Emmett POV

"Now today, we are going to be discussing the merits of various different types of contraception. During the teenage years, many young people make the important decision to become sexually active and although that's a choice which is down to you, you need to be aware. It's very crucial that you know how to protect yourself." Mr Banner paused for breath. I rolled my eyes. Rosalie was already scowling next to me. We all knew what contraception was used to prevent.

"Mr Banner?" Eric Yorkie stuck his hand up. "I have a...doctor's appointment at twelve so I need to leave early." Alice immediately started shaking with laughter and Edward even tried to suppress a smirk. I looked questioningly at Jasper and he nudged Alice. She began scribbling on a scrap of paper from her notebook.

"That's fine, Eric," Mr Banner replied. "Just remind me when it gets to the time." Lauren sniggered in the row behind us. She'd clearly assumed what Alice had seen and Edward had heard. Jasper slid the note to Rosalie and I with a slight grin on his face.

Eric's having a slight problem 'getting it to stay up', if you know what I mean ;)

Alice x

I snorted loudly and attempted to turn it into a cough as I glanced at Eric. He was blushing furiously. Mr Banner clapped his hands together.

"Right everyone, let's talk contraception. Anyone want to tell me why we use contraception?" Tyler shoved his hand up as I yawned loudly.

"So that guys won't catch STIs from Lauren?" he smirked. Lauren kicked the back of his chair viciously.

"We both know I caught that from you," she hissed, audible only to Tyler and of course, the vampires in the room. Mr Banner cleared his throat.

"Let's not be rude now, Tyler," he continued. "Preventing STIs is one of the main functions of some types of contraceptions. Can anyone tell me the other one? Miss Swan?" Bella blushed and averted her eyes.

"Pregnancy," she answered, very quietly, probably for Rosalie's benefit. Unfortunately, it didn't stop us Cullens from hearing her and Rosalie winced beside me. I took her hand under the table until Edward glared at me.

Mr Banner nodded.

"Right exactly. Now we're going to watch a video about one young woman who doesn't think that she needs to take precaution." I rolled my eyes again. Honestly, did people think that teenagers were stupid? We all knew the scenario and for five people in the room, the video was a complete waste of time. I signalled towards Jasper and rested my head on the desk. I could always count on my brother to liven things up a little. Plus, I was in huge trouble with Carlisle for my antics in the hospital the previous week and I could do with someone else getting told off to take the heat off me a little.

Jasper POV

I watched in total boredom as a teenage girl flirted shamelessly with an older man at a seedy looking bar on screen. Alice was doodling pictures of dresses in her notebook and flashing them at Bella who kept shaking her head. I sent waves of lust around the room, just to see what would happen.

The effect was quite interesting. Six males, including Emmett, jumped up simultaneously holding their crotches and then sat back down, five looking very awkward. Emmett just peered sideways at Rosalie and grinned, nodding his head slightly. Edward shot an evil glance in my direction.

"Why don't we take this back to my place?" The girl on the video was clearly a prostitute or a sex addict, otherwise she wouldn't be acting so desperately. I heard Rosalie snort from across the isle.

"As if a man would go for someone as ugly as her," she whispered to Emmett. As the couple on screen stood up, I had a great idea. When Alice saw me make the decision, she gulped back laughter.

"Do it, Jas," she muttered. "I dare you." Edward heard my thoughts but a split second too late. The waves of curiosity were already on their way towards Emmett and he stuck his hand up in the air. Mr Banner sighed and paused the tape.

"Yes, Mr Cullen?" Emmett's inquisitive look was killing Alice. She was trying so hard not to burst out laughing.

"I was just wondering…" Emmett began. Mr Banner nodded.

"Yes?"

"Why has the man on the video got a huge lump in his trousers? He looks like he's shoved a banana down his boxers!" The entire room was rocking with laughter. Mr Banner shifted uncomfortably.

"It's an...uh...it's a...biological response to the female's actions." Confusion waves. Check!

"Yeah, but why do his pants inflate just because the girl is hot?" Rosalie shot daggers at him.

"Mr Cullen, you seem to be rather misinformed upon the subject. Your father is a doctor, perhaps you should discuss this with him tonight."

"I'll do that. Thanks." Alice gave a quiet squeal of laughter next to me.

