"Jake, son, let me tell you. Yer gonna meet some weird folk in your profession sometimes they'll be easy to handle and other times…well just remember they ain't right in the head." - Quote Philip J. Halsenbach
He was a pale man about average height he would guess. He had the blackest almost raven colored haired the spectacle psychologist had ever seen. He was, in fact, one of Jake's "trusted" friends. Yes, quotations were used for when you leave your drunken friend outside a bar that's known to be gay and you, as the friend, know how neurotic and homophobic your other friend is do not even help but walk away…trusted is indefinitely or perhaps permanently put into quotation marks. Why was the psychologist suddenly wondering about this friend of his? Well…it just so happens that this friend, who's name shall not be disclosed at this point in time, was actually trying to warn him…of things like this.
"You know, Jake. This line of work you want to get into…you do realize what it's going to be used for, right?" The brown haired, glasses sporting, man only gave a curt nod, "well yeah. I'm going to be helping people…obviously." He heard a "tch" like reply come from the other man. He knew what his friend was getting at, yes, he knew all too well. "You do know what they'll make you do, right?" There was another affirmative nod from the chocolate brown haired man. The clinking of plates, forks and other culinary items filled the blank empty void now stretching out between the two. The black haired man sitting across from him took a sip from the steaming cup of coffee the small stream of air in stark contrast with his black, abysmal, hair. A clearing of the throat and Jake looked up from the menu.
"I know, I know. Lazy asses they are. It's not like they couldn't get someone else to." Jake snapped; waving over a girl in what looked like a two dollar French whore's maid outfit. Great service you got at these diners, eh?
"More coffee, sir?" They both nodded and she giggled walking off to the back of the grimy greasy diner kitchen. He didn't understand why he liked this place so damn much…it was so, nasty. The crunchy peppers you thought to be in your salad…yeah they probably weren't peppers at all. HELL! They were probably sliced up, red food dyed, cockroaches or something. Hey at least the coffee was good right? Even if it ended up being diesel fluid from a back alley crap hole car that drug dealers, who owned the restaurant no less, used. It did hit the spot on these rainy days though and that's all that matter, right?
"Ah well. So when are they scheduled to come?" Jake waved a hand nonchalantly as if he rather not think about nor did he give two shits about it.
"Who knows…all I know is afterward you need to get me piss drunk, I think I'll either die of alcohol poisoning or possibly get mugged either one is good to me." Jake spat as two freshly brewed cups of coffee were placed in front of them both.
"Yeah. I'll be sure to do that." His friend replied chuckling at the poor, unfortunate, soul before him.
Day One: The Disparaging Conclusion
The psychiatrist blinked. Why the hell was he having a conveniently placed flashback besides the ultimate purpose of the authoress trying to take up writing space with it and actually make an odd plot point to draw in more readers? Ah well, he didn't know. His eyes wandered…they were doing that a lot today especially with the cracked out people with blue hair, pink hair, and goddamn fish tanks on their heads…no wait AS their heads. He let out a long, arduous, "kill me now", sigh rubbing his temples as he heard some commotion outside his office. He looked at the small crystal paper weight pyramid lying lazily and prettily upon a stack of papers.
Gee that sure did look like a good bludgeoning tool right about now…
His eyes had an odd way of finding themselves towards things that would ultimately save his sanity and life, given the proper situation such as now, and he found them turn towards the clock upon the wall.
"Oh thank you God…I think I might go receive confirmation now because of this…" he was probably going to get a healthy dose of smite on the way home from work today. Oh wait…this was his fucking punishment! This whole day felt like the seventh layer of purgatory and by no means was he not going to commit acts of self mutilation on himself when he got back to his tiny, compact, shitty little apartment. Why in the world did he take this job…WHY WHY WHY.
The door snapped open and the man, who he swore had a fight with a botox injected needle, poked his head into the room. The smiling fox faced man looked at Jake who was holding his elegant paper weight against his head looking, or hoping, that the forced pressure he enacted upon it would cause his head to explode or something. Jake wondered…really how in the hell did this man see anything at all? It was like his eyelids were glued shut. Self discovery time! My god he should have became a surgeon!
