Gendo-Bunshin

In this rather quiet and dingy section of Tokyo-3, was a street, and alongside it, buildings, which implied alleyways. Peeking around the corner of one such alleyway were two young heads, looking first one way, then the other.

"I think it's safe," Shinji mumbled, slipping out of the dirty alley, Negi on his heels. Asuka-Hulk was busy wrecking the other side of the city, and the other girls were trying to calm her down, so the two boys figured they were safe for the moment. Negi eyed a bar, and shot Shinji a conspiratorial look.

"You know, what you said earlier wasn't quite true," he said, slipping a hand into a pocket.

"-what...?"

"You said it wasn't possible to hide our ages," Negi said cryptically, tossing Shinji a small pill. Shinji fumbled, then managed to catch it before it dropped to the ground.

"What-" He cut himself off when Negi swallowed the pill and grew several years older. Shinji stared wide-eyed for a moment, shrugged, popped the pill... and grew twenty-five years older.

"-gah!" Negi palmed his sixteen-year-old face. "I gave you my experimental pill! I was saving that for a special... occasion..." he fell silent so as not to reveal something truly disturbing. Shinji fingered the mustache and beard on his thirty-nine-year-old face.

"Huh. Weird..." he coughed at how deep his voice was. "Hey!" he grabbed his throat. "My voice!" He backpedaled as Negi fell on his butt laughing. He backed into a wall, jumped as if he had been grabbed, then took off running down the road.

"Hey, Shinji!" Negi took off after him. "It's not that big a deal-" Negi's voice cut off as time skipped, and Shinji jumped everyone back several hours.

Battalion Shinji was facing Negi and his harem, standing in the exact position they had been in when they were making their introductions. Asuka smashed her hand down into the pavement, apparently still thinking she was Asuka-Hulk. There was a crack, and it wasn't the pavement. Asuka let out a screech that was probably the voice equivalent of an N2 bomb. Buildings flattened in a half-mile radius, and Shinji reversed time again.

This time Asuka didn't try to hit the street, or turn into Asuka-Hulk, and Shinji breathed a sigh of relief. Undoubtedly, the jump through time had erased the effects of Negi's pill-

Beard.

"AAAH!" Shinji yelled, fingering his facial hair. Rei jumped, looked at Shinji with a look of slight awe.

"C-Commander," she said in a small respectful voice.

"Huh?" Asuka looked at Shinji and squinted. "Yeah, he's as old... as... Kaji." A look of absolute hunger entered her eyes. At this moment Asuna tackled Shinji, screaming,

"Old guy!!"

Shinji disentangled himself from his new admirers and ran down the street, his long legs allowing him to outdistance his pursuers. He was still running when a small hybrid screeched to a halt, its window rolling down. Ritsuko stuck her head out.

"Commander?!" she looked askance at him "What are you doing out here? Get in..."

Looking back at the girls making tracks towards his position, then looking back at the bleached-blond savior-devil in front of him, he signed away his soul and got in her car.

Ritsuko was silent during the drive back to the Linear Rail line, and Shinji was rather glad. Talk might have given him away. He breathed a sigh of relief as Ritsuko pulled the small car up towards the squat building that would lead him down towards NERV HQ, and safety from the newly-sprung-up Gendo Fan Club. Suddenly she turned the car aside and dragged him from the car. He was about to ask for an explanation when she dragged him into a janitor's closet inside the Linear Rail building and pushed him up against the wall.

"Sorry Gendo, I couldn't wait, you look really hot today for some reason," she pushed herself up against him languidly, causing him to gulp as his heart flopped. While it was true that Ritsuko was a bit on the old side, she obviously had quite a bit of experience. This is Ritsuko! His mind screamed at him, but he was trapped by his hormones and her strength, which was greater than he would have thought. While he fought off his hormones, she frenched him.

When he was able to think and breathe again, he heard a nasty little sniggering sound. Looking down, he saw Kamo drop the piece of chalk he was holding and take off running.

Oh God no...

A card rested on top of her head, and Ritsuko crossed her eyes trying to look up through her bangs. She reached up and plucked the card from her hair.

"What's this?" she wondered idly. Shinji looked at his copy of the card. It showed a picture of the ineffable doctor crouched, her hands in the posture for Kage Bunshin. On it were written the words...

"What the hell is a 'Gendo Bunshin'," Ritsuko said, her brow furrowed in thought. Almost as an afterthought, she formed her hands into the shown posture, and with a bunch of poofs, she was surrounded by Gendos. She looked around and began to slobber, and Shinji managed to slip out the door, since he looked like the rest of them. He ran right into Rei, who immediately descended into a twitchy flirty wreck.

"C-C-Commander," she said demurely, slinking up to him and batting her eyes.

"No, it's me, it's Shinji!" he said desperately.

"That just makes it better," she said, twining her arms around his neck. At that moment, Ritsuko ran around the corner, spied Commander Shinji and Rei, and skidded to a halt.

"Gendo-Bunshin!" she spat, and a bunch of Gendos poofed into existence. Rei turned, took note of the situation, and copied Ritsuko's gesture.

"Rei-Bunshin!" Two Rei clones popped into existence, and the battle commenced. All three Reis fell into the familiar twitching-heap Drunken Monkey fighting stance, and the Gendos charged. The Reis were far more deadly than their Gendo counterparts, but were also far outnumbered. Shinji watched, quite certain he had never seen anything like this. He did not notice when the real Rei yanked him into a side room.

"I need more Reis!" she exclaimed, then she proceeded to force Shinji to give them to her. Well, after a few minutes she didn't have to force him any more, but that goes without saying.

At this point, Asuka and the Negi-ites burst into the small building and demanded that Ritsuko release Commander Shinji. A chase commenced up and down the long hall. Ritsuko turned into a door, and Asuka followed. Ritsuko came out another door further down the hall, quickly going into another door, Asuka on her heels. This happened again, Ritsuko coming out a door, Asuka chasing her, and going into another door. Seconds later, another door opened, and Asuka came out. This time it was she who was pursued by Ritsuko and a bunch of Gendos. A different door opened, Asuna ran out, and cut a path through the Gendo clones towards Ritsuko, who barely escaped through another door. This went on for some time until someone inevitably opened to door to the room in which Rei had pulled Shinji. The door slammed open and a bunch of Rei clones poured into the hallway. Asuka poked her head in and saw an exhausted Shinji, now back to his normal age.

"Darn," she said, with feeling.