Chapter Twenty One

Asshole vs. Asshole

Bella POV

Boy was I selfish. If I were human, and actually had friends to talk to about this, it would get around and I would be considered a slut. It was an interesting thought. I didn't feel like I was a slut. I definitely felt greedy. Greedy and selfish. But I couldn't help the fact that after what transpired between Edward and me just now made me happy. Extremely happy. I no longer care what he did before. I had no ill feelings towards him anymore. Which was also bad. Because that just complicated things more. Now, instead of knowing that I wanted to be with Connor, I now wanted to be with both of them. I loved both of them. And they both loved me. It was like having something great from each end of the spectrum. Edward was so down to earth and sincere. Earnest. He was Edward. Connor was more modern. Older. Rougher. Well, rougher in the sense of his personality. He was the danger in my life that was missing at the moment. It's weird to think of it that way. Yet, Edward had changed. It was a subtle change to me, but I noticed. I liked it. Edward had gotten rougher.

"What are you thinking?" Edward finally spoke after our long silence.

I looked up at him. We had sat in the woods just outside Charlie's house for a while now. After we had made love, we both knew we needed to talk. It was just hard to start talking after all that.

"I'm thinking about a lot. I have a giant conflict in my head." I answered.

Edward sighed. He probably had an idea of what was going on in my head. "Bella, normally, I would tell you that I'm okay with waiting. I lied in that letter. I'm not okay with it. I don't want to wait for you. I want you now. With me. You're my wife dammit."

That caught me by surprise. Edward rarely cursed. When he did, he was stressed and usually it was when we were in danger. Or if someone had pissed him off. "I know Edward. It's just...hard to explain without hurting you. And it's hard to explain to him without hurting him too."

"Earlier, you said that I changed. And I did. After you left, I...well, I hit a dark moment. I rebeled a little. It's been driving Carlisle and Esme crazy. Emmett is loving it. Jasper hasn't been in the same room with me since you left. I know from his thoughts that he's not mad at me, but it's my emotions that he can't take. I have some things in perspective now. Like the fact that I will not lose you. You are mine. And I will let your little friend know that."

"His name is Connor." I retorted.

His face shot up to look at me. There was the anger again. "Yeah, I saw Carlisle's thoughts. Your friend is interesting. Not someone I thought you would have gone for."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean? What is wrong with you? Yeah, you changed. But you're acting like a dick right now Edward. I'm sorry that this upsets you. It wasn't something that I went looking for. It just happened." I snapped at him.

He was being a jerk. He had no right to act like this. It was his fault in the first place. Asshole.

"I can still hear you, you know." He stated.

"Ugh!" I slammed my eyes shut and concentrated on pulling in my shield.

"So I'm being an asshole because I love you too much." His statement sounded like a question.

"No, you're being an asshole because of how you're acting about the situation. You think this is easy for me?! It would be so much easier if I had never met Connor. But I did, and now I love him too. He was there in my darkest hours. He understood without judgement. It would be easier for me to still hate you and not want to be with you ever again. But I don't. So you see, it's pretty fucking difficult right now. And the least you can do, is just be there! This is your fault anyways! If you had never been the liar that you were, I would have never left. Then I wouldn't have met Connor. But you did lie, and I did leave. And I did meet him. And I'm happy with him! There's no fuss with us."

"You've slept with him." Edward guessed.

His anger was still there. "Yes. I have. Does it matter?"

"I want to say no, but it does."

My eyes narrowed at him. I couldn't believe him. I got up to my feet and turned to quickly get to Charlie's house. It was dawn now, so I just went towards the front door. Right now I didn't care if Connor and Edward were to meet. They were going to anyways. I heard Edward's steps right behind mine. Coming around the house, I hurried up the steps. The front door swung open and Connor was standing there waiting.

"There you are. I got a little worried. I-" His eyes looked past me at Edward. "You must be the infamous Edward Cullen." Connor stood up straight and tall, arms folded across his chest. I secretly wished that we were all humans right now, that was Connor could just beat the shit out of Edward right now. But that wasn't the case, and I'd seen Edward fight, and I wasn't sure he would be on the losing end in the battle. I stepped aside slightly, still between them, but able to see them both. Edward had gained composure in his face more or less. He was still angry, but his eyes weren't dark anymore.

"Yeah. And you're that Connor guy that tagged along." Edward was clearly still in asshole mode.

Connor grabbed my hand and lightly pulled me to him. He put himself slightly in front of me. "It's nice to finally meet the guy that messed up. Bella's said a lot about you during our small amount of time that we actually talked."

Oh god. I knew what Edward was seeing now. He was getting a play by play literally of every time I had sex with Connor. Edward's teeth clenched together. He briefly glanced at Connor's hand intertwined with mine. And though Edward kept himself controlled, I caught a glimpse of pain in his face. I squeezed Connor's hand hard. What he just did was unnecessary. Now he was being an asshole. I was caught in 'Battle of the Assholes' and it wasn't fun. Edward walked slowly up to Connor and they were face to face. Inches apart. Connor pushed me further behind him.

