A/N: Alright, new chapter, hooray! This was somewhat hard for me to write, as there isn't much that is too dramatic after the beginning, but you'll see. I'd prefer to talk more after you get to read the chapter.

Oh, and let me know in a review or a message if I made any grammatical mistakes. I don't have a beta reader right now, because I usually just proofread myself, but there's a chance that I overlooked something.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, nor do I own the song "Already Gone" by Kelly Clarkson. Some of the lyrics were used in this chapter, but they are not my words.

I would love to own me some Robert Pattinson, though.

Chapter 2: Already Gone

I woke up with a start, feeling a limp arm fall from my waist as I sat up. My body was beading with sweat and I was still shaking from my nightmare. I could never remember the details of these horrific dreams – all I knew is that they always scared the living daylights out of me and I could rarely go back to sleep after they woke me up.

Dried tears were streaked down my cheeks; I finally broke down after I thought that Edward was asleep, but my sobs had woken him up so he held me and stroked my hair until I cried myself to sleep. I didn't want him to see me like that, to see the pain that he had caused. I never told him why I was crying, he never asked, but he must have known why. Just thinking about last night brought them back, moisture coating the rims of my eyelids, just threatening to drop –

But no, I wouldn't let them. I couldn't let Edward see me cry for him again, even though he must surely be asleep right now. It was just after five in the morning, about four hours since I had given him my heart again, only to get it back in pieces. I know he cared about me, at least a little bit, but it wasn't nearly as much as I cared for him. He just couldn't feel like I did, otherwise I wouldn't feel so broken inside right now.

I stole a glance at Edward's sleeping form, even though I regretted that action as soon as I made it. Just looking at him reminded me of what had happened. His forehead was creased and a frown made its way on his sculpted face, looking completely out of place. My shaky hand ran its way through his hair, an action beyond my control, and this made his features relax, for reasons unknown to me. There was no way that it was just because it was my touch, though.

He shifted his position, causing me to jerk my hand away. His right arm felt around the side where I had been sleeping, and his brow furrowed in confusion. Edward opened his eyes slowly, rubbing them before looking over in my direction.

"Go back to sleep, Edward," I told him, my tone harsher than I had intended.

I think I saw him flinch at my words, but I couldn't be sure. He sat up and began to stretch and yawn. "I don't think I could even if I tried. What time is it?"

I looked over at the clock my body was hiding from his view. "Five fifteen." I shifted so I was facing away from him and my legs were hanging off of the side of the bed. His gaze was burning into my back, so I took a deep breath before turning to meet his concerned emerald eyes.

"Bella," he grabbed one of my hands in his before continuing, focusing his eyes on them now. The feelings of love and comfort were still there when he touched me, but now they were accompanied with heartache, so it wasn't as nice anymore. "I … are you mad at me?" he asked cautiously, refusing to make eye contact.

Edward's question threw me off-guard and into a whole new realm of thoughts. It would be so much easier to place all of the blame on him, saying that he was the sole reason for my pain, which in a way he was. But that wasn't true – it was my fault for letting things get out of hand. I should have known better than to believe that Edward was going to feel the same way that I did.

"... No, Edward, I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at myself, although it does hurt to be around you right now," I confessed, pushing myself off of his bed. I wanted to get out of this room, but we weren't finished just yet.

He exhaled, and I knew he got out of his bed too. I stopped just two feet away from his door to let him catch up to me. Edward's arms locked around my waist while he buried his face in my hair. This embrace was borderline painful now, yet I was too weak to escape it. I lost my hold of my tears and let them stream down my cheeks as he held me. So much for not crying in front of him.

"Don't blame yourself," he urged sharply, but keeping his tone soft. "I didn't stop us either, but if I had known that this was going to happen then I wouldn't have let things get so far between us. Please trust me, Bella. I still care about you."

My hair was getting wet now, but I didn't care. My knees started to give out and I fell to the floor, taking Edward with me. I let him turn me around so he could hold me while I cried, and I did the same for him. Whatever makes him happy, no matter what it does to me. I reminded myself.

"Bella," he whispered, his voice thick with tears, "Please, tell me if there's anything I can do for you. I don't want to lose you again."

I knew exactly what I wanted, what I needed, even though I knew that it was the one thing that he didn't need right now.

"I need space," I managed, pushing out of his arms to stand. "If we're going to work things out with us then I can't be around you for a while," I confided, my volume dropping, "It hurts too much right now."

