Chapter Twelve

Penis Sharing

Bella POV

I could hear Tanya questioning the others if they were expecting anyone. Someone else was heard telling her that it was another vampire at the door. I could smell Tanya get closer to the door, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw her pull back the curtains and look to see what vampire was exactly at her door. After a pause, which I was pretty sure she was wondering why I had decided to show my face, she opened the door. We didn't say anything to each other. We both just stood there, staring at each other. Both wondering what the other was thinking.

"Bella...why are you here?"

"Well, you know, we've only met a handful of times, and I felt that we should get to know each other. You know, since we're sharing penises and all."

I wasn't sure why I was being sarcastic with her. I chalked it up as my way of dealing with the situation at head. Hell, if I was going to die today, I should make it light. Tanya raised an eyebrow at me and switched her weight to one foot, crossing her arms over her chest. She must have not liked my joke. Can't please em' all.

"Listen, I'm not-"

"Why?" I interrupted.

Tanya sighed heavily, and looked down at the ground. "I'm not proud of myself."

"Well I don't know about that. Hell, I'd be proud if I could lure someone like Edward with all his 'values' to repeat sex adventures."

"That's not fair Bella."

"Oh really? Then what is fair?"

She didn't say anything. With a quick glance behind her, she shut the front door behind her and walked to the side to sit at the porch set that was elegantly set up.

"Please sit down." Gesturing with her hand at an empty chair across from her.

I debated in my head. Why wasn't she getting possesive? Why was she so calm? Did she even have any remorse for what she did? Hesitating, I walked over, taking a seat. I wanted to seem calm and cool too, so I set back and crossed my legs. Tanya's eyes watched me intently. There were times when I wished I had Edward's gift of reading minds, because then I would be more prepared. Or at least know what she was thinking as she watched me. I would not falter though. I met her gaze with equail intensity and I would at least make her think that I was strong and completely unafraid of her.

"Bella, what I have done to you is extremely unfair. I understand that. I also understand that I have to claim on Edward at all."

"Apparently you do. Enough of a claim that he came back to you, sleeping with you over and over again." I wasn't wanting her to appologize just yet.

Tanya pushed her hands into her face, raking her hands through her beautiful red hair. She was clearly frustrated, and I didn't know what that meant for me.

"Dammit Bella, just listen and stop being a bitch for two damn seconds!"

My head snapped back slightly, surprised by her words.

"Don't you think I have a right-"

Tanya started to get up from her chair. "I'm not going to talk to you Bella while you're like this. You are too angry to listen to me and I'm not going to deal with you like this." She threw her hands in the air, shaking her head.

"Okay, okay! I'll listen." Why the hell was I giving in to her?! If anything I should be calling the shots and getting up. Not her.

Tanya sat back down, one eyebrow raised as she glared at me. She waited, making sure I would actually listen. "Okay. Now, yes Bella, this whole situation is messe up. I don't have one clue about you. I've met you a total of three times. All under unfortunate circumstances." She looked up to see me about to say something, but held a hand up to stop me. "They were unfortunate for me. Yes, your wedding was a happy occasion for you, but not for me. Do you know the story of when I first met Carlisle and his family?"

"Yes."

"Who told you the story?"

Sighing, slightly annoyed, I answered. "Rosalie brought the time up when she was telling me another story, and then I asked Edward about it and he told me in more detail."

"Okay, so you know that I wanted Edward, but he refused me."

I rolled my eyes. Refused my ass, I thought.

"Bella, he never wanted me. Ever. As much as I tried, and I tried everything, he always said, "No, thank you". Can you understand how that can bruise someone emotionally? To want someone so much, but to be told that you didn't have a shot in hell? I literally got depressed. I had no clue that vampires could get such serious emotions like depression before. And I think Edward must have felt sorry for me. Because he finally agreed to give it a try. That's what he actually said to me. 'I guess we could give it a try.' That didn't feel good either, but I took what I could. And of course, along with us giving it a fucking try, we had sex. And yes, sex is sex. But there was something missing. He enjoyed it, so I thought, but something just wasn't clicking with him."

Why was I listening to this? I didn't want to hear this, except I couldn't pull myself away. I looked up with just my eyes, peeking through my thick lashes, an saw something I din't expect. Tanya was crying. Her shoulders heaved up and down lightly as she struggled to regain control of herself. I knew it would be best not to say anything right now.

"When I questioned him as to what wasn't clicking, he just said that he was sorry, but I wasn't 'the one'. So we broke it off, but I wasn't done with him. I wanted Edward, but he didn't want me. Years went by, numerous times of me trying to get him, and him always saying no. Of course with Edward, always the gentleman, he always declined politely. But I couldn't take no for an answer. And then when I found out about you. This human girl, no one special, had been Edward's 'one'. That I couldn't take. And the fact that he actually married a human girl and actually cared about you so much, it killed me. At that point, I knew I had absolutely no chance. I would never have Edward. But then at the rehersal dinner, Rosalie and I got to talking..."

Rosalie. Damn Rosalie. I could feel a low, but tight growl burrowed deep in my chest, and it took everything I had not to let it roar out of me and leap from my chair in anger.

