What happens when Kirk and company face down the arrogant Apollo, only to have another member of Apollo's family stop by?

So Who Mourned?

By Rob Morris

James T. Kirk stood his ground.

"We no longer have need of so-called gods. Those of us that do find the One more than sufficient."

To the being called Apollo, Kirk was engaging in hubris at best, blasphemy at worst. Either way, he would be punished.

"Your ancestors kneeled before us and offered prayer, and sacrifices. On occasion, though, they, too, needed to be reminded of the power of The Gods of Olympus! As I remind you now, Captain."

To Kirk's shock, lightning issued forth from the being's hand, too quick for him to dodge. Whether it would have done him any harm was quickly rendered moot, though.

Between Kirk and the lightning bolt appeared a man. He was tall, muscular-looking, with hair that was somewhat long. He wore an open-chested yellow tunic and pants that appeared to be made out of cured animal skins. He teleported in just as the bolt struck. It merely bounced off of his chest. Apollo was stunned to see the newcomer, who then waved his finger in a shaming motion.

"C'mon, Apollo! Aren't you a little old for this nonsense?"

"Don't interfere, Brother! These mortals need to be taught respect."

The newcomer chuckled lightly.

"By who? A Posturing three thousand year-old bully? You've never changed. Even Ares has mellowed out--but not you, Apollo."

Kirk and company were alternately amused and terrified by this bizarre family exchange. For the moment, they stood and listened, but Kirk felt the newcomer was the one to root for, in all this.

"Zeus should never have raised you to full godhood, Hercules. Great was his folly."

Apollo's voice switched from strident to petulant without missing a beat.

"Because you never know how to have any fun!"

Apollo's fist jerked out, hitting one of his temple's columns, and smashing it. He looked up and heard a creaking sound. Kirk worked hard to keep from laughing.

"Apollo?"

"Yes, Hercules?"

"That was a support column, wasn't it?"

"Yes, brother, I believe it was. Aagggh!!!"

Apollo was buried beneath his own temple, a really dumb look on his face it came down. Kirk turned to Hercules.

"God or no god-That had to hurt."

"Maybe it'll teach him a lesson, though I kind of doubt it. Captain Kirk, on behalf of almost my entire family, I apologize for the God Of Light-headedness. Some of us just never got over being worshiped. You and your ship are free to go now, of course. Sorry about all this."

Kirk shook Hercules' hand, noting that the man must be able to use his great strength with precision, despite his powerful handshake.

"No need to apologize. While not on a cosmic scale, for some of the pranks my late brother Sam pulled on me, I should have gotten a house dumped on him."

"Iphicles and I were the same way, and I still miss him just as much as you apparently miss Sam---I--hey!"

Standing behind Hercules was an admiring Lieutenant Carolyn Palamas, who had just grabbed his rear. While she smiled dreamily, Kirk took note to lecture ALL his younger officers on dealings with potent aliens like Apollo. Hercules was embarrassed.

"Um, Lieutenant? I really wish you wouldn't do that."

"Sorry, Hercules. But I had to investigate your race just a bit more closely. I hope you don't mind."

There wasn't a bit of remorse in her words.

"I--don't mind--so much, but the problem is...."

Down from the clouds came a gleaming, ornate metal ringlet, perfectly circular, and perfectly balanced. It sharply bounced off of each and every single thing it could, then seemed to hover in front of Lieutenant Palamas. It traveled the entire length of her, somehow never actually touching her body. As Chekov's jaw dropped, and he was seen by all to be gasping for air, Carolyn Palamas realized her tunic had been completely destroyed. As she made a mad dash for the hedges, she said one thing.

"I--have got to start wearing undergarments!"

Whatever his reputation, Kirk was less interested in Palamas' state of dress than in the ringlet, which he now saw return to the clouds whence it came.

"Hercules---that weapon?"

Hercules nodded.

"It's called a chakram. The wife---gets REALLY jealous."

Hercules saw Kirk still staring at the clouds, and reasoned quickly what--or who he was smiling about.

"Captain Kirk?"

"Yes, Hercules?"

"I get jealous, too."

And so Kirk stopped staring.