A/N: Well this is a nice, long, 15-page chapter. The longest I've written in a long time. I don't know that they will all be this long, but you never know. I'll ramble more after you read the chapter.
Side-note - this takes place about two months before the prologue. The next few chapters will continue off of this until we come full circle and wind up back to where the prologue takes place. Just to prevent confusion.
WARNING! This chapter is mostly why this story has to be rated M. If you are uncomfortable with that or are under-aged, then you have been warned and don't flame me solely based on the contents.
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. I wish I could have a chocolate-covered Robert Pattinson, though.
Chapter 1: December 23rd
Two months earlier ...
It was a tradition that every year on December 23rd, my parents and I joined the Cullen family for the evening. My mother, Renee, and Esme Cullen have been best friends since they were in diapers, and even after so many years they were still attached at the hip. Charlie, my father, was introduced to Carlisle Cullen through Mom and Esme of course, and even though they were quite different, they were close as well. I would never try to jeopardize their tradition, and especially not their friendships, no matter how uncomfortable I was around Edward Cullen.
Renee and Esme did almost everything together, so when they were both pregnant at the same time, it was really no surprise to anyone. Their due dates were even the same day, September 4th, but babies were rarely born on time, with Edward being born a few days earlier and I popped out almost two weeks later. The best friends/new moms were convinced that their children would be the best of friends, and perhaps even marry one day, but if only they knew how things worked out.
Sure, Edward and I were best friends at first, but everything changed when middle school started. Girls would take one look into his gorgeous green eyes and then be all over him. I was used to Edward having other guy friends, and I got along with some of them, Jasper in particular, but all of these other females stirred something inside of me and I became insanely clingy and protective. He either didn't notice or didn't mind at first, but eventually he snapped and told me that I didn't own him, and I left him alone after that. Our friendship fizzled out, and by the start of high school, we only talked at our joint family functions to please our parents.
I thought that I would be over missing Edward by now, but it actually got worse and worse over time. What bothered me the most though was that I always felt electricity through even the smallest of accidental touches, I always melted whenever our eyes would me, and my heart would break every time I saw him with a girl that wasn't me. I just couldn't understand how I could still be drawn to him after being dumped as his friend for so long. Edward was a very attractive guy, I'll give him that, with his tousled bronze-colored hair that gleamed in the light, his tall, perfectly muscled frame, his gorgeously deep forest green eyes that I could stare at forever …
His only flaw was that he was completely out of my league, and would never do anything to change that. Damn high school cliques and their peer pressure.
So on my least favorite day of the year, a Saturday this time around, my parents and I climbed into my dad's police cruiser. Renee always insisted on sitting in the back – she didn't want to see her daughter as a criminal – and Charlie would always give her glances and winks through his rear-view mirror. I was seventeen now, so I knew exactly why my mom sat in the back of the car and I knew the intentions behind his expressions, but I liked to pretend that it would really break my mom's heart to see me in the back of a police car.
I spent the ten minute drive starring blankly out the window, watching the Christmas lights slowly disappear as we left the most densely populated area of Forks. The Cullen's home was just outside of the town, up a long, narrow driveway surrounded by trees, and was humongous. Carlisle is a doctor, which means that he has a fat enough paycheck to afford that house, a car for everyone in his family, and basically whatever else he wanted.
Charlie parked his cruiser outside of the garage that could easily double as a second home, and unfortunately that meant that I had to get out of the car now. I wasn't looking forward to this evening; pretending to be best friends with Edward hurt more than him ignoring me, because it only reminded me of what we used to be.
I trailed behind Renee, who had her arm linked in Charlie's, and I couldn't help but smile at them. My mom was always giddy with excitement the last few days before Christmas, and I enjoyed this childlike quality about her almost as much as my dad did. He smiled down at her as she talked a mile a minute about who knows what, and the love in his eyes radiated so strongly that it it was heat the snow would be melting around their bodies. I couldn't help but wonder if I would ever have that feeling with someone.
Mom didn't even bother knocking on the door; she just pushed it open and led me and Charlie inside. "We're here!" she shouted to capture the attention of the homeowners.
Esme appeared from the kitchen in her holiday-themed apron, which was covered in flour, and proceeded to hug Renee. "Renee! Thanks for coming!" She always said this, probably due to her always-polite nature.
"Oh Esme, you know I would never miss this night!" my mother replied, smiling even brighter than before if it was possible.
Carlisle appeared next, with his nephew Emmett right on his tail. Dr. Cullen and his wife adopted Emmett into their family after his parents had died in a car accident when he was about three-years-old. He was a freshman in college this year, so I hadn't seen him since we sent him off back in late August. I loved Emmett so much; he was like the big brother that I never had, and he told me once that he loved me more than he loved Edward, which amused me quite a bit.
"Bella!" he exclaimed, wrapping me up in one of his huge bear hugs. Emmett was a big guy, well over six feet tall and extremely well-built. I laughed as he lifted me off of the ground and spun me in a few circles. He set me down gently and had a huge grin on his face. "I missed you. College is boring. There isn't anyone for me to constantly make fun of there!"