"Ah! Am I interruptin' somethin'? Jake waved his free hand casually.
"No, no, nothing at all just me trying to end my life via a Christmas present from a niece I horribly detest and rue the day she was brought into this world by her gold digging whore of a mother." He said with a clearly forced smile.
"Oh! Good then! We needa talk." Lovely how caring these people were. Jake cleared his throat.
"About? I do believe this session for today is up…"
"Ahwha? Is up?" Gin titled his head to the side one arm pointing in the direction of the door…wait when the hell did this freaky bastard get into his office?!
"No." Gin frowned a little, "but there's still…"
"NO! NO NO NO! Get the hell out of my office!"
There was a resounding crash that drifted from the office of Jake to the waiting room with Aizen and his Arrancars. It was to say a bit surprising for the most of them although Aizen continued to sip his tea nonchalantly.
"Aizen sama…why did you choose Gin to go and negotiate with the ryoka?" Ulqiuorra asked knowing the answer readily beforehand. He merely got a shrug and smile from the enigmatic man whom he called leader.
"PSSSH! Obviously if he did go to negotiate the poor bastard would be dead! Ulquihora!" Grimmjow said laughter escaping his mouth as his blue eyes looked over at the narrowed ones of Aizen. The emorific Espada merely snorted brushing away the nickname with a lone deadpan green eyed stare.
"Perhaps Aizen sama would like to know that Grimmjow cracked one of his many Ming Dynasty tea sets." Ulquiorra stated in a matter of fact tone before leaving a stuttering, wide eyed Grimmjow in his wake looking back and forth frantically at Aizen who was sitting calmly, legs crossed, sipping his tea. The blue haired Espada promptly fell to the floor flailing, and gasping for air like a giant dying fish out of water as he was presumably crushed by his leader's reiatsu.
The door to Jake's office busted open a sliver haired shinigami ran out of the room ducking as a paper weight went flying past his head. Unfortunately the projection and linear path Jake had given it, he did fail gym three years in a row you know, caused it to bee-line directly and into Nnoitra's spoony thing. The one eyed Espada hissed glaring at Szayel, who was in the process of filing his nails, and gave him a look of complete and total perplexity.
"Don't grimace at me you eating utensil it's disgusting and highly derogatory to gaze upon me with such distasteful and lowly expressions. I might catch your utter repulsiveness. Gods know you have it like the pla-" The pink haired scientist never finished his sentence since Nnoitra's fist collided with his mouth. Aizen stood up then leaving his Espada to do what they pleased as he heard their bantering die down as he forced himself to forget they existed. Could he hypnotize himself into thinking that? He'd have to try it one day…or hypnotize all them into thinking they were rocks so they'd shut the fuck up for once!
"Ah I believe I have question Mr. Halsenbach." The brown haired man said smiling at him with a warm, FAKE, smile. Jake gritted his teeth. This goddamn bastard was such a faker, seriously, what the hell was up with that semi-quasi smile of his?! Did he think he was just going to pull down his pants and let him rape him up the ass!? Okay…not the best word choice nor the best example BUT IT GOT THE POINT ACROSS! At least…he thought it did. He pouted and furrowed his brow tapping his chin as he contemplated the best example to use for this situation "When encountering a CONNIVING BASTARD 101."
"Hmmm No, nope, not that example either…" Aizen raised an eyebrow at the man as he was silent. He watched as Jake rambled to himself about something insignificant and probably stupid.
"I believe we are in need of a…" he took out a piece of paper from his hakama with its scribbled messed up writing and a heart and a very bad stick figure picture of Gin smiling on it. He turned to look at the former captain who gave him a thumbs up and smiled. Aizen smirked before turning back to the most-likely-to-be-schizophrenic man.
"A hoe…tell." Aizen said; the word rolling off his tongue with not so much as a normal pronunciation whatsoever. Jade blinked mouth opening and closing like he were a fish out of water.
"Did you say hotel?" The psychiatrist asked with a confounded and somewhat bamboozled look upon his face. The other man with excessively gelled hair, though there were no signs of gel being applied or used at all within it, smirked again.
