Wow, thats all I can say. I am so surprised so many people have favourited me as their favourite author, bookmarked the story etc. I honestly did not think I would get such an overwhelming response. Sorry it took a little bit longer than expected to update because of school, and work. But hopefully I'll get chapter 3 up soonish. But I may not because I have my prom on the 20th and work on the 22nd of I may take a little while to update sorry. I also would like to apologise for the grammatical mistakes in the last chapter, I did go through and change them but I don't think I saved it, so whoops. I am making my best friend my unofficial Beta as from this chapter onwards I was going to get her to proof this first but I really want to upload it first and she's taking forever to reply she's probably asleep haha its like 12am where she is so sorry. I also dedicate this whole story to. Thanks to her she introduced me to FF and for that I thank her. I also would like to thank her for being my friend and making my life so much greater. As Bella would put it you are "my own personal sun". Even though you moved away last year I still think of you everyday, you are the Rosalie to my Bella. You saved me, and for that I love you. xo.

As usual, I do not own the rights to the Twilight Saga just the books but thanks to the corporates that let me play in Stephenie Meyers' world.

I also do not own Three Days Graces' "Over and Over" and Owl City's If my heart was a house, which I have based the title on and the past chapters quote. Owl City is completely awesome, especially their new single 'Fireflies", I suggest you check them out ;)

Thanks again to all my readers, I love you SOO much! Every time my phone beeps that I have an email I always hope it's someone favouriting me, it makes my day. :D

Chapter Two

So many thoughts that I can't get out of my head
I try to live without you, every time I do I feel dead
I know what's best for me
But I want you instead
I'll keep on wasting all my time

I never thought the afterlife would be easy. But I never thought it would be this hard either. Losing something that was meant to be your world was like losing a vital organ, without it I would surely die.

I never was one for dramatics, but seeing as this was my first real loss I guess one would say I was taking it rather bad. It wasn't like I'd been dumped though, I had lost my sister as well. I felt like I was losing my family. I had been lied to for months, believing that I was a part of something important, loved.

I didn't know if I was ever going to get over this, I'd lost my heart and kidney in one blow. My circulation stopped. My heart stopped. My will to live had stopped. I didn't want to be in a world where they were no longer a part of. And that's what I wanted, to no longer be a part of this, living.

I woke up through a strangers' eyes, and looked out into a strangers' room into a strangers' life. I threw back the sheets and walked robotically out of my too clean room. A normal 18 year old's room would be messy, unorganised and clattered. Mine was no longer like that, it was as if someone had cleaned it up and no one had entered it in years.

I walked down the kitchen not thinking of anything at all, my mind no longer thinking of useless things like what I would wear that day or how Alice would comment on how useless I was at picking out an outfit. It hurt, of course it did. But I needed to try and move on, or so Rose told me frequently. I had a feeling deep down inside of me that someone had told her to keep an eye on me, she never seems to leave my side anymore. I don't really mind, she's a refreshing change from constantly being monitored. I knew she noticed things but never pushed on it like Edward or Alice. I realised it was probably Esme who told her to look out for me. Sweet, caring Esme. If she knew some of the things I did it'd break her heart.

I tried every day to make my self appear fine for them, for Charlie. But never for me.

It has been a month since I discovered my real reason for joining the Cullen family. A month since I lost my heart. A month since I no longer wanted to live. A month since I found my realise in a small razor blade.

Esme, Rose, Emmett, Carlise and Jasper were still here but no one knew where Edward and Alice where. Carlise and Emmett had tried to locate their scent but they think they must have found a way to mask their scent from them. Carlise was furious with them, he had brought them up to always be honest with him. Carlise had felt betrayed and he felt he had failed.

Even though the rest of my family were still here making my endless days seem less fearful. I had grown particularly close to Rosalie over the last month. She even had to start staying with me until I fell asleep because I often had reoccurring nightmares. She also had to try and convince me to not tell Charlie what Edward and Alice had done as he would be furious with the Cullens and would most likely forbid me to visit them. As Rose had pointed out, I needed them and to be honest. They kinda needed me too.

To prevent me from accidently spilling anything to Charlie, Emmett had created a fake case down in Seattle so Charlie will be staying there for a while. So I had the whole house to myself. Yippee.

I hardly ate anymore, but when I did I would go on binges. This often worried me as I was starting to gain weight but everyone was insisting me it was giving me a "healthy glow" God knows I wasn't feeling healthy. My skin had taken on a ghastly grey tone no longer the pale alabaster I was used to.

I ate a plate of bacon, scrambled eggs and some crumpets wolfishly before going for a shower. I undressed down to my underwear and singlet gazing at my greying body in the mirror. My eyes drifted down to my inner thighs. I felt myself stiffen when I looked at the scars, bright red against pale grey. These were reminders everyday of what he did to me, left me with just my most inner depression. This was the only way I could find relief after the incident. No matter what my friends or family said or did nothing could take away the hurt, pain and misery. They couldn't make me stop loving him. That's all I wanted though. I wanted no longer to feel like this.

I guess that's what suicide means.

I often thought of just ending my life, but none of it compared to as how much I wanted to right then.

I looked over my body, just a shell in which a dead person lived inside. Not worthy enough to live. I took my hair out of my braid letting it flow down my back tickling my lower spine. I wouldn't dare to cut anywhere where my family could see it, it would destroy them, just like he destroyed me. I passed my hands over the risen sores on the inside of my legs and decided I couldn't deal with it anymore.

I walked over to the medicine cabinet and opened it slowly, peering inside at the various prescriptions. I took a few bottles and which I decided would most likely kill me. I unscrewed all the caps and took out three of all three. One for everyone I loved. One for Esme, one for Charlie, one for Carlise, one for Renee, one for Emmett, one for Rosalie, one for Jasper, one for Alice and lastly one for Edward.

I took the first three and swallowed, picked up the next three and downed them just a quickly. By now my eyesight had gotten hazy and I felt nausous. I leaned against the sink for support and grabbed the final three. I lifted the first to my lips, pressed it through my teeth and swallowed. I sank to the floor feeling violently ill.

I lifted up my head when I heard the front door slam open and fly out of it's hinges. I wondered who it was but took no real notice. I pressed the second last one to the back of my throat and gulped suddenly. I fell against the ground holding the final pill in my hand shaking violently. I was losing grip on reality when I heard a heartbreaking gasp. "Oh my god Bella," I heard a familiar female voice cry.

My eyes couldn't focus on the figure but they were incredibly pale so I figured it was a Cullen, I moaned internally. I wanted to do this so I wouldn't cause them anymore pain, they shouldn't have been here. I felt cold arms scoop me up and properly and checking my pulse. "Bella, it's Rosalie, please don't die. I need you, we all need you" I could hear her dry sobbing chest heaving. She lifted me up into her arms bridal style.

I knew this was it, I was dying.

"I love you," I whispered so low I bet a vampire would have trouble hearing. My hand released the final pill for Edward, I blacked out drifting into an eternal sleep just in time to hear the pill drop to the floor and Rosalie swear and run out the house.