I rolled my eyes, yet I wasn't surprised that this was the first thing that Emmett told me. "Gee, thanks. At least my clumsiness is beneficial for someone ..." I mumbled.
He chuckled, almost as loud as his normal booming laughter, and punched me lightly in the shoulder. "Man, I missed you, Bells." Emmett's facial expression hardened a bit, and he leaned down closer to me, as I was a good foot shorted than him. "Hey, has Eddie been giving you any crap lately? As much as I love the kid, there's no excuse for hurting my favorite unrelated family member."
"No, we've just been ignoring each other as usual," I explained, smiling slightly at his thoughtfulness. Emmett was the only person that knew about all of the awkward history between Edward and myself, and he had made it very clear that he would stick by me if something ugly happened, because apparently I was the more logical one. It felt nice to know that someone knew what was actually going on. "Thanks for asking, though." I wrapped my arms around his torso in another hug.
I heard Emmett let out a small sigh, and he hugged me back. "Don't worry about it, Bella." He planted a soft kiss on the top of my head and released me. "See you at dinner, Bells," he said, giving me another of his trademark smiles. You just couldn't help but smile back at that.
"See you, Em." I watch his retreating back disappear upstairs, probably up to his room to wrap presents last minute or something, and I saw a short, spiky-haired girl descending down the stairs. Alice was Carlisle and Esme's daughter, who was three years younger than me and absolutely adored me.
"Hi Bella!" Somehow, she ran down the stairs in her three-inch black heels and hugged me tightly. "I knew that I should have picked out your outfit today. You always dress so simply."
I sighed; I thought that I looked fine. I was wearing a dark green shirt covered by a white cardigan, a black skirt that hit at my knees and the only skirt I owned, and simple black ballet flats. I was freezing whenever I went outside, but I was hoping to at least mildly please Alice by dressing up a bit. Hell, I even curled my hair and put on a small amount of make-up, which I never did.
"Alice, I love you, I really do, but I'll never understand fashion, no matter how much you try to help me," I tried to explain.
Her expression was priceless – it was some kind of adorable anger coated her pixie-like features, and she crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm not giving up on you that easily!" she exclaimed as she tried to be intimidating. Somehow, I just couldn't be terrified of a fourteen-year-old girl who was still shorter than me in heels.
I smiled at her, shaking my head slightly and began to approach my parents. "Whatever you say, Alice." Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her walk into the kitchen that Esme still hadn't returned to. She was busy talking to Renee, while Carlisle and Charlie noticed me approaching.
Carlisle looked a lot like Edward, of course, with similar facial features and eyes. Dr. Cullen's were more brown though, and very warm and welcoming. His hair was kept short and was a nice golden blond, and he grinned at me as I walked closer. "Ah, Bella, it's nice to see you again."
"It's nice to see you too, Carlisle." He had always scolded me for calling him Dr. Cullen, and insisted that I called him by his first name considering our family's close relations.
Renee and Esme stopped talking at this point, and I was then hugged tightly by Esme. She smelled like Christmas cookies, and her long light brown hair got in my face. "Oh Bella, you're getting so beautiful," she said as she let go. Her eyes matched her hair, and her face was almost angelic. Esme was a fantastic person, and I was glad that my mother had such a great best friend. I heard footsteps in the background, and I tried my best to ignore them as I knew exactly who it would be.
"Thank you, Esme," I replied, feeling slightly uncomfortable from her compliment. I believed that adults who were close to your parents had to say things like that about the children, but I would never mention that out loud.
"Mom, may I borrow Bella for a moment?"
I froze at that velvety voice. Why would he want to talk to me now? Dinner wasn't for at least another fifteen minutes or so, and we never acknowledged each other before then. My stomach started churning from the nerves.
"Yes Edward, of course!" Esme replied, gently pushing me in her son's direction. I almost wish that our parents knew the truth at that moment.
I tried to just stare at my feet, but the weaker part of me slowly brought my gaze upwards. His black pants fit his legs perfectly, not too tight and not too loose, for me leaving too little to the imagination. His white button-up shirt was not tucked into his pants, leaving the shirt tails hanging over. My eyes crossed over each button, and I noticed that a few at the top were left open to show just a small amount of his perfectly sculpted chest. I felt my face get hot, knowing that I was blushing now, and I finally reached his face which took my breath away.
His lips were just a little more plump than your average guy's, and I wanted to touch them to see if they were as soft as they looked. I skipped his eyes, saving the best for last of course, and his copper hair was shaggy and reached his matching eyebrows. I decided to finally meet his gaze, overwhelmed once again by his beautiful eyes. The green color was so amazingly unique and bright that I would think he was wearing contacts if I didn't know any better. My knees suddenly felt like jelly and I could barely keep myself standing.
Edward smiled softly at me, and his eyes radiated calm, so I believed that it would be okay to be alone with him right now. He extended his hand towards me, probably just for show since our parents were still around, and I placed my smaller one inside of his own, sending shocks throughout my body. He led me to the living room, far enough from the front room for our parents to stay away, yet close enough for me to walk to without passing out, and we sat down on the love seat couch near the fireplace which crackled in the background.
"Bella," I loved the way he said my name, "I know you must be confused right now, but I really need to talk to you about something."
