Not Going Anywhere
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters featured on South of Nowhere, and only own the few that I created.
Okay guys, here's chapter 6. Sorry its short. I'm also kinda mad cause its my least favorite so far, but whatever. I'll try to get the next up as quickly as possible, but I cant' make really soon promises, cause my life is a little hectic. I'll do my best though
Oh and by the way, there was a mistake in chapter 5. Ashley and Aiden hooked up more than once. It was a very recent thing, but yes, it did happen more than just the one time Spencer walks in.
Chapter 6 – Meet Me in the Gym
So far so good, I told myself, as I shuffled down the hall towards the cafeteria. After last nights events, I expected today to be something out of a soap opera. Sure, they didn't know I was listening to them yesterday, but seeing as my life had been filled to the brim with drama the last few days, I didn't quite know what to expect. Much to my relief, though, things seemed almost… normal.
Well, except for the fact that Ashley's face was now a constant presence in my mind; And that the sound of her weeping seemed to reverberate in my ears, accompanied by the lurch of my stomach. And of course there were those questions that danced obnoxiously through my mind. What was wrong with her? Why did Aiden think I had anything to do with whatever it was? And then there was the question I stifled – the one that I knew I wasn't ready to think about – She still loves me. What does that mean? Do I do anything about it? Does she expect me to, after all she's put me through?
I shuddered, growing more nauseous at the excessive stressful thought. Well, I guess I revise my earlier statement. Things were, by no means, normal. I guess what I meant to say was, good thing I haven't gotten detention today, or better yet, seen the girl who torments me so. Out of sight, out of mind I said to myself, knowing it was wishful thinking. Wishing Ashley out of my thoughts now was like wishing spots on a zebra.
Avery was waiting at our table for me, two lunch trays waiting as they always were. Mmmm, Sushi Wednesdays. Before sitting down I leaned across the table and gave her a brief kiss. She smiled weakly, attempting to put up a façade. She knew something was up with me, and it was hurting her too. It killed me to see that look in her big brown eyes – the one that tried to appear happy, but revealed worry and anxiety beneath. The rest of her fake happy facial expression might have fooled me had it not been for those expressive eyes peering out from beneath perfect brows.
"Sushi Wednesdays" She said quietly, seeing the flicker of excitement on my face when I looked at our trays. "I got you your California roll and poked out the crab for you, like you always do" She smiled, having no idea what she was doing to me. Her kind and personal gesture triggered the flare of guilt that had been threatening to explode all day. My stomach felt like it had just dropped onto the hard concrete ground. My forehead began to burn. My heart felt like it had just been twisted and wrung like a wet towel. Avery had been nothing but kind to me, and here I was…. Doing what? It suddenly struck me that I hadn't done anything that was actually wrong. I had barely talked to Ashley, let alone touched her or anything else. Both the faces of Avery and Ashley taunted me, seeming to battle one another for dominant presence in my mind. It occurred to me that my guilt probably stemmed from the fact that Avery wasn't the only face on my mind. Avery deserved my whole mind. My whole heart. I wanted to give them to her so badly. For that instant, I loathed Ashley Davies for stealing what should belong to Avery. That small rational voice though, piped up once again, chiming in that they were not stolen, but given away. I smacked that little voice down – hating Ashley was easier than loving her, despite what an untrue substitute sentiment it was.
"Thanks", I said, trying to come back to the present. I sat down and picked up my first piece of sushi. We ate in silence for a few minutes. I wondered what she was thinking about – I obviously had enough to consume my mind with, but I couldn't help but wonder what went on behind those eyes. She looked very pensive. Every time I looked up at her, I would swear that she looked down. Was she studying me or something? My answer came soon enough.
"So, do you want to tell me what's been eating you these last couple days?"
She had finally asked. I knew she was going to eventually, but I didn't quite prepare for it. My mind, which for the last few days had not ceased to race, suddenly became blank. What do I say to her? For a moment I debated telling her everything. Coming clean. Maybe omitting the part about me still loving Ashley. Ugh, but that was the entire problem. Even the mention of Ashley would probably worry Avery – she knew what Ashley did to me. She had to pick up the pieces, after all. So what do I say?
I gaped at her for a moment, my mouth hanging open in a stupid stare. She looked at me expectantly. I was preparing myself to tell a lie, concocting a scheme in my head, when suddenly Glen rushed up to our table.
"Spencer, I have a note for you." He panted. Had he just run over here? Beads of sweat clung to his face. He shoved it hastily into my hand on the table.
"Who is it from?" I asked, my eyes focused intently on his.
"Aiden… I was a little surprised. Haven't heard of you two talking in a while. You holding out on me, Spence? Straightening out?" He said it jokingly, but it didn't stop me puking in my mouth.
