I was finished I returned to Esme's room.

I opened the door and peeked inside. She was asleep. Rays of moonlight fell inside the room and made her look like an angel. The caramel curls spread over the pillow, her lips curved up in a tiny smile. I stepped towards her bed and tugged the blanket securely around her. Then I hesitated. I felt the urge to touch her cheek. Somehow my body seemed to work on its own. My hand cupped her cheek and I stood rooted to the spot when she leaned into my cold touch. God, I woke her up! Now I was in trouble. How should I explain me touching her? The craziest explanations shot through my head and it took some seconds until I realised that Esme was still fast asleep. She leaned into my palm and stirred. A moment later I froze again. "Carlisle…" She murmured probably too low for human ears to hear, but I heard it. It did not sound scared or like a nightmare. It sounded… good. No. I was no good. She should not dream of me, not in pleasant ways. That was so wrong. But I liked it. There was someone who really liked the person I was. Who really liked me. I stroked her face and whispered: "sleep, Esme, sleep…" She sighed lowly and I took my hand away. Then I stepped back and leaned against the wall. I needed to get away from her. Far away. I told myself that over and over again but I could not. I wanted to have as much time with her as possible. Afterwards I would be all alone again and then it would be even harder than before. I wanted some memories of a good time in my life, or existence.

The night passed slowly and I spent some more time watching Esme sleep and pushing my bad conscience aside. Three hours before dawn another patient came into the hospital and I was busy caring for the man. When I had looked after his injuries and my patient was sure to survive, my shift was almost over. I took my coat and after one last glance at Esme I went home for the day. I was already missing her. She is human, Carlisle! You cannot keep up with this! It is dangerous! For her and for you! I cursed under my breath. I was close to break the rules of my kind. And I did not even know why. Why was I intrigued by this young woman like I was? What made her so special? Her blood called for me, yes, but I could resist that. It was something else which was much harder to resist, something about her personality. I just could not put my finger on it.

Let me know what you think! Thanks!

PS: I promise I try to update faster from now on, chap 2 of Missing Moments will be up this week... check it out...