His words didn't help my confusion, of course. If anything they made it worse, but it was still more bearable than my anxiety. "Alright, Edward, what is it?"
He took a deep breath and looked right into my eyes. "I … I don't really know how to put this … um … well I don't think we have enough time to discuss this now … would you be alright with talking after dinner? I mean, we would most likely have to go to my room, but if that's awkward I'll try to find somewhere else for us to be alone - "
"Edward," I interrupted, "That's fine, and it probably wouldn't be any less awkward in a different room," I pointed out, blushing at that fact.
His smile was lovely and sent butterflies to invade my stomach. How did this beautiful boy manage to break my heart once, yet still have control over all of the remaining pieces?
"Thank you for giving me your time, Bella," Edward said softly as I swear a small blush crossed his cheeks.
I don't know how much more of this I could handle, so I forced myself to my feet. "It's no problem. I'll see you at dinner," I replied simply, leaving him before he could reply and rushing to hid in the bathroom.
As I slid onto the cool tiles of the bathroom floor, a breath I didn't know I was holding escaped my lips. Confusion almost felt like too light of a word to describe how I felt right now. Outside of the dinner table on this night, Edward never even gave me a second glance, but all of a sudden he wanted to have an intimate conversation with me? None of this made any sense to me, especially since yesterday at school he treated me exactly the way I was used to. But everything changed within a day, and now he wanted to talk to me, alone?
I couldn't imagine what in the world he would need to talk to me about so privately. The last talk we had like that was in fifth grade about how terrified of middle school we were. He probably wanted to ban me from his house, or talk me into transferring schools, or asking me to leave the country … but those options seem far too extreme, even though I know that Edward doesn't like me very much. Or maybe it was a good thing … but that seemed even more out of reach.
I let out a shaky stream of air as I pulled myself off of the floor. Dinner was probably ready about now, and knowing my luck time was about to fly by so in merely seconds I would be in Edward's room having perhaps the worst (or best) discussion of my life. The smells of Christmas dinner filled my nose as I walked through the halls, gradually becoming more prominent as I entered the kitchen. I asked Esme if there was anything I could do to help, but considering luck was never on my side, there was nothing left except for waiting at the dinner table.
Most of the family was already there; Carlisle and Charlie taking fatherly positions at each head of the table, and Emmett and Alice had a seat reserved for me right between them. Renee and Esme were still perfecting dishes, so assuming they were both going to sit next to their husbands, I would have to sit across from Edward. My insides ached at the thought, and Emmett seemed to catch on as I sat down. If only I was a little better at masking my emotions.
"Hey, Bells, are you alright?" he asked in a hushed tone.
Edward just had to come into the dining room at that point, and he sat down across from me, as to be expected, and gave me a small smile. I felt obligated to do the same, so I smiled back before addressing Emmett with a whisper of my own, "I'll be fine, don't worry."
He cocked an eyebrow at me, then glanced quickly at Edward who was engaged in a conversation with his father before dropping the subject. I could hear everyone around me chatting casually, but I couldn't concentrate on anything. Renee or Esme would appear every few seconds to place something else on the table, and soon we were holding hands to say grace before dinner.
I spent most of the time talking to Emmett, asking about college life and listening to his strange stories, laughing when it was appropriate. Alice insisted that I drive her to the nearest mall for after-Christmas sales, mentioning something about fixing my wardrobe that I decided to pretend that I didn't hear. Occasionally throughout the meal, I would lock eyes with Edward, but one of us would turn away before a word was necessary.
Dinner was over much sooner than I had wanted it to be, and everyone dispersed into different areas of the house. Alice went into the kitchen to finish making cookies like she did every year, Renee and Esme went to the living room most likely to gossip like my gender usually does, while Carlisle, Charlie, and Emmett disappeared into the garage. That, of course, left me and Edward alone together.
He said nothing to me as we ascended up the stairway to his bedroom. Usually I would prefer this, but right now I would love to take my mind off of the possible directions of what Edward so badly wanted to talk about. It certainly didn't help matters that his room was at the very end of the long hallway.
"Well, here we are," he told me, opening the doorknob. "Of course, there is a small chance that you already knew that."
I haven't been in Edward's room for so many years that I didn't even remember that it was in this part of the house. A blush crept on my face as I felt that I should have remembered this detail since he had brought it up. "Actually, I didn't remember," I explained, looking at my feet.
He chuckled lightly, a nervous reaction considering it only lasted for a second, and we entered his room. There was nothing too special about his room, aside from the fact that it was his. The walls were simply white, except for one wall that was primarily glass. I recalled this detail as I would love to have a view that spectacular from my room, but everything else was foreign. His bed was too large for one person and was covered in black and green bedding, which I thought suited him perfectly. There were also other common things in his room, a television, a stereo, CDs, a bookshelf, and a desk that was covered in pictures. These images caught my interest, so I walked over to the area as Edward shut the door.
Some of the pictures I could have guessed at, like a picture of our high school's swim team he was on, a few pictures with friends, and even some of him and his family. However, one picture stood out from the rest, and I picked it up to examine it more closely.
