Where do we Stand
Not mine, I own nothing…
Guys, sorry it has taken me so long to get this chapter up. I ended up re-writing this chapter, I didn't like the route it was taking and then lost track of time due to work... Ick. But, I am hoping I am back up and running. If any of you know a good beta, send them my way, this story has not been beta'd or proofed. Thanks for reading and review. Enjoy!!
Alex felt her walls crumbling down, she didn't want to show her weakness, no one had seen her this week, always the ice queen. Where was the ice queen now that she needed her. She had strived to keep it together, but now hearing Olivias predicament, she knew Olivia wouldn't forgive her, why would she. She had pushed Olivia to far, led her believe she didn't need anyone because she was the ice queen. Alex began gasping for air, grabbing her chest. She was getting dizzy, panic and despair was all she could feel. Desperation seemed to encompass her soul.
Alex began to gasp and gulp for air.
"Alex, calm down, panicking isn't going to help our girl.." Elliot spoke up.
Her hand clasped to her chest, she heaved in and out, praying for a steady breath.
"It's alright Alex, we're here, your going to be oaky," calmed Kathy. She looked to Elliot, hoping he knew what to do, as she held Alex close to her.
Elliot softly spoke again, "Alex, were going to take you home with us. We'll come back in a few hours, you can rest there and take a shower, okay?"
Spots appeared in Alex's vision, she shook her head vigorously, not wanting to leave the hospital. Anguish painted Alex's face at the thought of not being near Olivia, she wanted to stay as possible.
Elliot looked to his wife, their silent communication understood. Kathy confirmed him with a nodded then spoke gently, "Go on Elliot, I will stay with her. You need rest, hun. Go home, take a shower."
She sighed, "Take a nap, if anything changes I will call you." She looked to Alex, and continued, "I'll stay with Alex, when you get back I can go home. Oh, hun, I know you have to be tired, okay?"
Elliot affirmed his wife's suspicion, relenting he excepted her logic as law.
"Uh, uhm, m'kay," Elliot sighed, "I'll walk you two to the ICU lobby. K? And make sure everything is situated and let them know who you are."
Elliot leaned forward, pecking his wife on the forward, softly he mumbled, "Then I'll head home, I'm more tired than I thought."
A silent admission, ment for only his wife to hear. Kathy knew her husband well, and knew he had to be beat in order to admit just how tired her really was, even if whispered in present company.
Kathy nodded her understanding as Alex huddle in dazed confusion, not registering the conversation being held nearby. Breathing in deeply, Kathy leaned over and took Alex by the elbow. She helped guide Alex up from the chair she had been occupying and led Alex toward the door. Elliot turned, stepping in sync with the women followed close by.
Olivia laid unconscious, hooked to I.V.'s and machines. Beeping echoed through out the room, giving a steady cadence to Olivia's existence. The nurses continued to set the room up, making note of every necessity needed to maintain the detective. She had just been moved to her new room on the ICU ward. Outside the room, just down the hall, sat Alex Cabot.
Alex sat frozen, staring out the lobby window, watching the city scape with unseeing eyes. Deep in thought, she wondered if she could have prevented this, if only she had returned the detectives calls. But she had insisted on maintaining her ice queen persona, still she thought, maybe if she had made one date, lunch, dinner, or even met her for coffee, anything that would have changed the detectives attitude. Anything that would have kept her alert, aware of her surroundings, anything that would have kept her up on her game, then Olivia's response time would have been quicker, she wouldn't have been hurt. Alex kept rolling this over and over in her head, ways she could have changed things, this, this outcome, this predicament.
It had been several hours since Olivia had come out of surgery, since then, she had been moved from recovery to ICU, and now Elliot quietly sat with Alex waiting to be allowed in to see Olivia. Olivia's paper work had been sent over hours earlier, naming Alex as her power of attorney. Listed too, on the other forms were Captain Cragen, Detective Stabler along with Alex Cabot as her next of kin, this would allow them visitation rights and medical decisions if the situation called for it.
