Author's note: WARNING. SOME SEXUAL REFERENCES.

Emmett POV

Just about the most interesting class at Forks High School. Sex education. And as usual, there was only one Cullen who even needed to take this class. The one-hundred-year-old-virgin-vampire, aka Edward was sitting at the desk in front of me, beside Bella. Excellent. That should provide some entertainment as Mr Banner attempted to teach a group of young adults about sex.

The man himself entered the classroom at that point, clearly embarrassed about what he had to do. I wondered how the staff chose who'd have to teach sex education that year. Mr Banner had obviously picked the short straw. He cleared his throat hesitantly.

"Ok, I'm sure that you all know why we're here today," he began. "There comes a point in every student's life when they need to start thinking about...relationships." I suppressed laughter. Of course, he wasn't going to utter the Big S such a short way into the lesson. I hoped that he wasn't just going to stick to the safe, biology side of things. If so, I was definitely going to be asking him explicit questions. Upon hearing that in my mind, Edward span around to glare at me. He was facing forward again before any of the humans had noticed, even Bella. I noticed that she was sitting further from him that usual, a permanent blush on her cheeks. I had to get Mr Banner to ask them questions. But how? Sitting just across the isle from me was Jasper. I could use that to my advantage.

"I'm going to start by playing a video to remind you all of some of the basic information that we'll be looking at during these lessons." I rolled my eyes. Typical biology teachers. Too afraid to jump in at the deep end so they resorted to the video method. I felt like shoving up my hand and offering to take the lesson myself. The students at Forks High School would be, without a doubt, be the most informed in the state but it was likely that I would be expelled before I could reveal anything that I would consider appropriate. Rosalie deliberately yawned as the video started.

"This A-Z of sex programme attempts to get across some basic information to students. Whether you've had a lot of experience or no experience, this video will hopefully be informative for everyone."

Alice, Jasper, Rosalie and I all rolled our eyes. I highly doubted that there was anything that this tame high school video could teach me. Even Edward probably wouldn't learn anything new and that was saying something. I didn't even know if Edward knew what went where. Feeling very sorry for poor Bella, I turned my attention to 'A'.

"A is for abstinence. This is a term usually connected to someone who refrains from having sex."

All four of the Cullens muttered 'Edward' under their breaths. Bella's ears turned bright red and Edward turned around, once more, to glare at me. I shrugged innocently and jerked my head towards Jasper and Alice.

"B is for breasts..."

I glanced sideways at Rosalie's and she smirked at me. A few rows away, I noticed Eric Yorkie frantically scribbling down notes on a clean sheet of paper. I snorted and kicked the back of Edward's chair.

Eric is writing this down. I thought. I saw Edward turn his head to look. Don't feel stupid if you want to make a few notes for yourself. Edward twisted his foot backwards and kicked me in the shin. I would have kicked him back but I didn't want to risk cutting through a chair leg again. Carlisle wouldn't like it if we had to move now.

"B is also for blow job..."

I saw Eric's head snap up. He was giving the video his undivided attention. Poor kid. I wondered if there was any way that Jas and I could sneak a sex manual into his locker or something. He certainly needed it. While the sexy female voiceover gave us some ideas about why blow jobs were so great, I felt a sudden new confidence. I wanted to ask a question. It was clearly Jasper trying to manipulate me but I was bored enough to respond. I stuck up my hand when Mr Banner was definitely looking in my direction. His face fell as if someone had just sacked him.

"Yes, Emmett?" All heads were turned in my direction, especially Edward and Bella who were watching me warily.

"I just wondered sir, why do they call it a 'blow' job?" Then an inspiration hit me. "Because Edward told me that it doesn't even involve blowing. I'm a bit confused." Rosalie, Jasper and Alice were in silent hysterics. Edward's mouth had twisted into that disapproving line that it usually did whenever someone made an explicit reference to the Big S. Mr Banner scratched his head.

"Well, Emmett...I...the uh...video should answer your questions for you..." I nodded.

"OK. Thanks sir!"

"C is for condom. These are a very effective method at preventing unwanted pregnancies."

If Rosalie could cry she probably would have burst into tears.

"Unwanted?" she hissed, under her breath. "Unwanted?" I signalled to Jasper and he sent calming waves in our direction. I decided to cheer her up by asking another amusing question.

"Mr Banner?" I called loudly, certain that he would ignore me if I didn't make it obvious. When he had realised that there was no way that he could ignore me, he reluctantly answered.

"Yes, Emmett? Do you need to visit the bathroom?" I shook my head. Since when had any of the Cullens ever visited the bathroom during lessons?

"No, I was actually wondering something about condoms." Mr Banner stared at the wall behind me for a minute before replying.

"What did you want to know?"

"I was just wondering about...sizes. You see, my brother was worried that some condoms might be too big for him. He hasn't got much down below, if you get me. And he didn't want to be in a... bedroom situation when he found out that they were too big. That would be kinda awkward for him."

Mr Banner seemed relieved that he could answer the question with minimum embarrassment.

"Well, I don't think he'll have any worries there. Condoms are universal, most of the time. One size fits all." I smiled.

"Thanks for that. My brother will be pleased." And then I turned to Edward.

"Hey Edward, did you hear what Mr Banner said? They're universal. One size fits all. That's a relief for you, huh?"

Most of the class were still watching us hence the reason for Edward's reaction. If he had been able to, he would have blushed brighter than Bella. Instead, he growled at me as the rest of our siblings rolled around in their seats laughing. As I faced the screen again, I could have sworn that I caught a slight smirk on Bella's face.