Thanks to all the wonderful reviewers who keep me motivated. Thank you for all your kind words! My apologies for the delay and I am making no promises for the next episode either, school is getting uber-stressful (example, it is currently 4:25 am and I have yet to go to bed because I am currently studying calculus) so please bear with me! Here's a joke to entertain you: There are two muffins in an oven. The first muffin says, 'Man, it's hot in here!' and then the second muffin says, 'Look! A talking muffin!'
Disclaimer: Other than the script and a few random characters, I own nothing.
Fred: Out here in the fields!
George: I fight for my meals!
Fred: I get my back into my living!
George: Yeah, yeah!
Fred: Ai, ai!
George: I'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train!
Tim: That's for sure.
George: Welcome to the amazing, the magnificent, the spectacular, the fantastic-
Fred: Fred and George Variety Hour!
Audience: Applauds
George: We all know how much you guys love Harry Potter-
Audience: Cheers
George: Glares; so we wanted to show you his true colours.
Fred: Take him down a peg or two, if you will.
George: We have, quite possibly his biggest fan here for the show today and we asked Harry to come and greet his fan.
Fred: And guess what his response was?
George: And I quote…actually I can't quote it directly because this is, after all, a family program and he used a few choice words.
Fred: Paraphrase it.
George: I need a word I can use in place of bad words, audience?
Random Audience Member: Kidney bean!
Audience: Applauds
George: Okay thank you. I will use the word kidney bean. Harry said, George makes air quotes; "I hate that kidney beanin' kidney bean because he's such a little kidney bean." George makes air quotes;
Fred: Foul mouth, that one has.
George: So you see folks, Harry Potter-
Audience: Cheers
George: Glares; he isn't really the saint everyone paints him out to be.
Fred: I don't think they see.
George: Regrettably I have to agree that they disagree with what they should see. But, as they say in showbiz-
Fred: Hollywood or bust!
George: I was thinking more along the lines of 'the show must go on', but your's works equally as well.
Fred: Let's bring out our special guest then.
George: Special indeed, audience, I'm sure you will connect very beautifully with him-
Fred: Is it 'him' or 'it'?
George: I think it's 'him'.
Fred: Okay, 'him' then.
George: As I was saying I'm sure you will connect with our guest today as you already have something in common with him.
Fred: Our special guest is-
George: as previously mentioned-
Fred: Harry Potter's biggest fan!
Audience: Applauds
Fred: Please welcome-
George: Dobby the house-elf!
Fred: Welcome Dobby!
Dobby: Dobby wishes to thank Misters Wheezy for inviting him to the show. Dobby hasn't been invited anywhere since Mister Dumbledore, may he rest in peace…sob…invited Dobby to live at Hogwarts.
George: Yes, it's really no trouble at all Dobby.
Fred: We're happy to have you!
George: Please, tell us more about your time at Hogwarts.
Fred: How did you get there? What did you do? Did you have many friends?
George: Hey, that's my job! I clearly ask all the irritating questions fired off one right after another!
Fred: Pulls out contract; Chapter 73, section 5, sub-section R, paragraph ii, line 29, it clearly states, and I quote "When Mr G Weasley is the last to speak and an opportunity arises in which many enquiries can be posed in quick succession, the responsibility falls to Mr F Weasley who was not previously speaking." Looks up at scowling George; See, not only am I allowed to, I am contractually obligated to do so, by this contract, which we both signed.
George: Well excuuuse me for not reading the fine print.
Random Person in a Suit: Wanders on stage; did you know that you can be held liable for things you weren't aware when you didn't read the fine print? Always read the fine print!
Fred: Who is this?
George: I don't know, I thought you invited him.
Fred: Definitely not.
Twins: Security!
Dobby: Cutting in to finally answer George's question; Hogwarts is where Dobby had many adventures with Master Harry Potter-
Audience:Cheers
George: Okay, this has gone on long enough. I've been stretched to my limit.
Fred: Push it to the limit! I'm pushin' it, push! I'm pushin' it, push!
Dobby: Master Harry Potter pushed the evil dark lord to the limit!
Audience: Cheers
George: I'm so sick and tired of the cheering and the references and anything and everything and everybody who has ever, is or is about to refer to, cheer about, talk about, or anything at all having to do with Harry Potter.
Audience: Gasp!
George: Boy-who-lived, ha, more like boy-who-wouldn't-die!
Fred: Worse than one of those nuclear holocaust surviving cockroaches.
Dobby: Dobby starts banging his head on the floor; Dobby has heard bad things, bad, bad things about Master Harry. Dobby must be punished. Dobby should never have heard of those blasphemous things. Dobby is going to find an oven to shut his ears in. Yes, yes, Dobby has been a bad house-elf-
George: So, uh, we're going to go take a break while we get Dobby all calmed down.
Fred: Don't touch that remote folks!
Announcer: This episode of The Fred and George Variety Hour on the WC is brought to you by Weasleys' Wizarding Wheezes, 'Selling joke and trick items since 1995, come visit us at 97 Diagon Alley', and by Harry Potter, 'Defeating the Dark Lord since birth'.
