YO! Hello y'all! This is the FIFTH YEAR!! O-M-G!! It took Nymph like two weeks to age five years!! How does she do it??

12 Years:

Year Five

Catch the Piggy:

Alucard hated that wierd show. It was all black, all gothic and had a meaningless plot. He was worried that the show would fry his daughter's brains from the lack of imagination and gothic impression. It was about some green midget trying to take over the earth with some wierd dog/ useless little piece of metal shit thing. All that happened was talking, talking, screaming, talking, and absolutely nothing else. Okay, maybe some robot action, but there was very little of that. He didn't know how it managed to influence his daughter that much, but it just did. Hmmm...maybe it was the screaming?

He walked into the girl's room as she was watching that damn show again. Then, the familiar "until next time" dialogue showed up, and he saw the little girl pout and clutch her toy pig even harder. The No-Life King wasn't sure how that was possible. It just was.

"Ooo! Hi Daddy!!" She waived manaically at him and imitated his trademark grin.

"Hello, why the long face?" Why did he just ask that?? He knew anyway...

"Invader Zim just ended."

"Oh, but that's a good thing."

"Why?"

"Because it's a stupid show and your mother will shoot you through the head again if she catches you watching that."

"Oh." She paused for a moment, then said, "I KNOW!!"

"You know what?" It was almost impossible to read her mind. It's as if she talked by instinct. Well, blame the speech therapy.

"WE CAN PLAY CATCH THE PIGGY!"

"What?!"

"CATCH THE PIGGY!" She smiled at him really big, "OOOOO!! AND WHEN YOU CATCH THE PIGGY! THE PIGGY GOES MOO MOO MOO!!"

"Moo? Since when did pigs say 'moo'?"

"CATCH DADDY!!" With her vampiric powers, she chucked the stuffed pig hard enough at Alucard's head so that it tore his head off. "Ooo...whoopsie...AHHHHHHHHH!!" And she ran out of the room, screaming.

Alucard's head rematerialized. He was genuinely pissed off."GET BACK HERE YOU LITTLE PUNK!!" and he ran out of the room after her.

Ecchicard:

Nymph walked into her parent's bedroom. She saw her parents in the middle of a "dance of passion" as they would later call it. There was only one thing she enquired when she entered though:

"Daddy, why's Mommy's shirt off??" Both of them stopped, speechless.

'Dance of Passion?' ppffftt...more like aggressive sex...

You Know I Pwn You:

"As you all know, I have called this meeting to discuss a very important issue." Sir Integra Fairbrooke Wingates Hellsing addressed the Round Table Knights.

"Yes Sir Integra, the facts are very shocking indeed, but we must not jump to conclusions--"

"Which is exactly why I called this meeting."

"Sir Integra, " one of the other knights addressed her, "please tell us what your theory is about what is going on."

"Of course, I was just getting to that." She adjusted her glasses with her index finger, "I believe that--"

"WAKAKAKAKALLLAKAKAKAKKAKKA SHNOING BOING ATTACK OF THE ZIIIIIMMMMMMMMMMM!!" Her little toddler ran running through the wall and into the room. She ran through the table itself and one of the knights themself. The Knight was geniunely shocked, for he held his breath and had a look of utter surprise as the little girl ran through him.

The girl's father immediately ran in and followed the little girl's path, hot on her trail. As soon as he ran through that same Knight (who was absolutely pale by now) he caught the girl in his arms and she squirmed here and there, trying to break free.

"See, that's what you get when you tear Daddy's head off and temporarily ruin his pride with stupid piggies!" He muttered to the squirming form in his native language.

"Nehh, Daddy, get off meeeeee!!" The little girl replied in the same tongue.

"Alucard!" Integra shouted

He turned his head to her from the little thingamabobergiggyfulll that was trying to break free of his arms. "Yes Master?"

"Get-OUT!!"

The No-Life King and his Princess sunk through the floor and left the Knights to their peace.

The man's color finally returned to his face. "Bloody hell..."

French Toast:

"YAY!!" The draculinas both shouted.

"Bon apetite, mon cherie." The Frenchman place the large stack of pancakes on the table. He took a seat at the table with them. As they always did, they took each other's hand around the table and recited:

"Bless us O Lord, and these thy gifts,
Which we are about to receive, from thy bounty,
Through Christ, Our Lord.
Amen."

They then took their utensils and began feasting on the pancakes. Nymph never had time to do this with her parents, because her father was sleeping and her mother was working.

Pip gladly cooked and ate breakfast with the kid, since he knew he would never be able to have his own, and that she needed a normal role model. Well, somewhat normal. You can't really call a perverted, ass-kicking, French mercenary normal. Can you?

Seras, who wanted to remain somewhat human and simply adored Nymph, joined in on their little breakfast meals. She loved seeing the kid attempt to eat pancakes twice the size of her face. The draculina also managed to learn some French this way, since the kid had spent technically all her life with the Frenchman, and thus ended up learning his native tongue. Including some pretty nasty things. For a five-year-old, she had a pretty dirty tongue. Well, after every breakfast, she retired back again to her coffin.

It was fun. It felt like they were a normal little family, eating a normal breakfast in a not-so-normal mansion. All they did was have some pancakes or waffles or French toast here and there, and talk. Just talk. No shouting, or screeching or gun-shooting, which was their usual environment. It was quiet. It was peaceful. It was their safe haven.

Well, Seras finished her breakfast a little earlier than usual. She yawned and stood up.

"Excuse me, but I must retire for the day."

"Ok, good night." Pip greeted her.

"Good Night Sissi!" Nymph waved.

"Good Night." She kissed Nymph on the head. She turned to Pip, who gave her a toothy smile. "No." He stuck out his bottom lip. She then started walking away.

Nymph looked from Seras to Pip two times then inquired out loud "Pip, why are you looking at Sissi's butt?"

"AI! Ferme votre bouche!" He exclaimed and quickly covered her mouth. Seras unfortunately, still heard the girl, and her fiery eyes turned toward him.

"Hehehe...?" he tried to smile, but it quickly faded away. "Merde." He quickly whispered.

Nymph then watched a scene that was too violent for her tiny eyes and too violent for me to write down. But she watched anyway. Besides, her mother constantly did the same thing to her father ALL THE TIME.

An almost dead Frenchman laid almost dead on the floor.

"There dear, something to add to your breakfast," She smiled and winked at the raven-hair draculina.

"French Toast."

Some notes-

I used an online translator. If you find any mistakes, please review and I will fix it when I redo the whole story.

Ferme votre bouche- shut your mouth

Merde- A curse.

Sissi- Nymph refers to Seras as her sister, and can't really say sister, so says Sissi.

And I love Invader Zim (I LURVED YOU PIGGY I LURVED YOU!!). Alucard thinks it's a crap show. So kill him. NOT MEE!