It was a picture from our very first day of preschool. Mom and Esme had bombarded us with pictures that day, so we got to a point where we had extremely ridiculous poses. This picture was one of my personal favorites, though, even to this day. Edward had decided that he was strong enough to pick me up, so he did, but it didn't go as we expected it to. We were pictured on the grass, me laying on top of him mid-laugh and Edward's face was scrunched up in pain as I had landed on him quite painfully. The memory made me giggle, and I heard him laughing from behind me.
"This picture is one of my favorites," he said after the laughing ceased and I set it back in it's place.
I turned around, blushing at how close we were, but managed to smile at him. "It's one of my favorites too."
He walked slowly and sat on his bed, motioning for me to come sit near him. I did what he silently asked and sat down awkwardly on the edge of his bed. He moved a little closer to me, using his arms to support his weight, and one of them was placed behind me. I blushed again as I turned to look at him, itching to find out why we were here.
Edward was blushing now, and the color got even deeper as he slowly reached up to move a strand of hair out of my face. His action only made me blush harder as well. So far we were getting absolutely nowhere.
"Bella," he began, "I … um … you so look beautiful tonight." He whispered it so quietly that I wasn't sure that I had heard him correctly. But Edward was about as red as I was now, so I assumed that I had just heard him call me beautiful.
"Thank you Edward," I replied softly. "I hope you don't mind me asking, but why are we up here?"
Edward's eyes moved from my face down to his bed, playing with a loose thread to perhaps calm his nerves. "Well, I … I don't really know how to start," he muttered, "I don't want to overwhelm you or anything, but I think it would be better for me to just come out and say it."
I was very curious now, as this could still be something bad or something good. I really hoped that it was a good thing. "You can tell me, Edward," I tried to assure him. The idea of it being good gave me a small amount of self-confidence, so I reached over and placed one of my hands on top of Edward's, gently stroking it.
His face turned a light red, again, which was adorable by the way, and he seemed to be battling a conflict inside of his head. "Bella, I … um … I … these past few years have been some of the worst of my life, and … I … I think it's because I miss you. So much."
I froze, trying to absorb what he had just confessed to me. My hand was still resting on his, and I suddenly became very well-aware of our physical contact. Edward missed me? A small amount of hope swelled in my heart, and maybe things could go back to normal between us. Or maybe I could have him in every way I wanted him, which was a lot more than just my friend. I couldn't help but wonder if Edward felt what I did right now as our hands were so innocently connected. It was a strong tingling sensation that radiated through my body, and it only got stronger as I thought that he could feel the same …
"Bella?"
I realized that I haven't responded to his words yet, and I blushed more at that thought. My face would be in a permanent state of crimson by the end of the night. "Sorry Edward, I zoned out. I … I really miss you too, but … what does that mean for us?" I asked.. That would probably be the best way for me to get some of the answers I needed.
A brilliant smile lit up his face for a few seconds before it slightly died down. "Well, I … don't really know to be honest. I never thought that you would actually miss me too," Oh Edward, if only you knew, "But … I know that you really mean a lot to me, even after all of this time," he confessed, becoming less embarrassed and more confident.
I smiled softly at him, trying my best to keep my face a normal color. "You mean a lot to me too," I told him, looking down at our hands.
He slowly twisted his hand around, and our fingers wrapped themselves around each other. My heart swelled with pride, and I decided to meet Edward's eyes again. His face was beaming, and it made me smile too. This felt like a dream, and I hoped that I would never wake up. As long as Edward wasn't planning on breaking my heart again, then this was better than anything that I could ask for.
"Bella? Bella, where are you?"
I dropped Edward's hand at the sound of my mother's voice and practically jumped off of the bed. "We're in here, Mom!" I shouted, blushing once again. I met Edward's gaze, and we smiled at each other. Our parents didn't have to know about something that might be going on between us just yet.
The door opened and Renee stumbled inside. "I'm sorry to bother you two, I hope I wasn't interrupting anything," she said, winking at me which didn't help my complexion.
"Mom! You know me better than that!" I exclaimed.
"Oh Bella, I was just kidding! But I have something to tell both of you, actually," she replied, almost bouncing off the walls in excitement. "A huge blizzard decided to hit right after we got here, Bella, and the roads are closed until at least tomorrow afternoon! So we get to spend the night here!"
I briefly let my thoughts wonder to a naughtier side that involved Edward and his room, but I quickly let those thoughts aside. "That should be fun," I said casually, while I was just as excited as her on the inside.
"I know, I'm so excited! Now come on you two, Alice's cookies are finished, and we have to arrange our sleeping arrangements!" Renee bounded out of the room, with Edward and I trailing behind her.
"Bella," I turned to face Edward, "If you don't mind I'd like to spend more time with you later tonight," he told me. I swear there was a small amount of seductive in his tone.
"I would like that too," I replied, abandoning him to catch up with my mom. She led me a little farther down the hallway to where the Cullen's had their guest rooms. Renee picked the one with the larger bed, of course, and I had the room right next to theirs. Ideally I wouldn't need that room, but I couldn't tell Renee that, of course.