He nodded, looking almost as torn as I felt. "I understand," he replied, "I'll wait for you."

I gave him a watery smile as I backed up to his door. "Thank you, Edward," I whispered so softly that I didn't think he had heard me until I saw him nod once. I turned the doorknob to leave, not looking back once as I walked quietly down the Cullen's large hallway. No one else would be awake right now, but I didn't want to know what would happen if I was caught leaving Edward's room, so I quickened my pace to the guest room.

As soon as I let myself inside and locked the door, I collapsed onto the bed and let my sobs overtake me. Everything that I had always wanted had been in my reach, but a few minutes was more than enough to make it all fly away from me again. I longed for his touch, to be in his arms and never have to leave, but that was something I couldn't have now. Edward just wanted my friendship, that I was convinced of, but I couldn't even give that to him, so I messed things up and left us both hurt and confused.

Crying always took a lot out of me, so I let the exhaustion and my tears take me into a deep, dreamless sleep.

- - -

Tap, tap, tap

"Bella? Are you awake sweetie?"

Renee's soft voice disrupted my sleep. I dragged myself off of the bed, noticing that I hadn't even bothered with the covers, and opened the door for my mother. "I'm up now."

She smiled at me and pushed my hair from my face. I hadn't even noticed that it was in the way. "Well, it's about eleven right now, and the roads have been cleared. If you're ready then we can leave for home now."

Going home never sounded better right now. The farther I could be from Edward right now the better. "Is Alice awake? I left my clothes in her room."

"Oh, yeah, she brought them out a while ago, they're right here." She reached down on the floor next to the door and grabbed my things for me. "Your dad and I will be waiting down in the living room for you."

"Okay, I'll be right down," I said, shutting the door. Renee wasn't always the brightest bulb, but she knew when something was wrong with me, like in the way she interacted with me just now. She wouldn't pry and force me to tell her what was wrong, but it was going to eat at her until I talked to her about something.

While I was dressing, I contemplated what I was going to have to tell her. There was no way I was going to tell her that Edward and I had sex – that would be something she would tell Charlie, and I didn't want Edward to be killed by my father. I guess I could just tell her that we had been arguing, after all, it was close to what had actually happened.

Edward's clothes were lying on the floor at my feet. I was glad to be out of them – one less thing that reminded me of him. I quickly folded them before I left the room, and I made my way down the now familiar path to his room. I refused to greet him in person again, especially after all I had said about needing to be away from him. It was the least I could do, so I just left his clothing outside of his bedroom where he would find it at some point.

I made my way down the stairs, and I tried my hardest to think of something that wasn't about Edward. It occurred to me that Emmett had gone out last night, despite the roads being closed, so I wondered if he had made it okay to the girl's house. I knew exactly what he must have been doing last night, the same thing that I had done – and then I mentally cursed myself for coming full circle with my thoughts. I was trying to avoid that, not connect everything …

Speaking of Emmett, he was dancing up the stairs far too gracefully for someone of his size, throwing in an occasional spin or swoon. He saw me, smiled, then picked me up as he passed me, causing me to shriek. "Emmett! What are you doing?"

He just sighed happily. "Oh Bella, I think I'm in love!" he exclaimed, spinning me once before setting me on my feet. "The girl I was with – Rosalie – she's so unlike anyone I've ever met before! She's so strong and confident, and one of the most gorgeous women I've ever met! And get this Bells, she fixes cars! How fucking sexy is that?"

Hearing about Emmett's love only made me think even more about mine, and despite my better judgment I let my mask crumble away to let the sadness coat my face. "That's great, Em," I managed, trying to keep my voice steady.

Somehow Emmett began to snap out of his trance and he placed his strong hands on my shoulders. "Hey, Bella, are you alright?"

I lost it – my eyes exploded with tears and sobs began to fill my throat. I was barely aware of Emmett scooping me up to carry me to his room. I took a few minutes to collect myself and steady my breathing. He just sat there patiently, running his hands through his short, curly brown hair. Once I could breath easily again, he crouched down in front of me.

"Alright Bells, who do I have to kill?" he asked, his voice quiet and gentle but dead serious.

I gave him a small smile. "No one, this is my fault," I replied.