As seconds counted out the minutes and the minutes turned to hours, as the time passed Alex grew more distressed. Worry marred the lines of her eyes. Elliot noted the fatigue and weariness marring her blue eyes. Oblivious to her surroundings, Alex drifted back to her memories, to when her and Olivia were on better terms. Alex's mind drifted to images of soft brown eyes that danced merrily and twinkled with mischief when teasing, soft brown eyes that held compassion for their victims when she listened to their heartache, soft brown eyes that held promise of better tomorrows. Those soft brown eyes had captured her heart the moment she walked through the doors of SVU. Their intensity was welcomed, their sincerity was needed, and their warmth was wanted. Alex loved those eyes! Sighing, Alex wondered just when did she become such a coward, that she would run away from the best thing right in front of her. Shaking her head she turned back to the room, wrapping her arms around her waisting hugging herself, she paced in front the chairs.
Their friendship had started out as a couple of coworkers meeting after work, dealing with their jobs and the stress it involved. Soon drinks grew to dinners, dinners grew to intimate conversation. But before their relationship could go to the next level, they acquired a case involving a drug cartel and the feds. Then things began to spin out of control from there. Another case in point, she should have listened to Olivia, she should have stayed with her, she should have backed down when she was asked to. A lot of should haves and never any did does, she had caused so much heart ache being her usual determined steely self.
Making an appearance for the first time stood a nurse in the entrance to the lobby. "Ahem," she cleared her throat. "I am Nurse Haney, I'm the head nurse and will be in charge of Detective Benson's well care while she is on our floor," the RN continued. "Is there an Alexandra Cabot or a Captain Don Cragen here? Dr. Foster made arrangements so that you along with a Detective Stable may visit with our patient." She looked on at everyone looked about.
The captain hadn't made it back, so Elliot stepped forward, "I'm Elliot Stabler and this is Alexandra Cabot, the Captain hasn't made it back yet. We'll be going in with to visit with Olivia until the captain gets back then I can leave so Cap can visit with her. Is it ok that Alex stays with her?"
At the mention of her name, Alex looked up, "I, uh, I want to go in last, so I wont have to leave, I can't bare to away from her, please, let me stay..."
The nurse looked up, "Well we have her emergency contacts on file, delivered from the precinct this afternoon, your on there dear, so yes you can stay with her except for the designated hours that the ICU is closed, ok?" the nurse paused then stated, "...I see no problem in you being allowed to stay."
Relief flooded Alex's face, she couldn't believe Olivia had put her on the form. Maybe there was hope for her and Olivia, maybe Olivia would forgive. Now all she had to do was show Olivia how much she loved her and that she was worthy of a second chance. The wheels in her mind began to turn, suddenly there was a light at the end of the tunnel.
The old Alex began to slowly emerge, the gears in her head began to turn as she began to speak to no one in particular, "I need to get cleaned up and grab a few things, I don't plan on leaving until she does..." hope and excitement exuded from Alex, a child like giddiness radiated from within.
Elliot and Fin nodded in agreement as Kathy spoke up, "I'll take you to her apartment and make sure she is okay, we'll be back in a bit."
At that, Kathy and Alex left the lobby heading toward the elevator doors. Alex's head was reeling, she saw herself with the detective, nursing her back to health, working on physical rehab, even down the road, later on, living in an apartment that was theirs not hers, not Olivias but one they would find together.
Alex showered in haste, hoping to get back to the hospital as soon as possible. Turning the water off she quickly towel dried her hair then her body. Grabbing her clothes and dressing briskly, she, then. combed her hair and did a quick once over with the hair dryer. She grabbed her travel case from under the sink and began to pitch her shampoo, soap, brush and other various hygiene products into the little travel bag. Once she finished up in the bathroom she skirted her way into the bedroom, grabbing her overnight bag, she once again did the flight of the bubble bee, grabbing clothes, and little necessities she might need and a couple books, tossing them all half hazzardly into her bag.
Doing a once over her mental list, she was sure she had everything she would be need, collecting her bag she exited the bedroom and headed toward the living room where Kathy awaited her return.
"Wow, that was fast!"
Alex grinned, "I have my excuses to rush. So, you ready?"
"Yep, let's go."
With that, the two women gathered their coats and Alex's bags and left for the hospital. On their way, Alex made a few phone calls, clearing her agenda and directing associates to take over cases and lining out pre-arrange engagements. She wanted to clear her schedule and make sure she could spend every waking moment with her detective and make sure she could be there for her. Next she made a few calls to her family accountant, she wanted to make sure Olivia got the best care. She new how shoddy the health care system could be, she would pay out of pocket for any medical assistance Olivia may need.
And with that another chapter.... You know the drill, drop me line and let me know what you think, I will be happy to hear any ideas.