Not Going Anywhere
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters featured on South of Nowhere, and only own the few that I created.
Chapter 7!!! I hope you guys like it. There were some aspects of it that I really liked, and others that I didn't like quite as much. Anyway, if it seems like Spencer is being bipolar, she is, as I believe is justified given her circumstances. The next chapter should (hopefully) be up soon, cause I only have one plan for it and its not huge, so it shouldn't be a long one. Thank you guys so much for your reviews, they really inspire me. Keep them coming! A Special thanks to the people who consistently give me feedback, like MrsMusgraveTNG, Ashikinz, prissy020304, chunkymonkey3, and Nismofire (who is probably this story's number one cheerleader XD) Without further ado, Chapter 7.
Chapter 7 – The Truth Comes Out… And This Time it's Not Mine
My phone suddenly buzzed, startling me out of the trance that I was in. It was a message from Avery.
'yeah, im still in if u r' the text read. I had asked if she still wanted to hang out tonight. Truth be told, I didn't really feel like seeing her, or anyone for that matter, until my head was cleared, but I felt as if I'd been neglecting Avery the past few days, in more ways than one. I owed her some quality time.
'yeah i am. what do u want to do?' I typed in reply. Sent.
Okay, now what was I thinking about? Oh yes, how could I forget. Ashley. For the last hour and a half since school had let out, I had been thinking about her. Today's conversation with Aiden had aroused my curiosity. It burned in my mind, longing to be quenched. What could possibly have happened to her? It wasn't as if she ever let anyone close enough to her to hurt her – she was virtually invulnerable. Ashley's walls stayed up, no matter what. It wasn't as if I had lowered them… right? She wasn't with me anymore, after all.
Part of my mind knew that I should just try and forget her, once and for all. I had a really great thing going with Avery. I should just immerse myself in her and forget Ashley. She chose to leave. If she still loved me, it was her own fault. I was moving on. Yeah, that's a good idea, I told myself.
I sat there in silence for a few moments. Real silence – even the seemingly ever-present mumblings of my mind were quiet. Well, what now? The curiosity ember sparked once more, almost as if reminding me of its presence.
Well, finding out what happened to her wasn't wrong… right? I wasn't going to do anything about it, obviously… since I was moving on and all…. Was it wrong to want to know?
Before I could answer that for myself, my hand sought out my phone and began clicking through my contacts. I scanned through them quickly as if my time was limited. Aiden, no… I didn't feel like speaking to him again, Ashley, obviously not, Avery, no, Bill, did he even know her? Brianna, no…
I got all the way to the K's before I saw something. Kelly, no, Kim, no, Kyla…. Kyla! My finger hit the 'send' button before my mind even had a chance to catch up.
I could feel my heart beating faster and faster, my chest becoming tighter and tighter with each ring. I told myself to calm down and breathe, but to no avail. Voicemail. Ugh, what a let down.
I set my phone down on the table, perhaps too hard. It buzzed loudly, startling me again. I thought it might be yelling at me, but then I realized that I had a text back from Avery.
'hmm… wanna go to the park? I feel like we need some time to talk" My stomach dropped a little lower. A night in the park. How on earth was I going to avoid talking about Ashley? No, we had to do something else. What else could we do? What would my excuse be for not wanting to go to the park? Wouldn't it be my luck that the one time I needed some thoughts my brain went as silent as a graveyard.
Ugh. Looks like we're going to the park, I admitted after nearly 5 minutes of staring blankly at my wall.
'sure. meet you there at 6?' I replied finally, feeling anxious and defeated. I was in for it. The reply came almost instantaneously.
'sounds perfect ' .
-
It was 6, and I had already been here for 15 minutes. I had decided at home that I best be on my way rather than sit around my room and stew about what tonight might bring. I didn't really consider the fact that I would instead be sitting on a park bench and stewing all the same.
What was I going to tell her? Should I come up with a story? I immediately replied no internally. I had already lied to Avery more than I cared to think about. I was going to tell her the truth. But how much of the truth? Not all of it, surely. No, telling her that Ashley still loved me would just stir up trouble, wouldn't it?
I tried to relax my mind. I studied the area around me for a few moments. The trees along the horizon painted a black contrast against a darkening pink sky. If I weren't so stressed, I'm sure I'd have admired it more. I averted my gaze to me feet, atop the gray concrete of the path. My eyes, restless and unsure of where to stay, wandered down the walkway, which wound through the trees out to the parking lots. This really was such a random spot, but it was our spot. This was where Avery and I had come countless times to… well, I won't go into details. Obviously during a time when I was less of an emotional yard sale than I was now. I shut my eyes and wished with all of my might that I could just go back to one of those times; back to a time where I knew what I wanted and it was her.
