Emmett POV

Friday night at the Cullens' place! After an... interesting sex education lesson, Edward was officially ignoring me, Jasper and Alice couldn't stop laughing and even Rose had cheered up after the mention of babies. So when I suggested that we start an all-vampire (plus Bella) game of twenty-one dares, everyone except Edward was eager to play. I accidentally-on-purpose put Britney's Greatest Hits on the loudspeaker system which just wound the one-hundred-plus-year-old-virgin up even more. Carlisle and Esme were out hunting so that put an end to any rules that Edward had tried to enforce. As I had told him last time after Jasper and I set fire to his piano, there are no rules when you play truth or dare with the Cullens.

"OK, who's going first?" Alice grinned, looking around the circle. Edward was the only one refusing to sit on the floor with the rest of us and he had taken a position in an armchair as far away from me as he could get without leaving the room. Bella was sitting in front of him in the circle.

"Alice, I thought that the whole point of twenty-one dares is that you start by counting to twenty-one and whoever gets twenty-one has to do the dare?" Edward was being typical Edward and trying to explain the rules. Alice rolled her eyes.

"Yes Edward, in the traditional game but with you and me playing, no one else stands a chance. I'll just use it to get twenty-one as much as possible and you'll avoid playing at all. And you'll probably extend that to Bella. So we're just going to go around the circle. Why don't I start?" Edward muttered something under his breath and I saw Jasper whisper something in Alice's ear. They both smirked.

"Why don't we just start with the youngest or something?" Bella suggested. She obviously hadn't heard mine and Edward's views on age before. I opened my mouth before he could get in there with his lecture on the vampire ageing system. Thank God that I was still having too much fun as a human when he and Carlisle had started that discussion.

"Well that puts me at the top, then." I smirked at Edward. "And my little brother over there as the youngest." Edward glared at me. He hated being referred to as my 'little brother'.

"Aren't we counting in vampire years?" I shrugged. I loved this argument. Edward got so stressed over it and I just kept cool. Either way, I always won. "Shouldn't that make Alice the youngest?" Edward persisted.

"Or Bella." Jasper pointed out, just to wind him up. Bella instantly looked worried. She'd never played this with us before and after tonight, she probably wouldn't play again. Until she was a vampire at least. We'd never played this game with anyone who could die easily. Maybe Jas and I would have to turn it down a few notches...

"Enough!" Alice clapped her hands together. "I'll go first!"

"I've got one!" Jasper announced. "Put a condom wrapper in Carlisle's car." I saw an opportunity here.

"And tell him that Edward was experimenting!" I added. Rosalie snorted with laughter.

"Ok," Alice agreed. "But where am I supposed to get a condom wrapper?" Rosalie shrugged.

"Don't look at me!" she snorted. "Emmett and I don't use anything like that!"Rose sounded disgusted and Jasper burst out laughing. "What?" she demanded.

"Sure, you're happy to use that pair of fluffy red handcuffs. But condoms...NO WAY! Too disgusting for Miss Hale, are they?" I nudged Rose playfully.

"Those handcuffs didn't last five seconds on my wrists!" I grinned. "Not with all the..." I demonstrated with a few pelvic thrusts. Edward did his 'virgin face'. AKA the face of disapproval that Eddykins makes every single time that someone mentions sex.

"Emmett!" Edward growled at me. I stopped thrusting.

"Oops, sorry, I forgot." I smirked and turned around to face everyone else. "Guys, we have virgins among us this evening so we've gotta go easy on the sexual references in case they can't take it."

Bella went about one thousand shades of red and Edward would have been even redder if he were able to blush.

"You know, lil' bro, it's at times like this that I wish that we could blush." I told Edward. He pretended to be telling Bella something and ignored me.

Be like that, virgin. I added in my thoughts. Shall I ask Jas to send some lust your way?

"Don't you dare, Emmett." Edward hissed quietly. I smirked again.

"Anyway, back to Alice," Jasper turned my focus on to the game once more. "Can't we just forget the condom wrapper thing? Because it doesn't look like anyone has one."

"Actually," Alice broke in. "There are some upstairs in Carlisle's medical kit."

