Chapter Five: Stockholm Syndrome
Soundtrack: Stockholm Syndrome by Blink 182
Man and Wife, the Latter (Damaged Goods) by Desaparecidos
Coney Island by Good Old War
Reminder: You can stream these songs on Grooveshark!
Disclaimer: I don't own, don't sue.
I was nine years old. Mom was tending to the garden in a last attempt to save it from the scorching sun in the middle of a drought. She had not looked so well lately, with sallow skin and sunken eyes. I could tell
she was sad again.
"Tell me more about my dad," I begged once again. She had told me nearly everything about him and his adventures at least ten times, but like a bedtime story, I wanted to hear them over and over again.
Mom's face grew dark and retreated into a malicious frown that became more recurring every day; I remember when she used to smile…
"I don't want to talk about him," she snapped. "I don't want you bringing him up ever again."
And from the thought of never hearing of the mystical being of my father, I cried. Mom didn't notice as she menacingly pruned at the wilting sunflowers.
Then I was fifteen. After months of scouring the Scottish wilderness, I had finally found my father in a far-off cave. He was in the form of a black dog, but I knew better, so I was not afraid as he bared his teeth
viciously. I placed my picture on the ground at his feet and he scrutinized it carefully.
"It's me," I whispered. Ever still he stood, his furious facade fading gradually as he looked down from the photograph to me.
Then, quicker than my eyes could register, he disappeared into the shadows deeper in the cave. When he emerged, I saw him as his true self for the first time in my life. He was older, and so severely
malnourished that his robes drowned him in a sea of grey. The smile I observed in my picture was long gone, and his eyes danced frantically.
"Nola…how?" but I had no time to answer, for he swiftly approached and embraced me in a hug of such fervor it seemed he'd never let go.
Then he did something I thought he'd never do based on his legends of bravery, wit, and a sharp tongue: he wept. With joy, fear, and all other overwhelming emotion, he shed dozens of tears, cradling me in a
way as if to make up for all the years of absence. And before I could stop myself, I was crying too. I had finally found him, and he was all I hoped him to be. He let go and looked me in the eyes, his eyes.
"Your mother? Where…" he trailed off when he noticed the expression of grief and horror on my face, and all I could do was shake my head mournfully.
Suddenly dad doubled over and shouted in pain. He looked up and I saw blood streaming from his eyes…my eyes. He frantically clawed at the skin on his face, which was peeling off on contact.
No. He was dying. It was too soon, I had just met him. Like a phoenix, he burst into flames and flailed and screeched in agony, calling my name over and over as burning flesh melted from his frame.
And all I could do was scream right back.
"DAD!"
I awoke with a jolt, forgetting where I was entirely for a second until I saw the worried faces of Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny. I must have dozed off on the Hogwarts Express. My face felt clammy
with sweat and my heart was still racing from that terrible nightmare.
"You alright then?" Ron asked cautiously. He looked on as if I might spontaneously combust at any moment.
"How long have I been sleeping?" I asked, completely avoiding Ron's question. I didn't feel like lying.
"About an hour or so," Harry replied, checking his watch. "We'll be there soon."
I looked outside the window and saw blackness. Despite being nearly drenched in sweat, I shivered, quite cold; it was a very hot day earlier and I left London in only an old tie-dyed shirt and cutoffs.
"I think I'll go to the restroom…change and wash my face maybe…" I said distractedly, pulling out my brand new school robes. The four exchanged doubtful glances, I guess they were used to seeing
people go through episodes like that.
I dunked my face in the sink filled with water and tried to relax my tensed muscles. Little bubbles escaped from my nose, the tickle calming me a little. I rose with a deep breath, dried my face, and
rested my hands on the sink's edge just to stop the shaking. The dream felt so real, but I know it wasn't. That's not how it happened. When dad asked about mom, he shrugged sadly, but did not burst
into flames. He sat down and we played catch-up worth fifteen years.
…What if that's how he really died? In complete agony…screaming. I forced the thought out of my head and tried to control my breathing. Glaring at myself in the mirror, I demanded order.
"Get a hold of yourself, Black," I muttered. "It was just a dream. You're just nervous about school."
Upon further inspection, I realized how completely awful I looked. My hair was a complete mess, curls and frizz going in every direction imaginable. Beneath it, my eyes were puffy and bloodshot, above
two bruise-like purplish circles. My skin was always fair, but in this light, I looked ghostly. I sighed slightly annoyed, and began damage control.
