Chapter Eight: But you don't know what you got until it's gone. And you don't know what it's like to feel so low.~A Little Bit Longer by The Jonas Brothers
Two days after Meredith's recent episode, Nick felt like he was losing it. His company was rejecting the possibility of his girlfriend's career, at least two of his siblings had cutting problems (he wasn't sure about Kevin), and today Disney came to him telling him if he wasn't going to date Miley he had to at least pretend to do so for a few months to help clean up her image.
He went to the bathroom and found his parents had recently gone shopping because there were new razors in the bathroom drawer.
He closed and locked the door, not wanting another episode like the on with Joe. Nick pulled down his jeans slightly so the waist band was at his mid-thigh. He tugged just slightly at his boxers until he saw the first of the scarring. He looked away for a moment, guilt rising up like bile in his throat. After a few deep breaths he looked back to his hips. He placed the razor gently against his skins, not even hard enough to do anything, but to let that area of skin become used to the cold metal.
After 60 seconds he dug the razor deep into his skin, harder than anytime he had before. He was panting by the time he felt anything.
His heart sped up and his eyes stung with tears. He watched as blood gushed out from the open cut. Feeling weak fast he fell to the floor. He fought with himself to keep his eyes open.
Meredith was beginning to jump up and down in the hall. Kevin was unscrewing the doorknob from the bathroom door. "Kev please hurry!" she said. "I don't know how long I can hold it!" Kevin pulled the last screw out and gently pushed the door open. At the sight of her little brother Meredith screamed.
Kevin quickly took action. "Mer go. Run and call 911. Hurry! He's losing a lot of blood." Meredith ran faster than she ever had in her life to the living room phone. Kevin pulled a towel from the rack and began placing pressure on Nick's hip, desperately trying to stop the bleeding. He tried to fight the tears coming to his eyes but he couldn't. "You're going to be OK, Nick." Kevin said through half sobs. "Help is on the way. Just stay awake!"
Meredith was back at Kevin's side, lifting Nick's head and placing a folded towel under it. Trying to help by doing anything. "You called?"
Mer nodded,"They should be here in less than 15 minutes. I called Mom and Dad too Kev. God please, Nick, don't fucking leave us here. OK?" Nick nodded, his eyes half lidded. Meredith slapped him and his eyes widened. "Stay awake!" she ordered. Kevin looked over at his sister, shocked. "Mer, why don't you go call Joe? He's at Leota's house right now." She nodded and shot out of the room as fast as a bullet.
Nick's head lolled. He mumbled things Kevin could only half catch. "...and wake up just..'fore you...drown...Silver metal--."
Kevin shook his head, lost. Mer was back in the doorway. "Why do you three have to be famous? The press are here already and the ambulance isn't. What if we lose him because the damn ambulance can't get through?"
"Stop talking like that." Kevin said. Meredith swallowed the lump in her throat. "Kevin, I'm scared." she said, sounding small, and unlike herself. Kevin nodded, "I know. I am too."
Denise was fighting the paparazzi, trying to help make a path the EMTs could get through. "Move out of my fucking way your fucking retards. My son might be dieing because of you fucktards!" Her words shocked not only the photographers, who moved well out of her way, but Paul as to her words the EMTs now had enough room to get past.
Where had they gone wrong with it? When? The flashing red and blue lights, the agonizing cries from family and friends, shouts from paramedics as they pressed onto his chest trying to save him. The silver metal stands out sharply against the red pool it lies in. As life slips from him his mind can't focus.
His senses blur as he tries to focus on anything that moves. The pumping blood, the EMTs, faces. Shooting stabs of pain and guilt, and yes amazingly that familiar high is there. Like a meth addict, even in his darkest hour he needs it, even for just a moment.
He wants to say something before he goes. Some sort of comforting goodbye to them in case he really doesn't make it.
All he can think of is the Cutter's Lullaby. He hums the words of it to the tune of one of his songs. His eyelids grow heavier and he really believes he might not be saved. He might go to hell.
And that's almost OK with him.
Author Note: I don't like how it started but it bacame a great chap. I'm going to run now because I don't want you to kill me for what happened to Nick.