I don't know why, or how, but I told Emmett the full story. By the end, he was clenching his fists so tightly that his knuckles were turning white. "Emmett, please don't hurt Edward, it wasn't just his fault, it was mostly mine, and please don't tell anyone about this. I want to just keep it between us," I told him. I would probably die if anyone else knew what had happened, and I would probably kill Emmett if he hurt Edward after I asked him not to.

He let out a frustrated sigh, racking his hands through his hair again. "If you insist, Bells. But if you ever change your mind, I won't hesitate," he assured, "Anyway, Bella, I'm so sorry that all of this had to happen. You know I'll always be here for you if you need to talk, right?"

"I know Emmett. Thank you," I replied, standing up slowly. He stood as well and walked me over to the door. I stopped before leaving and gave him a huge hug. "I hope I can see you again before you go back to college."

"Of course you will Bells," he told me as he hugged me back. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

I giggled, the sound almost foreign to me right now. "Love you, Em." I walked through the threshold back into the hallway, giving him a parting wave.

"Love you too, Bells."

Talking to Emmett helped feel a little bit better than I was before. This time when I went down the stairs, I had no interruptions, and my parents were waiting in the living room just like they said they would be. I cleared my throat, disrupting their conversation so they knew that I was ready. Renee gave me a worried stare, but I pretended that I didn't see it. We left silently through the front door as Carlisle, Esme, and perhaps Edward were all still asleep. I was satisfied that we weren't staying long enough for me to see him again.

The rest of Christmas Eve went by like a blur to me. I barely recall getting inside my house and up to my room, yet alone anything else that was going on. My parents were talking downstairs – probably about me – but I couldn't say for sure. Hours passed as I lay in my bed, curled up into a ball memorizing the cracks in my wall. It was a good distraction from –

"Bella, can I come in sweetheart?"

Renee. I was waiting for her to come up here, and I was starting to lose faith that she would. "Yeah, Mom, it's unlocked."

Still facing the wall, I heard the door open then close again, then I felt my mattress give as my mom sat down next to me. "Honey, what's going on? I haven't seen you so depressed in such a long time." She reached out to place her hand on my shoulder, but I still didn't budge. It would be easier for me to lie to her if I didn't have to look at her eyes.

"Me and Edward are just arguing a lot right now," I began, biting my lip. "We don't exactly see eye-to-eye on something."

She clicked her tongue, something she did when she was thinking. "Well it must be a big disagreement if you're bothered this much by it," she remarked, "Do you mind telling me what it is?"

I hesitated for a moment; I didn't imagine that my mom would want this many details. "Um … it's … complicated, and kind of a private thing."

Renee gasped, probably on accident, and I winced when I realized how my words sounded. "Bella, is he … pressuring you or something?"

"No, Mom, not with that!" I finally sat up to face her. "But … um … I … I think he wants to be more than just friends, but I don't want to ruin our relationship by dating," I replied, trying my hardest to sound convincing.

"Oh ..." She was so relieved, which made me glad that I decided to not tell her what had really happened. "In that case … Bella, just follow your heart. If it tells you to date him, then do it. Don't turn him down just because you don't want to ruin your friendship. If you two really love each other then things will work out -"

"Mom," It hurt that she obviously wanted me and Edward together almost as much as I did, but neither of us would get that wish, "I don't love Edward," this lie actually hurt, "Well, just not like that." Our eyes finally met, her baby blue eyes meeting my chocolate-colored ones, and at that point, that split second, she saw right through my charade straight to my heartache.

She was quiet for a moment, then wrapped me in a warm embrace. "Okay Bella," she whispered, holding me close. I used every last drop of strength I had to hold back even more tears. Renee sighed quietly, let go of me, and started to leave my room. "I'm sure you'll be fine tomorrow."

I smiled at her. "I know I will be," I assured. She smiled back and finally left me alone, and for the second time today, I cried myself to sleep.

I have something to tell you … … are you sure you want this? … Bella … did we mess up by doing this? … I want to make you happy, Bella … … taking things too fast … Bella, you are amazing … … that would be for the best … Bella … Bella …

My eyes shot open, my breathing rapid. Light was trying to pour into my room from my blinds, so I looked at my clock to check the time. It was a few minutes before ten, on Christmas morning. Today the Blacks would be coming over, my father's childhood friend Billy and his fifteen-year-old son Jacob, so I had to make myself look presentable and do my best to push Saturday night to the back of my mind.

