Jasper POV

Three, two, one...action.

Right on cue, I heard Rosalie scream from her bedroom.

"Emmett, this is not funny!" Alice and I would have had tears of laughter running down our faces if we could cry.

"Emmett, come on, be serious!" Rosalie was getting frustrated. I couldn't hear Emmett's muffled reply. I could guess what he was saying though.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'YOU CAN'T'?" Rosalie screeched. I could practically hear her brain ticking. I waited, doubled up in silent laughter. "JASPER BLOODY WHITLOCK, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" Alice nudged me between her fits of giggles.

"Rose is coming downstairs in a minute. And she's not wearing much..."

I heard the kitchen door fly open and then I saw Rosalie standing in the doorway, hands on hips, wearing a few strategically placed pieces of lace. Alice smirked.

"Nice outfit, Rose." Rosalie hissed through her teeth.

"Hey, Alice?" she said sweetly.

"Yes?" Alice answered, just as sweetly.

"SHUT UP!" she screamed. Then she turned to me, with an evil glare in her eyes.

"Jasper, you know Emmett, don't you?"

"I believe I do."

"When he's back to normal without your...influences, he's more than capable of kicking your butt." Rosalie's eyes travelled over my face maliciously. "I'd hate for him to add another scar to your face...or rip off your head."

"I'll tell you what she's planning," Alice whispered in my ear. It was at that moment that Esme walked in through the front door. Excellent. It was about to get interesting.

Esme dropped the vase that she was holding when she caught sight of Rosalie's outfit.

"Rose...dear, what...what are...you wearing?" I snorted and Esme shot me a disapproving look.

"Esme, can you PLEASE ask Jasper to stop interfering with everyone's emotions? He's been driving us crazy ALL DAY." Unseen to Esme, Rosalie stuck her tongue out at me. Esme's disapproval increased.

"Jasper, I thought we spoke about this," Esme reprimanded me. "What happened, Rose dear?"

"He got Edward to flirt with me! And Emmett and I were going to have...some alone time but Jasper...turned Emmett off! It was completely unfair!"

Turned Emmett off! I exploded with laughter at that point and it was probably a good thing that I couldn't breathe because I wouldn't have been able to. I didn't see why Rosalie had to censor her speech in front of Esme whenever she wanted something. She never usually bothered. And I noticed that she hadn't bothered telling Esme about Bella. Clearly, human experimentation was not as severe in Rosalie's eyes.

Then, a thought occurred to me. If I was already in trouble, what could it hurt to postpone it for a while? I quickly let waves of boredom wash over Esme. She blinked once or twice.

"So? What do you want me to do about it? You spend half your life whining, Rosalie. It's no wonder that Emmett's not animated around you."

Rosalie's mouth dropped open and she wheeled around to glare daggers at me. Maybe looks could kill.

"CARLISLE!" Rosalie yelled, at the top of her lungs. Oh damn...