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::// { Snow White :: In the Style of Yullen }
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\: Chapter II :: Warning! :/
::xoxox::
On a day where the sky is a favourable blue, where the clouds are few, white, and fluffy... The only things lacking are the rainbows and unicorns and tales of hetero love (but really, why would you want that?) Two head-turning beautiful boys are left to do labour as they clean the stone stairs.
Allen started humming softly the tune of Fleshli-er-Moonlight Sonata. He started climbing the stairs, cleaning them one at a time with a cloth and a wooden bucket of water. However, Allen wasn't paying attention, and knocked over the (thankfully clean) water behind him. Kanda was right behind him, and got his clothes wet. Uh oh.
Kanda snapped, "GAH!! Seriously, WHAT THE HELL?!"
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Allen panicked, clasping his palms together to apologize.
"Not only are you bad at cleaning, but you're fucking CLUMSY too?!"
"W-what?! I am not bad at cleaning!!"
"Yeah?! Then what the hell are these spots still doing here?!"
"You idiot, that doesn't even come off!! You have those in your area too!"
"I do not!!"
"What?! Do you need to get your eyes checked or something?! There's one right there!" Allen pointed.
"That's a freakin' ladybug!"
"Yeah?! Well, there's one on your face, let me smack it off!"
"Just try it!!"
The boys started hissing and snapping their rags at each other.
Then Cross, one of King Mana's friends who just returned from a mission where there's a lot of dirt on the way back, stepped on the areas they cleaned with his big, muddy boots.
He smirked, "Hey, baka deshi, you missed a spot."
Oh, now both of them were pissed. So they both chucked their dirty rags at his face. Timcanpy, who was on Cross' head, dodged.
"You fucking jerk! I just cleaned that!!" Allen yelled.
"How dare you?! I'll fucking throw you down the well!" Kanda joined in, roaring, just about to throw his bucket at him.
Cross' eyes started glowing like Satan's.
Kanda and Allen's combined glares faced it off.
Timcanpy joined in.
::xoxox::
"You two!" Komui raised his voice with authority.
"Er... Yes, your Majesty?" Lavi asked.
"I have dirrreeee news!" Komui whined, "But first, answer me truthfully--who's the most beautiful of these three? My dear, sweet, wonderful Lenalee-tan... or... or... those nincompoop lovebirds Kanda and Allen?!"
Well, Tyki was stupid. So he answered bluntly: "Eh? Well... Girly-boy and the card shark seem to be at a tie for looks... those two would look good in anything. (Especially naked on top of eachother.)"
He died in a pool of blood, with a drill sticking out of his back.
And well, Lavi was stupid too. Even though he was academically a genius, he was mostly stupid. Or brave to the point there's no line between the two. So he answered hyperly: "Oh! Oh!! Tyki! Tyki's the hottest! Though Kanda is pretty hot himself. And Allen is just adorable!"
He got super-bitch-slapped and died on top of Tyki. Meanwhile, Tyki was a bit vexed Lavi complemented other men so much... That hypocrite.
"So, my King, what might we be able to do for you...?" Tyki asked this time, lamely.
"Ohhh, it is apparent now that the former princes Kanda Yuu and Allen Walker have surpassed my lovely Lenalee in beauty!" Komui cried in an overflowing fountain on the balcony.
They looked at him weirdly. Those two were always the most good-looking. Especially Allen. He was the cutest thing when he was younger. Now he's not only cute, but beautiful too.
Of course, Lenalee was very pretty. But compared to the others: Allen, Kanda, Tyki, Rhode, and Lavi? Not really. Especially with the silly bob she has now. She can't rock it. (Oh, she was the prettiest in that loli outfit Rhode put her in. Or in her not-as-curly-as-Betty-Boop hair. She was OK in pigtails.)
Komui grabbed a towel, then continued, "SO, I'll have to have you two kidnap them and put them in my newest Komlin, Komlin Z!! Muahahaha! Then I'll surgically alter their faces and make them look like a teenage-pop-idol-gone-wrong! Bwahahahahaaaa!" Komui announced loudly.
Lavi looked blankly at him. Then both him and Tyki shook their heads at their king.
"Seriously, how low can you get?" Lavi said, sweat dropping.
"Aww, at least I'm not killing them!" Komui said nibbling on his towel like a goat.
Tyki sighed, "And if we refuse?"
Uh oh.
"YOU CAN'T. REFUSE. YOU HAVE 2 DAYS. UNDERSTAND?" Komui said, smiling evily, somehow magically growing eight times bigger in size, and then towering over them. Woah--where those floating drill heads on the ends of his hair just now?
::xoxox::
Lavi was lying on his back, upside-down on the stairs to the gardens. He took out a small gourd, and popped it open before chugging down some sake.
