Just Say No

Jasper POV

Countless boxes, packets and little foil packages of pills later, Emmett was still cramming tiny white tablets into his mouth, consuming about ten at a time.

"These don't tasssste that minging actualllly..." Emmett slurred, as he gulped down yet another mouthful. His golden eyes were three times as wide as usual and his head was flicking vigorously from side to side.

"Hey Alice, you got any more of those blue ones?" I hadn't been very affected by the drugs, unlike Emmett who was licking his lips frantically and motioning at Bella to come closer to him.

"Bellllaa, come heeeere, Belly Bellllls. Your name sounds realllllly weird when I say it like thaaaat..." Emmett burst into a peal of hysterical laughter. Rosalie gave him an 'I-can't-believe-I'm-actually-married-to-you' look and Edward pulled Bella even closer and glared at Alice.

"Alice, are you sure this is safe?" She nodded absent-mindedly, handing out pill after pill to Emmett and me.

"You said vampires respond in the same way as humans?" Bella asked Alice.

"Well, after considerably higher doses," Alice explained. "And just like humans, we all respond with varying...severity. Emmett seems to be reacting quite badly." I smirked proudly.

"Yesss, badly!" Emmett screamed, as he leapt up on to his hospital bed, knocking Rosalie out of the way. "I'm a bad boy and I need to be puniiiished. Rosalie, come and whip me!! Spank me, baby!"

Rosalie grimaced with a disgusted expression on her face.

"I can honestly say that I have never been less turned on by you, including that time that you made out with Edward for ten minutes." Bella looked at Emmett and Edward, shock on her face.

"Edward? What...when was that?!" Edward looked embarrassed.

"It was...down to some of Jasper's talent. He surprised us suddenly one day." Emmett nodded and knocked the clock off the wall with his head.

"Thaaaat was a pretty good snog, Eddiiiiie. Better thaaaaan you get from Bellllllla?"

"Emmett! You swore that we'd never discuss that again! And especially not in public!" Edward turned to Alice. "Pick that clock up. Bella and I are going to get Carlisle. He's on the night shift."

As the Virgin Vampire Extraordinare and his human playmate walked off to find Carlisle, they passed an attractive female nurse who was making her way towards us. Excellent. I saw Alice stifle a giggle; she had obviously seen something.

"Good evening, Mr Cullen?" The nurse seemed to be slightly taken aback when she saw her patient bouncing around his hospital bed with a handful of tablets in his hand. Emmett crammed all of the pills into his mouth, much to the nurse's surprise and Alice managed to hide the remaining drugs in her pocket before anyone else spotted them.

"Bonsoir!" Emmett announced happily, sprang up in the air and let himself fall on the bed. Unfortunately with his strength, the industrial-sized, super-strong hospital bed collapsed beneath him. The nurse's mouth fell open in horror as Emmett, slightly dazed, shook himself out of the sea of metal, springs and torn linen.

"Mr Cullen...are you alright?" she stammered, clasping her hands to her mouth. "I'm dreadfully sorry! That bed must have been in a poor condition."

"No harm done, hey?" Emmett cheerfully announced. "No bones broken, no concussion, penis still in one piece...?" Emmett clapped his hands to his groin and squeezed. "Yep, it's all there! That's the most important part, 'eh Rose?" Emmett winked at Rosalie as the nurse blushed furiously. It fascinated me how humans went red so easily. I decided to send some confidence her way, poor girl.

"No harm done...I suppose that's all that matters. I'm Nurse Leila, by the way." Nurse Leila smiled at him.

"Wonderful to meet you, Leila," Emmett gushed. "And may I say, that uniform makes you look amazing." Nurse Leila blushed again, even with the extra coincidence. What was wrong with this girl?

"Thank you, Mr Cullen. That's very kind of you. Would you like me to find you another room?"

Emmett was not listening to her question at all. He nudged me in the ribs.