We went downstairs right after finding our rooms, and everyone else was waiting for us in the living room. Alice sprinted over to me, jumping up and down with joy. "Bella! I'm so excited that you're spending the night! You can borrow my clothes if they fit you, and I can give you a facial and paint your nails and - "
"Alice, slow down!" I interrupted, "First of all, I think I'd be closer to Emmett's size than yours," I pointed out, poking at her two inch waist which made her giggle, "Second of all, you can make me over all you want as long as you promise to not overdo it."
She clapped her hands in excitement. "Great! Maybe we can steal some of Edward's clothes then, I think he might have some smaller things that should fit you ..." She grabbed my hand and sat me down on one of the many couches in the living room, next to her and Emmett again, and shoved me a cookie.
Alice's cookies were some of the best I've ever tasted, with the perfect balance of sugar cookie and frosting. They were definitely one of my favorite parts of this evening now that she was allowed to bake.
Our parents always told their favorite Christmas stories while we ate our cookies and drank hot chocolate, and we could probably recite them perfectly after hearing them so many times. I just couldn't make myself pay attention. I looked over at Edward, who was staring back at me. We blushed on cue and I gave him a shy smile.
Emmett chose this moment to lightly jab me with his elbow, and my attention shifted to give him a glare while rubbing my arm. His hazel eyes were asking me what I was doing, and I just shrugged. No one needed to know anything until something was confirmed between Edward and I.
Charlie let out a yawn, giving Renee a wink that I knew only she and I saw. Disgusting old man. "Well, I think it's about time we quiet down now." He looked down at his watch. "It is almost eleven."
All of the adults voiced their agreement and nearly ran up the stairs. Alice groaned in disgust as she grabbed my wrist. "Hey, Edward, do you have anything Bella can wear tonight?" My face heated up at her forwardness. Not that I minded wearing anything of Edward's, of course.
I saw Emmett trying to hold in a laugh as he got up from the couch. "Well kids, I'm heading out now. One of my friends from college lives here in Forks, so I'm just going to chill there for a while. Have fun, but not too much Bella," he said, laughing at full volume now. Damn him. If I didn't love Emmett so much I would hate him. He ruffled Edward's hair and gave me and Alice hugs.
"You're seeing a girl, aren't you Em?" I whispered to him. It was his turn to blush, and he clasped his hand over my mouth.
"I'll tell you about it later, Bells," he promised, sprinting towards the garage. Alice dragged me over to take her brother's arm and she forced us both up the stairs. For such a tiny person she was surprisingly strong.
"Alright you two, go find something for Bella to wear, and don't take too long!" she exclaimed, nearly pushing us into Edward's room.
I sighed in mild frustration as I tried to remember why I liked Alice. I didn't have much time to ponder though, because now Edward's hand was on mine and led me over to sit on his bed while he searched for something that would fit me. He went into one of the top drawers in his dresser and quickly pulled out a few things. Maybe the drawer was filled with things that were too small for him.
"Um, these should fit you," he said as he handed me his clothes. I blushed heavily when I noticed that he had given me a pair of boxer shorts along with a t-shirt, and I looked up at him with mild confusion. "Don't worry about those, I never wear them. They're too small ..." he trailed off, and we both turned bright magenta at his statement.
I stood up abruptly and proceeded to the door. "Thanks for this Edward. Well, um … I guess I'll see you later tonight?" I asked, wondering if he still had his offer.
He grinned widely at me, so I already knew the answer. "Of course," he supplied.
I gave him one last smile and left his room to be tortured by Alice. She was pacing impatiently by the door and gave me a look when I shut the door behind me. "Oh my gosh, Bella, were you going to make me wait all night?" she nearly shrieked, pulling me towards her room.
"Alice, I was only in there for five minutes!" I protested. "Edward did need to find something for me, and that wasn't necessarily an easy task."
She rolled her eyes. "Oh please, you know as well as I do that he's one of the most organized boys ever."
We entered her room, which was painted with blues, purples, and pinks, and she gave me a moment to change in her adjoining bathroom. The counter top was covered in various beauty products, half of which I knew Alice would be using on me tonight. I changed quickly into Edward's clothes, blushing as I put on the shorts, and reluctantly rejoined Alice who had simply changed in her room. She giggled at my outfit, and I knew exactly why.
"Alright Bella, let's start by removing your make-up …" she said as she took me back into the bathroom. She placed me in a chair and I forced myself to relax as she wiped every trace of make-up from my face. Alice then used a fancy cleanser and moisturizer to further clean and soften my skin. I was surprised that she was going this easy on me, but I was just going to bed as far as she knew.
Alice never talked while she worked, telling me once that she needed to concentrate on doing everything right before she could socialize. This silence was comfortable, and it continued as she ran a heat protector through my hair and began to straighten it. My thoughts wondered to Edward for probably the hundredth time tonight. I loved spending time with Alice when she wasn't getting on my nerves, but tonight I just wanted to see him. I wasn't sure what he wanted from me tonight, but I knew that we had a lot to talk about, like what we both wanted from each other. Sure, I wanted everything from him, but I would accept just his friendship over nothing. But the way he was looking at me in his room earlier, and the way he was holding my hand made the romantic in me believe that he felt the same way that I did.