"Yes Mr. Halsenbach I believe I did say hotel. Or is your hearing just as bad as your professional "diagnosis"?" Jake's eye twitched, not visibly though, and he glared at the other man. Sonofabitch I'll give you a diagnosis. DIAGNOSIS OF MY FOOT UP YOUR ASS! Jake chuckled as he straightened his non-crooked glasses, coughing a little as he did so.
"Well since you asked so nicely Mr. ASSHOLE then there's a hotel down the block on the corner." Aizen smiled.
"Oh that was very clever. You're lucky I'm laying low for now otherwise I would've killed you. But you can be sure that once I become god your ass is mine." Aizen replied with a bright smile turning and walking away without as much as another word to the brown haired man.
"God…you people really are fucked up." Jake muttered clearly not trying to keep his statement to himself. Aizen turned his head around to look at him, those piercing eyes striking into his very soul. He merely yawned though glaring back at the other man who smiled as he continued onward out into the waiting room.
"Goddamn foreigners…" Jake snapped before following. He really wished he hadn't walked out of his office. My god he wished he would have just STAYED IN HIS ROOM AND KILLED HIMSELF! He let out a long, onerous, sigh both hands pulling his tight skin beneath his somewhat bloodshot eyes down and he felt the skin snap back upwards as a yell from the blue haired jackass, Grimmjow reverberated throughout the entirety of his room.
"Yo! Aizen-sama we leavin' this crap hole yet? I think it's that time of the month for Szayel and he might start fornicatin all over this goddamn shitty office." Szayel looked up from his face planted position on the floor blood seeping through his hands due to the fact that he just got a knuckle sandwich from Nnoitra not long before.
"I dare you to say that again you kitty litter eating fuc…"
"GET OUT! All of you! I'm done! D.O.N.E. You foreigners know what that means, right?! Gennemstegt! Valmis!! Búinn!! Hecho!! Oshimai!!" Jake said panting a little afterwards. His secretary, whose hair and blouse and overall appearance was in general shambles got up from her position behind the receptionist counter. Jake's eyes turned to her one of them, usually the right, twitched instantly as he turned back to the smug bastard named Aizen.
"What did I say about making out with the crazies?!" Jake snapped at her like a parental control block slaps a horny teenager on a Friday night when he's throwing a house party with his limited amount of friends and all they can do is watch playboy channels because clearly they cannot get any, whatsoever.
"Oh! M-Mr. J-Jake I-I didn't mean too…"
"Like hell you didn't…" he mumbled back his eyes snapping to Szayel who was currently holding his bleeding face with a pink handkerchief. Jake sighed holding his head in his hands as he did so. It hurt…the sheer amount of stupid radiating off these people.
"Yo fornicator git yer ass up we're headin out!" Grimmjow yelled into Szayel's ear the other's eye visibly twitching as his ear drums were presumably shattered like a drunken man's hopes and dreams of amounting to anything. Sorry to say Szayel was neither drunk nor having dreaming, perhaps one or two of dissecting the hell out of Grimmjow. He'd make a lovely stuffed cat…
"Ah of course, of course. Perhaps when Aizen-sama tells us to. You hardly have the authoritative right to be giving such a bold and pompous statement, sex-ta." The pink haired espada whispered. Had it been anyone else Grimmjow would have found it odd that there was a long few second pause between sex and ta but this was a dude whose release was to have sex or some shit. Talk about sexual deprivation, then again that's what happened when you locked yourself in the basement of an all white asyl-base where the moon is always out and the goddamn landscape was a fucking desert. Could at least have put in a casino or something. It'd be like Vegas. Run by assholes who wanted your soul, played by assholes that had no souls, perfect fit. And everything was sure to stay there cause either your ass was dead or your ass was about to be consumed by a hollow who had lost slots for the twenty-fifth time in a row.