Commercial: Lights. Camera. Action. The Quiberon Quafflepunchers want you! Can you handle the excitement? Do you want to see a world famous Quidditch team? The Quiberon Quafflepunchers are a lean, mean, ferocious, Quidditch playing, opponent destroying team. Located in France, we really give new meaning to the phrase 'Pardon my French.' The Quiberon Quafflepunchers, because if you're not for us, you're against us and that means that we need to annihilate you!
George: Ahem, well that was certainly…violent.
Fred: I was actually going to say graphic, but yeah, violent works.
George: Someone should remind the producers that we are in fact a family program.
Fred: Oy there! Producers! This is a family program! We don't need to subject any younglings to that type of violent behaviour.
Random Producer Person: It's just Quidditch!
George: Hey, Random Producer Person, would you like your children subject to such violent commercials?
Random Producer Person: I don't have kids.
George: Exactly!
Fred: Anyways…
George: Welcome back to this episode of The Fred and George Variety Hour and our special guest today, Dobby the house-elf!
Audience: Applauds
Fred: If you're just tuning in then you missed George exploding and Dobby pledging allegiance to the flag of Potter-
George: figuratively speaking anyways.
Fred: It's like you read my mind!
George: That would be because I can.
Fred: It's a twin thing!
Twins: Smile cheekily;
George: I'm actually quite intrigued Dobby-
Fred: Why do you insist on wearing crazy coloured socks?
Dobby: Dobby likes socks, he has a collection! Dobby's favourite pair of socks was the one he knitted for Master Harry Potter.
Audience: Cheers;
George: Great, but what I wanted to ask was-
Fred: What is your favourite colour?
Dobby: Dobby's favourite colour is the colour of Master Harry Potter's eyes.
Audience: Cheers;
George: Yes, but, what is with your-
Fred: Where do you currently live?
Dobby: Dobby lives at Hogwarts, but Dobby is sad that Master Harry Potter is not there anymore.
Audience: Cheers;
George: Why do-
Fred: When did-
George: STOP INTERRUPTING ME!
Fred: Whoa, calm down there little buddy!
George: DON'T CALL ME LITTLE BUDDY!
Dobby: Dobby thinks Mister Wheezy needs to not shout at Dobby.
Fred: I agree. It's not Dobby's fault you have a short temper.
George: Fine, just let me ask my question!
Fred: Go ahead, no one's stopping you.
George: Great, Dobby, why are you so obsessed with Harry?
Audience: Cheers;
Dobby: Dobby is not obsessed. Dobby is in love with Master Harry Potter!
George: You love him?
Dobby: That's what Dobby said.
Fred: Love, love?
Dobby: That's what Dobby meant.
George: Like you're in love with him?
Dobby: Did Dobby stutter?
Fred: How is that relevant?
George: Never mind that, the real question is-
Tim: Clears throat and points to his watch;
Fred: It's that time again!
Dobby: Dobby doesn't know what time it is sirs, Dobby does not wear a watch.
Fred: It's game time!
George: What kind of variety special have we got today Fred?
Fred: Audience choice, George.
George: I don't like the audience; they're all Harry-Potter-loving miscreants.
Audience: Cheers
Fred: Then what do you propose we do?
Random Audience Member: Ask Tim!
George: I take that back, I only hate most of the audience. That guy, points to Random Audience Member; I like.
Fred: Right-o then, what do you say Tim?
Tim: You two seem to like singing so much, I say let's do a sing-a-long.
George: Sing-a-long it is! Sound good to you Dobby?
Dobby: Dobby thinks it is a wonderful idea, a Harry Potter worthy idea!
Audience: Cheers
George: Ahem.
Fred: It's time for The Fred and George Sing-A-Long Song!
George: Ready Dobby?
Dobby: Dobby is ready Master Weasley.
Fred: Hit it Tim!
George: Jenny I've got your number! I need to make you mine!
Fred: What would Luna think?
George: Jenny don't change your number! Show 'em what you've got Dobby!
Dobby: 8-6-7-5-3-0-9, Fred!
Fred: 8-6-7-5-3-0-9, Tim!
Tim: 8-6-7-5-3-0-9, Audience!
Everyone (Tim, Fred, George, Dobby, Audience): 8-6-7-5-3-0-9
George: Jenny, Jenny!
Fred: Over George, Dobby and Tim who continue singing; that's all folks! Thanks to our special guest Dobby the House Elf! We'll see you next time on The Fred and George Variety Hour! And Jenny, if you're out there, don't change your number!
This episode is dedicated to my loyal reviewer hpdrfan1 for the idea of Dobby as a guest, merci beaucoup! (Thank you!)
I have a challenge for you, when you review (because you will) tell me a joke, and I will pass them along to everyone else here (and you will get credit!).
Teenage Wasteland – The Who
Crazy Train – Ozzy Osbourne
Push It to the Limit – Rick Ross
867 5309 (Jenny) – Tommy Tutone