Jacob POV
I sat, still a little shell shocked, while the Cullen crew continue to take jabs at me. Maybe they really were the ruthless monsters my forefathers had believed them to be. This experience … it was like they were giving themselves permission to tear into each other once a year. Even the pack's biting comments were tame in comparison.
Esme came back into the room and sat back down. She quickly glanced over to me, and I realized she had interrupted the flow on purpose. She was giving me the chance to recuperate a minute. Okay, maybe I would let the t-shirt and satchel statement slide a little.
I was curious as to how they would take on Nessie. The pampered princess of the Cullen empire - my pampered princess. If Emmett got her anything inappropriate, he and I were going to have a discussion outside. Noticing my gaze, the object of my thoughts looked over, quirking his eyebrow at me. He grinned evilly.
Alice arranged Nessie's packages in front of her, and then flew back to Jasper's lap.
Nessie looked a little uncertain, after seeing what her family had done to me. I could see that she tried to choose carefully which gift to begin with. She decided to go with the obvious one - mine - as I had placed it in an old leather pouch. As she untied the leather strings I wondered if this crazy family would get the humor, or not.
Nessie reached down into the bag and pulled out a necklace made out of fake garlic cloves. I had found them online with Seth. After receiving them in the mail, I spent an evening boring, very carefully, through each one individually. I then snaked a leather thong through each piece, tying knots on each side, to keep the cloves from moving.
"We need to do whatever we can, Nessie, to make sure that no other vampire gets near you," I said, as I took it out of her hands, and placed it around her neck. "You just never know with this group who might get a little hungry, and try to take a bite out of you."
I probably would have felt a little more guilty about the astonished look on her face, if the feel of the leather dog collar on my wrist wasn't so fresh. Nessie's hands went up to touch the necklace in disbelief. I knew of course that the whole garlic, cross, and holy water stuff didn't really work with vampires. I was sure, however, that the message would be clear to the Cullens.
Emmett was the first to speak through the stunned silence. "Well I guess that is as effective for marking your territory as pissing on it."
Emmett and Jasper snorted, but the others managed to get it under control. Carlisle's eyes were suspiciously bright, as he nodded his head to me in praise.
Nessie picked Jasper's present next, and it marked the tone of what she would probably receive from her family. She pulled back the tape to find a large blue box. The outside read: Large Pet Care Kit - Great for grooming care of dogs with longer hair. The picture on the outside of the box clearly displayed a large brush, nail trimmers and file, and what was probably a flea comb.
"Nessie, I know that Jacob would prefer to keep his hair longer. I thought if I bought a grooming kit for you, perhaps he could allow it to grow back," Mr. Touchy-Feely commented.
He turned to look at me. "Didn't you tell me Jake, that the reason you kept your hair so short was because it was more difficult to keep clean and free of tangles, as a wolf? Would it help if Nessie could groom your fur?"
He said this with an utterly sincere face, which was obviously part of the ploy. Okay….I see how it was going to be. Pick on the newcomer through the princess. I saw the game that would be played.
Nessie, however, opened the kit as if she was truly interested.
"Uncle Jasper, you didn't get me one with those electronic clippers?" she asked, upon fully seeing the contents.
Jasper looked to her quizzically.
"Jake, you do remember that vampires' hair stops growing when they are changed. So if Jasper was to accidentally get sheared, he would remain that way forever," Nessie said.
The statement, posed in such a sweet, innocent voice, had the profound effect of being intensively funny and threatening at the same time.
"Nessie, I thought Indians just take the whole scalp instead of cutting the hair?" Emmett retorted.
Rose giggled, but she did slap Emmett on the arm. You know, this family wants people to believe that Emmett isn't as conniving as all the others … playing up the big, dumb guy image. I was beginning to wonder just how much of that was true. He was too quick with his stupid remarks.
Jasper retorted, "Like a pair of clippers or a knife would even come close to hurting me."