The strong smell of coffee filled my nose when I left my room to take a shower, which meant that Charlie was awake. The first thing he always did on Christmas morning was brew a pot of coffee. I used to be so envious that my parents could drink it and I couldn't, but when I was fourteen and my dad first poured me a cup, I stopped caring. It tasted so bitter, and at the time I hated it, but now I just tolerate it on Christmas. It was another tradition of my family's.

I made my shower fast; having one bathroom in the house was really irritating sometimes. I knew that Charlie and Renee haven't been in there yet, since the sound would have surely woken me up, so I didn't bother with my hairdryer. My hair was naturally wavy, which wasn't a bad thing to me, even though a lot of girl strive for pin-straight hair.

When I got back in my room, it was nearing ten fifteen, so I had about another hour and forty-five minutes until Billy and Jacob would arrive. That was too much time for me, giving me plenty of time for my mind to wonder back to –

No, I wasn't going to address that today. Today was Christmas for crying out loud, so I was supposed to be happy today.

Jake: he was a safe subject for me right now. He had nothing do with those events.

Jacob Black was the second friend I ever made. I didn't see the Blacks as much as we saw the Cullens, since they lived in Seattle at the time, but I did have quite a few play dates with Jake. He was two years younger than me, but I didn't care. He was so active and affectionate, especially towards me. He would always try to hold my hand or hug me, and he got that from his wonderful mother.

I don't remember Mrs. Black very well – she died in a car accident when I was eight and Jake was six, the same accident that left Billy in a wheelchair. All I really recall is that after the accident, Charlie would stay in Seattle for long periods of time, so after about a year Billy and Jacob moved to Forks. I saw them more often, but since Jake has been in a different grade than me, I only really hung out with him over breaks from school and the rare long weekend.

I liked hanging out with Jake; his carefree attitude was a nice refresher from other teens. But there was one thing that bothered me, and that was the fact that he had a huge crush on me. It wasn't like he hid it, either. I've told him countless time that I thought of him as my friend, even as my little brother, but I think he has selective hearing and stills tries to "win me over". Jacob wasn't unattractive or anything – it was quite the opposite to be honest. But no matter what I did, I just couldn't make myself think of him as anything more than a friend or a brother.

Since I wouldn't have to deal with Alice's starring and comments about my clothes today, I decided to dress down a bit. I put on my favorite pair of skinny jeans and a long-sleeved ruby-colored top that had a lacy scoop in the back that exposed the smallest amount of skin. I wore the same pair of shoes from the other night, even though I wouldn't be leaving my house. It just made me feel more together.

He started to enter my thoughts again, so I took a moment to push those thoughts to the back of my mind. I needed to just think about being with my family today, and nothing else. No matter how much of my heart he had owned and crushed, no matter how often I always thought about him … that just couldn't get in the way today.

- - -

Christmas this year was just as uneventful as any other year. Billy and Jake had always fit in comfortably with us, and without them around it just didn't feel right. Jake still didn't comprehend the concept of being just friends with me, so I gave up at one point and let him wrap his arm around me after dinner while we all watched classic Christmas movies. It was comfortable, sure, but there just wasn't that spark that I had felt with Edward –

Damn it, not again.

Lady Luck must have decided to pity me for once as my cell phone starting buzzing impatiently on my dresser after I had changed for bed. I picked it up and I had a new text message. Only a handful of people actually had my number, so I wondered who would be texting me at ten o'clock at night on Christmas.

I flipped open the phone and saw that it was from Alice, of course, asking for me to call her as soon as I was available. I went straight to my contact list to dial her number, waiting patiently as it rang.

"Bella! Guess what tomorrow is?"

Doesn't anyone say "hello" anymore?

I braced myself for what was coming. "No, what's tomorrow?" I asked, playing dumb.

"The after-Christmas sales of course! You have to come pick me up at four in the morning, sharp, or all the good stuff will be gone!"

"Alice!" I groaned, falling back onto my bed. "I'm sure it would be fine if we went a few hours later. No normal person gets up at four, ever!"

She was pouting on the other line – I could feel it. "Bella, please? I didn't make you take me to the black Friday sales this year, remember?"

I sighed. She had a point; she did let me sleep in that day, since she had gone with Esme instead. Plus these crowds were not nearly as bad. I knew that Alice would end up breaking me at one point, so I decided to give in early, "Okay, fine," I grumbled, "But you owe me once you get your license."