"What the hell?" I cut over her. "We're vampires! What does he need those for?"

"He's a doctor, Em." Rose reminded me.

"Yeah, I know. I'm not stupid."

"Really?" Edward muttered under his breath. I jumped up. No one calls Emmett Cullen stupid.

"Alright V-boy, let's take this outside." I raised my eyebrows. We all knew how Edward loved a challenge. But today he just looked at me like I was crazy.

I'll tell them about the condoms that you have stashed under your bed, I threatened silently.

Edward's mouth dropped. His expression was guilty, furious and confused all at once.

And you think that you're the only omniscient one. Having a psychic sister was great!

"Do you even know what omniscient means?" Edward asked me, a slight smile playing on his lips.

"Yeah." Of course I didn't. I wasn't a walking dictionary, for Aro's sake.

"What does it mean, Emmett?"

Grrrr. Typical Edward. He had to spend his Friday evenings exerting his pathetic omniscient powers over me. Was that the ONLY way that he could entertain himself? I remembered a time when he and Carlisle had started a competition to see who could name everything that Shakespeare had written. I gave up after Romeo and Juliet. And then I threw a tree at Edward because he wouldn't let me have Macbeth because I accidentally called it Macbath. Stupid Elizabethans. Complicating everything.

I just made a face at Edward and deliberately dented the foot of his piano with my thumb. He growled at me but couldn't do anything else in case he scared Bella. It was definitely worth having the human here for that!

"Ok, I've got it!" Rosalie cried. "Alice, take one of those condoms from Carlisle's medical kit and put it over the gear-stick of his car."

We all cracked up laughing except Edward and Bella, who clearly hadn't reached sexual maturity yet. Or any kind of maturity actually. Hopefully we wouldn't end up killing Bella during the game. One of our sworn Cullen secrets was that I had accidentally snacked on a passing woman during one of our twenty-one dares. We were sworn to secrecy. Thank God that Carlisle couldn't read minds. He'd probably kick Jasper and me out of the family if he knew what we'd persuaded Alice and Rosalie to do in the past.

Alice ran off to the garage to complete her dare. When she came back, Edward was playing some lame lullaby type thing to Bella on his piano. Jasper and I were annoying them; me by waltzing around the living room in time to Edward's composition and Jasper was sending exhaustion waves at Bella. She must have fallen asleep about three times before Alice came back in fits of laughter. Edward resumed his seat on the sofa, this time with Bella next to him. I didn't miss the evil glare that he shot Jasper and I.

"OK, Emmett, it's your turn." Alice announced. Edward sat up immeadiately. Oh crap. He was going to choose...no...NO!!

Edward whispered something in Bella's ear and she smirked and ran off to the kitchen. Not good.

"We all know how much Emmett enjoys his food..." Edward told everyone. At a very human pace, Bella came back into the room with something behind her back. When she tripped over the piano leg, Alice and Edward both caught her and she blushed a bright red again. I couldn't help myself. I had to laugh.

"Sorry Bells." I snorted. I found her clumsiness hilarious. I'd never met anyone who fell over quite so frequently. I wondered if, as a vampire, she'd be any less unbalanced. I'd love to see her stack it over a tree and snap it in half. Maybe that would be her special talent...

"Ok, for that, Emmett, you can eat the whole packet." Edward told me. He threw some sort of foil bag at me, containing the most foul-smelling substance that I had ever held in my entire life. I held it between two fingers at an arm's length. Alice giggled.

"What the hell is this, Edward?" I demanded.

"Your dinner." Edward answered. He seemed to have cheered up slightly. I felt disgusted at the scent of this package. No way was I putting that anywhere near my mouth!

"You're kidding right?" I snarled.

"Most...um...humans seem to like those, Emmett." Bella laughed.

"In case you hadn't noticed Bella, I'm actually not human. Anymore." I took a breath and almost choked on the smell. "Seriously, what is this supposed to be? Dog food or something?" Rosalie edged away from me.

"You'd better not have brought that into the house, Edward." she sniffed. Bella shook her head.

The words that she spoke next were the most terrifying of my innocent, sheltered life so far.

"They're cookies, Emmett."

COOKIES? LIKE TO...EAT...?