"Jesus Glen, don't even joke about that. Ew." Okay, time to process. Aiden? Why would he be sending me a note? He's just about the last person I wanted to hear from. "Did you read it?" I asked Glen quickly.
"Naturally" He flashed me a toothy smile. "Thought you two might be meeting under the bleachers or something" He said teasingly. Gross. I looked at Avery and rolled my eyes. For once she looked almost… annoyed. Seeing her expression, I grabbed her hand and squeezed it lightly. She offered me a lame smile that her eyes didn't follow at all, but I'd take it.
"Thanks, Glen" I said sarcastically. "You may go"
"YES, DRILL SARGEANT!" He replied loudly, saluting me. I would have laughed at the Forrest Gump quote if not for the curious circumstances. I wanted desperately to know what was inside this letter, but I wasn't sure whether or not I wanted Avery to know. I had to get out of here.
"Avery, I just remembered that I've got to do my… uh… lab report. Aiden is my partner. Can we continue our conversation later?" It frightened me how easily these lies escaped my lips.
She nodded, her eyes falling. My guilt stung once more, as I prepared to leave her alone again, but I needed to know what was inside this letter. The suspense built quickly in my chest, pressing hard against my ribcage. I gathered up my things, throwing my sushi back in the box to eat later. Sushi can't be wasted. I looked up at Avery once more before leaving. My eyes met the top of her auburn head, glowing in the sunlight. I hated that I couldn't see her face. Taking my hand, I gently pushed a lock of hair behind her ear, then lifted her chin. I leaned in slowly and kissed her forehead, lingering for a moment. She looked up at me with tired eyes and the corners of her lips turned up weakly.
"I'll text you after school" I said, hoping to reassure her. She nodded again, looking unconvinced. "I mean it. I want to talk about this later." I lied. But it had the effect I hoped it would.
"Okay, okay! Go!" She laughed lightly, probably more out of frustration than anything, but I'd pretend it was genuine.
"Bye!" I called over my shoulder as a raced down the corridor. My feet were moving faster than my brain. When I was finally in private, I unfolded the note, written messily on loose leaf paper.
'Please meet me in the gym during lunch. I know I'm probably the last person you want to see, but I'm begging you. Please come'
What? Why on earth did Aiden want to see me in the gym? I swear this week was getting weirder and weirder. So much for a drama free day. Should I go? My curiosity chomped at the bit, but the grudge holding part of me questioned. It wasn't like I owed him anything. He's the one who started all of this. If he didn't exist I wouldn't know any of this madness. I was perfectly justified in simply not going. I turned on my heel and walked down the hall, destination unknown.
"I didn't think you'd actually come" he said, sounding relieved as the gym door closed behind me.
"Neither did I" I said, honestly confused at why I'd come at all. He stood in the middle of the gym, as if trying to be theatrical in some way. "So, do you want to tell me why I'm here?" I said, not even trying to keep the coldness out of my voice.
"Uh, yeah" He said, sounding a little uncertain. There was silence for a few moments. "Well, it's not really my place to tell you this, but Ashley still has feelings for you". Each word escaped his lips more slowly than the next, seeming to become more grueling by the syllable. I tried to look surprised. To be honest I think I looked pretty convincing.
"I thought you two were a thing" I said, pretty sure I was rubbing salt in his wound. A small part of me felt awful for it, but the other, angrier part felt that he deserved it.
"I thought so too, but its clear now that you're the only one" He said finally. I could hear him trying to mask the sadness in his voice. There was a long silence after that statement. For some reason, I didn't feel comfortable making eye contact with him. If I looked him in the eyes I'd probably have to acknowledge that his feelings for her were real – and I certainly didn't want to pity him. I fixed my eyes on my shoes, studying the texture of my shoelaces. We stood in silence for what seemed like an hour, but was probably only a minute.
"Why are you telling me this, Aiden?" I suddenly burst out. I was a little surprised at myself. It wasn't even as if thoughts had been bubbling to the surface and begging to break free. My mind and my mouth seemed to be one, now. My filter was currently defective. He looked almost as surprised.
"Because I need you to be careful with her" He said quietly. Be careful with her? Why was he acting as if Ashley was a porcelain knick-knack? She was a person, and could very well take care of herself. I'd seen it myself.
"What do you mean?" I said, beginning to sound annoyed.
"She's… she's just not quite as indestructible as she looks. She's more fragile than she'll acknowledge right now" Since when had Aiden become the sensitive Dr. Phil?
"Aiden, what I mean is, I don't get what you're telling me this. Ashley and I aren't together. We haven't been for a while. We're not even friends. She's not my responsibility." I said each of the words with a little more fervor, feeling an increasing sting with each one. I longed for what I said not to be true. For the first time, Aiden looked annoyed. He rolled his eyes then stared at me incredulously.