A very large box, with a smaller one attached, sat in the middle of Nessie's pile, and I was curious as to the contents. They were wrapped in material, so I naturally assumed it was from Esme. Nessie choose to pick this one next. As she stood to slide it closer to her, it was amazing to see that the box stood taller than she did.
"Open the larger one first, my dear," Esme said, gently.
Nessie ripped the material away, uncovering a box for an extensive collection of Wolfgang Puck cookware. From the items listed on the side of the box, it appeared that Nessie would have enough pots to stock an industrial kitchen. Nessie was ecstatic with the pots and pans. She loved to stay in the kitchen with Esme or Bella while they cooked for Seth and me. She was even known to stick her finger in some of the batters, but few earned a second sample.
Although the gift was truly amazing, I was disappointed that Esme had only been able to find a gift that slightly referred to a dog or wolf. I had come to expect more of her. As Nessie tore the fabric off the second smaller gift, I was reminded, again, to not count Esme out of the game. She had purchased a cookbook for Nessie. In big letters: Pamper Your Dog: Gourmet Recipes for your Pooch. An idiotic dog stared from the cover with its tongue hanging out.
Not to be left out of the fun, Alice leaped over grabbing the book from Nessie and began to read a list of the recipes from the contents. Bow Wow Burritos, Rover's Rewards, and my favorite, MuttLoaf, were just a few mentioned. Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie, and even Henry snickered at a few. I wondered for a moment, if I couldn't talk Nessie into cooking something truly horrible for all them, and then have her guilt trip them into eating it. I would have to contemplate that possibility.
Nessie continued to smile throughout the whole incident, clearly still tickled about Esme's big gift. I was surprised she didn't come back with another comment.
Carlisle stood and helped Nessie move the items she had already opened over to the side. Four items remained on the floor, and he picked the one up in the hospital gown wrapping, handing it to her before going back to sit by Esme. It was obviously a book. I wondered what great title he had picked out …perhaps, How to raise a content puppy, or possibly he would go more traditional and buy something like Old Yeller.
The book looked old. Whatever it was, it obviously made her very happy. Her eyes lit when she looked at the title page. As she looked inside, her smile turned even brighter. She turned the book so that I could read the title: Rotkäppchen. Okay, like I had any clue. Nessie sensed my confusion, and placed her hand to my face.
Little Red Riding Hood, in German. A first edition - from 1857. Isn't it wonderful?
Wonderful. I narrowed my eyes at Carlisle and he smiled. And of course he felt the need to share with the group.
"It's Little Red Riding Hood. I found Nessie a copy through a rare book dealer I utilize."
Okay here it comes….
"Who's afraid of the big bad wolf - the big bad wolf - the big bad wolf," Alice sang.
Jasper threw in, "Oh what a big mouth you have…."
"…the better to eat you up," Rosalie ended with flair, providing a realistic growl at the end.
And from the overgrown hormonal teenager. "Oh Grandmother, what big hands you have!"
I knew he would find some way to add reference to sex in - one way or the other.
"Remember Jacob…I have seen you when you phase." He added.
He was going to die. No other way about it. Wait… he was already dead. Maybe I should say - he was going to be dismantled. Piece - by - piece. Nessie looked to me a little puzzled.
I looked back at her and said, "Emmett has insecurities, Nessie. Not all men are created equal."
I had, of course, just confused her more. But, Rose collapsed on the floor laughing and Jasper slid down in his seat. Alice's lips twitched and for a moment I thought she might have to mark herself off the list. Emmett sat fuming - obviously unable to come up with a comeback. He stretched his leg out, kicking one of the remaining packages closer to Nessie. She reached down and retrieved it from the floor.
Nessie tore into the sporting goods bag and something red fell into her lap. She picked up the material, and as it unfolded a very large wolf head with a cap on stared straight at the group. Nessie's eyes however were focused on the back. It was a North Carolina State Wolfpack shirt. Emmett had replaced the NC with the initials JB using what looked to be sewn on lettering. Nessie; however, was grinning from ear to ear as she continued to stare at the back of the shirt. She turned it around and clearly stenciled on the back was the wording, "Team Jacob."