"Mr Banner is going to bring this up at parent's evening next week," she whispered. "I can't wait to see that!"

The bed on the screen was surprisingly still considering what was supposed to be going on underneath the covers. I could hear some shockingly feeble sounds coming from the couple and after a worryingly short time, they both emerged from the bed, looking flushed and I imagined, entirely unfulfilled. Alice snorted.

"Was that it?" she laughed. "Wow, human sex doesn't look very fun, does it? You'd need at least one vampire for that to reach any sort of level on Alice's Sexual Scale."

"What's all this?" Emmett leaned over. "Alice's Sex Sale?"

"No, you idiot. Alice's Sexual Scale." I rolled my eyes at Emmett as the girl in the video bought a home pregnancy test. I felt waves of jealousy wash over me, coming from Rosalie. After I had sent her some lust, I turned to Emmett.

"Alice rates sex," I explained. He looked incredulous.

"You...you rate sex?!" She burst out laughing.

"What?! It's not like I grade Jasper every morning, you know!" I smirked and Emmett looked horrified.

"You...you two do it every night?" he asked us. I shrugged and Alice merely prolonged her smirk.

"What else is there to do every night?" I replied. "We don't exactly waste time sleeping, or watching each other sleep," I added loudly for the benefit of the Virgin Vamp and his mistress. Emmett looked at Alice curiously.

"What do you rate it on? Or do you just sit at the foot of the bed with a ruler and some duct tape?"

"Duct tape?" I asked. "Do I really want to know?" Emmett shrugged.

"Hey, it's not like I couldn't snap through it if I wanted but Rose and I have had our fun."

"And a ruler?" Alice chimed in. "Do you seriously think that those tiny rulers would be long enough?" I grinned proudly and Emmett frowned.

"Hey, Jas? Can I ask you a brotherly question?" Rosalie glanced around and Emmett turned his back to her. "Sshh for a second, babe."

"What?" I replied. Rosalie was peering suspiciously at me.

"What are you telling him, Emmett?" Emmett leant right across the desk to whisper to me.

"How do you get Alice to have sex every single day?" he questioned. "Because Rose won't do that!" I snorted.

"Nice," I commented. "Maybe she's been taking her cue from Bella." Edward leant across until all three of our heads were crowded over Alice's desk. She batted them away.

"Stop it, Emmett. Edward, what do you want now?"

"Please stop talking about Bella like that," he asked, in an aggravated tone. "I don't care for it. And neither does she." I rolled my eyes.

"How do you get Bella to do stuff with you?" Emmett enquired. "You know, in bed?" Edward's face turned mutinous.

"Emmett, I am not discussing this with you!" Edward hissed. I patted him on the shoulder.

"Bad luck, bro. Good luck with the sex life, or lack of it." Emmett looked pleadingly at Edward.

"Bro, I need your help! Come on, it's just brother to brother!" I decided to help Emmett out by making Edward feel a little more open to revealing.

"Well, Bella's made a few moves on me, implying that she wants to go further but I've stopped her." Bella glanced over towards us.

"Edward!" she whined. "Stop it, Jasper!" I laughed.

"I'm not doing anything," I lied. I sent waves of openness at her and her frown fell away to reveal a smirk.

"Yes, but did you forget to tell them how...excited you got first?" Edward raised his eyebrows mockingly.

"Good luck keeping that one at bay, Edward," I laughed.

"Hey Bella, if you want to, you can look at Alice's Sexual Scale," Alice chirped. "I've got a secret chart in my underwear drawer. It's got details about all the best positions and everything. In fact, I could do you a starter couples session if you want." Emmett shoved up his hand.

"Rose and I will take one of those," he shouted. "Our sex life needs saving, Ally!"

As Mr Banner turned to stare at Emmett, I sent exhaustion waves across the class and one by one, every student in the room fell asleep, aside from the Cullens and Bella, who Edward was supporting. As Eric and Mike dropped out of their chairs and crashed to the floor, I smirked.

"Wow, Mr Banner, I guess that some students just don't appreciate a good sex education lesson anymore," Emmett announced.

And as Mr Banner joined his unconscious class, Emmett held up a diagram and nodded.

"Fancy this one tonight, Rose?"