"Spencer, why don't you get it?" He said almost maliciously. If this was his plan on winning me over, he was fighting a losing battle. "I wouldn't be saying this to you at all if I didn't mean it. Do you really think I want to have this conversation with you?" I opened my mouth to speak, but then closed it again. He was right.
"I'm sorry." I mumbled, "I'm listening"
"She's yours, Spencer. She's always been yours. She needs you" His words were like a slap across the face. I knew that those words should illuminate a light in my heart that had been out for months, but they had the opposite effect. My heart beat a little slower, and I could feel my face grow cold. Emotion began to bubble up inside of me. It was rising fast.
"Oh… she's mine? Nice to know. Was she mine that whole time she was in Europe? Those days when I called her repeatedly, crying my eyes out? The times when I began calling her cell, knowing there'd be no answer, but calling anyway just so that I could hear her voice on the message? Yeah… she totally felt like she was mine then." I couldn't help it. The words were bursting from me like lava from a volcano. The fact that he could assert so boldly that she 'was mine' was like a mockery of all the tears I had cried. She wasn't mine. She was never mine.
"You know she doesn't deal well with death –" I couldn't help it, I interrupted. How could he be defending her?
"I don't give a shit that she doesn't deal well with death, Aiden! In relationships you step out of your comfort zone. You let down your walls and allow someone to love even your weaknesses. She couldn't do that for me. She never let down her walls. That's how I know she fooled me. Now I can see that it wasn't real." Part of me couldn't believe that these words were really coming out of my mouth. I'd never told these things to anyone. I'd barely even admitted them to myself. Tears were rising. I tried my best to stifle them, but they were hard pressed on making their escape. I could see Aiden's temper rising.
"You don't know what you're talking about" He said coldly, looking away from me finally. A moment ago I'd have been thrilled to break eye contact with him, but now I wanted nothing more than to stare him down.
"Oh I don't? Oh, yes, of course, how could I forget. You knew our relationship better than I did! You were in the middle of it the entire time!" I used the sarcasm like a weapon to hide the hurt that swept over me, like a fresh sheet of icy rain.
"Spencer, stop it! You really don't know! God, if you only knew what you did to her –" I interrupted again. Today was not my most polite day, evidently.
"What I did to her? Are you serious? How about what she did to me? Aiden, I don't know if you're aware, but on that prom night, I lost both my brother, and the person that I loved. I lost the very girl my earth revolved around. All I needed was her shoulder to cry on, and she couldn't even give me that. This was the girl that I'd risked everything on. I chose her over my family – on multiple occasions! And as soon as the going gets tough, she's off like a bat out of hell. Do you really want to talk to me about hurt? I could go on all day" The tears were streaming down my cheeks now, and I stood there, suddenly feeling empty in his pitiful gaze. I had poured out all that I had in me. There was some more silence. It filled the holes I'd just emptied.
"I'm sorry Spencer, I didn't mean to imply that you hadn't gone through hell." He said finally. "I just wish you knew what she became without you. Spencer…" He looked as if debating whether to proceed, or run. "she crumbled." Silence.
"Aiden, listen, I-" his turn to interrupt.
"No, Spencer, you listen. I thought that I had lost her. That the world had lost her. You looked into her eyes and there was not a girl there, but a blank page. God, if only you could know"
"Well then why don't you tell me" I said quickly, growing a little annoyed once more, at my ignorance to this story.
"I… I think I've said enough. Anything else should be hers to tell" What. After all of that, he wasn't going to elaborate? Fury rose in my chest, conquering the grief that had resided there a minute ago.
"Aiden, make up your mind! You tell me to listen, now you won't speak. What the hell is going – URGHHH" I groaned, being interrupted once more. This time, though, it was the school bell – chiming to signal my departure for my next class. I couldn't believe all that was going on. I caught his eyes one last time and stared into them fixedly. For a moment I thought I might develop spontaneous laser vision with the intensity of my leer.
I then turned on my heel and stomped back towards the gymnasium door, wiping the remnants of tears on my sleeve.
"Just please tell me you'll open your mind to her again" He said to my back. I was half tempted to tell him the truth. To say that it never closed to her. Alas, I did not.
"I can't." I huffed mid step, making sure that my stride didn't break.
"And why not?" He retorted quickly. I stopped in my tracks and turned to face him. Luckily my face was hidden in shadow, and he could not see how it was twisted with pain.
"Because I have a girlfriend," I said finally, turning before I could see his reaction. I couldn't bear to watch it. I, myself, was startled by my own words. Just hearing them in the context of this emotional catastrophe rattled my bones. I had a girlfriend. Why was I standing in the middle of an empty gymnasium, pouring my heart out to a guy I loathed, instead of her? My mind raced once more, and for a split second, I mourned the loss of my "normal" day.