"I-I think Aizen sama impregnated me just by touching me!!!" Jake's jaw opened slightly as he looked back at his young secretary. That was a very odd silence breaker and even Stark opened his eyes to look back at the disheveled young woman. Jake's eyes went to the gelled haired man who was smirking. Maybe…MAYBE HE WAS A GOD?! Grimmjow slid over to the young human girl snorting in amusement.
"Nah. Szayel would've done that if he touched you. And you dun wanna have his babies they'd all be born as pink haired FAGGOTS!"
"I HEARD THAT YOU MEOW MIX EATER!" A potted plant flew across the room and Grimmjow confidently ducked out of the way only to have Nnoitra, who was looking at a cooking magazine and finally realizing his outfit did indeed look like a spoon thus throwing him into a depressive maniacal self destructive path comparable to Ulqiorra's supposed emocarific personification, get hit directly in the face with a pot full of miracle grow. A very loud growl erupted from Nnoitra's throat. Szayel's eyes practically grew to the size of dinner plates as he backed up into a wall.
"Oh...fuck." Were the un-fabulous and crude words which escaped the pink haired Espada's mouth Szayel presumably bolted from the room, or building all together Nnoitra very close behind a rather odd looking instrument in his hands as he gave chase to the fornicating, prissy, overly confident Eighth Espada.
"I never knew Szayel to be so infatuated with human culture. I believe this hotel business will be quite intriguing." Aizen stated flatly, Gin rubbing the back of his head with a what-the-fuck-did-you-not-just-see-what-happened face? He just nodded though going over to the remaining Espada.
"It is gonna be interestin' Aizen-san." Gin said with his genuinely creepy smile. Jake let out another sigh.
"Breathing is such a foul method of being perceived by those around you. Force and pseudo god like powers are usually faster and far more efficient."
"Don't forget tha ego, Aizen-san." Gin whispered nodding to his higher in command.
"But of course. What would one be without that? After all Napoleon, Hitler, and Gius all had that astounding trait."
"Yeah right, whatever, can you please just get the fuck out? I…really need to go commit acts of self mutil-I mean acts of self betterment and all. Your wonderful family has led me to believe in population control much more readily than I already had." Jake said smiling motioning off towards the door.
"We will meet again at the same appointed time as today." Aizen stated. It was not a question, nor would it ever be, for he was sure that nothing would hamper the overall progress they were making in this human world endeavor.
"Yeah sure right." Jake slammed the door and possibly crushed Wonderweiss's fingers in the wake of his poorly subdued rage but he hadn't the slightest inclination to giving a damn or well caring for that matter. He was competent in his profession. Poorly executing, but somewhat competent…oh who the hell was he trying to kid he was the worst goddamn psychiatrist out there probably. Yet people kept coming back…hmm funny what drugs-I mean a good ear and big heart could do for your business. He turned to his secretary who was now trying to tidy up herself and the ransacked office of her employer.
"Nancy…please don't tell me you were serious." The woman just blushed immensely, turning away so as to hide her embarrassment. A soft giggle escaping her lips as she made her way off to conveniently placed bathroom in the waiting room lobby. There was another large, long, sigh in the proliferating silence. Coming from none other than Jake because really who else were you expecting, duh?
Shit. He hated giving fucking vacation time. And yeah Maternity leave was considered that because woman had the equipment to get banged up, carry around a massive ball of forming cells in her uterus, which in turn would change into a hell demon spawn baby that crapped in its diaper at the most inopportune times and never shut the hell up even when you gave it alcohol especially when just reaching that pinnacle of REM sleep, and then claim that she needed time to recover. DON'T GET LAID THEN, DAMN IT.
The slam of the door denoted the man's departure and he was currently making a straight path towards the nearest liquor store thanking and cursing the horrible gods for ending prohibition but for also making him take up this shitty job. No he wasn't into the whole free will bull, not right now, because he could have been living in his mother's basement and playing Grand Theft Auto and pinning the blame entirely on himself was just not how he did things so instead he blamed non-corporal beings.
