Well guys here it is, I had it written up but I've just been so busy with Prom stuff (WHICH IS TODAY!!!!) so I didnt get this up sooner, sorry! I am also sorry if you feel there is no progression I just want to do this properly, because there are those stories that seem like they fall in love after like four chapters but I will get there eventually but I am going to, hopefully, do a good job of this. I would love to hear your ideas on what could happen and if anything should be changed. So dont be scared to say so!

Disclaimer: Yes, I dont own Twilight or Bulletproof *sigh

Chapter 3

there's certain things that should be left unsaid,
tick tick tick tick on the watch and life's too short for me to stop,
Oh baby, your time is running out,

What is time? Is it mearly something measured in units, or is it something so complex that we cannot even begin to grasp it's concept?
Both of these statements can be correct but also false. Time can be measured in smiles, laughs and tears but then those are moments in life when time just stops. Not litrally of course, that's impossible. But rhetorically, there are those times when you look at someone or they look at you and everything else seems to fade away, become nothing. All that matters is you and them.

But that's only one reason time can stop, the other is less pleasant. You see yourself and everything else around you slow down, you feel as though everyone is watching you. Feeling your pain, hearing the screams and seeing you future. But whether you will have a future is the question. Those times in life are not common because usually, to be blunt, you die. Not me though, there seems to someone watching in the distance mocking me, making it so that I cannot rest. Because thats all I really want, is peace.

I have experienced this many times; nearly getting hit by Tylers' van, standing in a meadow with three hungry vampires, and being beaten by James. Though everytime someone was there to save me. Edward. He seemed to be the one who was stopping me from having my peace.
This time was different though rather he was the cause of the pain, but he had disappeared. So all that was left was me and time. But I was running out of time.

Time had stopped. I could hear the wind whip around my ears causing a horrible whistling. My eyes refused to open, glued together with imaginary super glue. I could hear and feel everything around me, although I couldn't see a thing. I was in a limbo, I was in and out of consciousnous , in between this reality and the next.

The thing that disturbed me the most was that I was alive, I was meant to be dead on the hard cold floor in the bathroom not someones' cold hard arms. Cold arms. Then I remembered that Rose had found me, trying to kill myself. She was going to take me to Carlise, so he could make me live again. That is not what I wanted.

I started to groan and moan in Rosalies' arms in protest trying to get her to drop me but she couldn't hear me over her dry sobbing.

"It's okay Bella, Carlise will fix you he knows everything, I promise he will save you.." Rose mumbled against the wind. I could feel her starting to slow down, that meant we were near the house. I started to internally panic, what were the Cullens' going to think when they saw me? In my underwear, with scars all over my legs, passed out from pill overdose. They are going to think exactly what happened, I was trying to kill myself.
That I was suffering worse then I let on. This would kill them.

I could hear someone scream in the distance, distinctly Esme. I felt a tear fall from the corner of my eye, I never wanted to hurt Esme. She treated me like her own daughter, and Carlise. He loved me like his own child. What had I done? I was hurting everyone around me, and Rose.
She was never one to try and here I was making her cry tears that wouldnt ever come shattering heart. Emmett, childish big brother Emmett. He never hated me, only loved me. How could I do this to them, they were my family. And they were going to see me at my worst.

I tried to move but it was impossible, I was going to have to listen to them suffer. I could feel the door open around me and the feel of air moving to me.

"Rosalie, what has she done!?" I could hear Esme squeal in pain breaking my heart. Rosalie then set me down somewhere, pressumably the long table in the dining room. I heard another person enter the room and the clanging of metal.

"I-I was too late.. she tried to kill herself," Rosalie said through sobs. I felt her hands slip from my neck to my hand and grab it in a bone crushing hold. "Carlise, you'll be able to do something right?" Rosalie whispered. I suddenly felt two cold fingers press to my wrist, checking my pulse.
"I should, but she is in a dangerous condition. She must have taken alot of pills." Carlise said calm but with an underlying panicing tone.

At this I felt my heart rate rise, I was panicking. I didn't want to die anymore, I dont want the Cullens to suffer. My chest started to rise rapidly in panic. My whole body was shaking, I needed to see them, reassure them tell them I wouldn't ever do it again. Another set of freezing cold hands grabbed my empty shaking hand.

"Bella, it's Jasper. I know you can hear me. Please, calm down you will give yourself a heart attack." he reassured without using his powers. "I will only use my powers if you want me to, I know you feel bad as it is but I won't do it if you dont want me too. Squeeze my hand if you want me too," Jasper said in a calm tone. I wanted him to help me so bad. I squeezed tight as I could, not sure whether he felt it. He must have though because I felt myself drifting off into sleep. Not death, just slumber.

"Good girl Bella, your doing fine. Carlise is helping you, we will see you soon," Jasper whispered. Then everything went black.

My head was splitting in half, or at least it should have been with the pain it was giving me. I tried to move but the pain was too overwhelming.
I tried to reach out and grab something but my hand was already handing something, or rather something was holding it.

"Bella dear, try not to move too much you will only make the pain worse," someone whispered to me. Esme. I gasped, I missed her so much.
I don't even know how long I was asleep but it felt too long. I could tell that she was missing me as well, there was longing and sadness in her voice. Just hearing her voice made me want to cry, I cannot believe I hurt her so much, I was so selfish.

I felt tears fall down my cheek, I didn't even realise I had started to cry. Stupid Bella, don't cry you will make them feel worse. "Bella sweetie, please dont cry. Were sorry, we couldnt let you die we love you too much," Esme sobbed. No, please dont say that. It's all my fault dont be sorry. My chest heaved, I was now sobbing. I no longer felt the physical pain, only the emotional. I needed to tell her I was sorry, she shouldnt feel bad.

I opened my mouth, feeling my lips crack. "Ess- may, I am so sorry," I croaked begining to regain my voice. "I was so selfish, I just wanted the pain to disappear. I never meant to hurt you, please forgive me," I sobbed, my eyes still shut. I wanted to open them so bad, just to look in her eyes to see if she would forgive me. "Of course darling, we love you all so much. It's not the first time one of us wanted to die to relieve ourselves of the pain. Do you remember how I died and became a vampire?" Esme whispered meaning every word she said.

I nodded finally being able to move. She jumped off a cliff because she lost her child, then Carlise saved her. "Then you will understand that I know what your going through. Now, it will get better. Maybe not today, probably not tomorrow but it will eventually. I promise," Esme murmured. With her words, I felt better knowing that she was speaking only the truth. I was part of their family, whether or not Alice or Edward were in it. I dont know what I'd do if one of them died, I'd be destroyed most likely.
I wanted to hug Esme so bad but I stay couldnt move properly still. The pain was easing but it still couldn't heal the pain in my heart, the pain lessened but it was still there lurking underneath it all. I settled for opening my eyes. At first I was burning by the brightness of it all, but eventually my eyes adjusted and I could see muggy outlines. I picked up my spare hand and lifted it to the closest outline which I presumed was Esme. "Is that you Esme?" I whispered. No longer as I said that Esme had me in an embrace that was warm for her.

"I love you so much Esme, how could you ever forgive me for doing this to you, to everyone?" I cried. I wrapped my arms around her grabbing more of her then I could hope. "Bella, I forgave you as soon as you came in the door. What would I do with myself if I lost another child and spent the last minutes of her life hating her?" Esme whispered into my shoulder.

Just as we ending our hug I felt the pressence of the others in the room and was shortly after swept into a massive family hug, even Jasper had joined in hugging me from the back. "I hope you all can forgive me, I was very foolish, I shouldnt have done that," I said. I got no response except a tighter hug, which was good enough for me.