"Yay!" I actually had to pull the phone away from my ear at her shrill tone, "I'll let you go to bed then Bella, I'll see you at four!"

Alice hung up before I could protest, which was probably a smart move on her part. I set the alarm on my cell for three thirty in the freaking morning and relaxed underneath my covers.

I wondered if there would ever be a night where the last thing I thought about wasn't being in Edward's arms.

- - -

A horrendous beeping woke me from my sleep, which was much more pleasant than I had ever hoped. I did my best to rub the sleep from my eyes before sitting up slowly. Alice really owed me for this. I dressed sluggishly in sweats and pulled my hair back in a ponytail, refusing any more effort. It was far to early to worry about looking presentable.

I left a note for Charlie and Renee, letting them know that Alice was forcing me to take her out shopping and I would hopefully return. The trip to Alice's in my decrepit red truck was so boring that I wasn't sure that it had really happened. But I knew that this wasn't just a dream when she skipped – skipped! – out the front door, letting herself in the passenger's door. I mumbled hello and ignored her blissful chit-chat.

It was too early for this.

We arrived at the mall as fast as my truck would allow, and the first place Alice took me was Starbucks, where she bought me the biggest cup of coffee she could. It brought me to a sense of awareness, but that was about it.

I let Alice drag me from store to store, not paying any attention to what she was doing the entire time. I couldn't even bring myself to stop her from buying some things for me. All I could do was yawn and drag my feet around the mall, trailing behind her.

Eventually I started waking up more, and Alice finally declared that we could leave. That was the fastest I had walked all day; straight out the door and into the cab of my truck. Alice pilled in with the bags as I started the engine to let it warm up before forcing too much on it.

The drive back to her house was shockingly quiet. I suppose it was because Alice was busy sorting out my stuff and hers, so I turned on the radio. I didn't pay much attention to modern music, but I knew that Alice liked it, so I didn't bother touching the dial.

About a minute away from her house, she exclaimed, "Oh, I love this song!"

I actually knew this one; it was Kelly Clarkson's newest single, "Already Gone", or something like that. I had never listened to the lyrics before, but I paid a little more attention after Alice's declaration. It was depressing – a break-up song that made my heart ache.

I want you to know, that it doesn't matter, where we take this road, someone's gotta go …

I nearly threw Alice out of the car. I wanted to get her away before I starting crying because of how I was relating to this song. She thought nothing of it, waved goodbye to me, and somehow carried her many shopping bags inside alone.

It started with a perfect kiss then, we could feel the poison set in, perfect couldn't keep this love alive

Oh Alice, why did you have to say anything? I was actually doing alright until I basically heard my feelings being played on the radio. I would have just ignored the song if she had kept her big mouth shut … but she had no idea, so I couldn't really be angry at her.

How was it possible for these words to express so many of my feelings?

Remember all the things we wanted, now all our memories, they're haunted, we were always meant to say goodbye

Here come the waterworks; I had to make myself pull over into the nearest gas station so I could get a hold of my wretched sobs. My vision was blurred far beyond being able to see, and I would surely crash if I decided to keep driving.

You can't make it feel right, when you know that it's wrong, I'm already gone, already gone

There's no moving on, so I'm already gone

"Oh Edward," I choked out, my breathing slowing to the occasional hiccup and the tears slowing. Maybe he and I were never meant to be together. If we were, then things surely would have progressed by now. This realization came to me too late though – the scars had already made their home on my heart, a mark that could never be removed.

A/N: I do wish that things weren't so complicated between Bella and Edward, but if they were together ... then the story would not be nearly as interesting. I can't tell you any details, so you'll just have to trust me on that and be patient with their relationship. And keep in mind that I am the author, so I have the power, and I could always throw one of them off a cliff or something if people irritate me too much.

... Just kidding, I wouldn't do something that drastic.

Oh, a quick fun fact: Emmett is very similar to my best guy friend, Kyle, while Jacob is very similar to my other guy friend, Tyler (except for the crush part).

Anyway, I added the song as a last minute thing because I was listening to it a few times which made gears spin in my mind, and plus I needed a chapter title.

I will stop my rambling now. Expect chapter 3 ... soon. I'd rather not have a deadline because then I will rush it and it will be horribly-written ... and yeah. Please review! I appreciate your thoughts.