There was nothing to be done about my hair (there never was anyway), so I just ran a hand through it a few times, slightly taming it. Out of a makeup bag I grabbed some concealer and Visine. The
eye drops were for my own comfort; they did little to relieve the redness, but my eyes at last didn't sting so much with fatigue. Being as I was making a first impression on hundreds, I blended some
concealer under my eyes, making me look at least alive. For good luck, I applied some eyeliner, and still not happy with my complexion, desperately pinched my cheeks to encourage circulation. At least
half pleased and dressed for Hogwarts I turned to head back to the compartment.
But of course, as I walked out, someone was walking in, and I stereotypically collided into them with such force that I ended up on my backside.
"Oh, Merlin! I'm sorry; I can be a klutz sometimes." A girl about my age extended her hand and I gladly accepted it to quickly escape this embarrassing situation.
"No worries," I replied while rising. I was about a head taller than her, and she was much prettier than me. Now, I'm not saying I'm a hopeless troll, but there's no way in hell I can compete with thin
sleek-haired girls. I just can't do it.
The girl's sheepish smile turned to one of awe.
"You're Sirius Black's daughter, aren't you? Nola Black." I was prepared for this. I knew I would run into conflict eventually, so bracing myself, I gave a half smile and nodded. I thought maybe this girl
would hit me, or shout at me and tell me how me and my dad are horrible people, but she didn't do any of those things. No, instead she shook my hand.
"I'm Jordan Ratchford, 6th year Ravenclaw." I don't know why she was eager to meet me, but I was grateful. All I could do in my near state of shock was mutter a
"Nice to meet you."
"It's a real shame about your father…and your mum. I'm sorry. Must be awful." This was really going in the opposite direction I anticipated.
"It's okay."
We sort of just stood there awkwardly for a moment, not knowing what to say to each other. I ran a hand through my hair and looked at the floor.
"Well, if you need help getting around the school, or with your homework, just come find me. I'm sorry but I really have to use the loo…See you around!" And with that, she headed into the stall and I
left.
Had I just made a friend?
As I reached the compartment, the train began to slow gradually until finally coming to a halt. I went to get my trunk to find only Ginny inside.
"Where is everyone?" I asked while hoisting my trunk down from above.
"Ron and Hermione are with the other prefects, and Harry must be changing or something." Ginny followed suit and gathered her things.
"Oh," I said, wondering what the bloody hell a prefect was, vaguely remembering Remus saying he was once one. "So where do we go?"
Ginny's face fell guiltily.
"I was going to meet up with Dean…" And I immediately understood. She had two months of snogging to catch up on. I smiled at her and she blushed.
"It's okay, don't worry about me," I said reassuringly. "Just point me in the right direction?"
Ginny nodded thankfully and explained to hop on a carriage that will take me to the castle. I trudged through the train, receiving some suspicious glances and points that only reminded me of being at
the train station earlier. I'm not sure if I'd have them avoid me like a disease infested leper or bombard me with attention. Either one seems bad in its own light.
My obnoxiously heavy trunk was relieved of me (thank Merlin) and my eyes scanned the area looking for this said carriage. There were so many students, it was maddening. I couldn't see a thing past
the throng of people.
Very suddenly, I was yanked from my thoughts as a large body slammed harshly into my shoulder, almost too harsh to be an accident. I looked up to the giant towering boy accompanied by a gang of
scowling friends.
"Watch where you're going," grunted the horrifying gargantuan. I raised my eyebrows incredulously; here was conflict that I anticipated but nonetheless refused to take.
"Excuse me? You bumped into me."
Flabbergasted that I even attempted to defend myself, the boy stared speechless, then he advanced forward with clenched fists, as if to actually hit me. But a tall dark boy stopped him. He wasn't
trying to help me however, he just wanted his turn.
"Goyle bumped into you. What's your point, Black?" He spat my name at me in such a venomous manner it nearly stung, and I could only stare in the most hateful way. The entire group stared back
with a matching hostility.
"You have a lot of nerve just showing up here. Your repulsive excuse for a father caused a lot of trouble for a lot of people." The boy smiled when he saw me wince at the mention of my father. A callous
looking girl behind him let out a shriek of laughter. "If I were you, I'd watch it."
Not five minutes into the school year and I'm already being threatened…Fabulous.
A pointy faced boy with white-blonde hair caught up to these hideous people.
"Malfoy, where've you been?" The large mannish student asked stupidly. The newcomer opened his mouth to say something to the large troll, but his eyes landed on me instead. Upon immediate
recognition, he grinned maliciously and advanced so I could endure another slew of insults. But before he could speak, a familiar voice shouted,
"Oy! Nola!" and sure enough, Fred, George, and several others were approaching fast.
"What are you doing over here?" Fred asked me, glaring at the assaulting posse.
"Trying not to die…" I muttered under my breath. The nasty blonde named Malfoy once again attempted to speak, but George quickly grabbed my wrist and pulled me away.