"Sooo, what the are we going to do?" Lavi asked, sighing.
"You're asking me?" Tyki replied, puffing out a heart to Lavi with his cigarette. He was lying a few stairs below Lavi, head next to his.
Lavi made an "aww, that's so sweet" face before continuing, "No ideas at all?"
"Well... I'm sure my sister Rhode still has that good quality life-sized doll made to perfectly imitate Allen's looks. But..." Tyki said.
"Wo-woah!? Seriously? Like a blow-up doll?"
"No no, it looks exactly like Allen. It's just soulless. It breathes and stuff but..."
"Holy crap that's creepy. She's like a mad scientist. And holy crap, I think she just made the ultimate blow-up doll."
"It's not a blow up doll, for god's sake..." Tyki chuckled, "but the problem is, I don't think she'll give it to us."
"Why not?! She has Lenalee now!"
"Seriously?"
"Yeah. I saw them. And holy freaking crap it was hot." Lavi said in a daze.
"I can't imagine them together..." Tyki said dumbfounded.
"Your sister's on top."
"Okay, now I totally see it."
"As for Yuu-chan?"
"Well, we can try asking Lulubell..." Tyki said sweat dropping in doubt.
"Oh, oh! I have an idea!" Lavi said, slapping his fist onto his other hand's palm.
"What is it?"
"Catnip."
Tyki laughed lightly, "She's going to kill me."
"Don't worry baby, if you lose breath, I'll give you CPR!" Lavi said cheekily.
"Fine, here. I'll give you some air. Be sure to give it back to me," Tyki replied, turning his over to kiss Lavi.
"Yeah..." Lavi muttered in another daze after their kiss broke.
Tyki smiled, got up and left.
::xoxox::
"Rho-taann!" Lavi called happily.
"Ehh? Ah, hey Lavi," Rhode called back to her prank buddy. The two would meet for snacks and then occasionally pull mean, childish jokes on random passerbys and guards. And sometimes Tyki would be a victim.
::xoxox::
"Wow... How'd you manage to get the mannequin so fast?" Tyki asked amazed.
"I'm the Bookman's apprentice. Don't underestimate me!" Lavi boasted.
"Okay, so that'd she agree to?" Tyki said, sitting opposite to him, dragging along an unconscious Lulubell-turned-Kanda.
"Basically, she wants an entire photo album and a bunch of posters of the two idiots in gay positions."
"...I knew it was going to be something like that." Tyki said, shaking his head. He poked at the doll of Allen.
"So I installed high-def colour cameras all over their room and areas where they usually go." Lavi whispered sinisterly, rubbing together his palms in an evil gesture.
Tyki face-palmed.
::xoxox::
Kanda and Allen were taking a walk outside.
"Waaaa! GUUYYYSSS!" Lavi cried while glomping the hugging Kanda and Allen from out of nowhere.
"GET. OFF. YOU DAMNED USAGI." Kanda yelled, trying to pull Lavi off.
"Whaa- Lavi?! You're going to suffocate us!" Allen warned.
Tyki picked him up by the shirt, and smiled darkly at his bunny, who instantly went "meep".
"Hellppp! Tyki raped me!" Lavi sobbed, flailing his arms.
"Oh please. It's not like you were unwilling," Kanda and Allen chorused. Lavi went into "meep" mode again.
Tyki set his bunny down, who then hopped behind the other couple for protection.
"So anyways. You two need to get out of town for a while untill Lenalee comes back," Tyki explained, taking out a cigarette to light it.
The said two didn't understand. Allen spoke, "How come?"
"Komui's out of control. He wants to deface you two for being prettier than Lenalee," Lavi meeped.
"What the-- Then why not we just go beat him up!?!" Kanda tried reasoning.
"No use. He has Komlin Z with him as a guard--it's impossibly strong," Tyki rebutted.
"Another one!!?!" Kanda and Allen said together in unison.
Kanda spoke angrily, reaching for Mugen, "All the more reason to cut it up, then!"
"OVERRULED!" Allen was calling up past traumas with previous Komlins. "Doesn't that man ever learn?" Allen said, pacing in panic. "Kanda, hurry up! Let's pack!! We're leaving tonight!!" Allen said in a determined voice. He dragged Kanda away...
"I hope they'll be alright..." Lavi moped.
"Let's go get Komui before Lulubell wakes up," Tyki suggested, turning back to the castle.
::xoxox::
"Oh, you two did so well!" Komui praised, patting both Tyki and Lavi's heads.
Tyki and Lavi were looking away awkwardly, saying "Uhm... Yeah."
"Okay, lets get started!" Komui chirped, "Just dump them here~" He pointed on th ground before Komlin.
They piled up their sacrifices.