"And for some reason, we got to discussing about me and Edward. It seemed like innocent girl talk, until I mentioned that Edward and I had slept together once." Tanya looked off to the side. "I can still remember the look she had on her face. Thinking back on it now, she knew something. Right then and there she knew something. Later in small conversation, Rosalie brought it up again about me sleeping with him. And then told me about how you wanted to be turned into one of us. She explained how she didn't agree with it, and wanted to stop you from making a huge mistake. So she informed me that she was very certain that you had believed all along that Edward had never had sex. That you would be his first. She felt that if you found out that Edward had lied to you before the wedding, then you wouldn't go on with the ceremony and forget all about wanting to become a vampire.

"But something else clicked into my head then. I can't explain to you how much I wanted Edward. I would have done anything to be in your shoes. So the next day, my sisters and I had actually gotten to Carlisle's house early. Edward was out back by himself, which I thought would be my perfect moment. So I told him what I knew, and, I have never seen Edward panic. And boy did he panic. And of course, I used this to get him to sleep with me. See, the way I figured it, if I could get him to sleep with me on your wedding day, then I could have you find out and there wouldn't be a wedding. I had counted on Edward being the honest man that he always was. I was surprised to learn that he had obviously lied when he introduced us at the reception. So as you must now realize, I used that against him for the next time we slept together, and then yesterday, I had threatened to tell you everything myself, which is why we were in the meadow."

Tanya face looked as if it would crumble at the slightest touch. Her face was drawn and sad. I felt a pang in my stomach as a knot formed. I actually felt bad for her. I didn't want to, but I couldn't help but think of her side on all this. Here was an extremely emotionaly crippled woman, whose wounds only had salt repeatedly poured into them with each rejection. I remembered how it felt the time when Edward thought it would be best to leave and never come back. I was absolutely crushed. I literally couldn't breathe then. All my emotions were dark and unnatural. Granted she was a vampire, but we had feelings just like humans. And as a woman, she had unfortunately abused her emotions with her repeated attempts at Edward.

I didn't have a clue what to say to her. I couldn't yell at her. I couldn't be sarcastic. She didn't need to be emotionally battered anymore. "Tanya..."

"I know. I should have stopped. I should have just taken no for an answer and moved on. But, I guess you learn from your mistakes." Tanya finally looked up, meeting my gaze intently. "Bella, I see it now. You were what he was waiting for. He instantly clicked with you. He was a completely different man around you. He was unbelievably happy, and not only am I sorry for what I did to you, but I'm sorry for breaking that happiness for Edward. It wasn't fair for either of you. I know that you will never forgive me, and definitely won't forget, but I hope, in time, that you will accept me as family. I promise, I will leave you and Edward alone. I've seen the hurt I've caused and I couldn't do that again."

"I...I came here ready to fight. I did. I came here ready to yell and scream and call you horrible names. I was determined to make you feel horrible. What I didn't expect was to understand you. I understand all of it. I don't like it, but I get it. I feel sorry for you. I feel sorry that you actually allowed yourself to go through so much. I'm sorry that he chose me, and that you have to suffer over that. I am far from forgiving you, or him for that matter. But in reality, you are family. Therefore, it would be useless for me to dwell and hold a grudge against you for, well, centuries." I laughed a little at the thought of that. I still hadn't grasped the concept that I could very well live forever.

Tanya still couldn't look at me. It took a while before she spoke again. "You're a better person that me. Than a lot of people. Humans and vampires. You're a special person, and I see that now. I know some terrible things have come your way, but you are destined for great things Bella. Edward and you as a team are going to do wonderful things. It's weird to say that after yesterday, I had an epiphany. Or so I think I did. It just became clear to me. Good things will come to me as well, I just have to be more patient. Hell, who knows, I may end up like Edward and a hundred years from now, fall in love with some human man."

A genuine smile crept across my face. Tanya finally looked up, one corner of her mouth turned up. We stared at each other for a short moment, before we both burst out in loud laughter. It sounded as if we were old girlfriends, catching up on life and telling funny stories while sipping on drinks. After what seemed forever, our uncontrollable laughter finally subsided, both of us had huge smiles on our faces.

"Tanya, thank you. You put a lot of things in perspective for me."

"No, Bella, it's quite the opposite. When you were human, you probably thought that becoming one of us would be easier path in life. That things would be less dramatic. You never think that no matter what you are, or where you are, life is one fucked up soap opera. No matter how hard you try, something always makes things dramatic in some way."

"Yeah, I guess you're right." I glanced down at my watch and realized the time. It didn't seem that long, but Tanya and I had been talking for almost two and half hours now. "God, I gotta get going. I'm glad we talked." I smiled at Tanya.

"Me too, Bella. I hope one day, things will be better between us, and we can get together more often. You truly are a remarkable person."

"We'll see. Thank you Tanya."

I got up with ease and trotted down the the stairs. I didn't look back at Tanya. I knew she hadn't got up yet. I also didn't technically acknowledge her wanting us to get together more often. I did like Tanya. I can see the appeal in her. If things had been different, I could actually see us being good friends. But things aren't different, and I was still jaded. So I kept going, trotting turning into running. I still needed to be on my own. And since I could cross off talking with Tanya off my list, my next thing to do was to get some of my things. Talking with Tanya was easy, but I still didn't want to talk with Edward.

I ran full force now, through the rugged terrain, back towards the direction of Carlisle's house.

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