Emmett POV
"I'm going to pass out these leaflets that may interest you. You can have a look while the video is playing. All questions at the end."
Mr Banner clearly didn't want a repeat of last lesson. Oops. He glared pointedly at me when he said the bit about questions. So what, I wasn't even allowed to be curious? Excuse me for having never been told anything. That was partly true actually. Anything that I hadn't learnt from Rosalie, I didn't know. Carlisle and Esme had certainly never taught me anything about sex. As far as they were concerned, I could still believe that birds fluttered by to drop the babies on the doorstep. Hmmm. Maybe Mr Banner didn't have to know about my experience. I could be innocent...right?
"Sir?" I called, in my most innocent voice. Okay, so it wasn't something that I had a lot of practise at. Mr Banner sighed.
"Mr Cullen, all questions at the end please."
"This will only take a second. I'm just a bit...confused."
"Again?" Mr Banner replied impatiently. If I really was a naïve little child then I could be in tears right now. Come on Jasper, catch on, I thought. With Jasper's emotion manipulation, he could seriously help me to enjoy this lesson and not just by messing around with my emotions.
"I'm sorry," I hung my head in mock shame. Rose and Alice were giggling behind their leaflets. "I just need to know...where exactly do the storks and doorsteps come into all of this?"
Mr Banner handed me a leaflet.
"Emmett, I'm not sure what information you have been given in the past but you appear to have been slightly misinformed."
"You mean the girls don't get dropped off in a pink basket? And the boys don't get blue?" I was seriously hoping that Rosalie wouldn't get stroppy with all these baby connotations.
"Emmett, I think that you should watch the video."
Jasper POV
"D is for dildo..."
I was yawning out of boredom. Please! Seriously, none of us were likely to learn anything from this stupid movie. Alice was doodling on the back of her condom leaflet. Hmmm. That was an interesting sketch. We'd have to try that one out tonight. I sent inquisitive waves over to Bella and Edward's desk. Anything to liven up this video.
"Why do people use those?" Bella asked, totally under my influence. "Can't they just...use another person?"
"Sometimes your other half is a prudish practiser of abstinence," Emmett put in. "Last resort?"
Mike Newton was glaring at Edward, shooting evils at him. Geez, if looks could kill a vampire... I sent waves of love and peace towards him. Let him do what he wanted with those.
"Bella!" Mike tapped her lightly on the arm. I felt the anger and resent coming from Edward.
"Hey, Mike." Bella replied. I sent the inquisitiveness to him this time.
"Have you ever had sex?" he asked. Bella blushed bright red. Rosalie was laughing at her.
"I...um...well, Mike...I'd rather...not...say actually..." Mike nodded and with a straight face, moved on to the great vampire prude sitting next to Bella.
"How about you?" Edward snarled in my direction. Maybe it was too obvious.
"I'm not comfortable having this discussion with you, Mike," Edward replied, in his I'd-drink-your-blood-now-if-Carlisle-hadn't-taught-me-better voice. "Perhaps you'd like to ask Emmett?"
I turned the emotions off and sent lust over to my brother who had just made a paper plane out of his condom leaflet. I prayed that he wouldn't throw it through a wall. Emmett easily forgot his strength when I messed with his emotions. His entire mind seemed to turn itself off actually.
"Yeah, I've 'done it'," Emmett replied to Mike, his face eager to discuss his experiences. I made Mike even more uncomfortable and Emmett even more turned on. It was interesting to hear what he'd come out with.
"E is for erection..."
"I've got one of those right now," Emmett whispered to Mike. Even Edward was amused by the look on Mike's face. "But sitting next to my gorgeous Rose, how could I not? Especially after what we did the other week." Mike couldn't find the time to turn away; Em just wouldn't stop talking. I averted my attention to Alice as Emmett gave Mike a very detailed account of his sexual relations with Rosalie. She glared at me as Emmett blurted out all of their recent activities. I choked back a snort.
"F is for foreplay. It's not all about the sex. There are many other things that you can do. These include: licking, rubbing, massaging..."
I switched off. As if Alice and I hadn't tried all of those already. Only Edward and Bella were actually watching. They were hilarious. Edward probably knew as much as we did anyway, just from hearing our sexual thoughts the whole time so it was only Bella who had about as much experience as a toddler. And with Edward as her match made in heaven, they weren't likely to get much done, apart from studying. If she wasn't careful, Bella would end up as Edward's virgin-vampire-soulmate for the rest of her existence and that did not look like a fun position to take on.
Emmett had twisted Rosalie's free leaflet into an origami penis which he was waving in Mike's face enthusiastically, demonstrating various thrusts and movements with it, using his hands to make other...suggestive shapes. Mike was edging away from Emmett with a look of fear in his eyes. And then I had a brilliant idea.
Eric Yorkie joined them at the table with his own leaflet clutched tightly in his hand.
"Mind if I borrow that?" Emmett asked. Eric appeared to be distraught to part with it but no one refused Emmett. Especially an Emmett in the middle of a sexual demonstration.
"So Eric..." Mike batted his eyelashes up and down at Eric. He smiled in a way that I had never seen a straight guy smile before.
"Hey, Mike." Eric replied, totally oblivious. Poor kid.
"I know it's ages away..." Mike started, moving his hand to rest on Eric's arm. "But I was wondering...do you want to go to prom with me?" Emmett was too immersed in his origami to listen but I saw Bella, Rosalie and Alice in fits of laughter. Even prude-boy had cracked a smile.
Eric stared at Mike, stunned.
"I thought that you were going to ask Bella?" Mike shook his head.
"No way. You're the only one for me, Eric."
"Geez, uh, Mike...I don't know what to say..."
"Say yes baby." Mike leaned in, as if about to kiss him. I burst into hysterics. Alice winked at me.
"Send Emmett jealousy," she whispered. "If you want a laugh and a half." I nodded and did so.
"BACK UP OFF HIM, MIKE!" Emmett roared. Mike fell backwards off his chair in fright.
"Wha...whattaya talking about, Cullen?" he stammered. Kudos to Mike for even getting words out.
"Eric belongs to me! He's going to prom with me!" Emmett proudly announced and shoved his arm over Eric's shoulders. I heard the kid wince under Emmett's weight. Oops. I sent even more lust at them. Edward and Bella were smirking at Emmett, who was going to murder me later. It was worth it.
Mike burst into tears.
"I love Eric!" he sobbed, as Emmett tore one of the origami sexual organs up and threw the pieces over Mike like confetti. "It's not fair!" Time to join the big boys, Yorkie, I thought as I sent lust and sexual tension into their little group.
"Why don't you share me?" Eric suggested. Mike wailed even harder.
"I'm so going to mess up my eyes!" he cried. "And I can feel my hair deflating." Mike's head was squashed into his hands, which explained his fears. Yes, one glance told me that his hair was definitely loosing its spiky factor. I snorted once more.
"G is for gay..."
"Yeah," Alice giggled as she glanced over at Emmett and Mike, who were still fighting over Eric. "Gay is right."
Author's Note
Thanks for reading and for all the fab comments! I love everyone who reviews- you are all superstars! I have an idea for the next chapter that will not take very long to write so it may well be up by the end of the week.
Just to clear things up, I don't hate Edward AT ALL! I only make fun of him (well, his brothers do) because he is a one hundred + year old virgin vampire and the sex-addicted Emmett and Rosalie cannot understand him. In case anyone is getting the wrong idea, I am totally Team Edward.
Thanks for reviewing/ reading. You are my stars!
El Leon Y La Oveja