"Operation Defaceterize--GOO!!" Komlin Z announced, opening up the doors on its chest, mechanical hands grabbing the two boys.
::xoxox::
xx:OMAKE:xx (A really really lonnnngg one...)
Allen: Hello again everyone! This is the questions corner once again!!
Lavi: The question corner where we do our best to humiliate Yuu-chan and moyashi-tan~!!
Allen: ...Lavi!! I thought I told you to stop calling Yuu that.
Kanda: ...Lavi. Don't. Call me. By my. First naaammme. *Fumes. Slams his tea cut against the table.*
[ Kanda and Allen are sitting next to eachother near a coffee table, sharing a mat. ]
Lavi: Ehh? I get that Yuu-ko wouldn't want me calling him that--ehh-but you too, moyashi-teru?!
Kanda: Oh, now I'm officially beyond pissed.
Allen: I don't... want anybody to call Yuu that... exept me. Alright?
Lavi: ...OH! That's just adorable, Allen~!
Allen: *Sigh.* You're incorrigible, Lavi.
Kanda: *Somewhat touched.*
Lavi: Alright! *Stamps fist on his other hand's palm.* Question time!
[ Lavi lights up a smoke for Timcanpy, who flies around happily. ]
Kanda and Allen: *Nervous.*
Lavi: This is from 8-year-old (Silly Rabbit,) Bella-Trix-is-for-kids: "Was Rhode-chan Allen's first kiss...? I'm not sure, because I'm sure many girls in the red-light distric would have jumped him..."
Allen: Th-that didn't count!! She attacked me!!!
Kanda: *Shocked. Wasn't there.* You... you kissed a NOAH?
Allen: It... it wasn't my fault...
Lavi: Hahaha!! You should've seen it! Poor Allen, I was worried that he would've fallen over from the trauma. So? Was she your first kiss?
Allen: Uh... Uhm... No, not exactly... *Looks away.*
Lavi: ... Soo... *Looks at Kanda.* You... you didn't... did you?!
Kanda: *Sigh.* And if I did take his lip virginity?
Allen: Yuu! Just... Just shut up!
Kanda: What? There's no use in denying it.
Lavi: *Blank look.* But... When?!
Kanda: None of your business.
Allen: *Sigh.*
Lavi: I want to knnnnoooowww! Alright! Time to hit up on Rhode!! She'll know!
Allen: NOOOooo!! Don't!
Lavi: *Already calling her through his golem.*
Rhode: Hello, Kamelot residence!
Lavi: Yo! Rhode!
[ Allen tries to muffle the golem. Fails.]
[ Allen sends Timcanpy to attack it. Timcanpy is asleep. ]
Rhode: Oh, hey Lavi-tto! How's my brother doing? I hope he hasn't broken your hip.
Lavi: Uh... Uhh.... It's just... a bit sore. But hey, Rhode, do you know who Allen's first kiss is?
Rhode: ...It was me, ofcourse! 3
Lavi: ...No it wasn't. (Your pause also kind of gave you away.)
Allen: *Sigh. Gives up.*
Kanda: *Watches amusedly.*
Rhode: Alright, fine... It was that girly-looking exorcist. Kanda, was it? Oh, he's so hot.
Kanda: *Growls at being called girly-looking.*
Lavi: Hee! I knew it!! Details! Details!! The two smitten ones won't tell me a thing!
Rhode: Haha! Those two were bickering again on their second mission, and next thing y'know, Kanda-bar jumped him~!
Lavi: ON THE SECOND MISSION?! Kyaaa!! I knew there was some tension on their first mission!
Kanda: You SAW?
Allen: *Glares at Timcanpy, who grins back.*
Rhode: Haha, then Allen was sooo bewildered. Then Kanda told him it didn't mean anything. Pfft! They didn't talk again till they met up at Edo!
Lavi: *Sighhh.* That's so like him!
Rhode: Then the day after you guys stole the Earl's old ark... grr... I'm still mad at you guys for that! I saw Allen go into the ark, but I lost track of him... But... A while later, Kanda went the same way he did, and dissapeared too... Hmm...
Lavi: ...Oh my god. You don't think... Oh my god! Thanks!!
Rhode: Yeah. Heh. Well, Sheryll is calling me, bye!
Lavi: Byeee!
[ Awkward silence. ]
Kanda: Do you have a Queen?
Allen: (Yeah, you.) Nope. Go fish.
Kanda: *Glares.* You liar.
Lavi: OH MY GOOODD, YOU DID HIM IN THE SECRET ROOM OF THE ARK, DIDN'T YOU?! KYAAA!
Kanda and Allen: *Sighhh.*
::xoxox::
+ Fleshlight - I'm warning you. Don't google it if you don't know what it is. NOT work-safe. XD"
+ Ningyo - Romaji (Romanized Japanese) for doll.