By this point Alice was swiping a top coat over an emerald-colored nail polish that reminded me a little of Edward's eyes. I must have really zoned out if Alice was already at this point. She finished all of the nails and grabbed her hair dryer to make them solidify faster. "Alright, I'm all done here, Bella. I rushed a little bit because you feel a little warm and I don't want to keep you awake if you're getting sick."
It wasn't a sickness that made me skin heat up. "That's sweet of you Alice, but I'm sure I'll be fine -"
"No, I insist," she replied, turning off the dryer and letting me check her handiwork. Alice was really fantastic at what she did. My skin looked so much clearer after she was done with it and my nails looked professionally done. I thanked her again, bid her goodnight, and walked towards Edward's room instead of my own. I knocked on the door softly, not wanting to barge right in, and waited for him to open the door.
The door flew open and I felt an arm around my waist pull me inside. I gasped quietly at the sudden physical contact, but Edward kept his hold on me and he closed and locked his bedroom door. That act alone confirmed to me that something was definitely going to happen here tonight.
A lone lamp sitting on his nightstand was the only light that was on, but it was enough for me to see the lustful expression in his eyes. He was only wearing a wife-beater top and his own pair of boxers, and I briefly noted that we were matching at the moment. His eyes scanned my body and I saw him smirk slightly when he saw that I was indeed wearing his clothes.
"You know," he began, his voice laced with sex, "You look really adorable wearing my clothes."
My face was burning, either from a blush or from extra heat being radiated from in between my legs, but I didn't know which. "Thank you again for letting me borrow them," I replied safely, putting some space between us. I had to find out if he wanted what I thought he did, and no matter how bad I was at picking up signals, I knew that I would be able to figure this out.
The corners of Edward's mouth turned down a bit at the present distance between us. "It's no problem, Bella." He bit his bottom lip and looked down at the floor, and I had a strong urge to hug him at this moment. I knew that he was feeling one of two things right now: he either felt stupid and that I had just rejected him, or he was regretting inviting me in here tonight. I had to replay his greeting in my head to remind myself that it had to be the first option, and it was now my turn to make a move if I wanted to progress things between us.
I took a few steady breaths for good measure, and I reached out to take Edward's hand in my own. He looked up at me with confusion, but his face changed to the one from when I entered when I led him to his bed. His eyes met my own, so I was hoping that my facial expression was one similar to his own.
"Edward, I … I'm not very good at this - " I was silenced by his finger against my lips, and he put his other hand on my cheek. I let out whatever air was leftover in my lungs as his face slowly came closer to mine.
"Bella," he whispered, and I still loved how he said my name, "As long as it's you then it will be perfection," he assured. Then he closed the gap between our lips.
Kissing Edward was something that I never thought I would get to experience. But as soon as our lips connected, something awoke in me, telling me that somehow this was always meant to happen. I felt like I was flying as our mouths moved together in perfect rhythm, and I never wanted to come back down. New confidence started to flow through my veins so my hands left my sides and started to comb through his hair. It felt silkier than I had imagined, but surely nowhere near greasy. I heard him moan against my lips and he pulled me down so we could lay on his bed.
I would be perfectly happy spending the rest of the night just kissing and touching Edward's hair and face as he stroked my own hair or cheek, but when one of his hands traced my back down to my waist, other ideas coursed through my mind. He pulled me closer so my chest was pressed against his and I felt my nipples harden at the contact. I became aware now that I wasn't wearing a bra anymore, but that thought was old news when Edward's hand slipped under my shirt to rub my bare skin.
This new sensation felt like nothing I had ever experienced and made me pull him by his shirt even closer to my body. He took this as an invitation to continue, traveling further upward. Edward's rough fingertips traced over my spine and drew circles over the skin of my back. I felt the need to return the favor so I released his hair and trailed down to the hem of his shirt, yanking it up to expose his torso to me. He willingly obliged and let me removed his top, and I took a moment to admire the lovely muscles of his chest and stomach.
Edward didn't let me stare for long though, and he pulled my face back to his. My hands flew everywhere across his newly exposed skin, tracing from his chest down his ribs, drawing the lines of his abs, and back up again. These touches made him travel back out of my shirt and he started playing with the bottom of my t-shirt, cautiously pushing it up. When I didn't object, he pulled it slowly over my lower back, then my stomach, then my upper back before pausing his motions, the shirt exposing everything just below my breasts. I encouraged Edward by rubbing his warm back reassuringly, running up his spine like he had done to my own, and within seconds our kiss broke again so he could pull the item over my head.
I became very aware of being shirtless as I felt Edward's body heat near my nipples. My instincts forced me to use one of my arms to cover my naked breasts, while my other hand rested on his chest. He smiled sweetly at me, and placed his hand softly on my arm, gripping my wrist. "Bella, sweetheart, you don't need to be embarrassed," he said sweetly, planting a gentle kiss on my forehead. "Every part of you is beautiful."
His words were more then enough to reassure me, but my voice was lost, so I simply nodded and let him move my arm to touch his own chest again. I could tell he was fighting the urge to look down, but he kept his eyes locked on mine until we began kissing again. The course of the night was finally taking its tole on my nerves, and they grew as Edward's hand moved down my arm and stopped right beside my right breast. My breathing stopped as his fingers lightly moved towards their destination, and he hesitated for a moment before carefully grasping my boob.
