SE Hinton owns The Outsiders.

Cursing in this chapter.

Please review…they are much welcomed. Thanks to all who read…

*

Soda was right; nothing much is open. The streets are dead to the world. Pony parks Darry's truck haphazardly against the curb, kicking at snow as he jumps out.

He finds her in the back booth of Myrtle's Diner. The door chimes, a sign taped to it that says: Closing at 4 pm on Christmas Eve. The clock on the wall reads noon. Sarah Morrow stirs her coffee, waiting for him.

"Hi," he says, sliding into the booth. The waitress behind the counter gives him a funny look but he ignores it.

"Bout time." Sarah sets the spoon down. Her dark eyes brush over him. "Oh baby, you ain't been eating. From the looks of you, you ain't been doing much of anything."

"Does sleeping count? Sarah, what do you want?" It's overwhelming, the hopelessness; Pony just wants to get her gone.

"It's Christmas. I wanted to bring you your gift." Graceful black fingers slide a neatly wrapped present across the table. "But you can't open it until tomorrow."

Pony stares at her. Sarah sighs. "I know what you told my daddy. And I do believe you, Ponyboy. I just really had to see if you were okay."

"Does it look like I am?"

"Don't you dare be throwin yourself a pity party. That shit's done with. You gotta get right."

"Yeah, well I don't feel goddamn right," Ponyboy snaps. He slams his fist on the table, rattling the salt and pepper shakers. "And I've been trying. You know that."

"I do."

"So why then? Why can't I shake this…this shit?"

"Daddy says it sticks with you. A bad trip. It'll sort itself out." Sarah smiles. "Patience is a virtue, baby."

"I ain't got time for patience."

"You gotta make time. You're twisting yourself all around inside."

Ponyboy rubs his gaunt face. "Sometimes I don't know what to do anymore. I really don't."

Sarah leans across the table. She takes Pony's hand, moving his sleeve up to the elbow. Her thumb traces the long white vertical scar. "They're healing well."

Sarah evaluates the boy who's stumbled into her life. "You're like my brother. You know that? I ain't known you too long and we sure as hell don't match, but I'd claim you as mine. I'd help you through anything. But I'm just not them."

Downing her coffee she says, "Tell your brothers when you're ready. But tell them."

"I will."

"Now go on home."

Weakly, Pony crawls out of the booth. "Tell Sam hi."

Sarah holds the present out to him. "Don't forget this."

*

Pony nearly slams into a tree as he pulls away from the diner but gets a grip on the truck, its wheels sticking slipping on the ice. The snow's ferociously abnormal for Tulsa.

They're still in the garage when he gets back. He gives Darry the keys. "What'd you get?" Sodapop asks, glancing up from his cards.

"You were right," Ponyboy says. "Everything was closed."

*

Alice is finishing up dinner when three smoky and slightly tipsy guys barrel in from the garage. Darry kisses Alice on the lips and she wrinkles her nose. "Oh, Darry…" She fans him away. "You stink."

Darry laughs. "You do stink." Ponyboy rounds the corner. "You smell like smoke."

Darry raises an eyebrow. "And that bothers you?"

"It's because you quit isn't it?" Two-Bit hollers, sticking his head out of the kitchen. Pony nods and Two-Bit looks at Darrel just in case Darry didn't get the newsflash. "He quit."

"You quit smoking?" Darry asks, shocked but pleased. "When did this happen?"

There's a long pause, Ponyboy's throat catching, and then he volunteers in a whisper, "Last month…"

Darry chuckles. "Now I know why you were so upset whenever I talked to you on the phone."

*

Surprisingly they make it through dessert before table conversation turns to Ponyboy. They're all a bit loose; the guys drinking whiskey and Alice wine. Darry watches Ponyboy pick at his food. Soda and Steve are arguing about the correct way to deep-fry the turkey tomorrow and Darry wonders who'll be the first one with third degree burns.

"You should inject it with beer," Two-Bit puts in.