"You should realize that she won't be with you much longer. She will be coming back to me." Edward's voice was cool and subtle.

Connor was just as cool. "I don't know man. I think she's liking what I've been giving her." He winked at Edward for effect. I sighed. This was not what I wanted at all. I didn't want my trip here to be like this. I just wanted to get in and out. Without any issues or anything happening. And that certainly wasn't what was going on.

"I'm fully aware of what you have 'given' her, but keep in mind that she is married to me. I am her husband, and I fight for her. Fiercly."

"Heh, good luck with that. Who knows, with as well things are going for me and my Bella, she may soon be my wife." Connor countered.

"We'll see." Edward glanced around Connor at me. His face was hard with determination, but soft with sincerity. "I'll see you soon, my love." He turned to walk away, but stopped midway. "Oh, and uh, nice chat last night." He winked at Connor before completely turning and making his way down the steps and around back to the woods.

Connor was frozen. I really didn't want him to find out like that. I wanted to tell him myself. "Connor, listen."

He turned around quickly, closing the door behind him and grabbing my face in his hands. "It's okay. I told you, I knew what I was getting myself into by coming with you. It's not something that I wanted to hear, believe me. I would have preferred to hear that there was a lot of yelling and hits to his face." He smiled that sweet smile that I loved so much. "But, I know what he is to you. However, what's fun for me, is that I don't think he's fully aware of what I am to you."

His tone had gotten a little cocky at the end. I looked at him amazed. He was too understanding for my own good.

"I'm still sorry. It just happened. I didn't mean for it to." I felt bad. He had to know how horrible I felt.

"Bella, this will sound crazy, but one of the reasons I fell in love with you is because you are more human than any human I have ever met."

I was dumbfounded. What? In what sane world did that even remotely make sense. My face apparently was reflecting my thoughts because Connor laughed.

"I told you it would sound crazy. It's just, you are absolutely amazing. Yes, you are a vampire. But if it weren't for the fact that you prefer blood to pizza, or that it stings a little when you bite me," he pulled me close to him growling at his last comment, "you would be pure human."

"So apparently, this is supposed to be one long compliment?"

He laughed again as he kissed me gently, wrapping his arms around my shoulders holding me close. "Bella, I am so deep in love with you."

I stepped away from him. I looked up at him, meeting his eyes. "Connor, I am so in love with you it's insane. But you have to realize, you have to know that that's the problem. I'm in love with you and him. It's so horrible and I don't know what to do. I want to hate him. I want to be done with him and be with you. I love you so much. But it's the same with him. I want it to be easy enough that I never met you. If I had never met you I wouldn't have this problem."

One of Connor's eyebrows arched up. "Apparently that was supposed to be a compliment?"

I lightly hit him in the arm as we laughed at ourselves. It was nice to be able to laugh at what we were going through. I couldn't help but feel like I was getting off easy though. I sauntered into the living room, sitting in Charlie's favorite recliner. I leaned my face over slightly to take in a deep breath, breathing in the scent of the chair. Charlie's scent was still strongly there. I sighed and looked up at Connor as he sat down on the couch, closest to me.

"I feel like you should be yelling at me. Calling me names and storming out on your way back to Maine." I confessed.

Connor huffed a little and dropped his eyes down to his hands. "It occured to me. Right after I realized what had happened. But...I can't leave you. Yes, I love you, but that's not it. I can't leave you. I don't know what it is. And call it crazy, but I really feel attached to this place. To Forks. I almost feel like I don't want to leave here either." It had been Connor's turn to confess.

I raised my eyebrows in surprise and confusion. Forks wasn't special. Since I had permanantly moved here, it seemed somewhat of a mecca for all that went bump in the night, but it wasn't that special. "It's not really that great Connor. I mean, there's not really much to it. And at least where we live, there's a couple of clubs to go to, to have fun. There's no fun here."

"Yes, but there's something pulling me here. It's hard to explain."

I had never seen him look so conflicted. It pained me to see him like this. I wanted this to be an easy, mess free trip for him. I hadn't expected this to happen. Feeling that he needed to be reassured that it would be okay, I got up from the recliner and onto his lap. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him tenderly, yet passionately.

"We will stay here for as long as you want." I smiled and kissed him again.

A low growl came in his chest and he scooped me up with ease. "Let's go make you forget about last night." He carried me to the stairs, gliding up the steps, and into my room.

AN: Hmmmm!!!!!! Okay, so that is the last of the chapters that I have already written! Makes me sad. HOWEVER, since people are loving the story, which is a total shock to me, I am going to keep working on it and get this story taken care of! Just be patient because I don't want to give ya'll a chapter that sucks because I was just trying to update too quickly. But, I promise I will not have you waiting weeks and weeks on end. Please review and I'll update faster! ;) xoxo