My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of shifting grass coming from behind me. I turned around quickly, making sure that I wasn't about to come face to face with a serial killer, although if I saw him at this point, it wouldn't matter because it was too late to escape anyway. Luckily the figure in the hooded Hollister sweatshirt bore the stature of a woman. When she let down her hood and shook out her smooth auburn hair, I turned back away from her and closed my eyes, saying a silent prayer that tonight went well.
"Well don't you look sketchy" I said jokingly, still not turning towards her.
"I was getting cold" She replied, allowing herself to fall next to me onto the bench. "I've been here for a while, but I didn't figure you'd be here until 6, so I took a walk off the path" She finished.
"Oh, I've been here for a little over 15 minutes" I replied lamely, knowing that these words were merely buying time, moments. Then there was some silence; a silence that reeked of tension and unsaid words.
"Alright Spence, what's going on?" Avery said finally, almost exhaling. It sounded like it was something she'd been waiting to say.
"Ugh, I don't know" I replied, half truthfully. I knew what was going on, technically, but I didn't know how I felt about it, and that's what mattered, wasn't it?
"Try me" Avery said definitively. "It's not like I've got anywhere to be, or anyone else to see" At this she turned and looked at me, her doe eyes set on mine. I couldn't refuse those eyes. They pried off the hinges of my secrecy, delved into what felt like my soul. I looked away, a little intimidated that just eye contact with her had the power to move me so. I exhaled for a long moment. Here it was.
"I saw Ashley". There. It was out. Part of me longed to see her immediate reaction, but fear kept my eyes on my twiddling fingers. We sat in silence for a few moments, as still as the park around us. Not even the faintest breeze whistled through the leaves. It was almost as if time had stopped.
I didn't realize how cold I was until suddenly, my hand was in hers. Her warmth radiated through me, defrosting me as if I hadn't been warm for a while. I let a cool breath into my lungs, and I allowed my shoulders to drop a little. Well, at least she knew now.
"Did anything happen?" She whispered so quietly I could barely hear her. In my peripheral vision I could see that she wasn't looking at me, but somewhere off in the distance. I abruptly turned to face her, studying what I could see of her profile. Her lower lip was between her teeth, and the corners of her eyes drooped, lacking the smiley crinkle that normally showed.
"You mean…me and her…?" I trailed off. She nodded slowly, and I saw her swallow. "No, no, nothing happened. She tried to talk to me, and it just shook me up a bit" Okay, so I wasn't lying. I just wasn't telling her everything. She turned to face me so quickly that when she stopped our noses nearly touched.
"You mean, you didn't… do anything with her?" She asked, sounding baffled. I shook my head, suddenly aware of how close she was to me. The vanilla scent of her shampoo wafted its way into my nose, and my nerve endings began to tingle.
It was at that moment, that I saw the flicker. That little hint of a smile, pulling at the corners of her lips. The little twinkle that ignited in her big eyes, which blackened simultaneously with the sky.
"I just…. I know how much she meant to you. I expected… I thought, when you said it was Ashley… I just…"
"You thought I would cheat on you?" I said, almost a little hurt that she thought I could do that to her. Had I ever given her a reason not to trust me? Well, aside from me not telling her the entire story. But she didn't know about that.
"I'm sorry, Spence… It's not that… I trust you, it's just… well I haven't been entirely honest with you" Oh god. What was this? I could feel myself staring at her. "My last girlfriend, Courtney… you know I don't like to talk about her. Well, we didn't just 'break up', like I told you we did. We went out for 2 years, and I found out that she'd been cheating on me all along. She was sleeping with some chick named Carmen. I walked in on them when I went to her house to surprise her on her birthday" Her eyes were focused so intently on my own that I couldn't look away if I wanted to. The dark pools in her eyes now glistened underneath what looked like a glassy wall of tears that had been cried too many times over. "I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm used to being cheated on. I never thought after 2 years that Carmen would cheat on me, but she did. You've never done anything to make me think you would, but once your heart breaks, you become a little more wary of anyone who get remotely close enough to touch it" My own heart thumped with discomfort. Unlike the normal pain it experienced, though, this pain was duller. It was one out of sympathy. I knew what it felt like to be taken by surprise, to have your heart ripped open and stomped on.
"Avery… why didn't you tell me?" I whispered, my eyes still unmoving under the spell of her own. She exhaled and closed her eyes. Her hand, which I noted was still in mine, squeezed just a little tighter.
"I didn't want you to treat me any differently than anyone else. Plus, you had just lost your brother, and your first love. There wasn't room for two broken hearts" At this, tears welled in my own eyes. A wave of emotion flooded my brain; a deluge of feeling drowned everything else. She ignored the gaping hole in her chest. She took me under a broken wing. She pretended to be okay for me, when I clearly couldn't do that for her. I finally looked away from her as the tears cascaded down my reddening cheeks. Instantly her free hand drew in upon my cheekbone, turning me back to face her. Her eyes caught mine again, this time both of us allowing our tears to fall. "Hey" she said, a smile creeping back onto her face. "Don't you cry, you haven't done anything wrong." Her index finger played gently along my jaw-line, tickling my nerves into a frenzy. We had been sitting there for quite a many moments, just exploring each other's faces when she finally spoke again, "And whether you know it or not, you healed me, too". The moment her lips stopped moving, mine were on hers in one swift and passionate motion. One of my hands caressed the back of her head while holding her in an embrace. I took her lower lip between mine and held it there for a few moments. When we broke apart, I leaned into her and she reclined onto the bench. Laying partially alongside her, I allowed my head to rest on her chest.