She squealed and dashed over to Emmett, throwing kisses across his face.
"This is awesome!" she danced in a little circle.
"Aunt Rose, help me put it on."
The shirt was obviously too big for her, and the sleeves had to be rolled up so that she could use her hands. The hem hung to almost the ground.
Emmett leaned over to kiss Nessie's forehead while he stared at me over her head. "I thought you might like it - that is why I bought it so big. It should fit your mom, so I figured you could wear it for years."
He made sure to emphasize the last four words. Nessie barely heard him, because she had dashed upstairs to get a look at herself in the mirror. Her squeals could be heard coming down the stairs.
"You and I are going to meet outside after this Cullen," I whispered.
"Bring it on," he replied, clearly pleased.
Esme and Carlisle looked on with amusement. Clearly, death threats were a normal part of their routine.
Two items remained. One clearly looked like another book, and the other was a very large, flat box.
Rose picked up the box and set it in front of Nessie. Of course, when she tore through the paper the first thing I saw was the word Dog. Imagine that.
Rose had gotten Nessie a dog bed …one of those things that people put on the floor in the living room or bedroom for their dog to sleep on. As if that wasn't bad enough – she bought the thing in pink and had the words "Born to be Wild" stitched on the side in big black letters. A huge pink bow was attached after the "Wild".
I was waiting for the reference to pink, or how it would coordinate with my fur color, or some other stupid comment. The family looked to me with totally controlled faces. Figuring I would push my luck a little, I looked over to Henry.
"Henry, my boy, come here."
He let go of the couch and went down to his knees. His crawling reminded me of one of those wind up toys, as he shot across the room in a second.
I picked him up placing him down into the bed beside Nessie.
"Yup, seems about the right size."
Rose hissed at me, and I grinned in her direction.
I would love to know what went on in his mind, because he seemed to play along with me. He laid back into the bed and rolled around. Rose went to get him out and he playfully smacked at her hands in an attempt to be left in the thing. Jasper bellowed out a few good laughs at her expense. She glared at him.
"He seems pretty happy there, why don't you leave him?"
Realizing she wasn't going to get him out of the bed without a fight, she gave up and went back over to the couch she had been sitting on. I gave Henry a wink while she had her back turned.
Alice's present lay on the floor. It was wrapped in a shopping bag. Nessie picked it up and opened the bag. She pulled out a book, just as I had figured. It was Cesar Millan's "How to Raise the Perfect Dog." Ha! Ha! …. So funny.
"Nessie, the book is just part of the gift look inside," Alice directed.
Opening the book, Nessie found two airplane tickets to New York.
"He is going to be in New York signing that book. I purchased a trip for us and tickets to the event so you can meet him, and have your copy signed. In purchasing the package deal we also get to sit in a special session, where he talks about his techniques," she explained.
I have never seen the Cullens dumbfounded. I enjoyed the experience. Every set of eyes were trained on Alice waiting for the punch line.
"What?" she said, a little exasperated.
"You are taking Nessie to New York to see the Dog Whisperer?" Rosalie questioned, skeptically.
"Yes, it will be a wonderful trip – just the two of us."
Suddenly, Esme seemed to startle. "Just exactly when is this trip to New York?"
"Not until the first week of October. I had a hard time getting tickets to this event. It sells out very quickly, and I was lucky to snatch the ones for New York," Alice replied.
"Hmmm…isn't that also conveniently when the Paris Fashion group is in New York?" Esme asked, clearly on to Alice.
"Really, is it that week, man how lucky could I have gotten? I need to get on the computer and confirm…" she stopped, realizing that she wasn't getting too far in her con act, from the look in her family's faces.
Jasper just grinned at her. "She's on to you."
"Well, I'll make sure to at least take Nessie by there and get the book signed," she answered, pouting slightly.
Nessie looked down to the ground realizing that all the presents were gone. Then the most incredible thing happened. She began to cry. Everyone in the room froze. I quickly grabbed at Nessie attempting to find out the problem, but Alice beat me to her.