"She looks like a stripper, don't you think? Do you think she's got a policewoman friend with those furry handcuffs? Man, I love those things!" I was gasping in horror and poor Leila staggered backwards in shock.

"That's harassment right there, Em," Alice told him. I sent calming waves towards Leila.

"Nurse, I'm dreadfully sorry about my brother. He seems to have reacted badly to some of the drugs."

"That's...perfectly normal..." Nurse Leila spluttered. "Just a reaction..." Emmett winked.

"Na, I was only kidding about the 'cuffs babe. I could snap through those flimsy things in a millisecond!"

"Emmett!" Rosalie hissed. "Stop it! You're embarrassing me!" Emmett looked around and opened his mouth in exaggerated horror.

"What? What?! I could be a stripper Rose! I could so be a stripper!"

With that, Emmett took of his belt and swung it around his head.

"Emmett, that's enough," Alice told him. "Emmett!" I had no intention of stopping him, I was already splitting my sides from trying not to laugh.

"That's right, Ally! I need some music! Let's set the scene a little!" Emmett's iPod was plugged into the speakers beside the ruin of the bed and he flicked through the tracks until he settled on one.

'I'm bringing sexy back...'

"Oh yeaaaaah!" Emmett yelled, as he hurled his belt across the room. Luckily Alice caught it before it knocked out a passing old woman, crawling by on a zimmer frame. "Watch me, old lady!" Emmett screamed at the old woman, who turned to see him in time to catch the pulling down of his trousers. Nurse Leila suddenly decided that it was time to intervene and she rushed over to Emmett.

"Mr Cullen, I really do think that perhaps you should..."

"Call me Emmett, BAAAAAABY!" I couldn't resist. I sent lust at Rosalie and she sprang at Emmett straight away, tugging at his boxers.

"Back in the audience, Rosie!" Emmett yelled happily. "It's your turn tonight!"

"Emmett..." Alice couldn't get in a word through her laughter. If she were human, tears would have been pouring down her face.

"I'm bringing sexy back...'

"I've brought sexy back!" Emmett sang, very loudly, out of tune and just as Carlisle, Edward and Bella walked into the room to see Rosalie removing Emmett's boxers with her teeth and Nurse Leila grinding with Emmett in time to the 'disgusting, vulgar rap tunes', to use Edward's description.

"Emmett, what is going on here?" Carlisle asked, in his very best calm tone. I could feel how much effort it was taking him. This was perhaps the angriest that he had ever been.

"I'm just having a bit of a dance party here in the hospital daddy!" Emmett explained, drooling at the mouth. That must have been the pills regurgitating themselves.

"I win!" I announced proudly to Alice and Rosalie! "Put it in the book! I'm not gagging yet!"

"Nurse, I think it's time for your break," Carlisle told Nurse Leila. "Edward, take everyone home, Alice, keep Jasper under control. Rosalie, don't even speak to Emmett until I get home and Emmett, I will deal with you tomorrow morning. Until then, don't even thinking about having ANY sexual intercourse. You're banned."

Emmett POV

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I want sex!!! Noooooooo! CARLISLE, IT'S NOT FAIR! I WANT SEXUAL INTERCOURSE!"

I took my boxers out of Rosalie's mouth and threw them at Edward. This was all his fault. Stupid Virgin Vampire.

Author's Note

Hi everyone! Happy New Year! I am so sorry that I haven't updated ANYTHING for so long but I've been really busy, then my internet connection completely failed long-term and I only got it back about a week ago! Thanks for all the new reviews that have appeared during my absence- this story is nearing 100 reviews now!

I'd like to say a special thank you to SweetlyBroken33 because I saw an email with her review on and I realised that there were still people reading my stories and wanting to hear more! Thanks so much to her for encouraging me to start posting again!

Love to all of my reviewers and I may well write the next chapter of this tonight...I have an idea for a good one :)

xxx

El Leon Y La Oveja