Alice asks, "Ponyboy, is your food okay?"

"Oh yeah, it's great." Pony smiles with false enthusiasm. "I'm just not that hungry."

An awkward silence falls around the table. Alice takes a sip of her wine and clears her throat. "What classes have you signed up for next year?" She smiles encouragingly.

"Um…you know the usual. Math, science…"

Soda makes a face. "The boring stuff huh?" Relieved, Pony smiles and nods but then Two-Bit jumps in.

"I think the kid'll major in books."

"You can't major in books, idiot," Steve snaps.

"English?" Soda adds helpfully.

"No, no," Two-Bit says. "Maybe he'll major in Circus Theatrics. Oh! Or maybe Deep Sea Fishing…?"

"Two-Bit," Darry's shaking his head. "The very fact that you think those are actual classes, scares me."

"Well, you know what scares me Darry…"

Pony picks up his water glass and sets it back down without taking a drink, listening to the conversation about him and school. He can't even imagine setting foot on a campus again, let alone choosing a major. And so, he removes himself, staring at his plate, his right leg bouncing up and down underneath the table.

Steve groans loudly, interrupting the table chatter. "Look, I just got done with school for the semester. And the last thing I want—" he nods at Darry and Pony "— and I'm sure what they want, is to talk about school or homework or majors when we ain't got to. So, shut the hell up, Two-Bit or change the goddamn subject." Soda begins to clap.

"Where's your school spirit, Stevie?" Two-Bit grins.

"Sure as hell not here." Steve wolfs down his last bite of pumpkin pie.

*

Soda helps Pony with the dishes while Darry and Alice have coffee in the living room. Two-Bit and Steve are long since gone, going to be with their own families. Ponyboy scrubs rhythmically, almost trance-like; water coolly moving between his fingers. He's thinking about Sarah and their conversation. The ends of the sleeves of his shirt are soaked in the dishwater.

Soda takes the pan Pony hands him and dries it. "Pone? You know what we should do tonight?"

"Hmmm?"

"Remember that one Christmas when you wanted to stay up late and wait for Santa?" Soda raises an eyebrow when Ponyboy glances at him. "What do you say?"

"It ain't gonna be like last time is it?" Pony fixes Soda with a suspicious gaze.

"No, kiddo, I promise, it ain't gonna be like last time. Believe me, I learned my lesson. I was young…I was cold…"

"Aw, Soda, we'll freeze our asses off."

"No we won't. We'll bundle up good, kiddo."

*

"Dinner was real good, Al," Darry says, giving his girlfriend's hand a squeeze. They're hovering by the front door, ready to call it a night. "I don't think I'll be able to eat tomorrow."

"I'm sure you'll make room." Alice grins, checking her watch. "You be sure to stop by tomorrow, if only to say hi to my parents."

"I will." There's a rustle and Alice watches Ponyboy and Sodapop disappear upstairs. Her face clouds over. Darry shakes his head. "Listen, sorry about my brother…he's usually not so..."

Alice waves the apology away. "It's not that…I was just wondering if he's…okay. He seems a lot different than when I last met him."

Darry grins. "You met him once, Al."

She pokes him in the stomach. "Yes, and I'm a very good judge of character." Propping a hand on the wall, she says, "Maybe I'm just being silly…but um…do you think he's depressed or something?"

"What?"

"I'm not an expert but it's just the first thought that popped into my mind."

Darry stares at her stupidly, wanting to tell her she's wrong, she's crazy, Pony's fine, but he just can't. Because if other people can see that something's off then it's just not in Darry's head. He gives in. "I know. I know something's up. Usually Soda can get him to talk by now." Darry holds Alice's gaze for a moment and then breaks away. He runs a thumb down his cheek, scratching his bristle.

"You should talk to him."

"Look, Al, it's Christmas. Do you know how much of a shit I'll be for bringing this up tomorrow? Especially if there's nothing wrong. Knowing Ponyboy, he'll argue, I'll yell and Soda will get pissed at the both of us."