"Nessie, honey, I am sorry did I say something wrong," Alice said, her voice starting to rise as Nessie's crying began to escalate.
I was almost knocked off the couch by Blondie, in her attempt to get to Nessie as well. Within seconds the Cullens surrounded Nessie in an attempt to find the source for her crying. A thousand questions were thrown at her. She barely strangled out, "Jake."
That was all I need to hear. I pushed through the bodies and grabbed her out of Alice's arms. I sat down on the couch so abruptly that the stupid garlic necklace I gave her popped my chest.
"Ness… what's wrong?" I asked, panicked.
The crying escalated even again, but she attempted to force out words.
"With all the dog stuff…I thought somebody…might have gotten me a PUPPY."
The last word was wailed out and her little body began to tremble with the sobs. I started growling at the Cullens. All their stupid dog jokes – now look where it had gotten us. They had broken Nessie's heart. Alice started to reach again for her and I growled even louder at her.
They stood looking to us in horror. Carlisle was vibrating with his anxiety – Doc was never anxious. Esme's face was devastated – motherly concern apparent on her face. Mr. Feely had grabbed Ms. Fortune Teller to hold her still - he should have used the energy to calm the disaster brewing on his face. Dumb Jock and Ditzy Cheerleader stood frozen. I worried about Henry – he just sat in the damn bed grinning through the whole thing. Was there something wrong with the kid?
Nessie attempted to take a couple of deep breaths, but failed miserably in controlling her crying. She placed her forehead against my face, I was assuming to feel comforted. Then her hand, that was closest to my chest, stole to the back part of my jaw.
Jake if you give me away I will never forgive you. You need to start playing it up for me. Start rubbing my back or something like you are trying to get me to stop crying.
Well damn – my devious little Nessie. Her mother could be a handful, but this was obviously all her father's influence.
I began to rub her back and pat her face.
"Sh…Ness. I'll get you a puppy don't worry sweetie. Sh…don't cry."
I looked up at the Cullens. "What were you thinking? She's just a little girl still. She obviously didn't realize you were teasing me through her," I said with just the right amount of disdain. I leaned down to kiss the top of her head in an effort to appear all tore up.
Carlisle crumpled into the chair putting his face in his hands. Esme sat as well, putting her arm around Carlisle's shoulders looking like she would cry if she could.
Nessie had kept her hands around her face, barely touching mine.
Good one Jake, keep going because I don't know how much longer I will be able to fool Uncle Jasper – thank goodness Daddy isn't here to hear all this.
"What kind of puppy do you want, sweetheart? Tell me and I'll go get it." I said, trying desperately to catch up to the workings of her mind.
"A….a…terrier…something feisty like ….Alice," came through the sobs.
HA! A terrier indeed … or should I call it a terror.
"What about a Jack Russell?"
Good one Jake, something that would pee all over the place and tear everything up.
I could see the horror in the faces, but they were caving. Henry cackled. Obviously the younger Cullens knew just how to play the older ones. They were going to be terrors growing up together.
Alice began to vibrate in anguish, wrapped in Jasper's arms. He looked almost frozen with the emotions raging through the room. Rosalie finally fell to her knees beside us. She reached up to place her hand on Nessie's knee.
"Nessie … anything you want…I am so sorry. It was just a big joke. I'll do anything…just don't cry anymore."
Okay – I think we have accomplished what we need to do. I don't think I can keep this level of emotion up too much longer.
She dropped her hands and turned to the room with not a single tear in her eyes.
"Next time…" she turned pointing to the back of her shirt "…just remember whose team I'm on!"
She threw her hand up to mine for a high five.
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Author's Notes: Links to Nessie's gifts to be posted hopefully this evening on my profile. Hope you are enjoying. Please feel free to PM me with any ideas you may have for the rest of the Cullens.
Thanks to Sammi for the TEAM JACOB idea.
Kudos to Saint Nic for the Gourmet Cookbook!
Jack Russell Terror was all mine - in memory of my Beau - God rest his hyper soul.