Author's Note:
Thanks for the reviews! This has been a great project. It's been fun to delve into the mindsets and POVs of so many characters - and Universe has some really interesting characters. I've got ideas for new chapters featuring some of the supporting characters, I'll try to sit down over the next few days to put those ideas into words.
Chapter 8: Vanessa James
Vanessa passed Chloe with a mix of emotions. First and foremost came sorrow and jealousy at having lost Lieutenant Scott to a younger, prettier (she had to admit) woman. But Chloe was kind, too. Despite everything, Vanessa couldn't hate her, couldn't begrudge her. She could only mourn her own loss. Chloe had made an attempt to smile at her as they passed. Vanessa wished she had that energy. She could only nod to Chloe in acknowledgement. Everything about the past few days had stripped Vanessa of her energy to do anything more.
Sergeant Spencer had been an ass. Everyone thought so. But he had still been one of their own and she couldn't help but feel his loss. Suicide was no way to go, wasn't one she wished for herself. Suicide was too much like giving up, telling the universe it had won. She couldn't do that. She was a fighter. She was a survivor.
Dr. Rush had been a survivor, too. Sure, he was abrasive at the best of times, but he had never been callous to her. He gave himself so completely to the mission that he would forget his own needs if those closer to him weren't keeping an eye out for him. What wasn't to like about that? It was a very military mindset. She could admire that, even in a scientist. She felt his loss deeper than Spencer's. Spencer hadn't done a damn thing but piss people off. Rush had helped them, saved their lives so often she'd lost count. He'd done it all without hope of gratitude. Because he didn't ask for gratitude, he got it from her.
She'd never had the chance to tell him. She'd never been that close to him. He'd always been focused on the latest mission, the latest scientific find, the latest iota of information that would bring them closer to getting home. She'd given him his space. It was the only thing he'd ever asked for in return for his unfailing service. She granted it gladly, not because she wanted to be away from him, but because he wanted it.
She replayed the last moments on that planet in her head. Lieutenant, let's pack it up, Colonel Young had said. Yes, sir. She had followed his order without question, as any good soldier would do. The scientists had been ordered to follow shortly after them. Dr. Volker had the remote dialing device so she and Airman Rennie had taken up stations on either side of the giant ring until they met them there.
Colonel says we're to go back to the Destiny, Volker had said.
What? Leave those two here alone? She had asked.
Volker had shrugged. That's what he said. She stared at him in disbelief. Rush said he needed a few moments, Volker had said. He had moved to begin dialing the gate address for Destiny.
She'd placed her hand on top of the remote dialer, preventing Volker from pressing a single button on the pad. We can't leave them!
You want to get stuck here? he'd asked.
You want them to get stuck here? she'd responded.
Volker had hesitated at that. Look, the gate will remain open until they're through, we shut it down, or Destiny leaves. If they're going to make it, they'll make it. If not, well …
If it was a direct order, we'd be court marshaled for disobeying, Airman Rennie had pointed out.
We'd have to get back to Earth first, she'd said with disdain.
Or Colonel Young will start another trial like we just had, Dr. Caine had muttered while staring with dismay at his shoes.
That had caused her to hesitate and rethink her position. The trial of her commanding officer had been one of the most draining things she'd experienced over the past week. Given how much had happened, that was saying a lot. Not knowing who to report to or who to trust was exhausting. She'd been grateful when that ordeal was over. The idea of being in the hot seat was not a welcome thought.
Dial it up, she'd ordered Volker. He had.
When neither Colonel Young nor Dr. Rush came through the shining event horizon, she'd doubted her decision. We shouldn't have left them! She'd said, glaring with wide eyes at Dr. Volker. What? So we could get stuck there too? He'd retorted. No one is getting stuck there, Lieutenant Scott's clear voice allowed her to focus for a moment. Not yet. Panic had risen inside her as she'd nervously glanced between ticking clock and event horizon. She'd held it down through practiced control drilled into her through years of air force training.
When at last, the colonel had emerged from the shining pool, she'd relaxed, grateful that her commanding officer had made it out alive. She hadn't failed in her duty after all.
It had taken her longer than it should have to see that he was injured and only until Wray had asked Where's Rush? Did she realize Dr. Rush was not emerging behind him.
He didn't make it, he'd murmured, passing through the crowd of onlookers as they cleared his path. The gate shut off. The ship entered FTL. Rush was gone.
It was so sudden. Anger, to anxious, to relief, to stunned hopelessness all happened in the space of thirty seconds. Looking back on it, she'd rather have risked a court marshal than lose Rush to a damned rockslide.
Vanessa entered the mess hall at last. She hesitated in the doorway, gazing about the room. It was far too crowded for her liking. Crewmates and their myriad of high-strung, raw emotions filled the smallish space. She wouldn't be staying here to eat. Conversation was at a minimum even despite the number of people. Doctors Volker and Caine were playing cards on one side of the room. Abandoned bowls of mashed alien not-so-sweet potatoes sat at their sides. Volker looked up as she entered the room. She met his gaze and shared his wordless sense of loss before pulling her gaze away to get some dinner.