Her heartbeat became the soundtrack of my night. It pulsed rhythmically, vigorously pumping blood through her veins. For once, my mind was blank and stayed blank. Her heart was the only sound, the only outside force that invigorated my senses. Her wonderful smell cradled me. I lost myself in this brief moment of bliss, comfortably drifting in and out of consciousness.
My phone buzzed violently against my hip, startling me out of the most peaceful sleep I'd known in days. Part of me was tempted to just smash my phone into a rock for having disturbed us, but I knew I'd regret that later. I sat up as quietly as I could, gingerly peeling away my arm that dangled over Avery's waist, so as not to wake her. I wrestled my phone out of my pocket, prepared to make a mental note of the caller ID so that I could add them to my hit list.
'Kyla'. Kyla! My heart leapt for a moment, but my mind quickly reprimanded it. How could I possibly allow Ashley to permeate my mind tonight? After all of this? I angrily shut my phone and prepared to shove it back into my pocket, but I suddenly caught the time on it. 9:37 PM. Crap. I had to get home.
I turned to Avery, and before doing anything, I listened to the sound of her breathing for a few moments. It floated gracefully in and out of her lungs so softly, as if a gentle whisper. I moved my face closer to hers and I kissed her while also brushing a stray auburn lock from her face. She stirred and I knew she was conscious because her breathing had changed, but she didn't open her eyes. I pulled my lingering lips from hers and smiled.
"Avery," I breathed, just an inch from her face. I felt my own breath reflect at me. She smiled, tickled by my air. "We've gotta go." I resented the fact that this night had to end. I felt so comfortable in her caress, so meant to be. I laughed internally, reflecting on how the night began. How could I have been so nervous just hours ago?
Avery finally opened her doe eyes, groaning loudly to announce her dissatisfaction with awakening.
"Jesus, Spencer, I was so comfortable" She said, unable to keep herself from smiling as she stared back up at me. Her face was illuminated with the moonlight that peeked through the trees. Her eyes sparkled with the intensity of the stars above us. "Alright, alright" She mumbled, sitting up just when I'd begun to second-guess our need to leave. We rose together anyway, and ambled slowly down the concrete path towards the parking lot. Her hand wound in mine, we walked in a perfect silence until we reached our cars. Hers came first. Prior to opening the door, she turned back to face me – stunning me one more time with those eyes.
"I had a really great time tonight, Spencer" She said quietly, the corners of her lips not even trying to stifle the smile that broke out across them.
"Me too" I replied lamely, feeling as if those two words weren't nearly sufficient for what I felt tonight.
"I also want you to know" she took a deep breath. "You can talk to her if you need to. Ashley, I mean. If it will help you, I want you to do it."
The mention of Ashley's name burned my eardrums. I made a mental motion to dismiss that she had said anything. Ashley would not ruin the end of this night for me.
Before I had a chance to say anything else, she leaned in and kissed me. When she began to pull away I nearly grabbed her and pulled her back, but I restrained myself.
"goodnight," she breathed into my face, enflaming my nerves once more.
"night," I replied, truly stymied in her warm presence. She climbed into her car and drove away slowly, leaving me with only the moon and the distant sound of crickets.
I would say that the high lasted for about an hour. By the time quarter of eleven had rolled around, it was as if I had sobered up from my sweet intoxication. While I reflected on tonight with the fondest of sentiments, new nerves accompanied them. Ashley stole back into the recesses of my mind, as she always did, and tormented me, finding a way to twist even the loveliest of memories into new fears.
The new knowledge of Avery's real past haunted me. The sympathy pain still seared in my chest, but now an anxiety dominated my lungs, causing my breath to become shallower and faster.
What if I had cheated on her? What would have happened? The thought of hurting her that way caused my head to reel. The idea that anyone could hurt such a beautiful person disturbed me, let alone if it was me that did the hurting. What if I had done to her what Carmen did to her? What Ashley did to me? My mind commanded my breath to slow – any faster and I would be hyperventilating.
I had looked at my missed call from Kyla about 7 times in the last half hour. Even though I'd seen it, I kept hoping that maybe it would just go away and leave me without the temptation of hitting the send button.
Avery deserved my whole mind and my whole heart. She couldn't have them if she had to share with Ashley. I wanted Avery. She had done so much for me, I owed it to her.
This rationale didn't stop the phone from staring at me from my desk. I deliberated on my next move, paralyzed in my own indecision. Inert.