Pleasure ripped it's way through my body at this new touch. Edward's hand felt much different than my own and at least a million times better. The pads of his fingers pushed their way into the soft skin with just the right amount of pressure, his palm occasionally pressing into my nipple somehow making it harder. A moan out of my control escaped my lips, which in turn caused Edward to pull me closer and work my mound even faster. My hands gripped his back a little harder than they were before, especially as his digits moved south to rub the very peak of my breast. The tiniest of circles were traced and the subtlest of tugs were performed, but it was enough to make my body rise a few degrees in temperature.
I felt a tingling sensation at my womanhood as Edward played with my breast, and I knew that I would last much longer until my first orgasm overtook me. I took a large breath through my mouth so I wouldn't pass out, and Edward started a trail of kisses from the corner of my mouth. He traveled down my chin, then my neck, my collarbone, and then at last he planted one right above my left boob that nearly made me lose control. I whimpered in pleasure as his lips encased my left nipple in his mouth as he continued his hand movements on the right. I felt his tongue experimentally flick it with his tongue and I gasped at the sensation and gripped his hair for something to hold on to. The combination of his hand and his mouth was absolutely incredible and I knew it wouldn't be long now. My pelvis unconsciously started grinding against his hips, and with one more movement of his tongue I was gone.
My orgasm was expected, but I had no idea it would feel like this. All of the tension that had built up in my lower region had been released in seconds, and my body fell limp against the bed while I tried to catch my breath. Edward smiled triumphantly down at me and planted a firm, short kiss on my lips. I grinned back at him and connect our lips again. I was becoming more bold as we continued our actions, so I let my instincts take over as my hand went to acknowledge the growing bulge in Edward's boxers.
He groaned, one of the sexiest noises I've heard so far, so I must be doing something right. I moved my hand from where it started to as far down as I could find, trying to get a gist of his size. I had no personal experiences with penises, but I knew from health class that Edward was at least a little above average. I had no idea what this would mean for me if, or when, we got to sex, but I didn't have to worry about that yet.
Edward was becoming impatient with my timid motions so he shoved his boxers down his legs. My hand came in contact with his erection, and the smallest brush would cause him to force himself further into my hand. I gripped the base lightly in my right hand, and Edward gripped my shoulder in response. I dragged my hand slowly towards the tip, feeling the smooth skin follow my movements. Edward moaned as my thumb rubbed the head of his penis, a small drop of fluid gathering at the top. I continued a pattern of starting at one end then going back to the other, paying extra attention to the areas that made him squirm with pleasure. I gradually quickened my pace, feeling him thrust into my hand harder and harder. I heard him moan my name once before I felt his dick jerk and send streams of semen into my hand.
"Bella ..." he panted, kissing my cheek. He held my face in his hands and kissed every inch of my face, whispering my name in between kisses. He sat up for a second, grabbing his shirt from the floor and handing it to me to wipe my hand off. "Bella, you are amazing," he said, continuing his kisses as I got rid of all traces of sperm on my hand. I tossed the cloth back on the floor and wrapped my arms around his neck, kissing his lips again.
"To be honest I had no idea what I was doing," I confessed, running my hands through his hair again. I adored the way it felt.
He chucked lightly and rubbed my back lovingly. "Well you certainly fooled me," he whispered. Edward tilted my chin up and pressed his lips to mine again, more ferociously than previous kisses to my face.
During our kissing he laid me on my back, keeping one hand on my waist while the other teased the elastic of his boxers that I was still wearing. My body became aware of his purpose and my hips thrust towards the ceiling, making it easy for Edward to slide the shorts down my legs. The heat from my core was so strong that I felt it all down my inner thighs, and I could feel myself getting wet again just from Edward's hand hovering over my sex. His fingers rubbed softly against the crotch of my underwear, too softly, and I couldn't believe the feelings of pleasure it gave me.
Every stroke he made was match with a thrust of my own. My thoughts became fuzzy and incoherent; all I could focus on was how good it felt to have Edward's hand between my legs. His finger hooked itself inside my panties and pulled them down, and once they were at my ankles I kicked them off since they were becoming a nuisance. He pushed my legs apart, and one ended up trapped between his legs so I felt his penis against my hip.
His hand was back at my crotch and he began to tease my outer lips, causing me to shift impatiently. Edward's pointer finger made one long stroke from my opening to my clitoris, which made me moan louder than I thought I could. He smiled against my lips and did the same movement, gradually adding more fingers until his entire hand was rubbing my pussy. After a few rotations he stopped at my clit, three of his fingers circling the bundle of nerves, more ecstasy running through my veins. Edward knew that I was a virgin before we started this, so when his pointer finger reached my vagina he became more cautious, not wanting to hurt me. There was one inside, then two, pushing in and out at an increasing speed. His thumb found my clit again, rubbing it to add to the good feelings he was creating. It wouldn't be long now – I couldn't control my thrashing from the waist down. His fingers thrust further inside of me and I felt my walls clamp down, trapping them inside until the floodgates opened, sending me into my second orgasm.