"Come on, you're riding with us to the castle." As we pushed through the crowd to a carriage pulling itself, I heard the dark boy call out to me.
"Remember what I said, Black!"
Five minutes…Really?
Once inside the carriage, the twins introduced me to their friends. Lee Jordan was second in command to Fred and George's growing inventory. He was loud, boisterous, and quite lively. I liked him.
Angelina Johnson and Katie Bell were on the Gryffindor Quidditch team. They seemed really intense about it and were rather happy that I was a new convert to the sport.
"What house do you want to be in, Nola?" Angeline asked.
"Yeah, we'll tell you which positions are open for each one," Katie added. Jeez, these girls really meant business.
"My dad was a Gryffindor, so it'd be cool if I were one." I speculated. "But I'll be honest with you, I'd be happy with anything but Slytherin." I added sadly. It was a miracle in itself that my dad was put
in Gryffindor, what are the odds another Black won't be put in Slytherin?
"Well," Angelina continued. "Slytherin's short a beater and two chasers this year. But they usually only recruit guys…"
"We're looking for a new chaser," Katie cut in optimistically. "Who knows? Maybe we'll be playing together." I shrugged.
"I'll keep an open mind." And I meant it when I said that. Looking past my heritage, there's a one in four chance of getting into Slytherin. That's minute. And all of the other houses seem fine. I don't
know, I just hate hanging around blood supremacists. They never want to shut up about it.
We turned a bend in the road and I took a glimpse of the enormous castle that would be my home for the next year. It looked like something straight out of the stories my mother used to read to me.
With green rolling hills surrounding it, and perched above a glassy lake, it was wonderfully picturesque.
"Wow," I couldn't help but say, utterly amazed.
And when I stared at all the tiny details of the grounds in amazement, I thought of Harry, and how some twenty years ago, our own fathers were returning to school, young and lively before the world
turned dark. I wondered about how simple everything probably was back then, and how it's never been like that our entire lives; there was always something messing it up.
Maybe things will get better this year I thought, trying my best to avoid the truth.
~*~
I stood outside of what I learned to be the Great Hall and waited with a group of first years. I could hear the loud chatter of the student body inside and shuffled my feet impatiently. I was bored,
hungry, and really wanted to get this sorting business over with so I could breathe again. Not to mention there were a few dozen eleven-year-olds staring at me fearfully and whispering my name
every few seconds; it was incredibly annoying.
Finally after what seemed like hours, a stern looking witch came out of the Great Hall and stood before us. No it was her turn to be stared at in sheer terror. I didn't see what the first years saw; it
must have been the height difference.
"Good evening," she said briskly. "I am Professor McGonnagall, head of Gryffindor House. In a few moments you will be sorted into your houses." And she continued to tell us precisely what to do when
we entered the Great Hall. We were all supposed to stand awkwardly in front of this hat while it sings and then get called up one by one for our judgment. And to make it better, I'd be going first.
So that's exactly what we did. We walked into the hall in rows of two, and stood in a semi-circle around a ratty old hat. It opened its (mouth?) and began to sing. I don't remember it verbatim, but it
just went on about all the houses and the school itself. To be honest, I spaced out during most of it; I was so hungry.
At last the sorting began when Professor McGonnagall beckoned me forth.
"Nola Black," she stated severely. Like a walk of shame, I stepped forward, slightly red, as I heard all the whispers. Yes it was true, the degenerate's daughter had come to Hogwarts…
McGonnagall gave me sort of a reassuring smile as I sat on an old stool and she placed the hat on my head.
"Another Black?" The hat chimed into my ear. "I thought there were none of you left…" I held my breath in complete dread. A hat would be deciding my fate for the rest of the year.
"Well, I could put you into Slytherin and call it a day…" he continued, and my heart stopped. "But you would make a rather fine Hufflepuff." A sliver of hope reentered my body. The hat sighed. "You
leave me no choice though…GRYFFINDOR!" An entire table of red and gold leapt to their feet and roared. My heart swelled so much I thought it would explode. I stood shakily and took long strides to
the table. I saw George beaming and my breath was caught in my throat. I sat next to Lee across from Harry, and everyone grinned. Ron clapped a hand on my shoulder, and Fred raised my hand up
victoriously from my other side.
"We knew you'd be one of us," Ginny congratulated.
One of us…That sounded beautifully new.
So yeah, five chapters and only one review? Please remedy this problem. I'm getting discouraged, and I don't want to threaten you and say I won't continue, cause I love writing this, but desperate times, man...
Reviewers get a free timeturner, three pairs of X-Ray glasses, and a flagon of pumpkin juice! (Shipping and Handling not included [= )