Jake was a pessimist, but you all probably knew that already given the copious amounts of text coming before the rather bland and obvious stated fact. So it was in his nature to look at things half empty, not half full, and his two liter bottle of Pinot Merlot was very much half empty and it had taken him no more than half an hour to render it so. Alcohol poisoning would have settled in by now but seeing as how there are many things which are unknown about our semi-main character we'll leave his tolerance up for discussion for another day. He was sitting in his luxurious studio apartment a few miles away from his office and the hotel, which housed his "patients"; he had debated on whether to call the police to have the fucking whack jobs arrested for accosting him in his office today but the beer and wine tingeing his breath would probably end him up in the butt munching hell hole known as state penitentiary so, instead he was in his apartment...watching the news.
It was a funny thing about the news. They always told you something you didn't want to hear. Like how a burning building fell on top of a school bus filled with kindergartners or the local pet store caught on fire and half the animal population inside it just became Korean take out. It was always with these stories that Jake couldn't help but laugh. But one particular just put the icing on the proverbial shittiest-day-ever cake.
Breaking News: This Just In!
"Oh goddamn it." His hand made a "slap" sound as he hit himself in the face all too hard, pulling down on the skin as he slumped even further into his chair.
"Now, sir, you say your name is Aizen…Sosuske? Am I pronouncing it right?"
"You are. It my upmost and sincere displeasure to have to be a part of such raucous behavior I assure my espa-family members will be disciplined quite harshly for what they have done. We were hardly settled in as it was."
"Ah haha yes well some would say your behavior is terrorist level, blowing a hole into a hotel and all." The news reporter leaned over to the camera man, "why is he apologizing anyway?" A shake of the on screen camera gave the corresponding verdict from the man behind the technological curtain.
"Ah the police are here! They are now going to take away this man and his family of terrorist circus…I, Jeane, I don't know what to call them. Are they wearing bones on their face?"
"Perhaps it's an overly eager group of museum tourist. I have no idea. Do you have any other words, sir?" The microphone was placed quite closely to Aizen's face those eyes pierced through Jake's soul as if the man on screen knew he was eating five dollar greasy, probably cat but labeled as chicken, chicken and broccoli from the local Chinese restaurant. He swallowed knowing what the other was going to say. "Don't you fucking dare…DO NOT-!!!"
"I believe our assistant Jake Halsenbach can readily explain all this." That damn smirk on Aizen's face. This guy...he was a grade A BASTARD!
"MOTHER FUC-" The sound of police sirens blaring outside his apartment made him almost choke on his broccoli. He scrambled to his feet and his posture suddenly went to a slump and that slump went into him sitting his ass back down on his soft leather couch. He downed the last of the wine, grabbing hold of the paper weight. Odd when had he brought it home? Jake sometimes had the feeling that his subconscious did things without his knowing, putting cyanide into the neighbor's cat food being one of those things, this was another. He appreciated this, the cat not so much it was a very big apartment wide debacle and he ended up having to counsel the asshole who owned the cat for the three consecutive months after Mr. Fluffy kicked the can. This he could deal with. It was a wonderful device…it could be used in many ways to end his life…
"Just this once God just this once let me see you. Or, you know, I can even go visit the traitor I don't care! I'm not picky, really, I just." Three loud bangs on the door stopped his futile arrangement with the heavenly representatives.
"…you're an asshole." He glared at the ceiling, a piece of plaster hitting him in the face as his front door was kicked open. He never did get breaks; he concluded in that five second moment as he wiped the white artificial paint from his eyes.
"JAKE HALSENBACH! You are under the suspicion of aiding in a terrorist group! You have the right to remain silent anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law!" He looked very scared and very worried at the moment something he was never accustomed to doing. Who's to say that they wouldn't just shoot him on the spot or something? He raised his hands into the air the police officer's guns pointing right at his pale white face. The only sound to be heard was the dull thump as the paper weight slipped from his sweaty palm.
Worst day ever? Check.
(( Wow am I totally late on getting this up, understatement much? Uhh yeah. Kinda died for awhile there. Hopefully this'll make up for it? Kinda boring chapter but the next one will be getting back to the whole psychiatric business. I blame school entirely for my long term absence. Anywho. Enjoy! Don't forget to R/R or...not but it'd be lovely if you did~ ))