Class Rep

(i.e. 'Cops')

"That thing on?" Hikari's face filled the viewfinder, and she reached forward. There were a few dull thumps as she flicked the lens.

"Yeah, it's on." Kensuke's voice.

"Good." She settled back, her expression turning hard and no-nonsense as she turned to walk away. "Well, follow me and we'll get started. Class 2-A isn't the worst class around, but it's got its share of misfits, let me tell ya." Her voice spoke of pure boredom, as if this were nothing but every day's business, and she had seen it all. Which she had, she being the Class Rep. "Still, just about everybody here does at least a modest job of keeping their nose clean. For instance... ah damn." her eyes caught a panicked expression, and she made a beeline for the offending male student. Kensuke did his best to keep up with her, viewfinder shaking and jostling as he moved.

"...I swear, I didn't do anything! Honest...!" the boy's voice became audible as the camera got closer. Hikari obviously wasn't moved one bit by his pleas.

"I'll be the judge of that," she said in a kind of tired way, making a move for his laptop.

"Please! You can't look, it's..." he cut off at her grim bemusement.

"If I can't look here, I'll just have to take it downtown, and look there." Her voice was hard and professional, with no give at all. Desperation filled the hapless boy's expression as he calculated how deeply in trouble he was. Finally he grabbed the computer and made a break for the door. Hikari sighed resignedly.

"Atsuki, we've got a runner," she murmured into the mike attached to her shoulder. The mike had a wire that ran down to a radio attached to her belt.

"Roger," the two-way radio crackled. The camera panned over in time to catch the extended blue flash and horrible crackling of a taser. The boy was down for the count.

The newly reformed Angel Conclave was a bustle of activity. Using whatever industrial techniques were available, the Angels had fashioned together what amounted to a working computer system, albeit writ large. The 'monitor' was a massive piece of white material upon which a picture was projected via home-built projector, wires crawling from the 'projector' to a massive box-like structure to the side. Shamshel sat in a makeshift chair, his tentacles writhing quickly over a scratched-together keyboard-like device.

"Alright!" he exclaimed as a logo popped up on the screen. NREV 2000, it said. Probably the operating system, but who knew.

"So what now?" Satchiel wondered, peering over his shoulder. The two halves of Israfel looked over his other shoulder.

"Now we see what games are on this sucker-" he cut himself off in mid-speech as the objects and words on the screen melted into a puddle at the bottom, to be replaced by a laughing face which took up the whole screen. "What the..."

"You've just been pwnt by Iruel, suckas!" the speakers blared. "-ahahahaha!"

"Oh, that's just a load of-!" Shamshel let loose a string of epithets, giving the computer box a vicious kick. "You invaded the wrong computer, you moron!" he yelled at the laughing face on the monitor. The face frowned delicately.

"What? Are you sure? So this isn't NREV...?"

"NERV you imbecile!" Shamshel roared. "You were supposed to invade NERV!"

"Oh." Long delicate pause. "Well in that case, put me on a memory stick and deliver me to this 'NERV', please."

"Oh, right," Shamshel threw up his 'hands' in frustration. "Why do I always have to do all the work?"

"-it's never good when they run," Hikari spoke towards the camera as she walked. "but it happens. Some just never learn."

"Do you always have to take such... drastic actions?" Kensuke's voice, asking a question as the camera moved slightly while they walked.

"Well, it's an ugly job," Hikari answered, "but somebody's gotta do it."

"Yeah-" he was cut off as they passed by Shinji, who as usual was surrounded by girls.

"-I still wanna know how Mayumi got a card!" Asuka yelled to a recalcitrant Shinji. The boy must have finally had enough, for he snapped back.

"She got it when she and Fate molested me to death in chapter seventeen!" he yelled. Asuka colored, then looked as is she was deciding whether to turn into Asuka-Hulk and pound him into the ground for his insolence.

"That's far enough," Hikari said, putting a hand on Asuka's shoulder. Asuka turned, fire in her eyes. "That's right, give me an excuse," Hikari said warningly, her hand on her stun baton. "You all should break up and return to your seats now." Asuka took this statement to mean more than Hikari meant for it to mean.

"We can't 'break up'! We're part of his harem-" Hikari's warning look silenced her. "We're his 'friends,'" Asuka said, rewording her faux pas.

"That's not what I meant," Hikari said tiredly, looking over at the clock on the wall. "I just meant you should break up the argument and return to your seats, the bell's about to ring." she turned towards the camera almost as an afterthought. "Turn that thing off," she said, her hand reaching forward until it filled the view-finder.

At this moment, Satchiel, Shamshel, and the two Israfels were sneaking down into Terminal Dogma to install Iruel into NERV's computer system. They turned a corner and ran right into Lilith's massive white form.

"Darn it!" she cursed with feeling. "Another escape attempt foiled!"

Author's Notes: Can't believe I spent so much time (ten minutes) cleaning this up. I couldn't remember more about COPS or I might've gotten more of the stereotype down. As it was, I was working more off TROOPERS, which itself is a Star Wars parody of COPS, so go figure