Darry shoulders slump. "But I will. I'll talk to him."

*

"You can see all the stars tonight." Soda wraps his arms tighter against his chest, trying to ignore his shivering. After all, it was his bright idea.

Ponyboy glances up, resting a gloved hand on the snowy rooftop. The sky's clear, stars glowing high above. For the first time in a while, he's calm. He can breathe out here, albeit shakily.

"It's gonna be cold tomorrow."

"How's that?"

"No clouds mean warmth escapes. If it's cloudy…air is…trapped. I think." Ponyboy blows hot breath from his mouth; it goes white in the night air. He wonders how, out of all things, he pulled that out of his crumpled memory.

Soda glances down at the yard. Darry's walking Alice to her car. They lean towards each other, speaking quietly. Pony watches Soda from the corner of his eye.

"Soda," Ponyboy ventures. "How come you don't date?"

"I date, kiddo."

"No, you don't. You don't…date. You fool around but I never see you with anyone like Alice." Pony lowers his eyes. "You never like anyone the way you liked Sandy." Pony still remembers Soda's conversation about love and Sandy. It's stuck with him this long and he can tell it has with Sodapop too.

Soda's still for a long minute. "I reckon…well, I just like it better. You know I ain't a chicken, Pone…but, I tell you…it's just easier."

"There." He turns to Pony. "Satisfied? Now how come I tell you all my secrets and I ain't heard none of yours?"

"I'll tell you one day," Pony says. In the white glow of the moon and the darkness of the night, Ponyboy looks spooky. Soda draws back, evaluating his brother.

"What?" Pony asks.

"You look different, kiddo." And Soda wishes he knew why.

Distracted by the slamming car door, the brothers glance down to see Darry walking back to the house. Alice drives off. Grinning, Soda sticks his leg out, kicking snow from the roof. A pillow of white slides off, tumbling down.

"Wait for it…" Soda sings.

Then there's a shocked, "What the hell—" and Darry backs up to stare at the roof, brushing snow from his face and hair. Finally, he manages to focus on the two dark shapes that are his brothers and flashes back to when Soda was ten and left Pony on the roof alone simply because he was cold and tired of waiting for Santa Claus.

"Oh you gotta be kidding me…" Darry mutters.

*

Inside, Soda scoots off to bed, leaving Ponyboy to tidy up the messy living room. He flicks on the table lamp, rearranging the couch cushions Two-Bit upended and throwing away Steve's empty beer cans with a grimace.

Darry wanders into the dusky living room. "Both of you make it down from the roof? Or did you leave Sodapop up there?"

Ponyboy glances up, smiling slightly. "I should have. Payback." He moves around Darry; Darry stopping him before he can slink off to the bedroom.

"I didn't tell you earlier, but I'm real proud of you for giving up smoking. Track or not. I know it was hard."

"It wasn't too bad." And it wasn't; not with other things on his mind.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"You were busy…I was busy…I just forgot."

"Hey." Darry grabs Pony's arm as his brother turns to leave.

"What's wrong, Dar?"

Darry evaluates Pony's blank face and decides to wait. "Nothin, kiddo. Go to sleep."

"Okay. G'night."

"Night, Pony."

*

Ponyboy squirms in the back of the station wagon. Gentle hands hold him down.

The voice speaks again, coming from up ahead. "Don't you worry, hon. I'm takin you to my daddy. He'll fix you up real fine." Silence and then, "He all right back there Janey?"

"He's cool. Ain't you…kid? What's your name anyways?" The voice mutters, hands touching him all over, patting his side, his pockets. A sigh. "I think they took his wallet, Sarah."

"Those bastards…passing that shit around…"

Ponyboy twitches, trying to get away from the hands, which burn his skin. Despite his protests, they grip his shoulders. "Shit, he's freakin out, Sarah..."

"Hold him tight!"

Pony twitches once, trying to grab for the windows but he passes out before he can get very far.

*

Pardon typos.

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