Edward broke away from my face to let me breath. I saw stars and felt incredibly dizzy, but it was well worth it. I heard him fumbling in his nightstand, looking for something, and I knew he had found it when I heard the crinkling sound of the wrapper. He tore open the package quickly and slid the condom down his harden length, and my stomach trembled with nerves and excitement.
He rolled over, and landed so he was on top of me and resting in the middle of my legs. His clean hand ran through my hair while he leaned down to kiss my forehead. "Bella, are you sure you want this?" he asked, his deep green eyes staring into mine.
I nodded, pulled his face to mine, and kissed him once. "Yes. I haven't been more sure of anything," I assured.
Edward smiled, gave me one more tender kiss, then guided his arousal to my opening. I braced myself for whatever was about to happen, and took a sharp breath as he took his first push to get inside. It hurt, like my body was being ripped in half starting at my ass, but if I let Edward know that, then he would stop, and I didn't want that since I knew it would get better. He started to push again, grunting a bit and mumbling words that I couldn't understand. The pain got worse with every motion, and I thought it would never end. But then, Edward started making the same thrusts that he did with his fingers, and the pain started to change into pleasure, and massive waves of it. He had one hand cupped on my ass and the other pulled one of my leg to lock around his waist, pushing himself even deeper inside of me.
The pain completely subsided and I gripped Edward's shoulders for support, matching his pumps with ones of my own. Our joint pattern got faster and faster, and the pleasure was growing exponentially. Edward was moaning my name as I was moaning his. My other leg hooked itself around his waist and the head of his penis hit something inside me and I came instantly every time he reached it. Edward made one last thrust, crying out my name before I felt him spasm and collapse, still inside of me. He wrapped his arms around me, keeping me close, and I hugged him back.
He slipped out at last, and had to let go of me to remove his condom and throw it in the trash. I used the time to push his covers down and go under them, pulling the blankets to my chest. Edward returned as fast as possible and he pulled me to his body again. I could stay in his embrace like this for the rest of my life, but I wasn't finished with him just yet.
"Edward, can I ask you for something?"
"Of course honey," he replied, pushing a strand of hair behind my ear. "What is it?"
"Um … well … this night was fantastic, but … to be honest … uh … I always imagined that I would have my first time ... naturally, if you know what I mean …"
"Oh … so you mean without a -"
I blushed, snuggling into his chest so he couldn't see my face. "Um, yeah. I just always thought that it would feel a lot better, but if you don't want to then that's okay ..." I trailed off, too embarrassed to continue.
The next thing I knew Edward was on top of me, his erection pressed into my thigh. "I want to make you happy, Bella," he explained. "And I think you're right about it feeling better."
He was inside of me again before I could respond, and we moaned at the same time. This did feel better, if that was even possible, and I knew that Edward felt so, too. Every thrust evoked a new whimper from me, and I orgasmed again before I knew it. I heard Edward groan, a sound full of pleasure and frustration, and he pulled out and rubbed himself until he ejaculated a few seconds later on my thigh, letting out a shaky sign of relief.
"That was really close, but that was fantastic," he whispered. He used the sheet from his bed to clean my leg for me, and I nodded in agreement. I felt amazing, like I was on this high that I would never come down from. This had turned out so much better than I had ever expected it to – and I brought Edward to me again and held him close.
"I have something to tell you," we both said at the same time.
"You go first, please," I said to him, giving him a small smile. I wasn't going to make my confession until I heard what he had to say.
He sighed, and began to stroke my hair again. "Oh Bella ..." he said softly. I saw his bottom lip tremble, and then he started to cry, hard, and fell into my chest, pulling me close as he sobbed. My heart ached hearing him cry, making me want to cry too, but I just rubbed his hair and back until he regained control.
"Bella … did we mess up by doing this? I mean, sweetie, I just got you back hours ago, and I don't want to lose you again by taking things too fast ..."
I didn't know what to say to that. Maybe we did mess up tonight, as nice as it was. Edward thought that he was going to lose me by moving too fast, so maybe I shouldn't tell him what I was going to. Maybe we should just be friends for a while, even if it did hurt me. I just wanted what is best for him though, because his happiness is more important than mine …
"Edward … I … I don't know. This night was amazing, but do you think we should backtrack and just be friends for now?"
He stopped moving his hand, keeping it intertwined in my hair, and didn't respond right away. "I … I think that would be for the best."
I felt my heart shatter, and I fought the tears building in my eyes. "O-okay ..." I whispered. I started to get up, but I felt his hand close around my wrist.
"Bella, wait. Let's just have tonight, please. Don't leave." Edward's voice broke on his last word, and that was enough. The part of me that always wanted to please him crawled back into bed with him. He sighed in what I would like to say is relief, but I just didn't know anymore. He hugged me like if he let go I would disappear forever, so I let him and myself spend this night experiencing what could have been.
A/N: Well, what did you think? This is my third time writing a lemon, my second time posting one on this site. I would say that I have improved greatly from my first. It was so hard for me to write as, I will admit, I have no experience in the area. But nonetheless, it was a great challenge and essential to the story as you will soon find out or already know. Also, do NOT flame me for the lemon. I did give a warning at the beginning of the chapter.
Please review! I would appreciate the feedback.