Jasper POV
As soon as Bella walked through the front door, she burst into tears. Edward pulled her on to the sofa frantically. It was amazing, having someone to play with who could actually cry. It opened up my opportunities so much.
"Bella? Bella, sweetheart, what's wrong?" I sent a carefully concocted mix of distress and resent at Bella. She turned away from Edward, apparently annoyed at him as her hysteria continued. He looked utterly bemused. I was deliberately singing Barbie Girl in my head to keep him out. Everyone knew how much Edward hated that song.
You can brush my hair
Undress me everywhere...
"Jasper? A little help?" Edward turned to me. I bit my lip to stop the laughter from spilling out. Rosalie had already buried her face in a pillow to stop Edward from figuring it out when he saw her cracking up.
Come on Barbie, let's go party...
"I don't know, Edward...she seems pretty upset..."
Uh, uh, uh, yeah
Come on Barbie...
"Why are you singing Barbie Girl in your thoughts?" Edward asked. Oh crap, if he'd realised what I was doing...
Time to turn on the charm, Bella. I threw waves of lust at her and seconds later, she had twisted into Edward's lap.
"You sexy vampire," she purred, as she attempted to kiss him. Edward was looking more than stunned now. I snorted once and then bit my lip again. Rosalie was creeping upstairs in hysterics. Bella licked her lips seductively and tried to push Edward down until they were both lying on the sofa.
"I want you right here, right now," Bella growled. Hmmm. I'd never seen that side of her before. Edward-the-one-hundred-year-old-virgin sat up and looked straight at me. Oops. Thoughts.
"JASPER!" he roared at me. "Stop that NOW!" I looked up at the ceiling and began to whistle innocently. Edward growled and bared his teeth at me. I rolled my eyes and sighed. Some people just couldn't take a joke.
"Sorry about that," Bella blushed about fifty shades of red. "I...don't know what came over me." Edward shot me another glare and Bella followed his gaze.
"Oh!" she realised. "Jasper!"
Wait, that wasn't Emmett and Rosalie upstairs...? Perfect!